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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feed/water kids outside my house?

181 replies

tigercub50 · 13/08/2017 15:49

Kind of following on from DD having friends round but in this case, I mean when she is just playing out but one or two particular friends are outside our house. DD will ask for a drink/ice cream/ biscuit etc & I feel awkward only giving it to her but once you go down the road of feeding everyone it can become expected I guess. I felt mean with drinks as it's a hot day - DD was trying to convince me that her friend's Mum wouldn't let her have a drink at home! What do you all do?

OP posts:
LML83 · 14/08/2017 18:05

I don't like giving kids snacks in case their parents would rather I didnt.

I do give them water or diluting juice and some sort of small plain biscuit or ice pole if it's warm.

user1498983411 · 14/08/2017 18:12

That's what farm foods is for! diluting juice and own brand biscuits!! As cheap as chips, also dont mind them coming to my house (garden) that way I get to see that GD is ok!! If I have time I cut up apples and carrots

momof5gmof2 · 14/08/2017 18:15

I used to save empty large pop bottles, and fill them with water and/or watered down juice and freeze the bottles, and my kids would take one out with some plastic cups to share with friends. When it was just one or two of their close friends, I would give lolly's, freeze pops, snacks at times, especially if it was families that also did this with my kids.
That was a big factor for me, if the other mom's of these children are treating your kids, then I would treat them as well. My kids also tended to make friends with kids that well really needed some help at times, (parents were neglectful, etc. my kids trying to help) and so some of these kids ended up almost living at my house, so well I ended up clothing, feeding and housing some of them in a way, as they would rarely go home. They were not sometimes safe going home, but in general I would suggest, if your kids are being treated by their mom's too, then sure, give treats, if not, just give them water or a drink but send them home for food. I also found with 5 kids, bring tons of others to our garden for playing, baking was a good way to feed snacks economically or make up a bag or two of microwave popcorn for a cheap snack. I used to get my kids to have water bottles themselves when out playing or going to the park as well, and they could fill them up if at people's houses, and some of their friends would do that here as well.

user1457213512 · 14/08/2017 18:16

Surely you can give them a glass of water?

Food I can understand as I don't get this craze for constant snacking and grazing, but I like to think adults don't begrudge children a glass of water (not juice/squash though; kids don't need that).

2rebecca · 14/08/2017 18:22

I rarely have biscuits in the house so no-one would get biscuits.If they're hungry they can go home for proper food. I couldn't be bothered washing up drinks for 12 unless I'd invited them round so would send them home for drinks, if under 5 people I'd offer drinks of squash or water, but not if it seemed like my house was the only one they came to. I think it's a matter of degree, occasional drinks and snacks fine, regularly feeding and watering the 5000 no.

2rebecca · 14/08/2017 18:27

For me it's not about not sharing, I just don't do snacks, not for me, my kids or anyone else's kids. Have a proper meal or don't bother. If you eat late on an evening then a child might need a sandwich at 4ish but I wouldn't want to give sandwiches to everyone as some may be eating at 5.

StealthPolarBear · 14/08/2017 18:28

I've never heard Ice pops called ice poles before

Gatecrasher61 · 14/08/2017 18:29

Make sure you give them loads of sugar so the kids go home mega hyperactive.

Just a thought....

Original poster
tigercub50 · 14/08/2017 18:31

Ok this now calls for capitals. NO I DON'T BEGRUDGE THE CHILDREN WATER!

OP posts:
Buthewasstillhungry · 14/08/2017 18:32

I don't have much money so I have to be careful.
Also DSD's friend left my freezer door open the other day after checking whether we had ice lollies. Cue an infuriated me defrosting the caked in ice freezer with a chisel and 9pm the other night. little shit

HotelEuphoria · 14/08/2017 18:32

doesnt everyone have those coloured ikea plastic cups? They did when mine were small. Plastic cups on the wall outside and we have an outside tap. Happy to share my Tap Water 💦 with anyone that's wants it.

megletthesecond · 14/08/2017 18:32

I offer water and biscuits if mine are having something. And I buy big boxes of orange ice lollies so they can all have one in hot weather.

Lolabridges · 14/08/2017 18:35

Some people are just so tight arsed and mean, and judgmental, and well not very nice.

Best parents in the world, though I bet your kids might not see it that way when their friends are gasping.

A glass of water/squash a biscuit. WTF is the problem. Get over yourselves and lower your judgy pants now lol.

Hellagoodhair · 14/08/2017 18:39

I'm happy to offer biscuits/diluted juice when there's a big gang. This Summer, boxes of freeze pops have been on special in the local shop so that's been handy! I have to say we seem to be lucky on our road that all the majority of parents are on the same page and take it turn to feed the masses ;)

Original poster
tigercub50 · 14/08/2017 18:46

I'm not mean!

OP posts:
lfrancis12 · 14/08/2017 19:07

Op - please ignore all the mean comments, people have taken your post the wrong way and not properly RTFT.
YANBU - I completely agree that it could get very expensive and unless the child was over for a playdate, I'd only offer a drink and it would be water. If I was giving my DC anything different then I'd make them stay inside until they were finished like I had to as a kid.
As rightly stated, you don't know what allergies a child has and if they are actually allowed what you have offered your DC. Speaking from experience, I had childhood intolerances to red food colouring and cheese (of all things). I would go hyperactive, get silly and start fights with my sister for no reason other than I'd had something I shouldn't.

eulmh · 14/08/2017 21:15

Some quite harsh messages!!!! I'm very giving with drinks and food etc but it does become expected and I have been in tje position where the kids outside have taken the last of what we have in and my husband works away so I can't always get to the shop to get more. My son takes sandwiches to school and has Asd so needs the same thing everyday. I don't keep excess stuff in tje house purely because I'll eat it if I do! It's not a case of being mean it's a knock on effect of several things! But drinks/fruit/toast I'll happily give out

p51642 · 14/08/2017 22:00

I will always give a kid a glass of water if asked but there are certain children I would give food to and certain children I would not. like my neighbours twins... expect expect expect.. no thanks. like my old next door neighbour she had 3 kids I had 1 at the time, I'd go food shopping they would see me come home and every single sodding time I would have put the shopping away.. knock knock knock... can we come and play. 2 mins later were hungry.. ahh I'm so hungry... mmm I like those. my 6 pack of crisps soon became a 2 pack which should have lasted a week for my daughter or even longer... I never denied them food as I thought they must be hungry but they would eat me out of house and home.. not doing it again with my new neighbours kids they can do one.

upperlimit · 14/08/2017 22:05

I have a whole freezer draw of cheap ice pops for this very reason.

aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 14/08/2017 22:07

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I'm not miserly, tightfisted, selfish etc. In fact quite the opposite. I buy £1 bottles of squash that go a long way to be shared out, I buy £1 boxes of ice pops that can be handed out and shared with friends. DS has a tub which is filled to the brim with sweets/chocolates/cake bars which he can do as he pleases between him and his friends (it is kept on top of the fridgefreezer so he can't reach it himself and does have to ask. I actively encourage him to share when he asks for things.

BUT

What I do object to is what one particular child who lives on our walk does, who regularly demands that my DS comes in for snacks, drinks, ice lollies, ice creams, money for the ice cream van, despite DS not always wanting something and saying no to him before coming in the house.

This rankles more, especially after the conversation I heard through the open living room window when DS and Child X hadn't realised I was in the living room and heard every word

Child X - Tell your mam that it's so hot out here that we need ice lollies, and if we don't get one, we will die'.

DS came in and I asked him if he wanted one, he said no, but I sharp let him know what I'd heard X say through the window, and had a conversation about people taking the mickey out of him, especially when the same offer isn't extended to him by said family.

bsbabas · 15/08/2017 00:53

You mean you don't have Brita filter water and apple chips on a tray with napkins and sunblock on standby?

Bobbi73 · 15/08/2017 01:01

I'm just envious of everyone who lives somewhere that the kids can play out. I live in a nice street but the kids can't possibly play in it or they'd all get run over. I spent my childhood playing with all the other kids from the village but that was in the 70's and 80's. I honestly didn't know it still happened

OkPedro · 15/08/2017 01:12

lolabridges yeah I'm just leaving my dcs friends gasping in my front garden. Have a day off will ya Hmm

MrsOverTheRoad · 15/08/2017 05:56

All the people taking the piss out of the OP are obviously fine for money.

"A few biscuits" can be hard to get for some people. And the way some posters are saying "Christ it's a glass of squash"

Fine if you can afford to replace the empty bottle almost daily but not if you can't.

MrsOverTheRoad · 15/08/2017 06:00

My DD has a friend who always wants "more" or "Loads please" or "Can I have a bigger one please? The biggest?"

We budget food strictly and my DC are used to that and eat only their fair share. We're not rolling in it so if all the biscuits are eaten then there are no more for the rest of the week.

To have a child here demanding more is galling...no matter how politely she asks.