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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared of the man in the woods

198 replies

Catonsie · 12/08/2017 20:27

I've recently discovered a really scenic run through some woodland beside the local river, and it's become my favorite run. Until this week.

I was rounding the corner into a long straight which is overhung by large trees (so less light) when I heard the noise like snapping sticks ahead - like someone walking over lots of dry wood, only the path is quite clear. I saw the dog first and somehow thought it might be chewing a plastic water bottle in its mouth (similar noise) but it didn't.

Then I saw the man. Big fella wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled low. He was walking looking at the ground so I couldn't see his face at all. As I ran towards him I looked down to see what he was walking on. That's when I saw his feet.

He was wearing one black shoe, one white shoe.

At that point I felt like I was in an episode of Release the Hounds. The noise, the hidden face, the odd shoes, dimly lit woods....

The whole thing was unnerving and I felt really on edge as I sprinted past him. Must have done a record run.

Thinking about it after I think he may be the man that lives in a van in the corner of the car park near where I live (he's tall, same colour dog). If it was him (will check out his footwear if I see him) AIBU to tell him that next time he goes walking in the woods & passes a lone woman to take his hood off (and ask wtf the noise was)? Or am I just too easily scared? And should I buy him a new pair of shoes -because odd shoes makes me think of clowns and I'm scared of clowns- ?

Stupidly it's put me off that run.

OP posts:
RandomDent · 12/08/2017 23:16

If it had really beenTammylan he'd have invited you into his van to look at his snake.

squoosh · 12/08/2017 23:28

What Tammylan didn't know about nature wasn't worth knowing!

squoosh · 12/08/2017 23:31

Totally normal to feel creeped out OP. We've all had times where we've encountered someone who got our spidey senses going. And encountering this kind of someone in a forest, where the lighting and atmosphere can be quite eerie, would make your imagination go into overdrive.

Carouselfish · 12/08/2017 23:35

Trust your instincts.
There are plenty of dangerous people out there. Silly to pretend there aren't.
I wouldn't engage him in conversation about anything although you could have yelled 'morning!' as you ran past which might have dispelled any creepy feeling if he'd reacted in a normal way.

user1482443190 · 12/08/2017 23:36

Get a grip. Your mind is doing way too much overtime. Don't run through woods if you are of a nervous disposition. I run.and ride through woods during the winter with a headtourch. I don't ever feel scared.

Maelstrop · 12/08/2017 23:41

Enough people have told you you're BU. Bonkers, frankly. If you're worried, run elsewhere. I do plenty of walks in the middle of nowhere, I'd just go somewhere more urban if I were worried.

WorraLiberty · 12/08/2017 23:44

Fuck off to those who say she is BU

Run with a friend if you can't do it comfortably alone. Or find a safer route. I have been abused but have in the last few years really, really enjoyed the freedom and beauty of running off road. I do have a scarey looking dog though and I wouldn't run off road without her (she's actually an angel but she's a bit 'rough' looking)

Seriously, it's as though some people are only answering the thread title.

If you've taken the time to read the actual OP, are you seriously telling people to fuck off, because they think the OP is unreasonable to tell a homeless man not to wear a hood when walking his dog, and to buy him a pair of shoes that meet with her approval??

AgentZigzag · 12/08/2017 23:51

You'd be naive not to imagine the potential situations coming across a man when you're out running in the woods on your own.

You shouldn't be embarrassed about anything you've written, you've just put the things you felt uneasy about into words.

The only thing that is unreasonable is thinking you should approach him. You should keep whatever you felt/thought to yourself (and whatever friends/family you talk about it to).

There's a whole host of possible innocent reasons why he came across to you like that, and it's not his fault society allows some men to act violently towards some women leading you to feel he was a possible threat.

It's not fair, but if your encounter has made you feel alarmed then it's probably best to find another route to run (who fucking runs in the deep, dark, isolated forest anyway?? I bet you've got a cellar you regularly go down to see what that noise was without putting the lights on haven't you?)

robindeer · 13/08/2017 00:08

I think it's a little harsh the way PPs are jumping on OP. I read the OP as genuinely freaked out and trying to be lighthearted about a situation that had frightened her. It never even occurred to me that she was serious about going to talk to the bloke about his attire Hmm

OP don't be embarrassed. Women have very real reasons to feel afraid when they are alone in situations like this. Nobody should make you feel bad for feeling fear.

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 13/08/2017 00:12

I run frequently, usually in quieter off-road settings.

My spidey-senses have gone off once. I happened to be on my bike that time rather than running. Most men I pass look purposeful in some way, walking a dog, running gear, walking boots. This man didn't. I tend to make some kind of eye contact/ smile/ nod/ "morning" to many people I pass. On this occasion, I felt stared at. I cycled on quickly. I did check over my shoulder and he'd turned and was looking at me rather than continuing. I cycled bloody quickly glad that I had the advantage of the extra speed compared to being on foot. Something felt odd about that encounter, it was more than just a passing look of politeness. It may have been something, it may have been nothing, but it was enough to make me feel very uncomfortable.

It's very easy to feel paranoid as a lone woman in a quiet place. The risks of being in the same spot with a person (usually male) with malicious intent is very, very low, but it's daft to ignore and dismiss that too.

Feeling spooked by a person with unconventional appearance or behaviour is not unreasonable. Challenging them about it after the event, particularly if they have restricted means to adjust that would be unreasonable.

Ineverpromisedyouarosegarden · 13/08/2017 00:35

OP usually on Mumsnet people tell you to trust your instincts and keep yourself safe.

I am not sure what is going on tonight.

YABU to tell him what to do/ wear but you can trust your instincts and not do that run.

Ineverpromisedyouarosegarden · 13/08/2017 00:38

Somewhatidosyncratic puts it much more eloquently than me.

My spidey senses have only gone off once or twice but I always heed them.

You will hopefully never know if they are correct or not. If you do it's too late. Sad

blankface · 13/08/2017 00:43

Follow your instincts, you're trying to put a logical spin on why you feel uncomfortable in that man's presence, hood up, hidden face odd shoes etc.

None of that matters, you picked up something that made you uncomfortable, so trust your instincts.

kali110 · 13/08/2017 01:00

robindeer i don't get lighthearted from the post which is why i asked the op if she is an anxious person ( little things can seem so much bigger)
I don't think she's is u for being scared, she would be massively u to asked him to change how he dresses just because it scares her though.
I know people who wear their hoods up, or hats, caps when they have a bad head. I put my hood up when i go out to try to block people out!

Is there something specific that's worrying you op?

ncbacktoblack · 13/08/2017 01:15

I have a story to make you feel better Wink

I live on the edge of some cliffs and there's lots of woodland and scenic paths. But being so rural it's mostly dog walkers rather than hikers/ramblers iyswim

One day I left my house fuming after am argument with DM and took one of the many woodland paths. Apparently she had driven down and caught me up by joining the same path from the other end (single file path).

What was funny was as she came up to me, she was panting and agitated and insisted that the man behind her was making her feeling uncomfortable. She is of sound mind and not prone to hallucinations Grin

She actually panicked like in a horror movie, 'he's coming!!' So when I heard him round the corner I stepped in his path I wouldn't do this now

'What do you want?'
'I'm just walking my dog'
'I don't see no dog'
'Wtf you crazy bitch he's behind me'

Dog rounds the corner.

But mum was terrified and although I have no idea what the fuck I was gonna do if he was a serial killer it wasn't smart squaring up to him, in my defence I had just spent a year living in croydon Grin

Autocorrect just changed that to croydon't. I'm thinking of moving back. Maybe it's a sign Grin sorry for hijacking the thread!

kali110 · 13/08/2017 01:17

I don't think you need to be embarrassed op, read the posts, some of us clearly can't even dress ourselves Grin

diamond49 · 13/08/2017 05:14

So ncbacktoback a man has to justify his reason for going for a walk by having dog? I honestly think some people feel their so-called spideysenses are justification for persecuting men who are minding their own business.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 06:52

it never even occurred to me she was serious about his attire

AIBU to tell him that next time he goes walking in the woods & passes a lone woman to take his hood off (and ask wtf the noise was)? Or am I just too easily scared? And should I buy him a new pair of shoes -because odd shoes makes me think of clowns and I'm scared of clowns Hmm

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 06:53

Exactly WorraLiberty.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 06:58

usually on Mumsnet people tell you to trust your instincts and keep yourself safe

I am not sure what is going on tonight.

Nobody is telling her not to. They're just saying she can't reasonably tell a dogwalker to take his hood off when he's walking his dog or give him new shoes because he looks a bit odd to some folk.

GahBuggerit · 13/08/2017 07:07

Just sounds like a man walking his dog. My dp is big and used to wear a hoodie when walking our dog and probably wouldn't make eye contact with a lone woman in case he made her feel nervous. Yabvu

The odd shoe thing is weird but dp did once put odd wellies on when rushing!

Painfulpain · 13/08/2017 07:08

Most of the people on this thread are as thick as mince. AIBU is a cess pit.

Of course she isn't going to approach the man with new shoes, she is scared of him

Trust your instincts OP...there is a strange man in a small woodland where I walk my dogs. Absolutely get the feeling he is biding his time. I never walk there in the dark anymore

But, I would say, just because he was there once doesn't men he will be again...if his intentions were innocent. Maybe go again with a friend

Stressalot42 · 13/08/2017 07:18

What an odd thread! Just don't go that way??

The man has every right to be there as much as you!

And for all the drama llamas "Trust your instinct, we are conditioned to ignore stuff" totally over the top, OP is not forced to run this way. So she can stop as of now!

I don't like fast rides they scare me, I don't go on them!

OP doesn't like the man in the woods, don't go that way then.

SIMPLES

Saucery · 13/08/2017 07:20

Could have been dealing drugs, it happens in all sorts of areas. I have once or twice come across men, with their hoods up and little satchels, pretending for all they are worth that they are Not Really There. Turning away, hurriedly studying phone or just avoiding eye contact. DH has come across them too, as he walks in the evening on the same route. No harm in them, well, not to people who don't want to buy whatever dodgy stuff they are selling.
But YANBU to feel uneasy, as a lone woman running.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 07:23

Most of the people on this thread are as thick as mince. AIBU is a cess pit.

You sound lovely. Hmm

She said the man lived near her and asked if she WBU to tell him to keep his hood down whilst walking in the woods.

Pretty conceivable she might do re the shoes too.