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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask what's your biggest regret in life?

413 replies

EagledWingsofRefuge · 16/08/2017 16:09

That and have you regretted more things you didn't do or did do?

I have a difficult decision to make and I'm wondering if I make the wrong choice if it'll turn out to be my biggest regret in life. It just made me wonder, what's everyone else's regrets? And are they over things you regret doing or regret not doing?

OP posts:
Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 17/08/2017 21:36

And not insisting we tried for a second much sooner we might then have been able to give DS a sibling. Don't think I will ever truly forgive DH

Happilyinsane · 17/08/2017 21:40

I'm in my early 30s and have a couple of massive regrets...
I regret doing what was expected of me IE.. Done great in school stayed home and minded my younger siblings for many years (my mother was a slut .... Sorry worked a lot and couldn't be arsed parenting) I regret getting out of that situation and have my own kids right away (love them dearly but wish I had a chance to properly rebel) I regret that I've always done everything by the book and am a huge people pleaser who has a hard time saying no (am working on that) and i regret getting fat cause it so fucking hard to lose weight have no will power whatsoever and I really hate myself for it!!

inabizzlefam · 17/08/2017 21:40

Listening to my dentist. He removed a lot of teeth that I now feel could have been saved with some effort.
Ended up with dentures so my love life/ seclude is basically over and I will probably spend the next forty years alone.

fizzingwhizbee · 17/08/2017 21:46

Moving jobs and losing my critical illness cover.

It would have paid off my mortgage when I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 2 years later.

Now I have a mortgage and a shitty illness.

Snugglepumpkin · 17/08/2017 21:49

Putting a man first.
It meant he lived his life & I have wasted nearly every second of mine since I was 21 years old.

PoorYorick · 17/08/2017 21:51

Ended up with dentures so my love life/ seclude is basically over and I will probably spend the next forty years alone.

No no no. I don't believe this for one second. I understand why it's knocked your confidence, but like good wigs, good dentures will be impossible to recognise as not being real. There is no reason on earth why you shouldn't attract someone just because you have dentures. Yes, at some point they'll have to find out about them, but at some point we all have to reveal some less-than-perfect truth about ourselves. Assuming you wear your dentures pretty much from the start of the day until you go to sleep, there is no reason this should put off a decent person who cares for you. Who cares what their partner looks like asleep?

ChrisPrattsFace · 17/08/2017 21:56

I was offered a job doing something that I had a huge interest in, that in my area doesn't come up at all. I turned it down as it was only 22 hours, it wasn't enough and I needed money.
I now have a career in a different line, that touches on it (and is my favourite part) but I will always always regret not taking that job.
I would have gained on the job training and eventually more hours and more pay. And I would have gained qualifications 7 years ago instead if last year!
I would like to move over, but like I said... it never comes up as a job.

crazypenguinlady · 17/08/2017 21:56

Giving up breastfeeding for the wrong reasons after 6 weeks when I had a great supply, a baby with great latch that was gaining weight very well.

Not enjoying the early weeks with my son like I should have and feeling overwhelmed as a new mum.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

SukiTheDog · 17/08/2017 21:57

Inabizzle I'd get a loan and have implants. Or sell something...

Seriously, good dentures, well looked after are NOT a reason for life long celibacy

ragged · 17/08/2017 21:59

I have often heard that on their death beds, "people always regret the things they didn't do but not the things they did do"

Something that strikes me: This thread totally contradicts that so-called folk wisdom. Definitely reported here are about 50-50 regrets for what people did do vs. didn't do. Though I don't know how to interpret "regret gaining weight." Is that something you did or didn't do enough to stay slim?!

My own regrets are too many to list. I think there are more I did than the things I didn't do.

GladGran · 17/08/2017 22:07

And I had lots of opportunities to see Nat King Cole in Blackpool but saved my money (young teenager) to see David Whitfield. Wish I had seen Nat King Cole at least once!

kateandme · 17/08/2017 22:08

Inabizzle don't let ur dentures crunch ur confidence.who says u cnt find someone.u have to lessen the shame of them by (hard I no) accepting then onwards.people will love u not ur teeth.I promise.first hand I actually no this ad dear loved one had the same.wen she calmed,grieved and learnt to just be,in the now,she shone again and now has a family,and man.

2017SoFarSoGood · 17/08/2017 22:08

I regret none of it because I now feel strong as a warrior

This thread left me thinking about more regrets I could have chosen to write about, but that would just depress me, and in turn, you. Then I read this ^^

That. That's what I want to (and mostly do) feel.

Happilyinsane · 17/08/2017 22:09

@ragged I gained weight after having my kids yes I no a lot if woman do but I was always Slim and fit ect when i had my 1st I was 19 and had twins I walked out if the hospital 4 days later wearin size 6 tracksuit that was hanging off me my gp told me at 6 week check up if I didn't gain weight he was getting a court order to remove my children as I was clearly neglected myself and therefore neglecting them I weighed just under 7st not by choice I might add I was just always skinny and spent 9 months puking a lot lol so when i started gaining the weight I didn't no when to stop and now 11 years later I'm 5stone over weight and hate myself for allowing my GPS word to affect me as they did!

twinklestar2 · 17/08/2017 22:11

Having a boyfriend all through uni and not sleeping with more men! Grin

PoorYorick · 17/08/2017 22:12

Your doctor told you he was going to get your children removed from you if you didn't gain weight?

User998877 · 17/08/2017 22:26

Getting fat

Getting fat again... after losing all the original fat Angry

I'm currently on holiday and feel like a beached whale Sad and it really has ruined my holiday.

I plan on having happy holidays from now on in so will be making big changes when I get home because not only will I be unhappy for the rest of my life... it will be a short life too.

Happilyinsane · 17/08/2017 22:35

@poorYorick yep told me I was obviously not eating even thou I was he even called my mum and had a long conversation with her trying to get me commited to a hospital and everything while I was sitting there I was like 🤔🤔🤔😱😱😱😱 looking back now i probably should have told him to shove it but I was a good girl never questioned anything even when 2days later I had a social worker land at my door what that doc did sent me into a deep depression always questioning everything I did from that moment on till about 4 years ago... Thankfully I have a new gp now after that one almost let me die who is very supportive and was shocked at what he read in my file when the old gp finally realeased them there ended up being an investigation and everything was not a great time to be honest!!

Purplealienpuke · 17/08/2017 22:42

I regret not investing time in finding/meeting a partner. Too many health/life issues now so resigned to be alone .

AllieBomBally · 17/08/2017 22:50

Giving up a place to train as a childrens nurse to be with the butt-munch who would eventually become my ex-husband, having a baby too young and not enjoying my 20's and not appreciating having a lovely slim figure when I had one.

silkpyjamasallday · 17/08/2017 22:52

I have two,

Staying with my boyfriend aged 15-19, he treated me like shit, cheated on me constantly (which I suspected but was in denial) and insisted on unprotected sex. He crushed my self esteem, he was abusive and coercive and had sex with me when I was unconscious. I didn't consider it rape until recently, I had pushed it to the back of my mind. I should have been out enjoying myself and had I not been involved with him I would have achieved all A*s in my a levels I have no doubt, and maybe found something positive to distract me from the bullying at school.

Going to Uni straight from school. I had had an awful time in sixthform with bullying and wasn't ready emotionally to live in a communal space with other teenagers. And I got allocated a shared room which made it worse. I'm happiest when I am making something, it doesn't matter what, I do all the DIY in our house as well as craft and painting/sculpture work (or I did before having dd) but because I was academic my parents pushed me to do an academic subject at uni and I hated it, my mental health deteriorated and I had a breakdown dropped out and didn't leave my flat for months or speak to anyone I was in such a bad place. But because their income meant I couldn't get a loan to cover even half my yearly halls rent I had to have their agreement as to what degree they would be funding. I should have pushed harder to do Fine Art, they are allowing my younger brother to go to drama school, and that makes me a bit angry still, but I know that's unfair. They were just misguided and they acknowledged that and have apologised, thankfully our relationship is better than ever since having dd. I was planning to go back to finish my degree once dd is 2, but now I just don't know, I'm wavering because I know DP would happily let me follow my dream and support me financially but he has done that for us for so long and I want to give him a break at some point, and having a well paid stable graduate job would mean he could be the sahp for a while or go back to study for pleasure in whatever obscure topic he wished. It's so difficult to make decisions, even more so with the added responsibility of a child.

Phew that was cathartic, good thread OP, it is really interesting reading other people's regrets and insights. I don't know how to advise you on your dilemma without specifics, but I would keep in mind that you can't let past regrets instil a fear of making decisions, keep in mind what you can learn from past mistakes but don't just pick the easy road because you are scared to take the unknown path.

inabizzlefam · 17/08/2017 23:05

I would like to believe that there are men out there who could look past my dentures and just like me but unless he has a penchant for slack faces then I think my only hope is to look for a dentures only dating site

thistoosha11pass · 17/08/2017 23:23

Not listening to my instincts.

Staying too long when it wasn't working.

Getting fat and sad in an unhappy marriage (trying to rectify, decree nisi in ) Smile

ivykaty44 · 17/08/2017 23:27

My biggest regret taught me a lot and I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in now without it

nursy1 · 18/08/2017 00:01

Working to the detriment of my family. I didn't think so at the time and justified it by the material gain.
I missed out on things.

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