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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feed/water kids outside my house?

181 replies

tigercub50 · 13/08/2017 15:49

Kind of following on from DD having friends round but in this case, I mean when she is just playing out but one or two particular friends are outside our house. DD will ask for a drink/ice cream/ biscuit etc & I feel awkward only giving it to her but once you go down the road of feeding everyone it can become expected I guess. I felt mean with drinks as it's a hot day - DD was trying to convince me that her friend's Mum wouldn't let her have a drink at home! What do you all do?

OP posts:
Chamonix1 · 13/08/2017 15:50

I'd probably give them all a glass of water. Ice creams and biscuits I'd draw the line at.
More for me

Stormwhale · 13/08/2017 15:50

I would give drinks but send them home for food.

Rossigigi · 13/08/2017 15:52

I tend to feed the too. I taught my child to share so he will also get other children food too.

gamerchick · 13/08/2017 15:52

Surely you don't bregrudge the bairns a drink? Food and treats fair enough if you don't want to but a few beakers of water won't break the bank.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 13/08/2017 15:52

When i was a kid we all lived in the same street and went to our own respective houses for drinks/snacks.
I seriously doubt DDs friends mum would deny her a drink, more likely she just doesnt want to break off playing to go get one!

vikingprincess81 · 13/08/2017 15:52

I feed/water whoever is at my house at the times I offer small snacks etc (fruit, a biscuit, a yoghurt) and water is available 24/7.
I don't feed other people's kids at mealtimes unless pre arranged with their parents. I cheerfully announce it's mealtime and for anyone who's not my child to go home, and my dc will call for them afterwards.

RatRolyPoly · 13/08/2017 15:56

Personally I'd only give my kid what I was prepared to offer them all, so most likely a jug of squash and some biscuits; why not? I'd send them home at meal times.

Genghi · 13/08/2017 15:56

Food and drink aplenty at my house. I'm not miserly about that in the slightest. Why are you? Can you not afford it? If you can then stop being so rude.

RatRolyPoly · 13/08/2017 15:57

Rereading it, are you saying you wouldn't even give them water on a hot day??

RatRolyPoly · 13/08/2017 15:59

A packet of rich teas is 21p and a whole bottle of double strength squash is also pence... I appreciate times are tough many, but for most this wouldn't be a habit that would break the bank.

WhooooAmI24601 · 13/08/2017 16:00

I feed and water them all. If food and drink budgets are tight I understand rationing, but in our house if one has an ice cream they all do. I assume that's why there's usually a few of them here that don't belong to me.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 13/08/2017 16:00

It can help DC to cement relationships if they are able to share a treat.
Other Mums in my area offer my DC a snack if they are getting one for their own child so I've had to buy some in, to reciprocate.

The absolute cheapest option is ice poles.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 13/08/2017 16:01

It depends on affordability combined with your tolerance level. Perpetually feeding and watering the streets kids becomes expensive, and habit forming. Do you actually want a queue of other peoples children outside your house? Frankly I don't want a whole continual stream of other peoples offspring traipsing through my house to the tap or the loo, and neither do I want to be perpetually getting up and down to make endless cups of squash.

paulapantsdown · 13/08/2017 16:03

Jesus - there are really people who would begrudge giving a few kids a drink and a biscuit?!

The days of your kids being little and running in and out with their pals last such a short time and is one of the loveliest times of childhood - I came downstairs once and there were 12 kids in my back garden!

paintingbutterflies · 13/08/2017 16:04

I wouldn't be thrilled with that paula since you ask!

drinkingtea · 13/08/2017 16:06

Meh it depends - I always give kids water on request including kids playing outside (well my kids ask and take a jug of water). No random kid would ask me for an icecream because I'm scary because the kids in our village are polite, but I'd never give my kids an icecream and not the kid they are actually playing with - if there aren't enough to share or they're fancy then they stay in the freezer til later.

If kids are in my house they get the same as my kids but are sent home for meals.

LoniceraJaponica · 13/08/2017 16:06

When DD was little and had friends round I would provide drinks and biscuits as required. Why wouldn't you?

If she has friends round now over a meal time I would ask if they wanted food and if the answer was yes I would just do a big dish of pasta in home made tomato sauce.

Some of her friends reciprocate and some don't know how to, but I always make people feel welcome in our house.

Juanbablo · 13/08/2017 16:08

I feed and water them too. We all love surrounding a green so it's just a few steps to their own houses but I don't mind.

LinkPlease · 13/08/2017 16:13

You probably feel awkward because it's a bit rude to give your child and not her friends imo. All the parents round here give each others kids drinks /ice lollies etc depending on who's house they're playing outside.

WeAllHaveWings · 13/08/2017 16:13

when ds was young we had a big plastic jug, and plastic cups kept for this. they only every got water or very dilute juice as we learned quickly if we gave out anything nicer/sweeter/fizzy they came back too often for more.

occasionally in summer I'd buy a big bag of ice poles and they could have them.

snacks were never a problem as ds was never a child that snacked (don't know why because we do), but I wouldn't have given him anything in front of other children, if he wanted a snack he could come in for a few minutes to eat it.

Goldenbear · 13/08/2017 16:14

It depends - biscuits and squash are a cheapish snack but some parents don't want them to have either of these things. Fruit if berries is expensive. Apples not so much.

StillDrivingMeBonkers · 13/08/2017 16:14

These then become those children subsequent threads are about -

"X girl over the road comes and knocks for DD at 8am, how can I tell her I want a lay in?"

"I'm not sure where X lives but I cant send her home because she says her mums gone to shopping"

"I think Xs mum is having a hard financial time but she always here at meal times"

I want to take my DC somewhere but X just looks sad and wants to come too, I feel mean"

Whilst I have been that parent who collects all the waifs and strays, it does become wearing after a while.

drinkingtea · 13/08/2017 16:14

still of the kids are old enough to play out why would you be getting up and down to make cups of squash? Your kids serve their own friends, with your permission, you don't wait in them.

notangelinajolie · 13/08/2017 16:15

You are even asking this question?

BeyondThePage · 13/08/2017 16:15

mine are teens now - but we always have had open house.

We currently have my mum visiting, but still have DD16 upstairs playing piano/guitar/mucking about with 3 friends and DD15 outside on the old climbing frame with a couple of the neighbourhood kids. They have a jug of squash and a pack of cheap biscuits in the kitchen - everyone is up and downstairs, in and out - I'd hate for it to be any other way to be honest.
The days where there are just the 4 of us sat watching telly/playing games are fine, but it gets dull when there are too many of them in a row.