To not understand why teenagers are said to be quite so expensive

[theduchessstill]

On here I often see it written that having teenagers is so incredibly expensive and I don't understand why.

It's actually getting me quite anxious as ds1 is 10 so the teen years are fast approaching. I followed one of those links people post last week where you put in just your income and how many dependants/adults live with you, and apparently I am better off than 81% of people now but that will plummet to 51% of people when both dc are 14 +. Obviously this is a crude tool, but it has been niggling at me.

Why are they so expensive and are none of the costs balanced by the absence of childcare fees with this age group ? Childcare is easily my biggest cost after my mortgage and I often think I will be better off when I don't need it anymore. Exactly what takes its place? I know food - and am already seeing it with ds1, but food can only cost so much, surely. What else is so expensive with teens? I know I probably sound stupid, but, hey, I want to know.

To those who say 'just say no' to brands and peer group pressure. Just wait for secondary school.... While there's no need to give in to £115 Nikes, £50 on the sale is painful enough.

I don't get this. Millions of parents don't have that kind of money to feed their family each week, let alone have it spare for a pair of trainers that kids will outgrow in less than three months!

I don't know anyone who buys their kids £50 pairs of shoes on any kind of regular basis. As a one-off for a birthday present, sure, but not for regular, everyday shoes! I don't spend more than £15-20 on my own shoes as I can't justify the expense, I'll be damned if I'd spend more than that on a pair my kids will outgrow in a matter of weeks.

As adults we don't generally buy ourselves super expensive clothes and shoes non stop. Why should teens be any different.

^ this

I think it's not as easy as rich kids v poor kids.

Where we live is adjacent to an area of deprivation and my DC went to primary in the area, they go to High School in an area of affluence.

Kids in the deprived area are much more fashion/label conscious and wear a lot of sports/designer brands - and before you ask, I have no idea how they afford it (though I think that at least some it must be fake) . Their leisure time seems to be spent wandering around showing of said brands to others/the general public, no real evidence of expensive hobbies/holidays or car ownership.

In the affluent area, there is less evidence of designer clobber but the kids seem to be doing a lot of expensive activities/holidays/trips and a lot of them get brand new cars for their birthdays. there is also evidence of reverse affluence where some of the DC from affluent homes are wearing clothes that are tatty and don't fit. You rarely see any of that with the kids going to the High School with a less wealthy demographic. Those kids in the main seem to be imacculately turned out.

That's not meant to be snobby as we fit into neither of those demographics, it's just my observations.

WaxOn We live in a similar area and have a similar demographic. The wealthy kids definitely don't show off in £200+ plus pairs of trainers but will have expensive hobbies/holidays/extra curricular activities. Definitely more about spending money on developing skills rather than clothing/appearance.

Teens from the less wealthy areas tend to have more expensive gadgets, and up to date iPhones/designer hoodies etc.

We are in the middle, so no outrageous designer clothes, but is allowed to go on (some) expensive school trips.

It's changed so much from when we were teenagers! No phones, no tablets, no such focus on fashion and cosmetics...all this is beyond me but i guess we have to adapt to this new world.

We got quite fed up with the "everyone has one" "i reall need this" that with our son we give him a monthly allowance which he has to manage on his own, so he can make his own decisions and tradeoff on what is really worth it or not.

For his birthdays or christmas gift, our family get together to gift him one chunky gift card from Amazon so he gets to spend it on things he really needs or wants and throughout the year instead of being overwhelmed with so many gifts on one day. Some of our close friends chipped in as well. There's a website that does exactly this www.giftwaffles.com. fast and easy.

I have also seen some debit cards for teens (Osper?) ? has anyone used these?

There was always peer pressure.Whetrer it's smoking or shoplifting.Its always been around.Its not a new phenomenon.

I buy my kids the dearer trainers cause they usually last longer.

Maybe people would rather 5
£50 on a top or trainers, that's their choice.

Mai

I have a teen. She wanted certain designer shit. I said no. It really is simple.

I also have a autistic ten and five year olds. I can say no to pretty much anything with the training they've given me in holding my ground and not engaging.

No really does mean no.

Trouble is, there are parents who can happily afford the expensive stuff, and those who can't.

When my kids were in primary school, they were with six and seven year olds who had iPhones. I flatly refused to get mobiles for my kids until they started secondary school aged 11, and I stuck to that rule, but kids can be horrible. My kids got picked on constantly for not having foreign holidays, parents with posh cars, big houses and meals out every week. So if my son, at 15 and nearly six foot, is happy with one pair of nikes that made up part of his birthday present, then that's what I will do.

Parents who can afford luxuries for their kids, make life damn hard for the rest of us who can't, but is it really up to us to tell those parents "hey, don't treat your kids cos the rest of us can't keep up!" ?

My teens just have an ordinary bank account with debit card and digital banking. They've had that since they were 12. I pay in their pocket money (£40 a month - need to keep their rooms clean and generally contribute to the house) and they pay in any monetary gifts.

DS1 rarely spends anything on a week by week basis but will splash out on big ticket items that mainly seem to be stuff for his PC. DS2 spends a little bit per month but also saves up for bigger items such as guitars.

They both order things using their own cards.

I pay their mobile phones and buy anything else they need. I've often thought about giving them a larger allowance, but the reality is that they just wouldn't bother buying any new clothes or getting haircuts etc etc and my preference is for them to wear stuff that fits and isn't worn out and scruffy. It's not great in terms of giving them control, but if they wanted that control I'd give it to them - i'm gradually passing things over. For example we are going to a wedding, they both need suits and shoes if I waited for them to chip up and buy them then we'd be celebrating the couples wedding anniversary by then! They don't really care whether they have a suit or not, i do so therefore it's down to me to pay for it (and probably choose it too).

A lot of the iphone ownership especially with younger children, is where the parents have upgraded and passed on the old phone. I have only recently got a nice phone (not iphone as I can't stand apple!) as I treated myself for a big birthday. It's not one that my DSs would covet though :)

Teens are more expensive, but it depends on your teen as to how much.
Dd1 is a saver (comes back from a week trip with £19 out of £20 left and offers it back to me-I don't usually take it back!), dresses in what she likes and isn't bothered by fashion or what everyone else wears, grew slowly and steadily and her clothes were replaced gradually as she wore/grew out-often at the same time. She does piano lessons (we already had a piano) and drama along with doing a number of volunteering things with children, and is perfectly happy with that.

Dd2 is a spender. If she come back saying she hasn't spent all the £20 we're talking about less than 50p left. She likes to be in with other people, and has fads. I do put my foot down at expensive things, but I have some sympathy as my parents never got any thing that was in unless there was a (very) cheap alternative. The coat they bought me (from the market-NaffCo!) aged 14yo is still too big for me.
She also grows by fits and starts. She went away for a week at the beginning of the holiday and grew an inch, and is gaining (fast) a ladies body so suddenly all her clothes look rather revealing and need replacing-almost the entire lot. Her foot size is now 8 (nearly as big as dh and much bigger than me) so getting shoes is becoming a challenge to get reasonable priced ones.
She does several activities and would add more if let. They're good for her mental health and I have been advised that they are important to continue for that reason. She plays the trumpet. Her trumpet teacher has said before she does grade 6 (next grade) she needs a new one. She's going on tour with the orchestra next summer for which she'll need a passport, payment for the trip and spending money.
She's also much heavier wearing on things, sometimes due to her disability, and is a bit careless. So for dd1 I'll buy her a couple of pens at the beginning of the term and they'll last all term. I buy dd2 a dozen pens and by half term (if I'm lucky) she's given 4 out to friends who hadn't got one, 4 got lost and 4 have broken or been used up.
She goes through clothes at knees and elbows, partially because she's inclined to fling herself around and land on the floor, and partially due to her disability.

Ds isn't a teen yet, but I can't see me having any issues with his spending. As long as his clothes are comfortable he doesn't care. But we'll wait and see!

Only on page 2. For once im thrilled that as a parent of 3 kids with sen there are no clubs (none will let them join), no driving lessons (again noone will teach them), no friends (his peers and their parents appear to be allergic to my kids), no uni fees. But childcare will be pricy

Mine costs a fortune. This year off the top of my head
£440 football subs for his team
£120 D of E plus about £100 on gear
£2800 on a school trip, obviously not essential but the vast majority of the year went
£20 per week school dinners, no option for packed lunch
£900 school bus, public bus doesn't go there
£100 last week on branded school uniform, again no option for non branded
£15 a month phone but I'll reduce this when his contract is up
£10 every time one of his friends has a birthday and no, I don't expect him to pay himself
£40 a month allowance
£1300 a year on "voluntary contributions" at a faith school

That's before clothes and shoes. He's pretty astute and does love designer gear but buys and sells to fund this, I buy him from Primark and H&M.

He won't qualify for any help at uni so we reckon on that costing us around £10k per year maybe a bit more and we will pay for driving lessons as we want him to learn at 17 and most likely buy a small car for all the kids to share. Of course many of these are optional but if we can afford it we will cover it

Mine eat a lot. It costs more to take them on holiday (if we fly). They grew very rapidly for about 5 years- into adult clothes and shoes.

Their school trips are more expensive, as are their uniforms. Bus passes for school too.

Did I mention that they eat a lot?

Find it funny people saying the well off children wear scruffy clothes and aren't bothered by designer goods.

That's not the case for a lot here (Berkshire) ds2 attends a grammar school with a very mixed intake. His more well off friends wear very expensive clothing so whilst maybe not so obvious and heavily logoed just look at the embroidery on the chest, simple white/grey t-shirt nope Ralph Lauren. Nice white tennis shoes oh Gucci!

Peer pressure has gone on for as long as there has been a consumerist society. I'm 41 and it was Levi's and dr marten shoes when I was a teen. The brands might not have been as expensive then but it was probably in relation to household incomes.

You can spend £17-20 on a t shirt in top man so £20-25 for one with the much wanted cheat logo doesn't seem such a bad deal. Especially when it's usually a much nicer quality.

I wouldn't do centerparcs even with a toddler it's stupidly expensive.
Some of these comments!

Tralala, assuming you are in the U.K. Every student qualifies for minimum maintenance loan - around £3600 - and tuition fees loan.

My teens are not into brands, or I-phones, they are fine with whatever we buy from surfdome or H&M, and a Huawei phone.

DH and I are not into brands either

It's not that we are strongly against it, or don't allow them to choose. Just that nobody is bothered: as long as it is comfy and looks ok it is fine. Boys are only 15 and 13, so this may change yet?? They are not into their looks, so far, so no trendy hair either ....poor kids

wizzywig, aren't there any clubs nearby for kids with sen?

DD goes to one which we found through school. Like yours, she won't be driving though.

Our teenager costs more than our toddler ( we have no childcare expenses) but she is cheaper now than when she was younger.

We put her Dad's maintenance in her bank for her (£50 a month) and she has a job. She buys most of her own clothes and makeup. She usually pays for her own socialising

Her main regular expenses are
£60 a month for school dinners
School trips - last year I think this was about £500 but that included a trip abroad
Her phone bill - on a bundle with us - probably £15 a month for her

In the 1970s my mother made it clear she was sorely disappointed in me b/c I wasn't interested in clothes or makeup or fashion (or gadgets). My mom had spendthrift tendencies & didn't understand my anorexia with money.

I try to see DD's spendthrift tendencies as healthier than my money-anorexia.

There are gym memberships and gym memberships.

I pay my dd's membership at the local leisure centre, hardly the height of luxury and we can go together. There is also a huge issue with teenage girls not doing enough exercise

Sigh.... I don't think I ever said £50 Nike's every 2 or 3 months as someone reframed it above. Also the person who changed it to '£50 on trainers or a top'- I didn't mention a top.

Anyway. Another thing that has changed is that when I was growing up my cello lessons were free at school, I played in the borough symphony orchestra (£30 a term, I think, or free if you couldn't afford that), I got very subsidized piano lessons from a music teacher across the road and very subsidized lessons from an accomplished singer who saw I had potential. This is rare now- here in London the going rate is £20+ per half hour. My 3 boys are musical and sporty so it adds up.

(I'd be happy to teach talented children on my road at a very reduced rate if they needed it, btw)

Mine is 13 and constantly asking for money. In three years, she can get a job. Yay!

Fivefour, bit cheeky calling me pathetic. Of course I did not buy her a Louis Vuitton bag.
I have just come back to this thread after a day or so away, and it strikes me there are five types of poster contributing:

1. People who currently have teens and understand exactly what most of us are going through;
2. People who currently have teens who buck the trend, and the posters seem to think this is due to their superior parenting rather than the inherent personality of the teen;
3. People who used to have teens (ie before social media and technology), who think that they would have been very firm with their teens, but of course, this was never put to the test. As I have already said, my oldest is only 24, but the difference between his teen years and his sister's is immense;
4. People who have younger children who think they can predict how their children will be as teens, and therefore can say now that they would not allow such nonsense;
5. People who have not got children at all but feel they can contribute because they used to be a teen (see type 3)

It's hilarious but also a bit insulting to those of us (most of us) to be told how to parent teens when posters have no experience of actually doing so!