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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feed/water kids outside my house?

181 replies

tigercub50 · 13/08/2017 15:49

Kind of following on from DD having friends round but in this case, I mean when she is just playing out but one or two particular friends are outside our house. DD will ask for a drink/ice cream/ biscuit etc & I feel awkward only giving it to her but once you go down the road of feeding everyone it can become expected I guess. I felt mean with drinks as it's a hot day - DD was trying to convince me that her friend's Mum wouldn't let her have a drink at home! What do you all do?

OP posts:
squoosh · 13/08/2017 18:45

If people want to be mugs and hand out all their snacks to random kids off the street, that's their call, I think it's ridiculous that anyone would expect it.

Mugs? Would you ever calm down love. You sound positively pissed off that someone even would dare give a handful of kids a beaker of Robinson's and a hobnob.

Very weird.

Welshmaenad · 13/08/2017 18:47

When we're at our caravan DS(7) can run ragtag with a band of up to 12-15 kids.

I'm happy to make up a jug of squash for them to help themselves to and pop it on the deck but I dot usually offer out snacks - they'd wipe out a multipack of crisps in one go!

I also don't let them all traipse into the caravan, I'd be constantly overrun and I like my peace and quiet - they can play outside!!!

Out2pasture · 13/08/2017 18:49

You do it because when they are older teens you want to know their friends, their parents, and more importantly for them to come home.

retreatwhispering · 13/08/2017 18:53

For playing out, we dole out Ikea plastic cups of water or send out a jug. If it's between meals the DC cut up a couple of apples (if we have them and have enough to share). If we don't have enough, I say 'sorry, you'll have to ask your mum'.

If we have time and CBA, I make a load of stovetop popcorn. Fills them up, you get tons, it's shareable and very very cheap. It's good for the DC to be able to treat everyone sometimes. I have no problems with saying 'not this time', though.

If it's a playdate we feed the visitor of course.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 13/08/2017 18:53

Well DS isn't of age yet, but if he was I could see myself providing light refreshments for him and his friends.

LockedOutOfMN · 13/08/2017 18:56

Can she just take out a water bottle with her, like the ones they take to school / sports?

And come inside for 10 minutes if she is desperate for a snack?

Viviennemary · 13/08/2017 19:00

I think a glass of squash would be fine. But these days so much fuss about allergies and so on not sure if I would now. People sometimes buy cheap ice lollies to hand out if a large gang of friends turn up on the doorstep. Or make their own.

gelnames · 13/08/2017 19:03

Oh dear. What is wrong with providing a jug of squash, a few bikkies and disposable/plastic cups. I wouldn't let them cross the threshold though, draw the line at that one!

The kids will love you for it, and you will be the Pied Piperette of the neighbourhood of course.

Those with kids should take it in turns to do this.

Not to give kids a drink and a bikkie once every now and then is just...

littleshirleybeans · 13/08/2017 19:04

I offer any child who is playing with mine, whether they're in the garden or not. I usually keep ice poles in the freezer, they're dirt cheap.
If I've got it, I'll usually share it or I might quietly explain to my dc that it's too dear etc to give out. If a child is around at a mealtime, I'll ask them to stay if I have enough. If I don't have enough, I'll explain to the child that they're normally very welcome to join us but I just don't have enough to go round.
I grew up with my friends and brother's friends practically living with us as teenagers and vice versa. It was lovely and I want my two to feel that their friends are welcome.
Plus if they're in my house, I know that they're safe. My mum always said that that was the reason she let us have our friends in our rooms drinking wine
when she would probably have preferred to have peace and quiet at the weekend.

user10794etc · 13/08/2017 19:06

I wouldn't give food and I wouldn't expect (or want) other parents to give my kid biscuits and/or ice cream.

If they're thirsty and they ask, I would give them water.

Simple.

GlitterNails · 13/08/2017 19:07

I actually had this issue in my own childhood. I played regularly with two sisters that lived close by. They were 80% of the time at my house - and my mum gave them drinks/snacks as required.

If we were at her house, or playing near her house, she would come out with things for her girls, and skip over me. I always disliked her for it - as my mum or I would have never done that to her girls.

squoosh · 13/08/2017 19:09

A few weeks ago I gave some men who were digging up a bit of the street some Twisters. No doubt I've set a precedent, and they'll be sitting by my front door looking for ice pops from now on...

youarenotkiddingme · 13/08/2017 19:09

I can see your concern.

I've often noticed that some parents will give water/squash and biscuits/raisins to everyone outside yet some send kids back to their own houses.

Sometimes it's the parents not wanting to and sometimes it's financial.

What I would do is judge it by others standards if you're concerned that it'll always be your house they come to as you are the only one dishing it out!

sonlypuppyfat · 13/08/2017 19:11

Anyone comes near my house and they get fed and watered, my DS always had a starving friend who I made pancakes for. DDs friends had a poorly mum so they were hungry so I added more spuds to our dinner and they had a share. I always think it could be my children hungry one day and it's the right thing to do

youarenotkiddingme · 13/08/2017 19:11

I actually give our cleaner (communal area through community) and gardeners (same its community) coffee/drinks and biscuits/cake.

None of my neighbours do it - however I find they've done some favours for me when I've asked!

BabychamSocialist · 13/08/2017 19:13

It's not miserly, I just wouldn't do it. They have their own homes to go to, and as soon as you start giving out snacks and pop and juice, they will hang around expecting it all the time.

They're not cats. They won't just keep coming back randomly because you give them a drink and a biscuit when they come round. If you can't afford a few pence for a biscuit and a glass of water I really do wonder how you're alive. Nobody's on that tight of a bloody budget!

ollieplimsoles · 13/08/2017 19:13

I would give out the food i offered my child too the kids they were playing with.

At meal times i would send home but if i had made enough food i would offer some to visiting child if it was just one or two.

Judydreamsofhorses · 13/08/2017 19:16

When we were kids we lived in a cul-de-sac with lots of other children round about. There was a real mix of ages and everyone sort of played together on bikes, hide and seek, or whatever. I think the OP means more this sort of setup, where there's a big gang of children playing out rather than a few friends round. The "rule" round our way was any/every mum supplied drinks, usually squash, but if you wanted food, ice cream etc you went to your own house unless it was organised that X was going to Y's house.

melj1213 · 13/08/2017 19:19

If my DD9 is playing out with kids in the back street I tend to leave a jug of squash and a few cups on the table in the back yard. She always knows that it's there so she can come and help herself whenever, and is welcome to offer it to her friends too.

The neighbourhood kids all tend to go home for snacks but if DD and a couple of her friends come into the yard from the street and are just sitting at the table having a drink and a rest, I will usually offer them a few biscuits or stick a couple of bags of crisps into a bowl for them to share.

If there is any "special" food - so treats/sweets/stuff where there are more kids than portions available - then they remain in the kitchen. DD is allowed to ask for them but she knows that she will only be allowed to have it if she is willing to share with her friends, and extra portions won't be provided.

longestlurkerever · 13/08/2017 19:21

We have an apple tree. It is perfect for this kind of thing because any "I'm hungry" gets met with "you can have an apple off the tree". Generally they take one - if not I know they weren't really hungry. Wish it had apples on year round.

Original poster
tigercub50 · 13/08/2017 19:22

RTWT - I have repeatedly said water doesn't count! Of course I can afford water & biscuits. I wasn't making a song & dance either! It really would be good to start a thread without ending up feeling properly judged! A lot of stuff with me is just overthinking it but I was interested to hear what other Mums/Dads do. Please don't hate me lol!

OP posts:
montenana · 13/08/2017 19:27

no I don't.

I don't want DD eating a load of biscuits/snacks at other people's houses and I assume other parents feel the same.

a jug of water/squash, yes. but that's honestly it.

Pengggwn · 13/08/2017 19:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

montenana · 13/08/2017 19:31

it's not about affording a packet of biscuits.

it's about filling the kids up with bloody biscuits/snacks. how many biscuits do you let/want your dc eating every day?

DragonBone · 13/08/2017 19:33

My son and his mates (age 10) will always knock and ask for a drink and snack (anything from basic ice pole to a biscuit) I'm happy to oblige x