To not understand why teenagers are said to be quite so expensive

[theduchessstill]

On here I often see it written that having teenagers is so incredibly expensive and I don't understand why.

It's actually getting me quite anxious as ds1 is 10 so the teen years are fast approaching. I followed one of those links people post last week where you put in just your income and how many dependants/adults live with you, and apparently I am better off than 81% of people now but that will plummet to 51% of people when both dc are 14 +. Obviously this is a crude tool, but it has been niggling at me.

Why are they so expensive and are none of the costs balanced by the absence of childcare fees with this age group ? Childcare is easily my biggest cost after my mortgage and I often think I will be better off when I don't need it anymore. Exactly what takes its place? I know food - and am already seeing it with ds1, but food can only cost so much, surely. What else is so expensive with teens? I know I probably sound stupid, but, hey, I want to know.

..and to add to that, I want to enjoy my life and my family time doing things we enjoy not sitting in counting how much money I've saved...

The teenage years are short and important and are the opportunity to build relationships with the adults your DC are becoming. I'd rather that than them being resentful because they knew you had money and didn't share it. I want them to be generous and giving people and there are no pockets in a shroud.

School uniform -£250ish
School shoes - must be black leather, not looking anything like trainers, & have to last
School trips - not all are compulsory, but more subjects = more trips
Food - 4 pints of milk a day for a start!
Adult prices for most attractions from 12 or 14

I don't subscribe to the theory that a child should be given what they want because they want it. Nor are my children meek. They respect that if they want more than the basics that are provided they save for them themselves or hope that they'll be given as gifts at Christmas and on birthdays.

This basically. All this pandering is what's led to the snowflake generation.

As I said upthread, it really does depend on the teen. I have both varieties.
Boasting that your one teen is cheap to keep and assuming this is down to your superior parenting is the same as parents of just one well-behaved toddler assume that everything is down to them. The penny usually drops when they have a second child.
My children are 24, 13 and 10, and there has been a massive shift between my oldest's teen years and my current 13-year-olds.
When my oldest was a teen, no-one expected their own smart phone or laptop - they were very much 'family' items, so there was less pressure on teenagers to keep up with their peers.
Social media was in its infancy too, so a lot less pushing of branded clothing, cosmetics, foods etc. My 13-year-old is obsessed with - branded - takeaways eg Dominos Pizza, because she sees it pushed in Instagram etc by bloggers who are paid to do so, although she is adament they are not.
Every Friday night without fail she asks for Dominos, and every Friday has a little huff because I say no.
I find it a bit depressing, to be honest.

My children don't want very much, i just choose to give it to them. They still have way less than a lot of their peers. It's common round here for 17 year olds to be given brand new cars for their birthdays, which they can't even drive.

I was brought up in poverty too Wax, and have a disabled younger child, so am well aware of the pitfalls of finances. It doesn't need to be a race to the bottom here.

I don't give my daughter that amount. She gets that in total from two parents. Some of that is because the government in its infinite wisdom doesn't see teenagers as deserving of carers allowance eligibility though that's a grumble for another thread.

She does do a lot extra curricularly. She just chose stuff that's free. Her instrument tuition is covered by the school, and the instrument is loaned from the music service. The classes she takes after hours at school are also free, as isnuse of the fitness suite there.

I won't be paying for driving lessons for her, there's no need. We live in a city with decent public transport links, and to be quite frank I think it would be a waste of the money we do have.

She doesn't miss out. She just doesn't get those things we consider as a family to be unnecessary.

Sorry if I appear to be 'picking'. Im not, im just trying to reply before the thread runs away. They have a habit of doing that!

There's a grey area between scurvy and £70 days out every week.

Those of you with cinema loving teens - have a look at the unlimited cards. DH has one and can go as much as he likes for less than £20 a month. Pays for itself in two trips.

I have a work colleague who insists she has brought her teenage son up right because he isn't interested in labels, was happy to wear his cousins cast offs, still had long hair and didn't want a mobile until he was 13.
They have money for £200 odd pounds a night hotels for her and her DP and for her spa days and her vintage clothing buys. But recently it has turned out at 13 she was embarrassing him by still pestering his primary school friends mums for play dates most weekends, he has no friends, he sticks out like a sore thumb, doesn't go out and his social life consists of playing XBOX live on a weekend and in school holidays.

@MrsJoyOdell presumably you haven't got kids, from the way you're commenting? Your comments sound like the type of thing my DH (the product of a quite poor 1970s upbringing) would have said pre-children.

Things have changed considerably in the past couple of generations.
We definitely don't spoil our children (they would say quite the reverse) but there are lots more opportunities now.

Most children wouldn't go on all the school trips, wear 'designer' gear head to toe or be entertained on days out every day of the hols. But what a dull and boring life one would lead if one did none of the above. It's enriching their lives - as do the extra-curricular activities, going out with friends etc...

It's a crying shame EMA was stopped for teenagers. It levelled the playing field for several teenagers I knew who were from one parent families or who had a parent who was disabled. Even if you have a good job some families find they have 2 or 3 children tennagers at the same time. It made a huge difference that they had their own allowance. Also the old family allowance could be given straight to the child as an allowance if the family could afford it. It seems in the past 10 to 15 years we are all the poorer. EMA should be brought back

She gets that in total from two parents but then my children have two parents, we just happen to be together.

I know what you are saying but a lot of that stuff isn't available here, we have a shit bus service, I have to provide school transport and if my DS is driving it will help that. he's getting lessons for his birthday but is smart enough to know we'd have paid for them anyway, there just wasn't anything else he wanted or needed.

DS2 is learning the bass guitar - he's bought it himself but we are paying for lessons, it's also part of his DofE.

We can all justify our own spends because of our own circumstances. neither DH or I are huge earners, but we've always worked and always paid for everything. I wouldn't get into debt to supply non-essentials. Work for youngsters is hard to find and hard to get to here so with the best will in the world it's not easy just to say, "go buy your own stuff".

Our cinema doesn't do a card, the nearest one that does is a bus and train ride away and tbh there really isn't much on for teenagers in our local cinema anyway.

I have all girls so it is different to all boys. Not really expensive

Clothing and food. You suddenly have an extra adult to provide for. DS1 is 6ft 3 and has size 12 feet. The days of cheap are long gone DS2 is growing through his growth spurt and regularly inhales the ccontents of the fridge.

I'm sure girls are more expensive for some things and less for others. ;)

I know people with girls who got away with one Blazer for 5 years of high school. I've had to buy one virtually every year for my boys as they grew so quickly and also are only a year apart so wear the same size and you can't pass them down. They've been in adult shoes since age 10 but it's not just one pair each time, they need school shoes, trainers, walking boots, wellies, school gym shoes and then football/rugby boots, wet shoes etc etc etc. That's size 7 at age 10 up to size 11 now.

Dominos for a brandee takeaway because they saw it on Instagram? I would be worried about how superficial my teens were if they acted like that.

Three teen boys that seem to cost a fortune. They don't have a great deal. One is in a football club and none of them have branded clothes. All electronics were bought for Xmas/Birthdays.

They eat a hell of a lot of food. A lot of growth spurts and even cheap clothes are more expensive. I help the younger two out occasionally if they want to go to the cinema with a friend or something as they don't get much pocket money. Xmas and Birthdays cost more for reasons already stated. Electric and gas bills go up. The two who don't work (14 and 16, the 16 year old is now job hunting) get quite a few buses to see friends or go places and I like to help out with that.

I still help my 18 year old out because he is in full time education and his part time job is low paid so I obviously still help him with some things he needs.

I am not complaining, I made my choices and I'm happy with them, but I have seen a big difference in how much I need to spend on them now they are teens. They aren't teens who have a lot of expenses spent on luxuries either.

Of course you can make it a lot cheaper but for the majority of families things get more expensive the older they get.

Well you've obviously got it all sorted Summerloves.
Congratulations

Mine are now 17 and nearly 21 and I have not found them that expensive. Ds eats more, but he doesn't necessarily have to eat more of the expensive things: spuds come pretty cheap, plenty of those and a smallish piece of meat. He doesn't need to drink 2 pints of milk to get nutrition from it: a couple of glasses and then water to quench your thirst is absolutely fine.

We have spent on extra-curricular activities, but within limits: they can do something, not everything. Dd did youth theatre, ds has a (very reasonable) gym subscription.

Many of their friends have poorer parents than our dc do, so have to be told no more often than they do. They survive, they still manage a social life, and once they get to 16 there is the chance of earning their own spending money.

I imagine our lives are easier, though, because so many people round our way are in the same boat.

But some things we have been very, very glad we could afford the money for: bus pass for ds to attend (state) Sixth Form college in the next town, dd's drama school auditions, and we will be able to help ds with driving lessons as a driving licence is essential to the career he is hoping for.

Technology - second hand, and no contracts just PAYG

School uniform - DS is going into his 4th year with the same blazer. He looks after stuff and had his growth spurt in year 7.

Pocket money - none.

Cinema - too expensive. He's happy to wait for dvd's to be cheap or watch older films.

School trips - no chance. If there's no family holiday, then there's no school trip for one.

Extra treats/presents - that's what birthday and Christmas is for.

He knows money doesn't grow on trees. When you ask him what he needs or wants, he says he has everything he needs, and there's nothing he wants.

DD is going the same way.

His class mates are pretty spoilt. Unlimited lunch money, contract phones, school trips and lots of pocket money. DS says he's not bothered. Which is nice

Clothes once they are in adult sizes but change regularly, cosmetics, shoes, food they eat non stop 😩, social lives , phones its relentless. My life is a constant guilt trip about how little she has compared to "everyone else".

It's the cost of clothes (some necessary due to growth spurts - DS recently grew out of a pair of jeans in 3 weeks, I kid you not - plus wanting specific "trendy" clothing.

Then the gadgets - phones, iPads, laptops etc.

Pocket money...

Leisure time - they are less than thrilled with all the cheap/free things you used to do (bike rides/picnics/swimming etc). They want theme parks, adventures etc etc

They stop being classed as a child for tickets - cinema etc

Then you get to the age of driving lessons and car insurance and realise you won't get any for either of your cars and the only option is to buy a 3rd car.

Some one's started a thread basically saying we're raising a generation of entitled young people that won't have a clue how to earn a living based on this thread. Nice.

I think people with average sized or small Dc don't appreciate how much extra it costs to raise tall DC. I'm 5'10 and DH is 6'2" and we feel like we have two huge cuckoos in the nest.

I'll add another cost, return postage on stuff you hav eto send back becasue it doesn't fit and yiou can't buy from local stores because A: there aren't many, and B: they don't stock the sizes you need.

DS1 needed a wet suit and I've had to order in loads from all over to find one he can get into. He is 6'3 with gigantic long legs which has the impact of the crotch not coming up far enough and not being able to get it onto his shoulders. We succeeded in the end but I've got loads i need to return. Couldn't get them from same place and couldn't get them from places with free returns :(

I think what people are forgetting are that these expensive, 6ft teenagers are still our children. I have two iPhone carrying, designer loving teenagers (my youngest spent all her birthday money on a Micheal kors bag for school).
They are expensive, but I want to say yes, I want them to be happy. Just as you can say no to ice cream every time your toddler asks at the park, sometimes it nice to just say yes - to see their face light up with pleasure at getting something they really wanted. Or that overpriced toy that your child wanted for Christmas- how many people have spent the best bit of fifty quid on some piece of plastic tat because we knew our children would love it?

What my teenagers wants generally costs a hell of a lot more than that ice cream, but if I can afford it, why not say yes. Not every time Obviously.