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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this wanky? Would you come?

565 replies

Crossoldwasp · 14/08/2017 09:17

Hi all,

DH's and my ten-year wedding anniversary is still a little way off yet, but I'm starting to think about putting on a low-key but "naice" event to celebrate with close friends and family (25 - 30 guests), and need to check that I'm not breaking any of the MN rules in relation to wedding-related party planning :)

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon.

I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far - though not sure what guests would make of this...? Most (but not all) guests live within an hour or two of the venue.

Am undecided on whether to do a formal renewal of vows. On the one hand it would give more of a sense of occasion to the day; on the other, I'm aware they can be seen by some as maybe a bit cheesy and self-congratulatory (am not saying they are at all!). I'm not particularly sold on renewing vows for its own sake though - another idea might be a couple of nice speeches to kick off proceedings instead?

We'd specify absolutely no presents, btw, and welcome / cater to the children in the family.

AIBU to wonder whether MNers would a) come and b) approve if invited by close friends or family to something like this...? Or would people be inwardly cringing into their scones and ruing lack of evening booze-up afterwards...?

Mumsnet feedback very welcome - thank you!!

OP posts:
Nancy91 · 16/08/2017 08:32

I love a good party for any reason. Or no reason. Who needs to justify fun?! Confused

Miracle33 · 16/08/2017 09:03

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down.

Hygge · 16/08/2017 09:03

"I would think why on earth haven't you used the money you spent on the party to go away for the weekend with your husband?"

It's because they want to have a party.

I'm sure they've managed the odd holiday or weekend away together in ten years as well. But now they want to have a party.

Asalways · 16/08/2017 09:08

I wouldn't go, sorry. For 10 years I'd rather put a happy congratulatory message on your Facebook page.

User843022 · 16/08/2017 09:10

'I think this whole thread just shows up one thing. Some people prefer one sort of party and event. Others prefer another. '

Exactly. I really don't find it 'astonishing' nor am I 'amazed' at the responses.

People are different Confused. Best thing to do when in 2 minds about something is to think what your own family and friends are like really.

schoolgaterebel · 16/08/2017 09:34

I wouldn't attend an anniversary party. Everybody has anniversaries (I don't think your 10 year anniversary means anything to anyone but you) I think celebrate them should be a private affair, having a party is a bit wanky.

If you really want to throw a party, could it not be for a significant birthday or something similar?

2014newme · 16/08/2017 09:38

Ffs people wouldn't go to an anniversary party just because they wouldn't throw one themselves? I must have nicer friends, everyone we invited came, it was child free, loads of drink and food, live music. Everyone had a great time especially us! It was what we wanted to do and yes it cost a lot but we enjoyed it, so did our guests and we'd do it again!

2014newme · 16/08/2017 09:40

@schoolgaterebel everyone has birthdays too! You'd turn down an evening of socialising with friends, free food and drink and a bit of a shindig because 'everyone has anniversaries'?! " bah humbug!

BertrandRussell · 16/08/2017 09:46

So, let me get this straight.

I invite you to an anniversary party. You say no.
I invite you to exactly the same party on the same day in the same place with the same people and the same catering but call it a 50th birthday party and you'd say yes? WTAF?

alliwantforchristmasis · 16/08/2017 10:26

So a party for party sake is ok but for a 10 year anniversary isn't how strange. Op ask people if the would like to come and only invite those who say yes it will keep the cost down and you'll also know who your true friends are. Have a celebration for the anniversary and enjoy yourselves have fun

manicmij · 16/08/2017 10:27

Sorry but I view wedding anniversaries as personal to the couple. As for all the fuss for 10 years, did you not expect to be together after what is a relatively key short time. If so, all the more reason to celebrate together, alone. I certainly would not attend.

2014newme · 16/08/2017 10:34

Gosh people must be invited to a lot of parties that they would turn down a great night out because they dont believe in anniversary parties

Hygge · 16/08/2017 10:36

Bertrand - that's the bit that I find odd too.

It's not that people don't like any sort of party, or that they don't want to travel. I can understand that, I'm not exactly a party person or a good traveller (although I would and have don't both if invited to things).

It's that they are ruling out the exact same event because it's for one occasion rather than another. Or because it's for an event rather than just because.

"I would come to a birthday party but not an anniversary party, even if they were exactly the same event except that one has birthday cake and the other has anniversary profiteroles"

The only odder bit is the "why don't you just go on holiday instead?"

It's a bit like the OP saying she's thinking of buying a new outfit and being told to redecorate her living room instead.

Hygge · 16/08/2017 10:44

That should say "done both things if invited", not "don't both things."

I have travelled to parties if invited, even if they were not my sort of party. My sort of party would be a good seat by the buffet and being allowed to bring my book. Bonus points if there's a dog at the party.

Sadly not everyone throws a "books, dogs, and battered cheese things with chilli pepper strips in them" party so I have also been to pub crawl parties, everyone on the dance floor parties, and we're all doing karaoke parties because that's the sort of party the host wanted and it didn't kill me to go.

4everhopeful · 16/08/2017 11:03

Wow what alot of killjoys on here! Hmm Think it sounds lovely! Go for it!

When you get married, once you've done the service which is all about the couple, you are effectively then throwing a huge party for your friends and family to celebrate it as the wedding!

We recently celebrated our 10 yr wedding anniversary and had that thought in mind, it's just about bringing your nearest and dearest back together to raise a glass and celebrate with you! What's wrong with that? We debated a venue, but opted for a BBQ at home, mainly just immediate family and a couple of close friends, then went away to a lovely hotel by the sea the next night with kids too! We are also planning on renewing our vows, and to all the negative doubters out there it's cos we are religious, we got married at our local church, same one our children, and us were baptised at, and it holds special memories, so we are more actually planning a private blessing with our lovely vicar, again just us and the kids.. No huge PDA, just a blessing of what we have! Smile

People on here need to stop being so pessimistic and judgey! Each to their own!

Happy Anniversary OP! Flowers

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 16/08/2017 11:07

I think it's a shame that the negative party refusers are putting OP off the idea.
She knows her family and friends, and wouldn't suggest such a party if the majority of them were like the moaners on here

FreakinScaryCaaw · 16/08/2017 11:40

Where's OP? Hope people haven't dampened her spirits?

HouseworkIsASin10 · 16/08/2017 11:47

Nothing wrong with an anniversary party.

Glad you have decided against the vowel renewal (don't agree with them, your original vows are the most important and meaningful).

I'd have a low key party, with no fuss. You can certainly to a little speech thanks for the last 10 years etc.

Original poster
Crossoldwasp · 16/08/2017 12:08

I'm still here Freakin!

Having a bit of rethink all round - there will be a family party in one way shape or form, but probably not in the way was originally thinking.

OP posts:
FreakinScaryCaaw · 16/08/2017 12:23

Do you have a best friend who'll be totally honest with you?

I like value for money so it'd be local church hall with our own food and fizz. People could bring a bottle. We have our own disco lights and speakers so sorted. I love a party Grin

FreakinScaryCaaw · 16/08/2017 12:24

We host dances hence having our own disco stuff. Modern jive/tango

Hygge · 16/08/2017 12:45

OP you should throw the party you want to have.

As so many people on here have pointed out, your anniversary means more to you than to anybody else.

That's not to say that you shouldn't think about your guests, but it is to say that you shouldn't change your plans if they mean a lot to you, because you are the one who will look back on them as either "the anniversary where we could afford to do the party we really wanted" or as "the year I let a lot of strangers on the internet put me off the thing I wish we'd done now."

So if you want a tea party in a lovely venue, have one. The people who love and care about you will attend it even if they would really prefer a burger outside the chip shop or a weekend away as their own celebration.

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/08/2017 12:51

Marriage shouldn't be hard work. If you are married to the right person you shouldn't feel like you are treading on eggshells round your spouse.

Of course it can be hard work!

Dragging a marriage through the tough times is what makes a good marriage. Getting through the sleepless nights and competitive tiredness when/if you have babies. Job losses, health worries, money problems.....all of these make for hard times when it would often be easier to simply walk away. Sticking it out can be be bloody hard work sometimes but hopefully it is ultimately worth it.

Allington · 16/08/2017 13:17

Celebrate the way you want to celebrate! If that's ignoring it that's fine, if it's a romantic couple-y thing that's fine, if it's friends and family that's fine.

Sounds lovely to me - I'd rather an afternoon party than an evening (showing my age), and would happily join friends for tea, whether slap up or slap down Grin

Original poster
Crossoldwasp · 16/08/2017 13:46

Pyongyang - marriage isn't, but life is!

OP posts:
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