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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask what's your biggest regret in life?

413 replies

EagledWingsofRefuge · 16/08/2017 16:09

That and have you regretted more things you didn't do or did do?

I have a difficult decision to make and I'm wondering if I make the wrong choice if it'll turn out to be my biggest regret in life. It just made me wonder, what's everyone else's regrets? And are they over things you regret doing or regret not doing?

OP posts:
CbeebiesAddict · 17/08/2017 19:49

My only regret is spending my uni years with my ex and not enjoying them. Could have had an amazing experience but as it is I was miserable.

rebelnotaslave · 17/08/2017 19:52

No leaving teaching in my second year when I has a breakdown. I was renting and had no commitments, it would have been easy to move jobs. I did another 10 years and found it hard to leave as by then I had kids, a mortgage and a reasonable salary that I couldn't afford to lose.

I regret getting into loads of debt to, for stupid things. Meant I've always been financially behind my peers.

I regret having my second child, or maybe children altogether. I'm not a good mother, and dc2 is so hard work, drives me to my limits of patience. I often think of all the things we could do if we just had dc1.

WankStainWasher · 17/08/2017 19:55

I regret not dropping everything and getting on a plane to see my Dad one last time. The man worked all his life, was married to my Mom for over 50 years, raised 5 kids and died in an ambulance in transport from the care home to hospital with no family with him. Sad

BeaLola · 17/08/2017 19:59

My biggest regret is not spending even more time with my Mum before she died- I think though even if I had spent every day with her in her last year I would still have regret and that is to do with the fact that she died in her early sixties and we didn't get more grown up time together.

if I stop and look back at my life so far I'm sad I didn't travel more but if I had I wouldn't have had the job which led to meeting DH. Perhaps I could have slept with a couple more people.

With regards to decision making - I had a long reflective period during surgery, ivf and miscarriages to think about regret & I decided that if I was lucky enough to get to 100 & looked back at my life what regret would I have (if any) & for me it was that I wanted to be a Mummy and we should apply to adopt. It was a long process but I am so very glad we went ahead as my DS is the best gift ever & thinking of a life without having the joy of him would be a life half lived.

Good luck OP

Wheelycote · 17/08/2017 20:00

Wasting too much time on people who didn't deserve it.

DCFlemingreportingforduty · 17/08/2017 20:10

Not buying a one-bed flat in Leytonstone, right by the tube, for £64,000 back in in 1999. I could have made so much money by going for it, rather than continuing to rent... But I was commitment-averse, not domestic-minded, and didn't fancy all my starting salary going on a mortgage when I wanted to enjoy London's delights and buy clothes and go traveling. I thought I'd wait a few years...

I left it too late to buy London property, but I love the house on the coast that I have bought for myself and by myself as a 40th birthday present.

Isadorabubble · 17/08/2017 20:17

I have a career job but it's not very well paid. I'm 42 and trying to turn it round!

Ahardyfool · 17/08/2017 20:22

Gosh these replies are an incredible read. Some heartwarming, some sad, some shocking and many I can empathise with. I have a billion regrets and at the same time no regrets. I regret wasting emotional energy on the wrong men, including feeling genuinely suicidal over some relationship breakups. I regret trying to make things work with a man who abused me for years. I regret my early career choice, leaving university 3 months before the end of my four year degree and therefore graduating with a DipHE and not Honours. I regret being an idiot with my fiancée in my 20s and losing him. I regret my part in the family decision (although it was my dad's really with our blessing and encouragement) for dad to have chemotherapy after his diagnosis of cancer and the fact that he died 2 weeks later - just 4 weeks after diagnosis; he declined within 24 hours of the first chemo. I may not exactly regret this but I question my decision to have 4 children. Two of them have additional needs and it's fucking hard work most days. However, although it's a total cliche, I regret none of it because I now feel strong as a warrior.

TrulyFubar · 17/08/2017 20:24

Always putting other people's needs before my own and my crushing sense of obligation.

weegiemum · 17/08/2017 20:31

not travelling enough before we had dc. We've travelled with them (Guatemala, Honduras, Dominican Republic (not aic, roughing it!)) but I'm disabled now and haven't seen india, se asia, most of south america).

Maybe one day!

Fallenmadonnawiththebigboobies · 17/08/2017 20:38

Agreeing to someone joining me on what should have been a solo trip - was a once in a lifetime (for me) experience and I wish I'd had the guts to go it alone.

smilingontheinside · 17/08/2017 20:41

Marrying my husband and not getting out of the marriage years ago before kids and now not in a financial position to get out. I lost myself a long time ago and fear the old me is gone forever Sad

QueenBing · 17/08/2017 20:42

Not going to see my nanna with my newborn daughter, her first great granddaughter. I loved my nanna and when I moved away, I missed her terribly. We lived 300 miles away from each other but if I'd known she'd die when my daughter was 2 weeks old, I'd have made the journey twice over. Instead of my nanna having cuddles, my daughter was at her funeral at 3 weeks old. This will always be my biggest regret.

Other more minor regrets:

  • not leaving teaching after 5 years
  • not clearing my debt
  • buying a flat which plunged into negative equity
  • not losing my baby weight
tiredwithtwins · 17/08/2017 20:44

I regret not moving to Australia in 1996 - I had a visa, a flat in Sydney and a job lined up but while in the UK sorting out my stuff I met the father of my kids... I put aus on hold as he said he too wanted to emigrate. Fast forward 15 years and I found out he was shagging someone else, had been for years and had no intention of ever leaving his fu##ing awful mother and family and mistress!!! So here I am, fed up and broke and stuck age 50 forever in the UK:(

spankhurst · 17/08/2017 20:48

Not travelling more when I was footloose and fancy free. I tell myself I will when I retire but I'll probably be 81 by then..

Missionocrity · 17/08/2017 20:51

I have a few regrets but the main ones:

  1. Ruining my university years by staying with my abusive twunt of an ex. I lost my friends and my mental health to him and I've never really recovered.
  1. Not retraining when I could have and now facing being stuck in my current career until I retire.
  1. Spending the years when I should have been single, travelling, having fun etc lurching from one unsuitable relationship to another because o was scared of being alone and thought no decent man would want me.
Dianag111 · 17/08/2017 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Earthmother1 · 17/08/2017 21:02

Allowing my parents to kill my spirit by the time I was 5, by rejecting me from birth because I was born disabled and they spent my entire life emotionally neglecting me, bullying, undermining, borderline incest, holding me back in every way possible. My 'normal' younger sister, whose life is a list of all parents' worst nightmares (underage sex, alcohol and drug abuse, criminal activity, abortion against her husband's wishes) can do no wrong. I spent my entire adult life trying to find the right therapy to enable me to have an enjoyable productive life. At age 50 I finally achieved it

Earthmother1 · 17/08/2017 21:14

Allowing my parents to kill my spirit by age 5. Not fighting back. I was born disabled, rejected from birth and subjected to emotional neglect, bullying, taunting, ridicule, bordeline incest, dumped in local school with no support (they refused to send me to special school though I wanted to go and was given the chance by the LEA). My 'normal sister' was treated as a queen, could do no wrong despite going off the rails, drink, drugs, underage sex, aborting her child against her husband's wishes, criminal behaviour etc. I was taught to pretend to be normal, to stay silent, no right to a voice. Not to bring attention to myself or my disabilities. I had 46 years of pure suicidal hell till I found a way to make myself strong with the help and support of loving friends (years if hard work). Only now age 50 can I honestly say I am happy. What a wasted life!

mysticpizza · 17/08/2017 21:17

Getting talked out of my gut instinct on the MIL's paedo cunt of a second husband. I will however never regret appealing the slap on the wrist he originally got which put him in prison before he died.

Not taking more interest in household finances before I found dp had developed a hardcore gambling addiction.

Pipsqueaked · 17/08/2017 21:18

Right now? Meeting my DH.

MumOfTwoMasterOfNone · 17/08/2017 21:21

A lot of things but I'm going through a difficult time in my life.
I regret not completing a very important qualification.
I regret getting with now DP. We are about to separate and it's been 4.5 years of hell on a stick. I love my children but I wish I'd had them with someone capable of love and not an emotionally abusive bastard who will never get over his ex and has made everyone believe I'm crazy and I've deserved everything.
I regret not walking away sooner.
I regret listening to my parents for any life advice.
I regret not moving to another country.
I regret allowing myself to be miserable and believing everyone who has told me I'm worthless again and again, when they should have been the ones to show me how loved I was.

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 17/08/2017 21:21

Not doing more to Pursue a certain relationship. Not changing career. Knew within a year it wasn't me but still doing it 20 years later - hate it

SingingSeuss · 17/08/2017 21:23

Going to uni, and my career path. I wish I had taken time to understand what my strengths/ skills were rather than just going because I was expected to.

Welshie21 · 17/08/2017 21:25

My philosophy is if it won't harm anyone and you'll regret not doing it, you should probably do it!

I regret one thing and it's massively vain, I was scouted by a modelling agency at 14 years old. I was too scared to send them my photos, they wrote to me a few times to send me for a photo shoot at their expense and have me on their books. I ignored them. I wish I'd done it. Just to say that I did. Or to make a few quid. I was seriously bullied as a kid for being too thin and weird looking, when I was scouted in front of my bullies at the clothes show they laughed n said "but she's far too ugly"! I believed them, I took the lady's contact card home and still have it in a photo album but never did anything about it.

Doubt this will help you at all with your decision but this is my few pence worth!