To not understand why teenagers are said to be quite so expensive

[theduchessstill]

On here I often see it written that having teenagers is so incredibly expensive and I don't understand why.

It's actually getting me quite anxious as ds1 is 10 so the teen years are fast approaching. I followed one of those links people post last week where you put in just your income and how many dependants/adults live with you, and apparently I am better off than 81% of people now but that will plummet to 51% of people when both dc are 14 +. Obviously this is a crude tool, but it has been niggling at me.

Why are they so expensive and are none of the costs balanced by the absence of childcare fees with this age group ? Childcare is easily my biggest cost after my mortgage and I often think I will be better off when I don't need it anymore. Exactly what takes its place? I know food - and am already seeing it with ds1, but food can only cost so much, surely. What else is so expensive with teens? I know I probably sound stupid, but, hey, I want to know.

Nickibabe -
Excuse me but I did not ask for your opinion on what I spend my money on.
I was answering the OP as to what costs me more money. I was not complaining.
For the record I am happy with what I buy my kids and say no to what I can't afford.

OP these things are usually based on assumptions of buying concert tickets and upgrading mobile phones and expensive clothes etc.

I suppose they don't have to be, although they may be in adult clothes and shoes which are more expensive
I Do say no to my tween but I am also happy to spend what I can afford on her too if I feel it's warranted and/or deserved
I do think there is a lot of pressure on them to have certain things due to Social Media though

*If you can persude your teenagers to continue to wear clothes from supermarkets, not go out, not have a smartphone, eat like a toddler, go to a school that doesn't have a uniform and be happy to spend their time reading library books I'm sure you won't notice an increase in costs.

In the real world teenagers on the whole aren't like that.*

This!

My dc are those in mumsnetty rarities who like Superdry tops, cinema trips and Nando's.

They get an allowance for this.

That costs but so do uniforms, clothing and shoes at adult prices, any trip out/holiday paying for four adults. They want to do DofE and I want them to do it, sports' kit, walking boots, all the stuff that allows them to do the stuff we enjoy and for us as a family to do the stuff we like too.

Once your kids are over 12, most places (holidays, concerts, theme parks etc.) count them as adults. Family tickets are no longer valid, meal deals don't apply to them (kids eat free etc.).

Also, I find I'm buying 3x women's supplies- toiletries, make-up, clothing, Sanpro, hair cuts etc. for myself and my teen DDs.

They are good girls, not greedy, they like their brands but are happy to wait for Christmas/birthdays. They still cost me a fortune.

Next year, DD1 will also need transport for sixth-form/college as that is no longer free, as well as course supplies.

Hobbies etc get more exensive as they get older as well.

My 8y/o daughter dances: her classes are generaly 45mins - 1 hour. Once she hits the higher grades it's 1.5 hours per class and an extra pointe class for ballet, suddenly your bill doubles, plus the exam fees are higher ( a year or so ago they billed me for Advanced 1 tap rather than Grade 1 tap. £80 just to take the advanced exam!). Swimming goes up to more and more classes a week once they're competing etc. Competitive kit for netball and hockey. I've noticed a steep upturn in costs this last year and she's still not yet 9.

I could say no to all these things, but I'd have a miserable kid and you definitely remember the opportunities you're denied in your formative years.

Watching with interest as I have four DC eldest being 9

Just had quick look at costs for school uniform for local secondary school and not too ridiculous TBH. £27 blazer , £14 jumper but that's optional, logo pe top £9, logo pe jumper £14 but optional.

My lot are already used to only getting branded trainers etc if for Christmas or birthday so I think I can stick to that!

Can you get kids weekly bus passes?

School meals, days out, holidays all cost more because when they are 12 they go as an adult, they eat more. Shoes cost more as they start to get into larger sizes - when you are buying men's shoes for 15/16 year olds who are a size 10 it's not cheap. They need more than just velcro plimsolls for PE - football boots, trainers, tennis shoes and cricket shoes are all needed here and that's not cheap as they are between £50 and £100 a pair.

Clothes start to attract VAT on them as they get larger, then they have driving lessons, mobile phones etc etc. All this needs to be paid for.

True Pingu. As a PP upthread said ''I didn't cost my parents much'' and I would agree but I was scared to ask for anything. My parents sent me to a school they really couldn't afford and then deprived us of food and toiletries and pocket money and clothes to make up for the fees. Nightmare. My parents roll their eyes and laugh at my memories but I remember it more clearly because it was awful. I remember sitting in a coffee shop with some school friends and I had a tap water!

We are on a low income and my teens don't get designer stuff or expensive trips away. We can't afford driving lessons or extra insurance for our teens but they still cost us a fortune because basic stuff is expensive. Aside from food, technology, expensive uniforms and clothes etc, on holidays, family days out or meals out you really have to count your older teens as adults. (subsequently we don't go out much). They have all the cost of adults without the income. I think girls in particular are expensive. Bras cost a fortune and they outgrow them so quickly, my dds are big boobed and need decent bras. Then there is skincare, cleanser, moisturiser etc, hair care, (dd2 has very curly/frizzy hair that needs a lot of product just to be presentable), sanitary products, the list is endless and even basic supermarket stuff isn't cheap. My dd is dyslexic and needed grinds to get her through her exams, grinds are a luxury we really can't afford but she suffers with anxiety and would probably have had a meltdown without them and messed up her chances of getting the course she wants. ( she got her results today and thankfully she did well).The list goes on and on, it's making me feel depressed just thinking about it really.

OP how do you get thru life when you have such a poor ability to think of scenarios and situations that aren't 100% your current life?

Adding:
Contact lenses
Sports club
D of E
School trips - last one for DD2 was £690. It was an optional week in France doing watersports. I could have said no but she enjoyed it so much and gained loads from it.

Mine both have jobs 16 & 14 but it is arranging family days out and trips on weekend and holidays. Even a small trip including a cafe can reach £30 for the cafe alone with little food never mind any entrance fees. Gone are the days of picnics in the park and soft play. Luckily mine both like hiking which fills up some of the time. Even when out with mates the cost of bus tickets to town, money for lunch all adds up. There is peer pressure and some cost depends on those around them. If their mates can afford bus, train, concert/cinema tickets and Nando's then you have to stump up or they do not go.

DS 13 3/4 has gone up 4 shoes sizes in 3 months, he's a nightmare all arms legs feet and not much else with 29"legs but 22" waist! I have to shop where I can get clothes to fit and it's generally not cheap

School shoes, trainers, converse need changing every 2 months at the moment

But the biggest expense I find is electrical items I also have a DD almost 15 so that's 2 phones, laptops, ps4's and games etc along with peer pressure for the latest game and online subscriptions (DD has ASD so doesn't share happily)

Clothes.....(will my DS EVER stop growing)
Food ..... they both eat fir England (but stay skinny!)
School equipment
Trips.. Two of DDs A level courses involved essential trips and outings which were expensive.

Uni rent and living costs....

Wine... not for the teens but for me and DH to get through it all (lighthearted).

It all depends on where you live and what your teens are into and what your budget is.

Mine happily live in joggers and t shirts so no demands for designer gear (just as well I cant afford it for me never mind them)

School uniform is jumpers only so not so bad but the rest is adult sizes so not cheap. (Friend pays £300 to kit her kids out for school!)

Phones they have android which are perfectly good enough for what they use them for and contract is the best price for the data they need I could get (which just got cheaper today, thanks O2)

Food oh yes mine have eaten me out of house and home over the hols. I was practically doing 2 full shops a week! (fruit would dissapear in 3 days!) They are now taking packed lunches to school as I can cram a large box full of healthy stuff for less/same as they would pay for a wrap and a muffin or pizza etc at school.

Days out havent been so bad as round here its over 16s who are adults in most places. But holidays - flights, excursions etc are usually over 12 for adult prices (some places over 9!)

Teen doesnt do after school hobbies but tween does thrice a week.

Its all relevant, some kids will ask for more, some kids wont bother. Thankfully my kids have never been bullied because they dont have the 'right' trainers it just doesnt seem to be a big thing here. My kids wear what they like and they dont care what someone else wears.

But I dont have a crystal ball so things could change

Clothes and shoes: get what they're given, or save for their own.

Phone: likewise.

Gadgetry: same again.

Pocket money: basic amount, get a job if you don't like it.

Food: basics in, don't like it then supply your own.

It really isn't difficult when you don't pander.

Agree, unless you yourself are content wearing the cheapest clothing available, using an old phone with minimum PAYG costs for example, never eating out, only walking to places, never meeting friends etc. then probably most parents spend on their kids as much as possible / within their limits.

For us, our teens don't go out often, are not that into clothes or make-up. Which means that every six months or so, they might be interested in going around the high street and choosing a couple of things each and it will invariably be +£100 for me.

We like to eat out too and that is a very expensive thing to do for a family of four.

School related things (clothes, kit, bags and stationery) seem to be a fairly constant spend. Curriculum trips are £30 here and there. Extra school trips need serious consideration and budgeting.

However we have encouraged and paid for each teen to learn 2 musical instruments so that's where a lot of our teen-related spending goes.

Very little of that is necessary, but we're lucky to be able to afford it (unaware of their good fortune and some times ungrateful teens though)

I think the main thing is clothing. When they really little I bought clothes in sales for up to a year ahead, couldn't get away with that now! Also clothes are a lot bigger and therefore more expensive (apart from anything else adult clothing has vat), even cheap clothes cost more. I don't allow my teens to have everything they want by any means but things to seem to add up.

Food shops and family meals out cost a lot more, they are offered some pretty pricey school trips (£1k for a trip to NY was the last, though I had to say no to that), D of E, reward trips etc.

I feel pretty lucky that both my teens work and buy a lot of their own everyday stuff and that takes the pressure off and teaches them a bit of responsibility - also a sign of whether they really want something or not if they are willing to part with their own hard earned cash!

Oh and university costs - my youngest is going into second year at just turned 19. Tuition, living costs, accommodation. Prescription costs.

Yes, we have two leaving home soon and we're suddenly noticing al the things we share that they'll need; hairdryers, printers, toiletries, cooking equipment.

Mine did become more expensive (food, adult clothes sizes, phones etc etc) but you end up budgeting according to your means, just like most people do all the way along anyway.
For me, that meant setting limits on how much I was prepared to spend on non essentials and encouraging them to get Saturday jobs when they were older teens or spend birthday/ Christmas money on luxuries.
The one thing I think you can't avoid though is the expense of uni, if they decide to go. The cost of housing that needed paying up front astonished me so I would advise anyone to start saving early for this of it might be a problem. And believe me... even full student finance doesn't come close to covering everything!!!

They become adults in eyes of cinema /restaurants /airlines /public transport /hotels
So even if you don't buy branded clothes etc just ordinary family stuff becomes 4adults not 2adults & 2kids

Mine aren't expensive.

My son bought and pays for his own phone, paid for from his job. He got it when he was 15 (now 16). He spent £800 of his own, hard earned money, on a desktop computer as he said the laptops we have are not powerful enough.

Yes that hobbies, christmas/ birthday gifts and pocket money/allowance are more expensive. Plus holidays , eating out etc will rise.
For us we'd underestimated the value of privacy an adolescent needs so we're currently looking to extend our house or move in order to have an extra bathroom and bedroom and that is £££!!! All those things are optional though, we can afford it and you cut your cloth...
But generally I think people who say teenagers are more expensive have never had to pay for full time nursery and wrap around childcare. All the other bollocks is, as I say, optional and a drop in the ocean compared to full time childcare.
Our youngest is off to school next year and we'll be (relatively speaking) rolling in it, compared to any other time in our married life.
As a disclaimer I'd say that I do recognise that the biggest expense, bigger than childcare, is the loss of one salary/career (which a lot of families opt for) and it's often a cost that is never recovered later. So those families often shoulder the (invisible) burden of lower earning power alongside the later increased costs associated with adolescence, which will seem more expensive (and indeed it is). As a family with two adults who've always worked full time and progressed in their careers, our financial position has improved.
Second disclaimer- if parents agree to pay for driving lessons/ first car, uni and / or big wedding than I accept these will give nursery fees a run for their money!