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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this wanky? Would you come?

565 replies

Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 09:17

Hi all,

DH's and my ten-year wedding anniversary is still a little way off yet, but I'm starting to think about putting on a low-key but "naice" event to celebrate with close friends and family (25 - 30 guests), and need to check that I'm not breaking any of the MN rules in relation to wedding-related party planning :)

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon.

I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far - though not sure what guests would make of this...? Most (but not all) guests live within an hour or two of the venue.

Am undecided on whether to do a formal renewal of vows. On the one hand it would give more of a sense of occasion to the day; on the other, I'm aware they can be seen by some as maybe a bit cheesy and self-congratulatory (am not saying they are at all!). I'm not particularly sold on renewing vows for its own sake though - another idea might be a couple of nice speeches to kick off proceedings instead?

We'd specify absolutely no presents, btw, and welcome / cater to the children in the family.

AIBU to wonder whether MNers would a) come and b) approve if invited by close friends or family to something like this...? Or would people be inwardly cringing into their scones and ruing lack of evening booze-up afterwards...?

Mumsnet feedback very welcome - thank you!!

OP posts:
greendale17 · 14/08/2017 09:51

Any excuse for a party I would attend

SaucyJack · 14/08/2017 09:52

I'd definitely go if you were paying for it all.

I'd probably go if you weren't. I lead a dull life tho- so any excuse to leave the house does me.

Don't wear your dress tho.

GiBlues · 14/08/2017 09:53

Just seen your update OP.

Sod it have the party you and DH want and everyone that thinks it's wanky or not worth going can bugger off, who'd want miserable judgemental friends like that at a celebration anywayGrin

Lelloteddy · 14/08/2017 09:54

Love a party OP. Love any opportunity to have family and friends together having fun. Go for it Smile

And yes to the notion that when it comes to social interaction, MN isn't representative of 'normal'. A large majority of MNers real out in a cold sweat if someone dares ring their doorbell unsolicited Grin

hedgebitch · 14/08/2017 09:54

It sounds quite nice! I'd come if I was able - though wouldn't go to the lengths of cancelling another commitment to make it, like I might for a wedding. But it's nice to celebrate with people. Plus I like a chance to catch up with relatives in a contained sort of way, and an excuse to put on a frock - when most of the youngest adult generation in a family has already got married, you run out of occasions to do that! I do think you need to be 'we REALLY REALLY mean no presents, do not buy us a present, seriously' when you invite people.

Like PP have said, I'd skip renewing the vows though. All being well you'll be married for quite a few decades, I think you need to get at least one more under your belt before people are going to be up for watching you do vows again. I know weddings I went to 8 or 9 years ago feel like they happened yesterday - if one of those couples invited us to see them renew their vows, to be honest I'd think they were trying to get past some dire marital problem.

Not to say that you couldn't have some private little renewal ceremony for the two of you if it feels like something you want to do. No judgement there. But don't invite people to watch. :)

AyeAyeFishyPie · 14/08/2017 09:54

Blimey MN is a miserable bloody place sometimes. Who doesnt like a scone and prosecco?! I think its a lovely idea - go for it. Renewal of vows - again ignore this crowd, if you want to do it, do it. If you were ultra nervous you could do it in the morning either just yourselves or with close family.

Life is hard enough. Celebrate the happy times.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 14/08/2017 09:55

I'd love to come OP.

Love parties, and love my friends and family so would be there to celebrate with them.

frostyfingers · 14/08/2017 09:57

We had a party, it was great - no vow renewals or anything, just a good meal, a load of booze and lots of dancing for about 80 people. It was really just an excuse to have a party in the end, and we used the tent the next day for a big family lunch to celebrate a christening - which possibly wasn't such a good idea as most of us had the most appalling hangovers.

hedgebitch · 14/08/2017 09:57

Sorry, posted before seeing your update. If you've had a rough few years it's even more understandable wanting to do this. I still wouldn't renew vows in front of everyone, but you could each stand up and say a few words about the other, how you appreciate them and stuff?

RhubardGin · 14/08/2017 09:57

It sounds lovely Smile

The renewal I would say is unnecessary and too stuffy!

But other than that it sounds fab!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 14/08/2017 09:57

I'm of the thinking that vows are for life & do not need renewing unless one of you has broken them.

I'd think it weird that you were having a 10 year Anniversary party, I have pants older then that 🤣 It's like you didn't expect to get that far or something.

Whether I'd come or not would depend on a lot of things, so hard to say really. But 'local' - probably as it seems rude not to, 2 hours away somewhere I wouldn't choose to go for a weekend - probably not. Two hours away somewhere I could book a hotel & enjoy the rest of the weekend, possibly.

Whether I came or not, I'd still be thinking it was well weird.

Why do you want to do this? What's driving it?

Original poster
Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 09:58

Starting to rethink now... :(

So maybe do the afternoon tea still, but at a different venue (more like a village hall), and no renewal of vows etc - maybe just a quick welcome once people are seated and invitation to dig in...?

Wasn't just thinking sandwiches - would do the whole kit and kaboodle cake wise.

We don't have a garden or house suitable for that many, so couldn't do a BBQ unfortunately.

Family are good at turning up to these things and honoring RSVPs etc, so would expect those who said they'd be there to be there (or face being told off by my mum!).

OP posts:
PovertyJetset · 14/08/2017 09:58

I think it's a bit of a big ask of people to travel that far, with one person not drinking so they can drive. And being in a small room with a hoard of kids for the afternoon sounds hellish.

I would also assume one of you had cheated or had a life limiting illness.

Or that you had had a honeymoon at Disney so this was par for the course. Grin

Threenme · 14/08/2017 09:59

OP are your friends nice?? If they are you have nothing at all to worry about! If my friends wanted to celebrate out with us of course we would go and do whatever they wanted. You are being very considerate in that your catering for kids and making it clear you aren't out for presents thus not costing people money. You're just giving them a nice afternoon! My friend had a v small wedding a long way away, abroad with just her husbands family for visa reading maintain etc. Very rushed. They've been married 10 year soon and are planning on having a party. We're going to surprise her with a 'hen do' as she didn't have on first time! Do what makes you happy!

PovertyJetset · 14/08/2017 09:59

Just seen your update- would your mum really strong arm relatives into attending?! Criiiiiiiiiinge!!

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 14/08/2017 09:59

I'm also of the opinion that a ten year party is not an afternoon in a posh hotel event. More a BBQ and piss up job.

My friend had a open mic night at her local (nice country) pub and laid on farm shop bbq for her 40th.

Posnh proseco and sandwiches is more of an older thing to do IMHO, and uless you are older (second marriage?) and expect oldies to come, I wouldn't bother.

Go out for a nice meal w/e break with OH and save your money.

Bemusedandpuzzled · 14/08/2017 10:00

Annie - the OP already answered those questions, if you read the thread.

OP: please do what YOU want. It's your party!

Hulababy · 14/08/2017 10:00

I'd go. Same as I'd go to most parties friends invited to me - if I was free and staying over somewhere wouldn't cost me an arm and a leg! The fact that it was for an anniversary wouldn't put me off any more than if it was just a nice summer get together or whatever.

AyeAyeFishyPie · 14/08/2017 10:00

Ps if people don't want to come I would if you would have me! I would bring you a present and I would love to celebrate your marriage.

You have inspired me to do this for our tenth. Fuck it.

Threenme · 14/08/2017 10:01

Reasons not reading Confused

Nanna50 · 14/08/2017 10:01

Afternoon tea somewhere would be nice for friends and family who don't have to travel far. I wouldn't drive for a boozy afternoon it would mean I either couldn't drink or would have the expense of staying over and eating out that evening.

I would be cringing if I went to a 10 year anniversary celebration and there were speeches, and no one renews their vows after 10 years do they? (That's a whole other thread).

For 10 years I would think just me, my OH and children would go as far as revisiting the venue, and maybe a few very close others, or I would go private dining somewhere. Is there any particular reason why you want to celebrate 10 years by recreating a mini version of the actual day?

ferntwist · 14/08/2017 10:01

Posh prosecco, cakes and sandwiches sounds great to me! Definitely not an oldie thing!

AyeAyeFishyPie · 14/08/2017 10:02

DON'T rethink. If you want to do it, do it. Don't be swayed by M fucking N.

ferntwist · 14/08/2017 10:02

Nanna RTFT

Threenme · 14/08/2017 10:02

People have woken up grumpy haven't they think it's clearly a jokepovertyHmm

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