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Original poster

To not understand why teenagers are said to be quite so expensive

528 replies

theduchessstill · 16/08/2017 13:08

On here I often see it written that having teenagers is so incredibly expensive and I don't understand why.

It's actually getting me quite anxious as ds1 is 10 so the teen years are fast approaching. I followed one of those links people post last week where you put in just your income and how many dependants/adults live with you, and apparently I am better off than 81% of people now but that will plummet to 51% of people when both dc are 14 +. Obviously this is a crude tool, but it has been niggling at me.

Why are they so expensive and are none of the costs balanced by the absence of childcare fees with this age group ? Childcare is easily my biggest cost after my mortgage and I often think I will be better off when I don't need it anymore. Exactly what takes its place? I know food - and am already seeing it with ds1, but food can only cost so much, surely. What else is so expensive with teens? I know I probably sound stupid, but, hey, I want to know.

OP posts:
WaxOnFeckOff · 16/08/2017 18:48

Link please impossible :)

chelseahotel · 16/08/2017 18:50

blacksax You are so right about the driving. We live in a village with all DC friends scattered for miles.
When DD was 16 she got a job at a takeaway in the nearest village 10 miles away. She couldn't get from school (in town) as there was no bus. I had to pick her up, take her to work and pick her up again at 11pm. It cost me more in petrol than she earned Hmm. I encouraged her to do it for the work experience.

WaxOnFeckOff · 16/08/2017 18:51

Exactly Jack. it's not about pandering to their every whim. Despite what I read sometimes, I've yet to meet in real life anyone who has a teenager who demands the earth and gets handed it on a silver salver.

I like buying my teens thing and taking them places. I enjoy spending time with them. I'd rather do that than leave them an extra couple of grand in my will.

I know not everyone can afford to indulge and that's just the way it is. I was brought up like that and it didn't do me any harm.. I just want a different life for my children and can afford to give it to them.

Summerloves · 16/08/2017 18:52

I prefer mine to be happier with experiences. I am paying off a 2 bed flat for dc1 at the minute and I always explain that we could waste money on certain things, but she will appreciate this more when she is older. I am lucky all mine are able to still fit in under age 16 clothes and they spend most of the time doing sports or going to the beach.

WaxOnFeckOff · 16/08/2017 18:56

So that will be a free flat then? Hmm

Summerloves · 16/08/2017 18:57

I do think it might be an element of if you didn't have it as a child. My parents didn't and they used to get stressed out if I didn't take my pe shoes in a branded carrier bag. Hmm I am completely the opposite with mine and don't want them to think like that.

TimetohittheroadJack · 16/08/2017 18:59

on a positive note, at least when you pay a fortune to go to Alton Towers you actually get to go on the rides, and not pay a fortune to stand at a carousel and watch your children. That's got to be worth the extra!

Summerloves · 16/08/2017 19:00

My mum used to send me in to year 9 with Versace lipgloss. I mean it was nice at time, but now I think of all the money she must have wasted on goods to make me 'above' everyone else. I still struggle with her value base as an adult.

Grilledaubergines · 16/08/2017 19:01

Food intake has tripled since becoming teens.

Travel costs

Family activities more expensive as children not free/age subsidised

FOOD

Adult sized clothing (therefore VAT)

School Trips, hobbies/activities

Learning tools/books etc

Holidays = adult costs for most hotels

FOOD

Additional petrol costs if dropping off/collecting

Toiletries (these cost me a fortune x 2 boys)

Timeywimey8 · 16/08/2017 19:03

I don't spend a fortune on mine but we're not at the driving lesson stage yet. Still much cheaper than nursery fees though.

OK more food, they grow out of clothes and there's £10 a month for a phone. And the odd school trip.

Still getting nowhere near nursery fees! I was paying around £900 a month and that was a long time ago (it was cheaper once I got the free 12 hours a month, as it was then).

eirrar · 16/08/2017 19:03

"I dont really think gym memberships and driving lessons are essential spends if you have a teenager "

Doesn't that depend on where you live? Whilst not life and death essential... when you live rurally, and the bus service is cut to nothing, then yes it does become a necessity. If my daughter wants to get a job at 18, stay on at school, or go to a college for education post 16 we're either facing bus passes of over 1k a year, or lessons to learn to drive.

Unless she fancies walking the 8 miles to school each day down busy A roads with no lights and no pavements.

But that brings me to the other cost I haven't seen mentioned (although I have only skim read the thread) the cost of a bloody school bus pass! You might be in catchment for a school but here the county will only pay your bus pass to your nearest school (which you may not be able to get into because you're not in catchment!). I live on the county border, and round here getting the bus to even your catchment school can vary between £600 and £1,200 around here... multiply that by 2 or 3 children and that's eye wateringly expensive.

Nuttynoo · 16/08/2017 19:07

A lot of teenagers have been raised to be greedy/wastful/spoilt brats. They will be more expensive because they're older, but don't believe the claptrap about eating you out of house and home - that won't happen if you've taught them self-control.

MongerTruffle · 16/08/2017 19:16

don't believe the claptrap about eating you out of house and home - that won't happen if you've taught them self-control

If they are a healthy weight then why should their food intake be restricted?

Nuttynoo · 16/08/2017 19:18

@MongerTruffle - because their weight won't stay that way when older. Healthy eating habits as children bring benefit when older.

SandyDenny · 16/08/2017 19:40

but don't believe the claptrap about eating you out of house and home - that won't happen if you've taught them self-control

What an odd way to think about your child being hungry. Do you deny your teenager food? That doesn't sound very healthy to me, you seem to be assuming that teenagers are all (apart from yours obviously) eating for the sake of it and aren't actually hungry.

Sparklingbrook · 16/08/2017 19:42

Grin at 'claptrap'. I don't know of any family in RL that has teenagers that don't eat them out of house and home.

GlitterGlassEye · 16/08/2017 19:43

I only have 1 teen (2 young dds though) and he really doesn't ask for much. He is a rapidly growing lad and went up 3 shoes sizes in a matter of months so that was trainers, school shoes and a pair of boots for the winter replaced each time plus the football boots needed for P.E. And the uniform - blazer, shirts, jumpers, trousers replaced every few months. It adds up as he's no longer in children's clothes.

I miss the days of picking him up a few cute tops from Asda and his only toiletry being a bottle of baby shampoo. He doesn't ask for any of this - he needs it all.

And the food? It's done me a favour tbh because now he gets my adult sized portion (I batch cook trays of food for convenience during the week) and I'll have a kids size dinner and bulk it out with lots of salad.

WaxOnFeckOff · 16/08/2017 19:45

*Nutty by name...." :o

I believe there are some teens that aren't motivated by food or eat like sparrows, I just don't happen to have any. Growing and active teens are burning a lot of calories that need to be replaced. I'd rather that was with good healthy food rather than piles of white bread toast or chocolate or crisps. To be fair to mine, they don't snack a lot but they do eat very large meals. I did myself as a teen. Funnily enough as an adult I eat normally as I don't have the appetite anymore. My food intake changed dramatically in my early 20s but it probably takes a bit longer in boys.

WaxOnFeckOff · 16/08/2017 19:47

Glitter I still dish up two bigger portions and two smaller but it's DH and I , in our 50s, who have the smaller appetites and have the smaller portions now. ;)

imjessie · 16/08/2017 19:52

Mine isn't , she has an allowance and buys things with that . We buy school uniform and nothing else. She is a good girl and understands the value f money and how hard her dad works to give us a good life .

TinklyLittleLaugh · 16/08/2017 20:02

An active, growing teen eats loads. Plenty of self control in our house and everyone is thin, but DS gets through massive portions.

I have to say though that my three have, between them, had all sorts of groups of friends: the rich kids, the Emo kids, the less well off kids, you name it. None of them have ever been teased or ridiculed because of a lack of designer labels. In fact they think labels are a bit saddo.

brasty · 16/08/2017 20:04

Obviously apart from food, this all depends on a family's budget. Some families can not afford a car for themselves, so they are not going to buy one for their teenager.
There are some very well off people on MN, so their idea of essentials will be very different to poorer people. Teenagers can cost a fortune, or not too much.

OCSockOrphanage · 16/08/2017 20:41

If you can't manage a family car, then clearly driving lessons, a car and all the rest for a teenager are unlikely luxuries for your teenage children. But when did this become a Four Yorkshiremen sketch? A friend, not rich nor impoverished, has a rule, that children should all learn to read, write, calculate, swim and drive to the best of their ability as young as possible or legal, on the grounds that one or more of those skills will enable them to earn a living in a crisis.

WaxOnFeckOff · 16/08/2017 20:42

This thread is like the "how much do you spend on your kids at Christmas" threads.

There isn't a correct answer, other than don't spend what you don't have. people have different value systems and priorities.

What annoys the feck out of me though are posters who encourage someone to be particularly parsimonious (even though they have money) and tells everyone how they spend £10 on two toys from a charity shop, a colouring book and some crayons and that their 14 year old was grateful to get them and then it;s drip fed that grandparents are buying DC a bike and a pony and Aunties and Uncles are buying an iMac and iphone etc.

There is nothing wrong with not being able to afford much in monetary value, but giving what you can with love and generosity, kids and teenagers usually understand. I just can't stand being mean for the sake of it or using penny pinching as some kind of lesson for life. These are your children, there are time for lessons and time to teach them the joy of giving and receiving (that doesn't always mean spending big).

I honestly wonder sometimes why people have children.

Not giving children things teaches them one thing, giving them things can be as good a lesson about being appreciative and taking care of things and understanding the love behind it.

I wouldn't be as generous to mine if they weren't thankful and appreciative.

brasty · 16/08/2017 20:45

Of course being mean to your kids is not good.
But what you deem essential will vary depending on your income. I am sure teenagers of very wealthy people have a very different idea of essential, to most people.