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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to feed/water kids outside my house?

181 replies

tigercub50 · 13/08/2017 15:49

Kind of following on from DD having friends round but in this case, I mean when she is just playing out but one or two particular friends are outside our house. DD will ask for a drink/ice cream/ biscuit etc & I feel awkward only giving it to her but once you go down the road of feeding everyone it can become expected I guess. I felt mean with drinks as it's a hot day - DD was trying to convince me that her friend's Mum wouldn't let her have a drink at home! What do you all do?

OP posts:
dafffyduck · 13/08/2017 19:33

If you can't afford a few pence for a biscuit and a glass of water I really do wonder how you're alive. Nobody's on that tight of a bloody budget!

Nobody?

Ok.

BarbaraofSevillle · 13/08/2017 19:37

Well one thing I've learnt from this thread is that some people call ice pops 'ice poles'.

HipsterHunter · 13/08/2017 19:42

Nobody's on that tight of a bloody budget!

Unfortunately they really, really are.

Genghi · 13/08/2017 19:47

@HipsterHunter - Having been really poor, I can happily confirm that genuinely poor people don't tend to scrimp this much on food for kids. My friends and acquaintences would usually join in oblivious at meals and would be happily served up, it was only when I was older did I realise often the parents would go without. But as kids we were always made to feel welcome and loved and wanted by our friends families. That kind of good will goes a long way.

Brighteyes27 · 13/08/2017 19:52

Drink and a small snack or if cheap multi pack of ice creams or lollys if we have enough I would feed them all. Most other mums do same round here.

Pengggwn · 13/08/2017 19:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

melj1213 · 13/08/2017 19:59

I don't want DD eating a load of biscuits/snacks at other people's houses and I assume other parents feel the same.

How many snacks are some kids having? Some people make it sound like there's just a gang of kids going from house to house eating snacks at every single one.

If my DD has a snack it's a biscuit or a piece of fruit or, if she brings friends over they get the same, or I might put a couple of bags of crisps into a bowl for 3/4 of them to share. If DD goes to a friend's house it's usually the same thing.

So whilst it's not ideal, the odd biscuit or two is not going to ruin their appetites. If DD was coming home bouncing off the walls because all she'd done all afternoon was snack at other peoples' houses then it would be an issue, but it doesn't.

dafffyduck · 13/08/2017 20:06

There are some incredibly naive people on this thread.

Just because they can afford to dish out hobnobs and robinsons squash to anyone who so much as stands near their house, doesn't mean everyone can.

Some people can only afford to buy supermarket value biscuits and squash, and what they buy has to last the family however long until the next payday.

Some people might not even be able to afford biscuits and other treat foods.

So when you are sneering at people who don't dish out food to god knows how many kids hanging outside their house, every day of the summer holidays, have a think.

Maybe they just don't have the food to spare.

Of course, if you have invited anyone over for a play date, it goes without saying that they will be fed if it goes over a meal or snack time. But the idea that people think that kids just playing out on the street together should all get fed if one child nips in for a drink and a biscuit is crazy.

Pengggwn · 13/08/2017 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

December11 · 13/08/2017 20:07

I usually provide a jug of squash, and on hot days will offer ice pops to her friends. They check with their parents, and some of the parents reciprocate this too.

YoullShootYourEyeOut · 13/08/2017 20:17

I feed DS's friends when they wander in the house with him, but this is mainly because the other mums seem to feed DS quite regularly when he's playing near their houses.

grasspigeons · 13/08/2017 20:20

We all give the kids drinks in our road, but they will happily get biscuits or ice cream from 9 mums if we don't coordinate a bit.

gelnames · 13/08/2017 20:25

What are "ice poles"?

dafffyduck · 13/08/2017 20:27

Ice pops Grin

MrsHathaway · 13/08/2017 20:37

Ice poles are the super cheap ice lollies that are just brightly coloured juice in plastic film tubes. Also known as Tip Tops.

We don't live in the right kind of street for this kind of playing out so I'm not experienced, but I'm the one at school pick up with "spare" ice pops, biscuits, apples, or whatever it is I've brought today. Whoever said "Pied Piper" wasn't far off Grin Costs us next to nothing but helps our DCs' social life. I always make them check with their parent (with some it's just a case of making eye contact).

So when we were camping recently at a very community / children go feral / collective parenting kind of site I operated on the same principle. Yes you can have a biscuit if I see your parent say yes. Good thing we checked as one mortified dad said the child had been scavenging round every other family Grin

iamyourequal · 13/08/2017 20:46

I will happily dish out ice poles, choc ices, biscuits, sweets and cheap crisps for all the kids to share, or if the younger ones are having a 'Teddy Bears picnic' on the lawn. The only thing that makes me cross is if kids take things and waste/half eat them. Especially expensive fruit and fancy crisps. Wasted strawberries and cherries make me weep!.

gelnames · 13/08/2017 20:48

Thanks for the icepole description!

I know what it means now, had many of them as a kid. But doh, cannot remember what we called them back in the day.

grecian100 · 13/08/2017 20:52

I feed/water anyone within the proximity without a second thought. I was brought up that way and can't help but think it is rather mean to not offer a child if you can afford it. I am born/bred in UK but heritage is Asian, and this is one of big cultural differences I noticed as a child.

Leapfrog44 · 14/08/2017 17:31

Feed them! Share! Teach your child to be generous!

What is the point of living if we all act like miserly tight arses working out how much it will cost to give them a snack?

Leapfrog44 · 14/08/2017 17:38

Miserly people are pretty much the worst kind of people.

Is this an issue of not spoiling appetites or whether to feed them junk; or just whether you want to share what's yours?

PollytheDolly · 14/08/2017 17:43

Rather miserly.
As a fellow mom (and one who fed and hydrated the lot for decades) I would think less of you and discourage the children's friendship.

Really? When there's a dozen of them?

BabychamSocialist · 14/08/2017 17:52

Pengggwn

That's not what I meant. I meant, in general, most people who don't need to use food banks aren't going to miss 17p for a pack of biscuits and 20p for some squash.

If you're using a food bank, that's a different issue and my comment clearly doesn't apply.

Lovingit81 · 14/08/2017 17:56

I think it's really unfair to say someone if miserable and mean when what they could be is bloody poor! I think you need to be reasonable OP loads of biscuits for big gangs of kids is unreasonable if you can't afford it, drinks of water for a few kids-fine. Do what you can and ignore the naive posts on here. If it's about being mean don't be but if it's about money prioritise your family.

BabychamSocialist · 14/08/2017 17:57

daffyduck hipsterhunter

I grew up in a house where there were plenty of times where we struggled. During the miner's strike, we relied on food banks and soup kitchens. Even when we were relying on those, my mum would still feed our friends who had parents who couldn't access those things. You'll find the poorest actually have no problems sharing the little that they have.

My point was that many people on here aren't struggling and are just being misers for the sake of it.

Lolabridges · 14/08/2017 18:03

You can always find something to give the kids if you want to. @daffyduck is right. Those with the least share the most.

I think meanness is absolutely the worst trait anyone can ever have.

And if you are worried about your precious child eating shite, do not let them out of your sight, or go anywhere without you.