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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to not want my child’s (non serious) accident on TV?

227 replies

CarolinePenvenen · 12/08/2017 17:17

Some years ago we were at a family event and my then 4yo got a whack in the face from another kid during one of the party games. It was a hard whack, she had a black eye and was in a lot of pain and very distressed but it wasn’t serious.

At the time I was told that a (young) family member, let’s call him Raymond, had videoed this incident and wanted to send it to a well known tv show that shows all these mishaps for a laugh, the intention being to make a bit of money out of it. I said no. Was still cross/a bit upset about the incident and generally cheesed off about the idea. They got a bit pissed off about it but no more was said.

Now my dd is 9 and it’s come up again. Basically Raymond sent it in anyway and now they’ve said they want to use it. He’s now also offered dd half the money. I’m still not keen but have left it up to dd to decide and she has said absolutely no, she’s not bothered about the money (and she’s usually very fond of money!). She’s a worrier and a sensitive soul and hates the idea of being laughed at. Family now think we’re massive spoilsports and taking offence where there is none. I should add that I detest this show with a passion although dd has been known to watch it!

If you’ve got to the end of that, AIBU?

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 13/08/2017 22:58

I've never understood YBF or those similar programmes. Why would anyone want to watch someone else get hurt or humiliated.

Just schadenfreude. But I hate those shows too. And Raymond. I hate Raymond.

Manal82 · 13/08/2017 23:11

Totally agree with what a previous poster had said regarding writing to the company and letting them know that you have never signed an image release form for said video and your are not willing to now. I believe (and could be wrong) that it's to do with intellectual property rights - they can't just use the video if you've already objected. I did some modelling years ago and kids do a bit now and I always read and re-read any image release forms I'm asked to sign for reasons like this. I hope this helps 😉

Abbylee · 13/08/2017 23:56

If Raymond does not understand that a) your daughter was hurt and doesn't find this funny, b) she has a choice and it is NO, then his parents are going to have a long and unhappy life with this spoiled, narcissistic child.

My children understand right from wrong, right to privacy and kindness. Those lessons have not been properly taught to him. Children need to be taught that family comes before money and one does not place personal gain before someone that you hurt. Apologies not humiliation are in order.

squeekums · 14/08/2017 00:48

Id be cutting contact to any family member who agrees with raymond and raymond himself. If you cant respect my or my child wishes your dead to us
How dare he completely disrespect and humiliate your daughter and you cos he wants a laugh and quick cash
Disgusting, no respect, no family love

Ava7Susan · 14/08/2017 01:00

This reply has been deleted

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ChocolateDoll · 14/08/2017 01:06

Is Raymond filming the wedding? I'd watch him if I was you.

whatkatiedidnext31 · 14/08/2017 07:27

They DO replay the videos! My husband was best man at a wedding and ended up in a film that got sent in. We see it quite often on there.
Yanbu.

Bassface · 14/08/2017 07:42

I'm pretty sure they need your consent as your daughter is under 18 or Raymond will have signed something/ticked a box to say he has permission. Either way it's worth emailing YBF and asking. [email protected]

manicmij · 14/08/2017 09:31

There will be legal implications of someone using film of a person under 16 without permission. So a NO is a NO. Whoever took the video or parents should not have allowed film to be sent in again without formal permission. Ask the family if they want to get involved in litigation, that should stop them in their tracks. Photos, videos of under 16s is a very sensitive subject and must be treated with sensitivity.

Original poster
CarolinePenvenen · 14/08/2017 10:13

Thank you all for your thoughts, they’ve been really helpful in thinking this through. I’m pleased to know I’m not suffering from some awful Precious Firstborn-itis! Especially as DD2 is the sort of child that would be more likely to be holding the stick! Hmm

I feel I should defend Raymond a bit here (!) having a few more facts to hand now. When this happened he was a daft teenager. He sent the film off with a view to making a bit of cash. They sent him the forms, his dad stepped in and told him he should check with me which they did and I said no. A bit of “ooh you’re such a spoilsport” then it wasn’t mentioned again. The reason it’s come up now is that the show contacted him and asked if he was still interested. That’s when my dad told me about it and I again said no which has been passed on to Raymond (now a young man with a good job and no need of a quick buck) and there have been a few rolled eyes and people thinking I’m overreacting but they’ve said that’s the end of it, especially as it’s dd1 that has said no and my dad knows what a worrier she is.

I believe that’s the end of it. I don’t have anything to do with Raymond as there’s a big age difference but our family generally is a close one and not one given to hurting each other. But we do like a laugh and in this case it was a difference of opinion on what is funny.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 14/08/2017 10:17

That's reassuring. Presumably Raymond will be happy to demand the return of the footage and give it to you to destroy.

PersianCatLady · 14/08/2017 10:17

I haven't read the whole thread but unfortunately as long as the video was taken in a public place, the copyright belongs to Raymond and he can choose what to do with it.

I don't think that it is right but that is how it is.

AngelaTwerkel · 14/08/2017 10:24

Presumably Raymond will be happy to demand the return of the footage and give it to you to destroy.

Are you posting from the 80s? Grin

Good result, OP!

TransvisionTramp · 14/08/2017 11:01

Ahhh ok, we'll let Raymond off then! Wink
Hope it's the end of it for you OP

PoorYorick · 14/08/2017 11:10

Well, I assumed he'd sent it in on DVD, especially as it was five years ago, and that the show wouldn't copy it until they had all permission forms, but maybe not. Either way, he should be happy to delete it in front of OP.

WindyWednesday · 14/08/2017 11:32

Jedimum it wasn't my DC, but the parents didn't follow it up because as they didn't fill in the consent form or get paid they assumed it wouldn't be shown. It was some time later when someone said "oh, I saw the DC on YBF" it gets repeated quite often. It was sent in 7 years ago and it's still getting aired. It was a funny one.

So don't assume they won't air it if there is no consent.

Also I heard a radio interview with Harry Hill afterwards and he made a wry comment about YBF, saying "good luck getting the £250, from YBF"

JanKind · 14/08/2017 12:42

Definitely nbu. Her choice. Raymond can take a hike

boobymama · 14/08/2017 16:15

Well done you !!! Brilliant parent and very rare today. Well done protecting your child and your rights XXXXX

DasPepe · 17/08/2017 09:22

@PerisanCat Lady then perhaps you should have. The copyright issue was resolved on page 4 of this thread. You're not wrong at the base but there is more to it.

PersianCatLady · 17/08/2017 11:38

@PerisanCat Lady then perhaps you should have. The copyright issue was resolved on page 4 of this thread. You're not wrong at the base but there is more to it
I should have done but could you tell me about how the copyright issue was resolved on page 4, please?

Jennica28 · 26/08/2017 18:58

OP just seen YBF on ITV1 (A-Z of Growing Up) today & there was 2 videos of girls being hit in the head/face instead of the pinata - thought you might like to know, just in case they've used it anyway....

I hope one of the clips isn't the one of your daughter.

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 01/09/2017 17:01

OP just seen YBF on ITV1 (A-Z of Growing Up) today & there was 2 videos of girls being hit in the head/face instead of the pinata - thought you might like to know, just in case they've used it anyway....

Hope that isn't the case, Jennica! Just read the whole thread, totally with the OP and her dd on this one. No means no.

coriliavijvaad · 01/09/2017 17:05

That is horrifying if that has happened. You did explicitly tell them that there was no consent, didn't you?

Ttbb · 01/09/2017 17:13

What is wrong with these people? They sound like real nobs.

Jennica28 · 03/09/2017 10:13

I'm hoping it isn't the case too Haggis but I wanted to let the op know just in case they have shown it without consent.

I'm with the op too - her daughter doesn't want it shown, that should be the end of it.