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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be scared of the man in the woods

198 replies

Catonsie · 12/08/2017 20:27

I've recently discovered a really scenic run through some woodland beside the local river, and it's become my favorite run. Until this week.

I was rounding the corner into a long straight which is overhung by large trees (so less light) when I heard the noise like snapping sticks ahead - like someone walking over lots of dry wood, only the path is quite clear. I saw the dog first and somehow thought it might be chewing a plastic water bottle in its mouth (similar noise) but it didn't.

Then I saw the man. Big fella wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled low. He was walking looking at the ground so I couldn't see his face at all. As I ran towards him I looked down to see what he was walking on. That's when I saw his feet.

He was wearing one black shoe, one white shoe.

At that point I felt like I was in an episode of Release the Hounds. The noise, the hidden face, the odd shoes, dimly lit woods....

The whole thing was unnerving and I felt really on edge as I sprinted past him. Must have done a record run.

Thinking about it after I think he may be the man that lives in a van in the corner of the car park near where I live (he's tall, same colour dog). If it was him (will check out his footwear if I see him) AIBU to tell him that next time he goes walking in the woods & passes a lone woman to take his hood off (and ask wtf the noise was)? Or am I just too easily scared? And should I buy him a new pair of shoes -because odd shoes makes me think of clowns and I'm scared of clowns- ?

Stupidly it's put me off that run.

OP posts:
Ceto · 13/08/2017 07:49

What on earth is the "stereotypical dog walker"? Surely it's just someone who owns a dog that needs exercise? That means tens of thousands of people - do they all fit the same "type"?

Winterview · 13/08/2017 08:19

His behaviour and style of dress didn't fit the stereotypical dog walker

Matching shoes are the norm. When you break such a fundamental social and cultural norm people wonder why. Different colour shoes might be the norm in a very hip club, but not in the woods walking your dog!

Winterview · 13/08/2017 08:31

From my experience (appreciate others may have different experiences)... most dog walkers in woods wear boots/trainers and casual clothes/rain jacket and nod or say hello when you pass.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 08:31

Winterview I can assure you. I have seen some very questionable getups from some dogwalkers when I've done our route.

The only thing I have ever thought is that they are in their dogwalking clothes.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 08:33

Not all say hello Winterview. One is an ignorant pig who sees all the school mums as plebs. A couple of others who don't say hello are socially awkward/nervous and keep their heads down as they walk by. I'm spectacularly ignorant some mornings as I've got other things on my mind to be getting on with and it doesn't occur to me to say hello to walkers in case I look dodgy to them.

Laquila · 13/08/2017 09:07

What a thread. Of course you weren't being entirely unreasonable to feel a bit uncomfortable meeting an unknown man alone in the woods on your run. Of course you were being unreasonable to think that you could instruct him to change his outfit for your peace of mind.

I'm sorry he made you uncomfortable, and I can understand why to a certain extent, but I'm afraid he wasn't doing anything wrong.

ittakes2 · 13/08/2017 09:31

It's completely understandable you felt scared.
By the way, he prob made the funny noise deliberately so you were alerted to him being there and so that you wouldn't get a sudden shock in seeing him.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 09:41

Why would you be shocked at seeing another man walking his dog in the woods?

Sounds completely normal to me.

kali110 · 13/08/2017 13:50

Different colour shoes might be the norm in a very hip club, but not in the woods walking your dog!
Winter i can assure you i have never in my life been in a hip club!

sirfredfredgeorge · 13/08/2017 14:01

I can't believe AIBU has talked this woman out of buying a homeless man a new pair of shoes, the poor guy.

BenLui · 13/08/2017 14:09

sirfred is that really what you think happened here? Confused

No one said "don't but a poor man shoes as a kind gesture"

They said "don't lambast a poor, potentially vulnerable man, for innocently walking his dog."

Bluntness100 · 13/08/2017 14:10

Well she wasn't buying him shoes out the goodness of her heart she was doing it because she also has a clown phobia.Hmm

WorraLiberty · 13/08/2017 14:27

I can't believe AIBU has talked this woman out of buying a homeless man a new pair of shoes, the poor guy.

I can't believe that's what you've taken from this thread Grin Grin Grin

LakieLady · 13/08/2017 14:42

His behaviour and style of dress didn't fit the stereotypical dog walker.

I had no idea there was a dress code for dog walking. I don't think anyone else round my way does, either, as I see all sorts when I'm out with the dog.

LakieLady · 13/08/2017 14:56

I can assure you. I have seen some very questionable getups from some dogwalkers when I've done our route.

Same here.

Mind you, I was doing a load of baking one day when I took advantage of a gap between showers to take the dog out.

I was across two fields and on the edge of the woods before I realised I still had my apron on.

Nancy91 · 13/08/2017 15:07

If I was out walking my dog and you told me what to wear, I'd tell you to jog on! (See what I did there? Grin )

Whiterabbitears · 13/08/2017 15:12

So he wears a hoody and has odd shoes and this makes him dangerous? Maybe he didn't look at you because he didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable!

Murderers/rapists can look like 'normal' people, I'm thinking Peter Sutcliffe as an extreme example. They don't always walk around looking dodgy with a big sign on their forehead Confused

GaryNumanIsOlderThanGaryOldman · 13/08/2017 15:18

www.theguardian.com/books/2017/aug/12/maggie-o-farrell-secrets-spent-life-hiding-brushes-with-death

^ the excerpt from her book is spine-chilling

Regarding your experience, I can see both sides.
I was walking down the street, saw big burly dark coated bloke and immediately fight-flight kicked in so crossed over. It was dark, didn't have my glasses Blush It was my now DP wondering what on earth he had done beside looking intimidating.
but
I have also read Gavin Becker, believe in gut instincts and better to be safe than sorry. Always. If that means judging on appearances, so be it.

eatabagofdicks · 13/08/2017 15:40

I was attacked many years ago when out by myself. I never go anywhere particularly isolated alone anymore, that is obviously my issue and certainly not ideal. However if you are worried and your instinct told you to stay away, then trust it.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 16:25

I was across two fields and on the edge of the woods before I realised I still had my apron on.

LakieLady that made me chuckle! Grin

sirfredfredgeorge · 13/08/2017 16:32

I can't believe that's what you've taken from this thread

Well the people not taking clown phobia seriously was another aspect I got, but I do recognise that clowns have a right to exist so didn't want to encourage.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 13/08/2017 16:50
Confused
tethersend · 13/08/2017 16:53

Interesting thread.

The man had his hood up and pulled low.

The OP was scared.

Why is it that the OP must therefore change her behaviour by avoiding this route rather than it being up to the man to change his behaviour by not having his hood up in such a way that it frightens women?

Nancy91 · 13/08/2017 16:57

Tethersend, because if you are scared of hoodies, that's not anyone else's problem.

tethersend · 13/08/2017 17:01

Crossing paths with a man with his hood pulled down in a deserted place would scare most women I think. It certainly would scare me.