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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared of the man in the woods

198 replies

Catonsie · 12/08/2017 20:27

I've recently discovered a really scenic run through some woodland beside the local river, and it's become my favorite run. Until this week.

I was rounding the corner into a long straight which is overhung by large trees (so less light) when I heard the noise like snapping sticks ahead - like someone walking over lots of dry wood, only the path is quite clear. I saw the dog first and somehow thought it might be chewing a plastic water bottle in its mouth (similar noise) but it didn't.

Then I saw the man. Big fella wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled low. He was walking looking at the ground so I couldn't see his face at all. As I ran towards him I looked down to see what he was walking on. That's when I saw his feet.

He was wearing one black shoe, one white shoe.

At that point I felt like I was in an episode of Release the Hounds. The noise, the hidden face, the odd shoes, dimly lit woods....

The whole thing was unnerving and I felt really on edge as I sprinted past him. Must have done a record run.

Thinking about it after I think he may be the man that lives in a van in the corner of the car park near where I live (he's tall, same colour dog). If it was him (will check out his footwear if I see him) AIBU to tell him that next time he goes walking in the woods & passes a lone woman to take his hood off (and ask wtf the noise was)? Or am I just too easily scared? And should I buy him a new pair of shoes -because odd shoes makes me think of clowns and I'm scared of clowns- ?

Stupidly it's put me off that run.

OP posts:
tethersend · 13/08/2017 17:05

Just to clarify- it's not the hoodie itself that is scary. It's a man using his hoodie to obscure his identity in a deserted place which is scary.

Why is it not his responsibility to avoid scaring women?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 17:06

It's not deserted though is it?

Our woodland is used by many people going to school / work / walking their dogs /just exercising.

You can't reasonably go around asking a man who was walking his dog minding his own business to keep his hood down in case he scares people who don't expect anybody else to be there.

sirfredfredgeorge · 13/08/2017 17:07

tethersend because having a hood up outside is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. Having cold ears is not a reasonable adjustment to irrational fears.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 17:08

It's a man using his hoodie to obscure his identity in a deserted place which is scary.

What makes you think that's the reason? Lots of the dogwalkers wear hoodies on our route. With them up. Mainly because they've all had unfortunate bird poo related incidents and chucking your hoody in the wash is less gross than having to wash numerous bird shit out your hair.

tethersend · 13/08/2017 17:09

Is it any more reasonable to ask a woman to avoid a place she enjoys for fear that someone is going to hurt her?

tethersend · 13/08/2017 17:10

The OP states that his hood was up and 'pulled down'.

Saucery · 13/08/2017 17:11

Lol at having to have your hood up to avoid bird shit. Yes, I'm sure that's why the young guys you see hanging around have their faces obscured by hoodies. Pigeons.

Holowiwi · 13/08/2017 17:11

He has every right to have it up in the middle of the woods with his dog. If someone has a problem that is their issue not his.

Nancy91 · 13/08/2017 17:13

Let's just ban hoodies altogether

There should be a dress code for dog walking

And we should be afraid of all men at all times

Rodhullstvaerial · 13/08/2017 17:18

Trust your instincts, women are conditioned to be polite and ignore them

Conditioned by who? I must have missed the memo.

GahBuggerit · 13/08/2017 17:25

I think making someone responsible for the feelings they evoke in others due to their state of 'normal' dress is quite a dangerous road to go down.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 17:25

Lol at having to have your hood up to avoid bird shit. Yes, I'm sure that's why the young guys you see hanging around have their faces obscured by hoodies. Pigeons.

Well the ones in the estates no. But you tsnd to get more than pigeons when walking through proper dense woods Hmm but I've walked a woodland route for years now and it's that unscary people walk home from the pub through it on new years eve at 2am.

The man had every right to be there as the OP. But yes someone must tell him to dress more conservatively in case he unintentionally scares anyone.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 17:27

I think making someone responsible for the feelings they evoke in others due to their state of 'normal' dress is quite a dangerous road to go down.

Completely agree GahBuggerIt

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 17:31

Is it any more reasonable to ask a woman to avoid a place she enjoys for fear that someone is going to hurt her?

They BOTH have every right to be there. Looking a bit odd does not = axe murderer.

LakieLady · 13/08/2017 17:39

He may be very self-conscious, have scars or facial tattoos that he's embarrassed about. He may have really acute social anxiety and feels more comfortable with his face partially concealed.

I've had clients with each of the above. They would all keep their hoods up or wear hats and sunglasses, and some would avoid eye contact too. One of them had an emotional support dog, too.

LakieLady · 13/08/2017 17:43

Awaywiththepixies, it's a butcher stripe apron, too - who knows what assumptions people might have made. I could have terrorised half the county!

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 17:47

See now LakieLady I'd probably befriend you, just so I could have a fuss of your dogs and try and wangle some free cake. But only after I've compared done a risk assessment on you to how odd looking all the other dogwalkers were that day. Wink

CoughLaughFart · 13/08/2017 18:05

For those saying I'm dictating dress code, I don't think you realise how intimidating it was to be alone passing a big man who concealed his face and did not look up as I approached. I was actually scared. It all felt wrong.

So you were scared to walk past him, but wouldn't be scared to go up to a complete stranger and tell him to put his hood down when he walks past you?

This just doesn't add up.

CoughLaughFart · 13/08/2017 18:10

Why is it not his responsibility to avoid scaring women?

He's not scaring women. One women is interpreting his behaviour in a certain way, despite him not having come near her.

sirfredfredgeorge · 13/08/2017 18:13

Is it any more reasonable to ask a woman to avoid a place she enjoys for fear that someone is going to hurt her?

Yes, because her fear is not specific enough - it's a fear just of hoodies, another a fear of anyone wearing green, or someone in jogging attire or carrying an umbrella.

If the fear is a reasonable one - area to dangerous for any one to be alone, then that needs to be addressed, it's not addressed by asking people to avoid it so as others can feel safe. That would need fencing and a ticket system, which is ludicrous, better policing etc. is what would really be needed.

However, these areas are not in general in any way dangerous and the only response is to choose yourself to avoid if your fears are higher than normal - so everyone else can continue to enjoy - or to make your own allowances, go with friends, go at specific times of day, quickly move away from people who make you feel uncomfortable, learn methods for your own protection etc.

LakieLady Was your butchers apron also covered in blood?

Whiterabbitears · 13/08/2017 18:26

If you think that men should dress in order not to scare women then by that reasoning do you think women should cover up so they don't arouse men? You're blaming how someone dresses on other peoples thoughts and behaviours.

oldlaundbooth · 13/08/2017 18:53

When I bump into weird people on quiet paths I avoid those paths in future.

Katiekatie37 · 13/08/2017 18:55

I walk my dog in a hoodie think your being a bit ridiculous , he didn't even look at you.

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2017 19:25

If you think that men should dress in order not to scare women then by that reasoning do you think women should cover up so they don't arouse men? You're blaming how someone dresses on other peoples thoughts and behaviours.

This ^^

And can we please remember the poor guy appears to be homeless, as he's sleeping in his van?

He may well have had his hood up because he's been unable to wash his hair/face/have a shave.

VestalVirgin · 13/08/2017 19:41

YABU to think his wearing a hood and mismatched shoes indicates any more threat than the simple fact of his being male.

You can't help being scared, of course, but it would be more useful for your safety if you looked for off behaviours instead of dressing styles.
A man in a nice suit who walks too close to you, looks at you in a weird way, etc. should set off more alarms than a guy in mismatches shoes.

If you think that men should dress in order not to scare women then by that reasoning do you think women should cover up so they don't arouse men? You're blaming how someone dresses on other peoples thoughts and behaviours.

Are you fucking serious? Fear is a FEELING, which cannot be controlled by the person who experiences it. It is very different from the ACTION that is RAPE, which men DECIDE to do.

Get a grip.