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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is this wanky? Would you come?

565 replies

Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 09:17

Hi all,

DH's and my ten-year wedding anniversary is still a little way off yet, but I'm starting to think about putting on a low-key but "naice" event to celebrate with close friends and family (25 - 30 guests), and need to check that I'm not breaking any of the MN rules in relation to wedding-related party planning :)

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon.

I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far - though not sure what guests would make of this...? Most (but not all) guests live within an hour or two of the venue.

Am undecided on whether to do a formal renewal of vows. On the one hand it would give more of a sense of occasion to the day; on the other, I'm aware they can be seen by some as maybe a bit cheesy and self-congratulatory (am not saying they are at all!). I'm not particularly sold on renewing vows for its own sake though - another idea might be a couple of nice speeches to kick off proceedings instead?

We'd specify absolutely no presents, btw, and welcome / cater to the children in the family.

AIBU to wonder whether MNers would a) come and b) approve if invited by close friends or family to something like this...? Or would people be inwardly cringing into their scones and ruing lack of evening booze-up afterwards...?

Mumsnet feedback very welcome - thank you!!

OP posts:

5rivers7hills · 14/08/2017 09:44

OP I don't think MN is really representative of the general population... think about it, all of us on here playing on the computer with virtual friends. Not exactly the demographic that loves parties!

ferntwist · 14/08/2017 09:44

Sounds great, I'd love to come. Love afternoon tea as well. Speeches have the potential to be much more interesting for guests than a renewal of vows. Congrats!

Joinourclub · 14/08/2017 09:44

I'd love to go to a afternoon tea party with added booze if it was to catch up with good friends. I'd feel a bit less happy about having to sit through speeches/vow renewal.

Do you want to celebrate this momentous occasion or do you just want an excuse for a party?
If the former, then do something amazing just the two if you, if the latter, just have a party!!

2014newme · 14/08/2017 09:45

Ours was on the evening was a boozy affair without kids (I consulted with my friends and they preferred that to afternoon event with kids, yours may be different!)

Faithless · 14/08/2017 09:45

I'd come, I would think you just fancied having a party and the anniversary was an excuse. I would also perhaps make a night of it; book a hotel, not bring any kids and go on somewhere else to continue the prosecco drinking after your afternoon do had finished. If I was friends with any other guests, I would invite them along to join in the after party.

I'm indifferent to the marriage vows - I wouldn't do it but I wouldn't judge you for it either. If they were overly soppy or self-congratulatory I might snigger to myself a bit, but it wouldn't put me off you.

pictish · 14/08/2017 09:45

What I think would be really nice is to have a bbq at home with drinks and stuff out for kids. Then when everyone is together you could cheerfully announce your anniversary and both give a short speech about how happy you are and how nice it is to mark the day with friends and family around you. I think people would really like that as a bonus to the afternoon.

Much better than despairing at an empty function room in your frock while the excuses and lies pour in. Sorry to be all doom...but that's what I suspect would happen.

Laiste · 14/08/2017 09:45

Oh i didn't answer would i go. It would depend entirely on how close we were both in distance and friendliness :)

BabsGanoush · 14/08/2017 09:46

You are in danger of it becoming another wedding. It will snowball as - it is doing (wedding venue, vows).

I'm with Bemused in that I would only celebrate 10 years with vows if there had been a significant event in the couples life.

Can you do something closer to home so people do not have to travel? Say "we are celebrating with a meal, please join us".

Original poster

Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 09:46

Didn't realise renewal of vows had the implication of an affair! Definitely not the case here that I know of.

With the ten year thing, OH is a bit older than me, so might be dead by 25th! (Hope not...). We've been through the absolute wringer in the last few years for several reasons (won't bore with the details), so yes, getting this far still feels like a major achievement.

My family are the type to get together for any excuse. OH and I don't have kids, but have to show our face at multiple children's birthday parties each year. This would be the one family event (other than original wedding) that I'd see us as having the opportune to host, to be honest ..

OP posts:

CoughLaughFart · 14/08/2017 09:46

I've no idea why people are saying they find it 'weird'. Lots of people have anniversary parties. Okay, so it's more common for silver or later, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

Have your party and enjoy it. Anyone who finds it 'weird' can simply not go.

Laiste · 14/08/2017 09:47

I agree that holding the do at your own home if you've room would be less ... wanky ... than the original wedding venue

Original poster

Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 09:48

*opportunity

OP posts:

Chickoletta · 14/08/2017 09:48

I think this is a bit OTT to be honest. As others have said, anniversaries are special for the couple but not really relevant to anyone else. Would also wonder whether you'd been through some kind of crisis in the marriage. We just went out for a naice dinner for our 10th anniversary.

BattleaxeGalactica · 14/08/2017 09:48

I might privately think it was a bit wanky but I wouldn't turn down the chance to eat my own bodyweight indulge in free fancy food and bubbly. Am clearly a freeloader

Brittbugs80 · 14/08/2017 09:49

a slap-up afternoon tea

I wouldn't describe sandwiches and prosecco as slap up...

Brittbugs80 · 14/08/2017 09:49

a slap-up afternoon tea

I wouldn't describe sandwiches and prosecco as slap up...

Wheelerdeeler · 14/08/2017 09:49

No. Totally cringey.

If I had money to sparead it would be a luxurious weekend away for us! Who wants to spend their anniversary with other people????

Laiste · 14/08/2017 09:49

In the light of your update - go for it. Why not? I would still get some definite feedback on who'd turn up before booking the venue though. To be on the safe side.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/08/2017 09:49

Sounds lovely, if I were a close friend, I would come. It looks like your having close friends and family.

AnneLovesGilbert · 14/08/2017 09:49

I'd come! It sounds brilliant, and you can make it sweet and meaningful without piling on the schmaltz and making people feeling uncomfortable. Do it! Especially if you've had a rough time recently. Fuck it, you're still standing, your marriage is strong, you're looking happily back over the good things you've enjoyed, the hard things you've survived and to the future, where you'll hopefully have more of the former!

Depends on the people you'd be inviting and what they're like with celebrations. But anyone who's snippy about it wouldn't be a loss anyway.

GiBlues · 14/08/2017 09:50

Congratulations on making it to t n years OP, plenty of people don't do I can understand why you'd want to celebrate even if it is "only" 10 years.

It's actually our 10 year anniversary next year and I've been contemplating a party either at home or where we got married like you OP, but having read the replies on this thread I think you've all made up my mind to bog off to Las Vegas for a few days just the 2 of us.

AmyGardner · 14/08/2017 09:50

I would roll my eyes to be honest.

I don't expect anyone except my husband to care about our anniversary. Can't imagine summoning all of my friends to come and congratulate us for the afternoon.

Bemusedandpuzzled · 14/08/2017 09:51

"We've been through the absolute wringer in the last few years for several reasons (won't bore with the details), so yes, getting this far still feels like a major achievement."

In that case, and bearing in mind you come from a family that loves get-togethers, definitely DO IT! .

I have infertility, and I can relate to what you say about kiddie parties. I do think it can be very healing to have an event of your own. But you don't necessarily need an excuse. You can just organise something JUST BECAUSE! (All that said, I do think 10 years of marriage is a great excuse)!

PandorasXbox · 14/08/2017 09:51

I don't think it's wanky tbf. Some friends of ours invited people to a weekend away when it was there wedding anniversary!

Bluntness100 · 14/08/2017 09:51

See I find afternoon events a pain. Particularly for those with kids. Getting them ready, in the car, at the event, drive them home, it's a long day. An evening event with loads of kids there is fine, they mess about together, dance, can stay up late and parents just need to go back to their rooms when they feel done.

The friend I referenced who does it annually always has a ton of kids there and the kids love it from very young onwards. The adults play with them, they can run a bit riot and get lots of attention. Afternoon for me with kids would be an endurance test especially if I knew we had a long drive home after.

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