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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this wanky? Would you come?

565 replies

Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 09:17

Hi all,

DH's and my ten-year wedding anniversary is still a little way off yet, but I'm starting to think about putting on a low-key but "naice" event to celebrate with close friends and family (25 - 30 guests), and need to check that I'm not breaking any of the MN rules in relation to wedding-related party planning :)

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon.

I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far - though not sure what guests would make of this...? Most (but not all) guests live within an hour or two of the venue.

Am undecided on whether to do a formal renewal of vows. On the one hand it would give more of a sense of occasion to the day; on the other, I'm aware they can be seen by some as maybe a bit cheesy and self-congratulatory (am not saying they are at all!). I'm not particularly sold on renewing vows for its own sake though - another idea might be a couple of nice speeches to kick off proceedings instead?

We'd specify absolutely no presents, btw, and welcome / cater to the children in the family.

AIBU to wonder whether MNers would a) come and b) approve if invited by close friends or family to something like this...? Or would people be inwardly cringing into their scones and ruing lack of evening booze-up afterwards...?

Mumsnet feedback very welcome - thank you!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 10:03

I am an early bird and hate late nights, so would much prefer to do something nice in the day and all go home afterwards... :)

Why would I like to do this...? It's not a marriage thing really (like I said, I'm not fussed about vows etc) but just thought it would be nice to host and do something a little bit different from the norm...

OP posts:
PandorasXbox · 14/08/2017 10:05

What about hosting it somewhere in the middle so people won't have to travel 2 hours, is that an option?

TheNaze73 · 14/08/2017 10:05

You go for it OP. I'd find it an odd invitation to receive but, would go

Hulababy · 14/08/2017 10:05

Brittbugs80 Mon 14-Aug-17 09:49:01
a slap-up afternoon tea

I wouldn't describe sandwiches and prosecco as slap up...

Depends on the type of Afternoon Tea. Some can be very grand, big affairs and cost £££s Sandwiches are not the same as Afternoon Tea, as I am sure you are actually aware anyway.

Squarerouteofsquirrel · 14/08/2017 10:05

It's a just a nice party surely most people (except mn ones) like having a little get together with friends and family every now and then ?

I don't think there is anything wrong in celebrating 10 years of marriage, why wait for 25? As long as you keep the anniversary celebrations fairly low key, so people don't think they need to buy presents, outfits, book hotel rooms. Can't see what there is to be offended by. I would come.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 14/08/2017 10:05

It's about 30% wankish sorry. But I would come and I would probably enjoy it and pester my dh to do the same for our 10th. That's how this stuff spreadsGrin

astoundedgoat · 14/08/2017 10:06

Sounds fab to me - I would totally go, if it wasn't a huge hike.

Don't do the renewal - deeply cringe, and the whole point of your initial wedding vows was that they are for life (unless you put in a 10 year renewal clause at the time! Grin).

Original poster
Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 10:06

Yes, joke poverty.

OP posts:
PovertyJetset · 14/08/2017 10:07

If you only served cake I would be annoyed as I don't have a sweet tooth at all.

BertrandRussell · 14/08/2017 10:08

I think mumsnetters are generally incredibly anti social. I don't know anyone in real life who would turn down a lovely tea party with friends and family. I would certainly go, and actually be quite pleased it was just a afternoon thing.

I probably wouldn't do the vow-renewal thing, but only because I think they are a bit common tacky. A very brief speech thanking everyone for coming and a toast to family and friends would be nice. It sounds lovely. Go for it. Ignore the Mumsnet grumpiness.

Only1scoop · 14/08/2017 10:09

Without the vow thing it sounds fab Op

I would come and celebrate with you. Avoid church hall etc, don't cater yourselves find a lovely little venue and have a lovely time.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/08/2017 10:09

Cross posted with your update.

I'm sorry to hear you've had a rough time 💐

I can understand you wanting to host an event (well, I can't actually because it's my idea of hell, but I understand YOU feel you want to!).

I understand that you want to maybe celebrate having got through all the crap etc.

However, unless it was marriage related crap (like an affair, but you say that's not the case) I don't understand why the focus is on renewing your vows/celebrating 10 years?

Why can't you just throw a party (or afternoon tea) because you want to? Why make it about your marriage?

Only1scoop · 14/08/2017 10:10

It's alright Poverty....don't think you'll be on the list.Wink

Nanna50 · 14/08/2017 10:10

ferntwist I have

chestylarue52 · 14/08/2017 10:10

I think have a party, call it a family party, tell people if they ask that it's your anniversary but mainly you just want to get everyone together and definitely no presents.

peachgreen · 14/08/2017 10:11

I think doing it for ten years and inviting loads of people is a bit self-congratulatory. I'd happily go if it was my sibling / my DH's sibling (or parents, of course, but that would be much further along and therefore more of a milestone) but otherwise I'd think it was a bit weird.

MissWimpyDimple · 14/08/2017 10:12

I would come to any family party- wouldn't really fancy the vows bit though.

Only thing is that wouldn't everyone be driving to attend so the prosecco would only be for the passengers? I think if i was the driver I'd be miffed by that.

On the whole though, a family party sounds nice.

Original poster
Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 10:13

Cake AND sandwiches AND scones (sweet and savoury), poverty.

One option could be to host near where my parents live. Bit harder for us to coordinate, but would mean that for those remaining few that had to drive, there would be beds free at both mums and dads, and it would be easier to decamp to a pub afterwards if people wanted...?

(Very usual for people to stay with my parents, so they would be happy with this - though of course would ask!)

OP posts:
chestylarue52 · 14/08/2017 10:13

AmyGardner - do you really see a party invite as a summons? Not bring hoary just asking. That's a shame, I love getting a party invite and if I don't feel like going I don't, unless it's really important (siblings wedding for example)

PovertyJetset · 14/08/2017 10:13

onescoop you're probably right! But if the op and I were friends IRL I would attend as it's important to them, but I would thing it was really weird! Grin

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 14/08/2017 10:14

bert oh yes enjoying life is forbidden mn unless its with your partner only and is some sort of healthy pursuit like a nice long walk. Grin

BananaSandwichesEveryDay · 14/08/2017 10:15

Well, assuming that those who you invite are aware of whatever it is that's put you 'through the wringer ', yes, I'd go. Otherwise, I'd probably think it a bit odd. I am afraid I'd definitely raise an eyebrow at how renewals - marriage vows don't expire so I think a lot would assume that somebody has broken them.
An afternoon tea, can be lovely. Went to one a while ago for a friend's significant birthday, it was self catered in a hall and was truly wonderful.

IAmTheDragon · 14/08/2017 10:15

I'd spend the money on a holiday instead tbh, just the two of us.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 14/08/2017 10:16

Revised plan sounds great op. Enjoy it.

scrabbler3 · 14/08/2017 10:19

Are people really so busy and in-demand at weekends that they wouldn't be able to spend a few hours at an afternoon tea with a relative/close friend? Lucky them!

My slight concern OP is that it could be boring for under 10s. It sounds lovely but quite sedate. I'd go for something a bit more casual like the village hall idea in your update, somewhere with outside space.

Offering your spare room to the person who's travelled furthest would be a nice idea too, so that they can have a drink and a more extended period with you.