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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be scared of the man in the woods

198 replies

Catonsie · 12/08/2017 20:27

I've recently discovered a really scenic run through some woodland beside the local river, and it's become my favorite run. Until this week.

I was rounding the corner into a long straight which is overhung by large trees (so less light) when I heard the noise like snapping sticks ahead - like someone walking over lots of dry wood, only the path is quite clear. I saw the dog first and somehow thought it might be chewing a plastic water bottle in its mouth (similar noise) but it didn't.

Then I saw the man. Big fella wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled low. He was walking looking at the ground so I couldn't see his face at all. As I ran towards him I looked down to see what he was walking on. That's when I saw his feet.

He was wearing one black shoe, one white shoe.

At that point I felt like I was in an episode of Release the Hounds. The noise, the hidden face, the odd shoes, dimly lit woods....

The whole thing was unnerving and I felt really on edge as I sprinted past him. Must have done a record run.

Thinking about it after I think he may be the man that lives in a van in the corner of the car park near where I live (he's tall, same colour dog). If it was him (will check out his footwear if I see him) AIBU to tell him that next time he goes walking in the woods & passes a lone woman to take his hood off (and ask wtf the noise was)? Or am I just too easily scared? And should I buy him a new pair of shoes -because odd shoes makes me think of clowns and I'm scared of clowns- ?

Stupidly it's put me off that run.

OP posts:

Bemusedandpuzzled · 14/08/2017 13:05

Sorry, OP that made me laugh - it's like a bad Stephen King novel. You do sound easily scared. If lone men walking dogs worry you, maybe it's worth keeping your running to well-lit, more frequented areas where they won't be lone men but part of a wider anonymous public.

To be honest, the last thing someone who is homeless needs is for anyone to make them feel like more of a social outcast than they already do.

sirfredfredgeorge · 14/08/2017 13:07

The problem with making adjustments for unknown fears, is that you don't really know what the fears are. A man with a skinhead or tatoos piercings is often considered scary, so he might make an adjustment and wear a hoodie - but of course now he might scare others due to his hoodie.

Crossing the road is less likely to be misconstrued - but obviously crossing back to get back to where you want to be might be. "why has that man just crossed the road and gone round that corner where I'm about to walk past?"

Dealing with unknown fears is too much of a minefield, and has big cultural and regional differences. For most of us when walking in the countryside and meet a stranger, you make eye contact and you say a cheery Mornin' to anyone you come across. When walking in a town you do the exact opposite and avoid eye contact with a stranger. Now a wooded path inside a town it starts getting difficult, and a small villager and a city resident will act differently too.

You cannot make assumptions about how to act to not scare others, you can and should of course do things to manage your own fears which can include avoiding areas, and use instinct to avoid people and situations. Remember though your instincts were most likely to be wrong, and the person was completely fine, but that doesn't mean it was wrong not to act on them.

Justdontknow4321 · 14/08/2017 13:20

Op- your easily scared. I suggest you start running with a friend

Kursk · 14/08/2017 13:34

If you feel uncomfortable, then it's up to you to do something about it. Your safety is your responsibility. You can't expect others to change their behavior.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 14/08/2017 14:09

There was a thread here a while ago written by a man saying he always crossed a street rather than walk behind a woman and scare her

But he isn't on the street. At midnight in the middle of winter.

He's in the woods, walking his dog at the height of summer.

He wasn't doing anything unusual other than looking a bit odd.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 14/08/2017 14:11

For most of us when walking in the countryside and meet a stranger, you make eye contact and you say a cheery Mornin' to anyone you come across

You really don't. Only a handful of many I pass say hello. Am I to suspect the rest who go about minding their own business as obviously having ulterior motives other than walking their dog if they don't feel like saying a cheery morning or hello?

user1492958275 · 14/08/2017 14:14

Haven't read all the replies but I'm thinking maybe he had his hood down and wouldn't look up because of his odd shoes?

Maybe it was an accident?

If I went out in mismatched shoes making eye contact would be the last thing on my mind.

Are you sure he's even homeless?

sirfredfredgeorge · 14/08/2017 14:18

AwaywiththePixies27 As I said "for most of us", I'm intrigued whereabouts in the UK you're walking in the countryside where the greeting is not used (and woods where people exercise their dogs in towns is not the countryside) I suspect the rules mostly come down to how busy the countryside is, rather than the location, so it actually sounds like you're not in the countryside, as there are lots of people...

But no, of course you don't ever assume anything about other people, the only thing you do is modify your own behaviour to make yourself feel comfortable. And as a whole as a society ensure that the few ne'erdowells are caught and prevented.

Nancy91 · 14/08/2017 16:07

Glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks he doesn't have to modify his completely normal and acceptable behaviour!

AwaywiththePixies27 · 14/08/2017 18:33

sirfred you think I'm not in the countryside because lots of people use the, er, available countryside?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 14/08/2017 18:39

and woods where people exercise their dogs in towns is not the countryside

Nope. Wrong again. The Woods is only part of the countryside on our doorstep. I live at the end/back of an estate, next to rolling countryside which is literally, just across the road from us and everyone keeps their windows and doors closed on muck spreading day from neighbouring farms, but sorry, I'm not in the habit of giving out my exact location of where I live on a public internet forum.

AgentZigzag · 14/08/2017 23:29

You don't seem very confident of your opinion Nancy, trying to discredit what I've said by calling me a sexist troll (you said you genuinely thought this, I hope you've reported my posts) and now saying you're glad to have back up when another poster agrees with you.

It's alright to disagree with someone, there really is no need to sling any mud about when you come across people who think differently.

Nobody has to modify their behaviour if what they're doing is legal, but the majority do because they're considerate and sensitive to other people's feelings, which I'm sure your DP is.

You seem to be taking offence on behalf of a group you're not part of, if men don't like the mistrust of some women they come across they can take it up with the numerous violent offenders targeting women that there are about.

CoughLaughFart · 15/08/2017 01:46

I think it's rather sad that you think people shouldn't be offended on behalf of anyone else. Should I not be offended by racism because I'm white?

TwoShades1 · 15/08/2017 02:03

Your not unreasonable to feel a bit scared, I would to. But I also acknowledge that it's a bit stupid to feel scared because it's probably unfounded. Firstly he obviously has a purpose being there - walking his dog. That's normal. Secondly we can't really hold it against him that he is a man, half the population is men. Thirdly we can't hold it against him that he is big/tall, he can't help that and lots of men are bigger/taller than women. Fourth wearing a hoodie isn't unreasonable. Maybe his head is cold, shading his eyes, ears bothered by the wind, headphones in or any other sensible reason for wearing a hoodie. Fifth, not looking at you - you would probably be equally worried if he was staring at you! He may not have heard you or may not be in the mood to be sociable. Lastly the shoes, it's not his fault that clowns scare you. He either made a fashion choice that you don't approve of, doesn't have any other shoes, or slim possibility that he has a mental illness and is incable of choosing matching shoes.

AgentZigzag · 15/08/2017 02:29

But males aren't a disadvantaged group with historically unequal power relations with woman Cough

If you really were determined to compare what I said to racism, then you'd actually be saying white people should make a point of not modifying their behaviour in any way to accommodate the feelings of anyone who isn't white, and that would be unreasonable.

Nancy91 · 15/08/2017 07:57

Agent I'm 100% confident in my opinion, I'm just glad to see that others share it and aren't sexist by thinking that men should not be allowed near women and should have to cross the street to avoid encroaching into their personal space. So yes I am glad to see others that don't agree with quite a bizarre and horrible mindset.

Also, I am able to be offended on behalf of another group of people, hence the fact that I am pissed off by racism, homophobia etc. You are saying peoples perfectly nice husbands and sons should not be allowed to walk on the same side of the street as women, because the women don't want them to, that's not ok.

If a man is a rapist then that is to do with his mindset, not his clothes. This was a man walking his dog in the woods. Which is a normal place to walk a dog. It was a non event.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 15/08/2017 08:28

Firstly he obviously has a purpose being there - walking his dog

Well yes, that's what everyone has been saying since page 1, but I'm wondering what people think of me when I choose to walk back over after dropping the DCs off. I like the countryside, I used to walk for miles and be gone for hours in my younger years.

I've got no dog and no children with me when I do. Do I look odd too?

Bemusedandpuzzled · 15/08/2017 08:31

I am still laughing at someone who sees odd shoes and makes the association "clown" rather than "poor".

corythatwas · 15/08/2017 08:34

Assuming that he is an evil clown murderer, do you have reliable evidence that buying him a pair of matching shoes will exorcise his evil clown murdering proclivities? Don't go wasting your money until you know, OP.

sirfredfredgeorge · 15/08/2017 09:26

I've got no dog and no children with me when I do. Do I look odd too?

describe your shoes.

kali110 · 15/08/2017 10:51

describe your shoes
Omg

kali110 · 15/08/2017 10:52

Op i hope if she's still reading this she's having a chuckle at some of these replies!
It's horrible being scared, ( that bit wasn't u) hope you atleast are feeling better.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 15/08/2017 19:05

describe your shoes.

😂

It depends sirfred. My Wellies have a hole in the back of one of them but it's only noticeable when I have limp (dodgy knee).

If I'm wearing my flat shoes. They have holes in too but they're not odd so I guess I pass? Just.

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