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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what's your biggest regret in life?

413 replies

EagledWingsofRefuge · 16/08/2017 16:09

That and have you regretted more things you didn't do or did do?

I have a difficult decision to make and I'm wondering if I make the wrong choice if it'll turn out to be my biggest regret in life. It just made me wonder, what's everyone else's regrets? And are they over things you regret doing or regret not doing?

OP posts:
windygallows · 18/08/2017 00:48

areyoufree I went to that nina Simone concert. It was a bit crazy but great.

Tilapia · 18/08/2017 01:16

I wish I'd studied a different subject at uni, but it didn't matter in the long run because I've ended up with a job I love.

Sunshineandwaves · 18/08/2017 05:25

I regret not standing up for myself. I was training to be a teacher and was bullied out. I was young and I felt it was all my fault and I quit. A few years later I met a woman who was bullied out by the same person. I wish I had stood up for myself more generally in life. It was only when I reached my late 30's that I began to find assertiveness and became less of a walkover

nigelsbigface · 18/08/2017 06:49

I had the chance to go and live and work in New England when I was 21.I didn't go as I didn't want to leave my then boyfriend (later h now stbexh). How I wish I'd gone...

I regret not speaking to someone who did me some serious harm at the time it all came out. I was too upset and it wouldn't have gone well. I've had that conversation in my head many times over since and I would love to be able to understand her actions. (That said maybe talking to her about it wouldn't result in that and it would make things worse).

Natsku · 18/08/2017 06:58

Not leaving my ex sooner, specifically not leaving the moment I realised I was pregnant and not telling him (yes I know that ethically that is wrong but considering everything he put me and DD through since, I think it would have been the best thing to do)

Underthemoonlight · 18/08/2017 07:00

I regret getting pregnant to my ex when I was in my third year studying nursing, I was only 21. I only had 6 months left but gave it up to care for my ex who had health problems only for him to leave me for his ex. He was emotionally and on occasion physically abusive. I missed out on my career, travelling and being young and free. I would have waited until I older to have dc in a loving relationship, makes such a difference being to enjoy the pregnancy and having children together rather than someone having digs about getting fat when pregnant and getting stretch marks.

38cody · 18/08/2017 07:17

Choosing the wrong man for the wrong reasons - think about the other one all the time, 18 years later.

Shockers · 18/08/2017 07:25

I regret not treating some people with respect when I was younger (in my 20s).
I cringe now when I think about lies I told.

38cody · 18/08/2017 07:27

I'm currently on holiday and feel like a beached whale sad and it really has ruined my holiday.

I plan on having happy holidays from now on in so will be making big changes when I get home because not only will I be unhappy for the rest of my life... it will be a short life too.*

Did I write this?
Last day of my holiday - can't wait to get home and cover up. It's a time bomb health wise - I have to deal with it.

RebeccatheOld · 18/08/2017 07:29

When I was about 17 someone asked me if I'd over heard something someone else had said to them (about me; I was in another room). I hadn't but I said I had. Always wondered what they'd said.

I mean, I've done lots of other stupid things but they made me who I am today, so I don't regret them even if I am embarrassed by them.

Twinmumuk1981 · 18/08/2017 07:44

I don't really have any regrets, except for maybe not getting the most out of the academic side of studying for my degree, although it gave me great life experience of living away from home in a vastly different environment than where I'd been brought up. (Tiny country village to East London).

I travelled a lot, tried out different careers, was ready for kids when they came along...kissed a few frogs but I think you need to kiss frogs to recognise when you find the prince! So no regrets there... :D

At the end of the day, I think you learn something from every experience, even if it seems negative at the time, and they make you into who you are and how you cope with situations, so I try hard to have no regrets and not to think in what ifs...

MelbourneClown03 · 18/08/2017 07:54

Dashing out on an amazing university course due to feeling like I didn't 'fit in' (first person in my family to go to university, my family and I were so green to it all) and terrible home sickness. The university were lovely and said I could defer for year but the experience tainted it and I never went back out of fear.

I instead I took a year out and applied and got on to a course that was in a completely different subject and really quite boring. I stuck with it because I didn't want to let my family down again but with age and perspective, I really, really regret walking out of the course and all of the opportunities it would have offered me.

Wholovesorangesoda · 18/08/2017 08:18

Just like falconhoof upthread I inherited a large amount of money when I was18. Instead of being sensible and using it as a deposit on a house, I bought myself a brand new mobile phone, a not so brand new car and a big t.v. and wasted every single penny of the remainder. I wish I could go back and slap myself, because 13 years later I still don't own a house and can't imagine it happening anytime soon either!

Having an abortion at 20- set in motion some pretty awful depression which has returned on and off.

Going to uni, or perhaps not doing post grad - i love the fact I worked hard and got a degree as a mature student, but I spent 4 years being an utterly skint student single parent and got into a lot of debt. I'm still paying it off now and I wish I'd just continued working and saved some money, instead of being in a job with enough money to save but using all that to pay debts off.

It doesn't help with your situation but I sometimes imagine there's parallel universes out there where big decisions you made are played out in the opposite way!

WhataHexIgotinto · 18/08/2017 08:24

I regret divorcing my first husband. I was young and selfish and I behaved appallingly. I wish could turn the clock back.

Brie · 18/08/2017 08:25

I am in the midst of this. IT is a decision on our children education and it has consumed me. I think I feel so heavily the weight of responsibility that these decisions will in a large part form the people they will become and they will be able to call us out on it in the future. We are lucky to have really only good options but it really has CONSUMED ME! I think about it all the time. Trying to find the 'RIGHT' answer but there is no right answer which is why every time I decide in one direction I feel massive regret for the opposite choice. I am literally driving the family crazy with it.

Now the decision is made, both husband and children are happy with it but I still feel regret about the other option being lost. It is driving me nuts!!!! This is the last decision we will make for them as the next will be their own choice!!

EyeRollChampion · 18/08/2017 08:29

Marrying my XH. He was a drama-addicted, self-pitying compulsive liar who got my neighbour pregnant. He now lives 20 yards away and when he's reversing his car he stares straight through my front windows Confused

He lost a number of friends due to his treatment of me so lied saying we'd split up ages ago (we'd been seen out and very much together 3 weeks previous), made false allegations to the police saying I was stalking his partner (had to pick my kids up from the same school), and tried to get me charged with destruction of property.

The last is a fair cop - I tie-dyed all his work shirts Grin

BillBrysonsBeard · 18/08/2017 09:06

Not sleeping with more men and wish I'd kept in touch with friends.

kastiekastie · 18/08/2017 10:02

some of these are sad, especially ones that can't be changed now - but some of the things I regret like going travelling instead of having a family younger are on here the other way round ie people wishing they hadn't had a family young and had travelled. Gives me a bit of perspective actually :-) In terms of making decisions though, I think it's easy to think there's a wrong and a right path and it's up to you to know which one to take. Actually sometimes there's no wrong or right, just different paths and you just have to plump for one and make the best of it. I am terrible for changing my mind, something I'm working on! Or maybe I won't ;-)

LadyFlangeWidget · 18/08/2017 11:43

Je ne regret rien..or whatever it id in french. Similar to other posters yes i regret the getting married...am stuck now in a country i dont like which is corrupt and disorganized with a dh who is mostly unbearable. Dont regret the pre marriage years..had plenty of shaggery and some great travels and fabulous memories. I yhink you hit 50 and think ..is this it?

C0untDucku1a · 18/08/2017 11:43

eyeroll Grin

IneedaMagnum · 18/08/2017 11:45

^ this :)

IneedaMagnum · 18/08/2017 11:46

I meant kastiekastie's post

joolspoon · 18/08/2017 11:48

Dumping my boyfriend at 22

Lissette · 18/08/2017 11:55

I regret not standing up to my abusive parents and sister sooner. They've sapped me of so much confidence.

I should have learned to drive.

pullingmyhairout1 · 18/08/2017 11:56

I regret walking away from my boyfriend at 21, BUT we would have got married and lived happily ever after or destroyed each other. I went on to have my two with two feckless men and although times have been tough I live without regret of what I've done, and I have time to do the things I want to still.