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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be scared of the man in the woods

198 replies

Catonsie · 12/08/2017 20:27

I've recently discovered a really scenic run through some woodland beside the local river, and it's become my favorite run. Until this week.

I was rounding the corner into a long straight which is overhung by large trees (so less light) when I heard the noise like snapping sticks ahead - like someone walking over lots of dry wood, only the path is quite clear. I saw the dog first and somehow thought it might be chewing a plastic water bottle in its mouth (similar noise) but it didn't.

Then I saw the man. Big fella wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled low. He was walking looking at the ground so I couldn't see his face at all. As I ran towards him I looked down to see what he was walking on. That's when I saw his feet.

He was wearing one black shoe, one white shoe.

At that point I felt like I was in an episode of Release the Hounds. The noise, the hidden face, the odd shoes, dimly lit woods....

The whole thing was unnerving and I felt really on edge as I sprinted past him. Must have done a record run.

Thinking about it after I think he may be the man that lives in a van in the corner of the car park near where I live (he's tall, same colour dog). If it was him (will check out his footwear if I see him) AIBU to tell him that next time he goes walking in the woods & passes a lone woman to take his hood off (and ask wtf the noise was)? Or am I just too easily scared? And should I buy him a new pair of shoes -because odd shoes makes me think of clowns and I'm scared of clowns- ?

Stupidly it's put me off that run.

OP posts:
Whiterabbitears · 13/08/2017 21:28

Yes I am fucking serious Hmm

But saying that a man should have to worry about wearing a hoody and odd shoes in case he scares a random woman is just as ridiculous as blaming a woman if she gets unwanted attention if she wears a short skirt. Think about it.

Here's a grip back to you Hmm

AgentZigzag · 13/08/2017 22:31

'But saying that a man should have to worry about wearing a hoody and odd shoes in case he scares a random woman is just as ridiculous as blaming a woman if she gets unwanted attention if she wears a short skirt.'

I can see how you might come to that conclusion but you're ignoring the fact that a disproportionate number of men violently attack women.

Just because both of those examples involve women being put at a disadvantage doesn't mean men shouldn't try to do something about it.

Most men are aware of the fear and intimidation some women might feel under certain circumstance and would be more than happy to modify their behaviour to seem less threatening.

Pulling a hood down to conceal your face when you're in a wood with few people around is intimidating.

Even more so if he's being obtuse and pretending it's not.

Nancy91 · 13/08/2017 22:36

He probably wasn't pulling his hood down to conceal his face, maybe his ears were cold or he thinks it looks cool or it is comfy etc. He can do what he wants if he isn't harming anyone - which he wasn't.

Anyone who thinks this man is somehow in the wrong is fucking mental! How would you cope with a real problem?!

AgentZigzag · 13/08/2017 22:52

'maybe his ears were cold or he thinks it looks cool or it is comfy etc.'

I know our weather's shite Nancy, but it's hardly that cold in July.

And looking cool for who? The local gansta squirrel gang?

It's unreasonable of you to make out MH problems must be responsible if a woman feels threatened by a bloke when they're alone in the woods.

They're totally legitimate fears.

Nancy91 · 13/08/2017 23:02

If she is afraid to be alone in the woods then why is she going into the woods alone?

My partner wears his hood up when he can't be bothered styling his hair. He is entitled to do that.

He might want to look cool in his own opinion, for his own self esteem.

The solution to this is for her not to run there alone any more. He doesn't have to change his behaviour to accommodate her bizarre fear of hoods or men harmlessly walking their dogs and not even looking at her.

PS, it's August

lottieandmia · 13/08/2017 23:05

I firmly believe that if you have a bad feeling about someone then it happened for a reason - gut feelings are there to protect you.

So avoid that area from now on
Imo

AgentZigzag · 13/08/2017 23:20

'PS, it's August'

Haha, so it is, I have trouble remembering which year it is they go by so fast, so the months have no chance.

I've got no idea why she'd go into the woods alone, I listen to too many creepy podcasts fucking wouldn't, but would your partner cross over the road if he found himself closely walking behind a woman late at night and there was nobody else around?

If you don't think he would, why wouldn't he?

You're (deliberately?) missing the point minimising this to just a bizarre fear of hoods, It's a legit fear of what some men feel they're entitled to do to any women they come across.

FreudianSlurp · 13/08/2017 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottieandmia · 13/08/2017 23:29

He didn't do anything wrong at all but if I had a bad feeling I'd just avoid that situation.

I certainly wouldn't confront him about his shoes or posture the next possible time I saw him 😨

Nancy91 · 13/08/2017 23:39

Agent, no my partner wouldn't cross the road to avoid a woman. Why should he? Why does she own the path? He wouldn't expect a random woman jogging towards him to assume he is a rapist just because he is male. That's a disgraceful opinion but I can see that's what you're getting at.

Why should he modify his own behaviour because some other men assault women?

How sexist are you?

AgentZigzag · 14/08/2017 00:06

Grin at it being sexist to suggest men might change their behaviour to make women feel less threatened in certain situations.

It's not women's or the majority of men's fault that women feel forced into watching out for signs that they're at risk of a violent attack, and out of certain areas alone/at night (even though it's more likely to happen when they get home).

Acknowledging that doesn't mean or change anything.

I would prefer to give your DP more credit than you obviously do though, I don't think he'd deliberately carry on doing something he'd know for sure made a woman feel uncomfortable, if such a simple solution of crossing the road was available.

You're saying he'd be thinking 'I'm going to walk right up behind that woman despite knowing the woman will be thinking she's going to be attacked. After all, she doesn't own the path FFS!'.

I don't think so.

Painfulpain · 14/08/2017 06:23

OFGS, I think we can safely assume that OP has encountered men with their goodies up multiple times UN her life time and not been scared.

Obviously, it was part of a bigger picture which is difficult to convey in words.

I remember my creepy man; one morning stood very still at the top of the path I was walking up. 'Man stood very still on path' does not capture how threatening the situation was

AwaywiththePixies27 · 14/08/2017 06:57

, It's a legit fear of what some men feel they're entitled to do to any women they come across.

Exactly what legit fear do you think this man was trying to instill in the woman, who just happened to be minding his own business and walking his dog? Confused

Nancy91 · 14/08/2017 08:04

Agent, I genuinely think you are trolling now

Surely nobody thinks men shouldn't be allowed to walk on the same side of the street as women because some men in the world are rapists?!

Painfulpain · 14/08/2017 08:57

Nancy ALL the men I know are conscious that a woman might feel threatened/intimidated by them, if alone/late at night etc. Are there really men that don't realise this??

Nancy91 · 14/08/2017 09:30

Sure he realises that some women might be frightened of him through no fault of his own, but that doesn't make him a second class citizen that has to cross the street that he is already walking on because a woman doesn't want him walking near her.

How ridiculous and sexist.

Painfulpain · 14/08/2017 09:52

How on earth do you think that would make your husband/a man a 'second class system'

Most normal people are more than happy to make other people feel safe/more comfortable at no cost/great effort on holiday their part

Nancy91 · 14/08/2017 10:23

"Second class citizen". Because he wouldn't be allowed to walk on the same side of the road as a woman because she is assuming all men are out to assault her. What don't you understand? You are saying he isn't allowed to walk where he wants to for the crime of being born with a penis. He hasn't done anything at all, not even acknowledged this woman. He simply walked his dog and a woman jogged near him!

I have been sexually assaulted before but I don't expect men to be psychic and know that, and I don't expect them to go well out of their way not to walk anywhere near me. I'm not afraid of all men because of the actions of a minority.

The OP shouldn't go into the woods alone if she is so afraid. That solves the problem.

Painfulpain · 14/08/2017 11:39

So dramatic. Ridiculous

Whiterabbitears · 14/08/2017 11:44

nancy91 I'm with you on this one

popcornpaws · 14/08/2017 12:30

I wear a hoody when I walk my dog, pulled up and head down, its about not being eaten alive by midges!

JacquesHammer · 14/08/2017 12:36

I think we can safely assume that OP has encountered men with their goodies up

To be fair that would be a WHOLE different thread Grin

In this situation neither party is unreasonable. The OP INBU to have felt uncomfortable but this isn't the sort of situation where she can manage someone else's behaviour because they were doing nothing wrong. Therefore her only option is to modify her behaviour and avoid the situation.

eatabagofdicks · 14/08/2017 12:46

There was a thread here a while ago written by a man saying he always crossed a street rather than walk behind a woman and scare her.

parrotseatemall · 14/08/2017 12:59

Id be terrified too, but I would not go running in the woods on my own, personally. I get scared very easily.

However YABU to tell him what to wear, that's a bit much.

The odd shoes probably just added to your unease, nothing intrinsically sinister about them!

kali110 · 14/08/2017 13:01

popcornpaws
I wear a hood up a lot either cause i like to block out people.