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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this wanky? Would you come?

565 replies

Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 09:17

Hi all,

DH's and my ten-year wedding anniversary is still a little way off yet, but I'm starting to think about putting on a low-key but "naice" event to celebrate with close friends and family (25 - 30 guests), and need to check that I'm not breaking any of the MN rules in relation to wedding-related party planning :)

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon.

I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far - though not sure what guests would make of this...? Most (but not all) guests live within an hour or two of the venue.

Am undecided on whether to do a formal renewal of vows. On the one hand it would give more of a sense of occasion to the day; on the other, I'm aware they can be seen by some as maybe a bit cheesy and self-congratulatory (am not saying they are at all!). I'm not particularly sold on renewing vows for its own sake though - another idea might be a couple of nice speeches to kick off proceedings instead?

We'd specify absolutely no presents, btw, and welcome / cater to the children in the family.

AIBU to wonder whether MNers would a) come and b) approve if invited by close friends or family to something like this...? Or would people be inwardly cringing into their scones and ruing lack of evening booze-up afterwards...?

Mumsnet feedback very welcome - thank you!!

OP posts:
implantsandaDyson · 14/08/2017 09:31

Your arrangements sound fine, not sure I'd travel 2 hours there and back on the same day for it. And I'd definitely swerve the renewal of vows and speeches. Tbh I don't know of people who celebrate wedding anniversaries with a party before 25 years.

geekone · 14/08/2017 09:32

25 years maybe 50 years definitely but 10 years Confused. Use the money to go away and have some time together, a lovely holiday or a weekend in a log cabin.

emmyrose2000 · 14/08/2017 09:33

I might attend a 25th/30th/40th/50th wedding anniversary party, but not for any other anniversary. I don't personally care for vow renewals in general, unless maybe it's for a 50th or beyond. By the time you've got that far, I think you can pretty have much leeway to do what you want.

My aunt and uncle did a vow renewal and party at their home for their 50th anniversary, which was very nice and low key, but that's the only vow renewal I know of personally amongst my family/friends/acquaintances.

TwitterQueen1 · 14/08/2017 09:33

No, I wouldn't go. As others have said, other people's anniversaries are of no interest to me and 10 years is a bit ... meh. And for anyone who is divorced it could be a bit uncomfortable.

Maybe you and your DH could just do something together?

Stickaforkinimdone · 14/08/2017 09:34

I'd go because I'd think it rude not to, and it's always nice to be invited to parties.

However, I do think it's rather strange that you're considering throwing a party for a 10 year anniversary. It's not one of the major milestones and to be perfectly honest, it's only 10 years-really not that long!

I would personally be more inclined to use the money to go on a fabulous holiday somewhere. Each to their own though

Bemusedandpuzzled · 14/08/2017 09:34

Yes, I would attend! I would check, though, that the hotel allows external catering and BYO prosecco - many won't. You sound like you are on a tight budget, and things like that could make a huge difference to the cost.

Personally, I would prefer a weekend away, but each to her own!

Edsheeranalbumparty · 14/08/2017 09:35

I agree that the only people who care about a wedding anniversary are the couple whose anniversary it is. And even then I find it quite odd the lengths that people go to celebrate them.

Having said that, I would come as I enjoy party and it does sound lovely! Don't renew your vows though, it's pointless and kind of strange.

WillowWeeping · 14/08/2017 09:35

I'd also be wondering who had cheated - sorry!

Save it until you're 25+ years married.

Original poster
Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 09:36

Haha shatners - oops :)

OP posts:
Bemusedandpuzzled · 14/08/2017 09:36

(I also think the "it's ONLY 10 years" argument is a bit curmudgeonly. I am all for celebrating at every opportunity. Plus, there are many situations that would make getting through to the 10-year milestone noteworthy: major illness, bereavement, infertility, a really bad run of economic misfortune etc.)

senua · 14/08/2017 09:37

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon. I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far

This is the bit that I don't understand. What hotel allows you to self-cater? If you are going to self-cater and are short of funds, why not do it at home anyway?

Sell it to friends and family as a nice party. Everyone likes a nice party. If they ask, you can mutter something about the anniversary. But don't advertise it as an anniversary party (except perhaps to parents and Best Man and MoH).

NancyJoan · 14/08/2017 09:37

I know lots of people who have had a 10 yr anniversary party, I think it's a nice thing. It's just a party, a chance to get friends together. Don't renew vows, though, it always seems a bit dodge to me.

pictish · 14/08/2017 09:37

Admittedly I'd probably not give up a weekend afternoon to attend a bash for a tenth wedding anniversary.

Bluntness100 · 14/08/2017 09:38

I have friends who do something similar every year on their anniversary. It's great. More a party. But it's an evening event and everyone stays over. Used to do a couple of speeches but that stopped. Speeches are fine. The renewal of vows I'd find a bit cringe.

If It's there and back in one day I think I'd find it a pain and look to stay locally and make a night of it. Afternoon tea I'd find quite dull and someone would have to drive . I'm not sure why you can't do an evening event instead? Paid bar, still self cater. If folks want to stay provide details of how they can book on invite.

thatstoast · 14/08/2017 09:38

I think 10 years is a bit premature but the only anniversary party I've been to was my grandparents' 60th.

And in a selfish way, Wouldn't you rather spend the money on yourselves in a romantic break or a great meal?

beargrass · 14/08/2017 09:38

Ten years seems a bit soon (usually more like 25?) but with people getting married later in life, maybe not.

Party would be a big yes!

Renew of vows? Honestly, I'd be convinced one of you had cheated. Just do the party.

User843022 · 14/08/2017 09:39

God no, far too cheesy Grin.
As others have said anniversaries are for the people celebrating them, until you get to big numbers then you invite family and friends.

DoubleCarrick · 14/08/2017 09:40

I'm amazed that so many people wouldn't go! It's a perfect excuse for a family get together. We have a family summer party every year which coincides with my grandparents wedding anniversary

Rafflesway · 14/08/2017 09:41

Most guests live 1-2 hours away from proposed venue/shitload of prosecco on offer.

Sorry OP but I don't really see the point as people surely won't be able to drink if they need to drive such a distance.

Sounds very nice but I would decline the invitation purely for that reason alone. Recently attended a wedding evening reception 1 hour's drive away - never again! No fun in travelling all that way to drink tea/coffee/diet coke sorry.

PearlyPinkNails · 14/08/2017 09:42

I would probably only go to find out which one of you had cheated.

10 years isn't that long and I'd think you'd had to really circumnavigate some huge issues to want to be making a big deal out of it.

SapphireStrange · 14/08/2017 09:42

Lots of miseries on this thread. I'm Hmm at the people saying it'd make them think someone had cheated. What suspicious bitter minds.

I think it'd be a lovely excuse for a slap-up afternoon tea in a beautiful venue with friends.

5rivers7hills · 14/08/2017 09:42

I'd come but would be less keen on sitting thru a vow renewal.

Afternoon events are great, no one has to stay up late, kids can come. Sounds fun.

2014newme · 14/08/2017 09:43

We had a party to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. It was great. We didn't renew vows, the original ones don't expire!

Laiste · 14/08/2017 09:43

Do you have a lot of parties in your family? (DHs family throw a party when someone farts practically).

Was it a smallish wedding which you're kind of re-creating, with just quite close family?

If the answer is yes to both then i can see it being received quite well.

If the answer to either is no, then i think
a) the furthest away (hour or more) might not bother as it's too big an ask.
b) a few will wonder 'why now'? and think the worst as pp have mentioned

nigelsbigface · 14/08/2017 09:43

I think it's a nice idea. I was going to do similar for mine but we never made it that far in the end Sad.
10 years is something to celebrate-especially if you've had major things like kids happening in that decade- it's a chance to reflect and celebrate with the new friend you will have made in that time as well as your older ones-why not?