To not understand why teenagers are said to be quite so expensive

[theduchessstill]

On here I often see it written that having teenagers is so incredibly expensive and I don't understand why.

It's actually getting me quite anxious as ds1 is 10 so the teen years are fast approaching. I followed one of those links people post last week where you put in just your income and how many dependants/adults live with you, and apparently I am better off than 81% of people now but that will plummet to 51% of people when both dc are 14 +. Obviously this is a crude tool, but it has been niggling at me.

Why are they so expensive and are none of the costs balanced by the absence of childcare fees with this age group ? Childcare is easily my biggest cost after my mortgage and I often think I will be better off when I don't need it anymore. Exactly what takes its place? I know food - and am already seeing it with ds1, but food can only cost so much, surely. What else is so expensive with teens? I know I probably sound stupid, but, hey, I want to know.

My 13 Year old likes Nike trainers but tbh they are not much dearer than Clark's when you buy last seasons from Sports direct. The other one couldn't care less. It is the bloody logoed secondary uniform that is a shock after only needing jumpers got primary.

Agree cathf Although you did forget the group who are just tight and who have cash but just don't want to spend it on their teens wonders why they ever had DC but wrap it up by saying they are doing it for their own good.

People who genuinely can't afford it are exempt from above. there ws a survey done which said that children from more deprived backgrounds tend to be closer to their parents. I think resentment builds up when teens are denied for no valid reason though.

2. People who currently have teens who buck the trend, and the posters seem to think this is due to their superior parenting rather than the inherent personality of the teen;

@cathf I would never ever call myself a superior parent, the exact opposite actually. We have made huge mistakes and it has been a bumpy ride to say the least.
Our teenager has expensive taste but works to pay for it - something I am sure I would be criticised for . I like the fact that she has a great work ethic and recognises that if she wants nice stuff she has to pay for it.

My daughter is 19 this year. She completed her apprenticeship and now works full time in catering. She's been paying for her own phone, clothes and anything else since she was 18, but she was never the one into brands. I always expected her to be worse than her brother, (he's 15) but in all honesty, he's much worse than she ever was!

@cathf I love your list! It's spot on!

I think before world war 3 breaks out I think we need to remember that "teenager" technically covers ages 13 to 19 and there is a fair bit of difference between those ages. There is also evidence that "teenage" behavior can start before 13.

With notable exceptions, I would say that most would agree that a 13-15 year old is financially dependent and people cut their cloth accordingly for costs. I would also say that most would think that 18+ should be contributing to their own costs in some way or another depending on whether they are working/at college/at uni etc.

The controversial years are probably age 16 & 17. Some people don't want their DC working as they want them to concentrate on their education, some DC are desperate to work and there is work and transport available, other sat to their DC to get a job if they want beyond the basics, some peoples DC would like to work but their travel and availability restrictions make this a pain for the parent. This also tends to be the age where teens want more independence and also expensive stuff.

Cathf- totally agree. Thank you!

IncyWincy

Have you met teenagers? Most of it is because their friends wear brands too, but it's also because it's what their celebrity heroes wear. We're lucky in that it's only trainers our lads are bothered about brands for - which I agree with really, I'd rather pay £70 for Nike trainers than some £10 Asda ones which will get ruined quicker.

The reason they don't have jobs is because a) there aren't that many going for 16 year olds round here and b) I want them to focus on their studies. We do not need the money, so we don't see the point in forcing them to. They do chores for any pocket money they get and most expensive purchases are for Christmas or birthdays.

I don't see the point in making their grades suffer just to be exploited by a supermarket for far less than the minimum wage.

No it's definitely my superior parenting skills!!!

Cathf spot on! (From a parent who actually has teenagers!)

Teenagers cheap [laughs hollowly]...yeah, right.

Teenagers seem to have an actual lifestyle these days FFS. Our teen DDs do lunch with their friends. They have an unhealthy Nike addiction. We pay for their tennis club membership & lessons. Then there's the high end make-up...they have drawers stuffed with Benefit, Anastasia, Too Faced etc. And clothes... don't even get me started on clothes - if it's not Jack Wills, Urban Outfitters or bastardy Hollister then it doesn't get worn. They prefer to wear a tatty Hollister hoodie than a brand new one from H&M

My kids are clearly both weird. Or I'm depriving them, because those lists of 'essentials' on the first page. Really aren't.

Feeding them, that's a different matter. They eat me out of house and home.

Any extra costs they do incur has been offset by me having more take home pay anyway - I upped my hours a lot when the youngest turned 13. Things like phones and driving lessons have always been a a birthday or Christmas present.

Maqueen, they can only demand all that if you are happy to fund it

More fool you...? It is the price you pay (literally) for one's kids being part of the "cool set"

Maqueen, can I ask if you have teens? It is all very well sneering at people whose teens want to be part of the 'cool set' but this is a massive deal for a lot of teens. It seems to be MN policy to do everything to support your children up to the age of 12, then nothing to support them once they hit 13. Why is it a badge if honour to do as little as you can for teens? As someone said up thread, they are still our children.

It depends on the group, doesn't it?

My DC and their peers ( all from wealthy backgrounds) wouldn't wear Jack Wills/Hollister if you paid them - infra dig.

It's all Top Shop/Man, ASOS, New Look etc

But the expense still comes. Today I've paid two lots of deposits fir university accommodation which came to 1.5k.

I insured their car.

I filled the fridge with food.

I want my girls to enjoy their teens. I was always very aware of not having nice clothes, money for outings etc. so if I can make the teen years easier and more enjoyable for mine, I will.
They don't have the latest, most expensive of everything (not sure I would even if I could) but they do pretty well. Plenty of outings, pretty good phones, nice clothes, etc. They do know they are lucky and work very hard at school, harder than I had to.
There is a lot of pressure on teens today and the world they are growing up in is not looking great, so if I can help to give them good teenage years I will.

Theimpossiblegirl, if you wrote that about toddlers or primary children, you would be applauded, but for some reason, the same logic is not applied to teens on MN. Why, I wonder?

Ours are in their thirties and it still hasn't stopped!

cathf Yes well put.

I would never dream of contributing on a baby care thread because I acknowledge that I am a hundred 18 years out of date and things are different now.

I have teenagers and a 21 year old. I agree there is a world of difference between a 13 and 19 year old. My 19 year old is still financially dependent and likely to remain so for at least two more years. I don't resent it. I am delighted that I can afford to support him through uni. I see our money as family money to be used for all our benefit regardless of age.

I do feel there is a lot of venom on MN from groups 4 and 5 on your list.
I would also add another;
People whose own teenage years were financially difficult and they resent others who apparently have it easier.

primadonnagirl That is totally your choice then.

My DC and their peers ( all from wealthy backgrounds) wouldn't wear Jack Wills/Hollister if you paid them Same here!

there why does it make me a fool for (usually) funding my DDs? They're only 13 & 14, still children, specifically still my children. I get pleasure from them (usually) getting what they ask for (they know better than to 'demand' anything.

They would both laugh at being called one of the 'cool' kids, I think? From chatting with friends it seems my DDs are very similar to most teens?

My own parents probably saved money during my teens. We had barely anything new, little technology and constant guilt trips... fun. It is why I think there should be criteria you have to pass before having children!

My 13 year olds are costing us a fortune in food, clothes, school,seeing friends, travel....

Re food it's now 5 x adult meals if eating out,even just a coffee isn't cheap. They eat and eat and are always starving. Protein is soooo expensive, ditto fruit and veg. School meals are £60 a week. I shop in Lidl and cook from scratch, rarely eat out.

Clothes. Shoes!!!!!! They are all adult sizes with adult prices. Just spent £300 on 3 pairs of school shoes each. They continuously grow. I don't buy expensive brands but they still need clothes and are nearly in adult sizes.

School. Continuous demands from school. Nothing seems to be free in secondary and the demands are endless. The bus costs a fortune, ditto uniform, stationary, books....

If they want to see friends they need to get there and don't want us. So that's a tenner for travel and lunch. Phone contracts, pocket money, toiletries.

Bar a phone mine don't have anything more than I did. It's eyewatering. Brace yourself.