To not understand why teenagers are said to be quite so expensive

[theduchessstill]

On here I often see it written that having teenagers is so incredibly expensive and I don't understand why.

It's actually getting me quite anxious as ds1 is 10 so the teen years are fast approaching. I followed one of those links people post last week where you put in just your income and how many dependants/adults live with you, and apparently I am better off than 81% of people now but that will plummet to 51% of people when both dc are 14 +. Obviously this is a crude tool, but it has been niggling at me.

Why are they so expensive and are none of the costs balanced by the absence of childcare fees with this age group ? Childcare is easily my biggest cost after my mortgage and I often think I will be better off when I don't need it anymore. Exactly what takes its place? I know food - and am already seeing it with ds1, but food can only cost so much, surely. What else is so expensive with teens? I know I probably sound stupid, but, hey, I want to know.

Clothes are a big thing I would say as if it's not branded there likely to be teased for bullied. Depends - both my teens hate branded clothing, they prefer to keep the labels on the inside and they seem pretty happy with the cheap fashion brands. They don't eat much, don't get a lot of pocket money -£5/week. Phone costs though and computers - essentials as we see it. Their after school activities come to £2.5k a year each but if we didn't have it we wouldn't spend it. School trips average £400- £1000. And eating out as they no longer eat kids meals. They don't meet up with their mates much, their choice but if they did we'd bump up their pocket money.
If we we're skint we could skim back on a lot of stuff.

Because toddlers don't care if you only buy the Tesco value range quality of everything... but teenagers sure do care.

I don't find them expensive to feed at home, but out of home they are as food-demanding as Toddlers and cannot be fobbed off with a rice cake, any more.

DD did a lot of clubs. DS did a cheap club that meant 1 hour of driving each session (high travel costs).

Under secondary age they can share a family computer; age 13+ this becomes impractical.

I could bath my toddler once a week. Once a week doesn't work with a teenager... & most of them will furiously argue that a 5 minute shower cannot possibly be good enough, either.

My 7yo & 5yo could share a bowl of chips as entire meal or a hotel bed. Not gonna work at 17 & 15.

YY to noticing the electricity bill reduce when they move out!

Also... a toddler is happy with an hour in a a playground.

A kid is happy to spend an hour walking 3 miles in the country with a football at feet.

A teenager is bored witless by those activities. If you want to be fair to their interests & what they like, they like things that cost a lot more money.

DS gets a monthly allowance to pay for coffees, games and social life; he is paid extra for doing heavy gardening work, and also earns money garden contracting for other people who can't manage.

But he saved up for his own phone (I pay for a cheap contract), his gaming PC and his art tablet (I bought the very expensive software at student rates), and diving. He is also doing DoE Gold, so that costs, and had driving lessons, car, petrol and insurance at 17 because this is a v rural area and there's not much public transport, and none at all after 9.00pm. He drives to/from school himself now. Holiday jobs and Saturday jobs are not easy or abundant, hence he's made his own. I buy some of his clothes, from Uniqlo mostly, and he buys the rest.

On top, there are school costs, school trips and kit for the activities and more food (even though he just eats what we do, and not much more) it all adds up. We haven't been on holiday this summer but he has just discovered the delights of socialising and we are very pleased about that, having worried for years that he was turning into a hobbit with a computer! If he goes to uni, it will be a few more years before the bank of M&D can close.

I got my first summer/ weekend job when I was 12 and worked all through my teens and other than basic school uniform and food, possibly the odd thing here and there, I paid for my own things. Is this a thing of the past now?

Food, technology (laptop or PC pretty vital for school, plus a phone), the fact they outgrow all their clothes in minutes, new shoes, school trips and uniform....

All the stuff people say like tech, cars, driving lessons etc. When I was 16 my dad cancelled my weekend stage school and told me if I wanted stuff I had to earn the money! I worked on a checkout 2 days after school and in new look on the weekends, I bought all my own stuff and had savings when I went to uni!! Never ever been without a job, even when I did move away for uni 🤷‍♀️

Someone on here posted about the annual school bus fare for her child being £1400 (state school)

My ds loves shoes and his size 10 trainers cost £90 a pair in the sale. His Astros for sport were £45 on eBay but admittedly a rare bargain.

Tech needs to be replaced periodically. E.g. Phone contract every 2 years. He's at a state school but I know that some of his friends get even newer phones than him on 12 month contracts.

He is adult priced on holidays etc and eats double what I do (and I love to eat). With the school holiday premium on top, it quickly adds up. I'm constantly replacing trousers as he gets taller every time I look at him. Luckily he's happy with ASOS, Next, H&M for clothing but I regularly see teens wearing hoodies that are £80'a pop at the shops.

He doesn't ask for expensive extras like concert tickets but plenty of teens are going to concerts which cost £100 ticket plus train fare plus hotel plus spends. He has a Spotify subscription £10pm and I pay for his PlayStation subscription £40 per year.

You can't get away with the modest Christmases of the younger years. You can buy lots for a pre-schooler on a £50 budget but for teens it pays for one game.

TOP SHOP

As a teen I always had shit shoes, coats and bags. I never moaned to my parents as I didn't want them to feel guilty but I hated it. I stood out and was teased about it. I am determined that my children will have what they want within reason. I also didn't learn to drive as a 17 year old and it was really difficult as a young adult to learn with working many shifts and the expense. I am already saving for driving lessons for them both. I am less worried about buying them cars.

Oblomov it really doesn't matter what a teen wants to wear/watch/do. If the parent isn't prepared to fund it, the teen does without.

My eldest would like a gaming PC in her room, a wardrobe full of band tees, the very latest iPhone, and innumerable other such things.

She has access to a PC in the living room that can run most games, a mid range phone, and she buys her own band tees out of her allowance.

I don't subscribe to the theory that a child should be given what they want because they want it. Nor are my children meek. They respect that if they want more than the basics that are provided they save for them themselves or hope that they'll be given as gifts at Christmas and on birthdays.

So she buys her own silly stuff, and I stick to reasonably priced basics from H&M and so on. The minute she kicks off, her allowance will (and has been, in the past) be terminated and she'll have to learn how to be a decent member of the family to get it reinstated.

It isn't hard. You just have to bring your children up with reasonable expectations.

I have 2 teens and a pre-teen, and TBH the pre-teen is most expensive because he does sports that involve expensive gear, and he wears contact lenses. But having said that, he's hitting the age where most sports are now offered through the school rather than community services, so they are getting cheaper.

They don't wear designer clothes or shoes - we go to Old Navy or Target or Walmart

They do have iPhones but they're either passed down from one of us or bought as cheap as possible as a Christmas present

They get a Macbook provided by the school

Schools here don't seem to do really expensive trips like they do in the UK

No one needed braces

They bike to school

They don't have expensive hobbies - they used to all need some kind of musical instrument for school but those are all paid off now

They don't buy expensive make up

The only one who eats a lot of food is the pre-teen - the other two don't really

We buy secondhand consoles, and if they want games they ask for them for Christmas/birthdays, and they aren't particularly expensive

I did pay for the oldest to learn to drive then insure her on our cars, but that's not so expensive here as in the UK, and now she's very helpful in terms of going to the supermarket, picking up siblings from places, taking them for days out.

TBH I think they cost less now than they did when I had to pay huge amounts for childcare. A couple of summers ago I spent $7000 on summer camps. This year it was about $500.

If you have a tall DC who is in adult clothing by the time they are 12 then the teenage years are very expensive. If your DC are small or average height you will save a bomb.
Shoes my 13 year old is a 9.5 men's shoe size. If you think he needs football boots, school shoes, including blazer and two PE kits, trainers for school and a pair for knocking about in. Men's size school clothes coats and clothes for knocking about in, phone 📱 costs, money to go into town with friends, school trip cost was £400 for the week, train to get to school nearly £500 per year etc etc. At 13 they are too young for PT job and if they have a long school day can't fit paper round in.

Oh and if you go out for a meal both of mine have wanted adult portions by 13 so that is also expensive.

So how much allowance do you give incy?

Hi Wax.

We're a split family, she gets so much off her dad and so much from me in return for helping out with her younger siblings now and again. She gets about £60 per month, sometimes more. When she's being a complete arse she gets much less.

Clothes and shoes wise, I buy school uniform, a coat and a pair of decent shoes, underwear, and jeans. Anything else she wants, she pays for. She bought herself converse because she liked them. She has asked for a pair of specific boots for her Christmas box, and that's what she'll get from me with odds and ends in her stocking as you'd expect.

She's free to use the toiletries in the bathroom, laundry gets thrown in the machine if it appears in the basket, if there's food in she can eat it as long as it's not earmarked for dinner.

She plays a musical instrument, and I pay the insurance on that as it's not a cheap one to replace should it get broken. She plays in bands and orchestras. She gave up on scouting, but had she continued I would have continued paying her subs.

She has an older iPhone on a basic contract. Again, when behaviour isn't acceptable the phone goes. The main house computer is hers to use as she wishes, but it's the house machine and as suck lives downstairs.

We share a bus pass, as when I need it she's at school, and when she needs it I'm usually holed up on the sofa hiding from the universe.

It works. She doesn't have unreal expectations. She doesn't demand things her peers have, because quite frankly she knows it's bollocks. If she did try it, she'd be told to pack it in and get over herself.

When I was a teenager - which wasn't that long ago I still got £50 budget for Christmas. If it only got me one item, then I only got one item. Taught me that money doesn't grow on trees. Lots of my friends got the world and then some. Driving lessons and cars. We had an allowance and had to buy our own stuff from our allowance - £40-50 a month. My phone contract used to come out of that too.

Obviously school trips, adult size meals and necessary new schools I understand but all the extras are not a right for teenagers.

I find some of this bizarre. I've been out of my teens less than a decade. I never wore designer clothes. Wasn't the least bit interested, and my mum knew the word 'no.'
I can understand food costs.
School residential - pick one. They don't need to go on them all.
Holidays - don't go abroad. Self catering in the UK doesn't cost me more as we hire by the unit.
Days out - minimal. No child needs days out.
Technology - is cheaper all the time.

You cut your cloth don't you? People pander to teens too much. Nobody paid for my car/lessons etc - I got a job. We weren't poor! Far from it, my mother owned a holiday home in France. She just refused to spend unnecessary money.

If you live in a rural village with sod all in the way of buses then yes, older teenagers DO need driving lessons and an available car. Otherwise they can't go to work or see each other without you driving them everywhere. My dc's friends live in surrounding villages over about a 20-mile radius of where we live (arse-end of nowhere) and the only jobs are in scattered towns that they can't get to without a car.

So many things! And my ds is only 10 and has just gone to size 6 football boots. Which means men's prices not juniors. They were enough before but now it's crazy!

Clothes cost a lot more once they're in adult sizes.
They eat an enormous amount!
Days out are much more expensive as you have to pay adult prices.
School/ college trips, etc are more expensive than at primary school.
School lunches are more expensive.
Any activities/ sports are more expensive and the equipment costs more as they need bigger sizes
Travel is more expensive at they have to pay full price for buses and trains once they hit 16.
I've got an 18 and 16 old and feeling extremely poor at the moment!

Also mobile phones!

Well, mine don't get £60 a month. They do get other things though. DH and I were brought up in poverty, we can afford to treat our children so we do. We weren't given opportunities to go places and have nice things and learn instruments or stay on at school so we choose to provide those opportunities to our DC. People are coming from different viewpoints and budgets.

We also choose to pay for activities so our DC are engaged, occupied, healthy etc.

they have their own gaming PCs, DS1 paid for half his one christmas paid for out of previous gifts of cash and saved pocket money. DS2 bought his not as good PC 2nd hand from his own money.

We are probably over generous at Birthdays and Christmas but my DSs don't ask for anything either.

As for holidays in the UK being cheaper, I don't think so. The weather here is shit, I don't want to go to a cabin/caravan/cottage and sit in all day. That generally means shelling out for some activities, all at adult prices, that are more expensive than what you'd do with younger children. a walk to the swing park or a trip to the local pool isn't that interesting for a 16/17 year old.

No-one needs days out? So we'll all sit indoors all day getting scurvy and spending even more time on screens? I'm in Scotland, we have a much higher rate of MS thought to be due to lack of sunlight. It's important to get teens outdoors and if they aren't the type to go playing football in the park for hours on end, then it costs to take them places or for them to go places.

My DS is getting his driving lessons for his birthday and we'll buy an extra 2nd hand family car for him to use once he's passed his test. He'll use the car to get to and from school and save me hassle. His brother will get to use it when he passes hopefully a year later.

We all have different ways of raising our children.

Food ! I have teenage sons, they never stop eating - ever ! And they're all as skinny as rakes