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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to not want my child’s (non serious) accident on TV?

227 replies

CarolinePenvenen · 12/08/2017 17:17

Some years ago we were at a family event and my then 4yo got a whack in the face from another kid during one of the party games. It was a hard whack, she had a black eye and was in a lot of pain and very distressed but it wasn’t serious.

At the time I was told that a (young) family member, let’s call him Raymond, had videoed this incident and wanted to send it to a well known tv show that shows all these mishaps for a laugh, the intention being to make a bit of money out of it. I said no. Was still cross/a bit upset about the incident and generally cheesed off about the idea. They got a bit pissed off about it but no more was said.

Now my dd is 9 and it’s come up again. Basically Raymond sent it in anyway and now they’ve said they want to use it. He’s now also offered dd half the money. I’m still not keen but have left it up to dd to decide and she has said absolutely no, she’s not bothered about the money (and she’s usually very fond of money!). She’s a worrier and a sensitive soul and hates the idea of being laughed at. Family now think we’re massive spoilsports and taking offence where there is none. I should add that I detest this show with a passion although dd has been known to watch it!

If you’ve got to the end of that, AIBU?

OP posts:
VinoTime · 13/08/2017 17:55

My DD (10) is like yours. Hugely sensitive - a very sweet little soul who worries far too much. She wouldn't take well to the idea of being laughed at in this way, either. If your DD has said no, then that's that. Tell Raymond to do one.

He had absolutely NO RIGHT to hand over footage of somebody else's child to a TV programme without permission. That would make my head spin 360 degrees, OP. The bloody cheek of him.

YANBU!

Disn3yN3rd · 13/08/2017 17:57

What a horrible little creature Raymond is!

allwomanR · 13/08/2017 17:57

Definitely email the production company and state you do not give consent for it to be used, data protection laws will apply, and especially as it is a minor involved there may even be a way to complain if it is subsequently shown as there will be T&Cs your relative will have agreed to I suspect...

lynnedn555 · 13/08/2017 17:57

I agree with all that has been said.
Nobody likes to be laughed at and at that tender age it is important what her friends think.
I hope it's not shown anyway but it seems that is out of your hands.
I'm quite new to this site and don't know what AIBU stands for, can anyone tell me? Thanks in advance

ataraxia · 13/08/2017 18:01

YANBU and your daughter's reaction is proof that you made the right decision in the first place. As you say, she's sensitive and so would likely be upset if any of he primary school spotted it and told everyone, even if it was just gentle ribbing.

Always looks like a lot of those videos are staged so if 'Raymond' and family need the cash that much, they should make another video of themselves.

Suggesting that you and your daughter put up with people laughing at her being (accidentally) assaulted and hurt for circa £125 is not a great message IMO, and would be bad enough from amongst adult friends let alone from family members to a child. Do they really want her to think cash is more important than consent? That other people's preferences and entertainment are more important than her own feelings? That she needs to give in to peer pressure to avoid being seen as a spoilsport?

The very fact that it would be a lot of money at that age (or any age, tbf) and she's still certain about this should tell Raymond and family something. I'd be making sure they know exactly how shady this is and that they should never pressure your daughter again. Given that he's betrayed your trust to this extent, I think I'd also be asking for him to give up the tape/file and any copies (including checking if it's on YouTube). Finally, contact the TV company to make sure there are no 'misunderstandings' about approval.

LakieLady · 13/08/2017 18:03

YADNBU. I think both your and DD's positions are entirely reasonable. I hate the idea of people's images etc being in the public domain without their consent.

I was bloody annoyed when my picture was put on the website of of my employer at my last job, and got it taken down. Where I work now, they never asked for consent to do that until I asked them to confirm that the picture they took for my photo ID wouldn't be used for anything else.

I didn't even like it when my mum rang me one evening and told me that she'd seen me in the background during a piece that was on the evening news! I was only leaving a building while a presenter was doing a piece to camera from the pavement outside, but it still made me feel uncomfortable.

It's weird really, because I'm not shy at all when I meet people - quite the opposite.

Hope you manage to stop it being included OP.

Wormulonian · 13/08/2017 18:12

I have the same clips (many decades old with the dates blurred out) on several YBF type shows (UK and US) who knows where the clip will end up being seen - I'm sure the production companies trade them. absent I don't regularly even watch these shows - I just see the odd clip when my DH is watching (to wind me up)

I feel for contestants on really old game shows, some 20 or 30 years old that get shown on Challenge. I'm sure when they entered catchphrase or bull's eye in the 80's they didn't think it would be being shown in noughties!

You are doing the right thing by your DD - good luck!

Wormulonian · 13/08/2017 18:13

My opening sentence above should read - I have seen the same clips ...

gemma19846 · 13/08/2017 18:14

Id contact the show and tell them they do NOT have your permission to show it

sleeponeday · 13/08/2017 18:15

Your daughter was hurt. It was her accident. Why the hell does Raymond feel he has the right to profit from it, when she, and you, refused permission, and he's just ignored you and tried anyway?

Raymond's parents need to give their heads a wobble if they are annoyed with you/DD over this. The person they should be annoyed with is their son.

exaltedwombat · 13/08/2017 18:22

I guess everyone who knows her has seen the video already, and no-one else will recognise her from that long ago. But please yourself.

NewPapaGuinea · 13/08/2017 18:26

Haven't read the full thread, but these videos get sold on to other similar shows around the world so it won't be just this country it's seen. If your DD doesn't want it aired then that should be the end of it.

NoraButty · 13/08/2017 18:26

Her face, her choice.

Daffodilcrazy · 13/08/2017 18:39

Can you contact the show and make it clear there is no consent? YANBU!

heedee · 13/08/2017 18:39

@lynnedn555 it means 'am I being unreasonable' 😊

AlmostAJillSandwich · 13/08/2017 18:44

Why the hell does he still have the footage 5 years post incident?

ProtectandSurvive · 13/08/2017 18:45

No. They are being unreasonable. Your daughter does not have to sign a release form, nor do you. Without that they can't show it.

TippyTinkleTrousers · 13/08/2017 18:47

in my bed worried she's having a heart attack

I was that child, I had horrendous health worries.

If it makes you feel any better, I don't as an adult. I really feel for her.

My irrational, childish mind is wondering if she's a Virgo 😳

Cagliostro · 13/08/2017 18:55

I would assume he lied about being DD's parent too :( I also wouldn't trust that Raymond has dropped it either, even if his dad believes he has. I would still phone the TV company and see if they can trace the details to ensure his video isn't shown. He might be hoping that you won't see the show and he'll still get his money.

Slimthistime · 13/08/2017 18:57

What an evil git he is
Id contact the show
Wouldn't trust him one bit

AtlantaGinandTonic · 13/08/2017 18:58

YANBU. She hasn't consented to being on this programme, so no. I agree with a PP who said to write to the company and expressly forbid them from using the footage.

PoorYorick · 13/08/2017 19:18

I can't believe Raymond has reached adulthood without learning the difference between laughing with someone and laughing at them.

Let us know what happens when you contact the programme. I bet the skunk has already contacted them and said he has consent.

mineofuselessinformation · 13/08/2017 19:21

I'm very late to this thread, but will post now what I would have said earlier.
I really struggle to watch that style of tv programme - I'm always left thinking how much the 'funny accident' must have hurt the person involved, and struggle to find any humour in it.

frieda909 · 13/08/2017 19:31

I disagree with those saying she won't be recognised so it's not a big deal. It was only 5 years ago. It would only take one parent or older sibling who was there and remembers the incident to blurt out 'hey, I remember that! That's OP's daughter!' and it could easily get around at school.

Plus even if the chance of recognition is absolutely minuscule, the fact that the possibility is causing OP's daughter so much stress should be reason enough.

What kind of parent would want to teach their daughter that they should put up with being terrified and embarrassed for the sake of £125?

qazxc · 13/08/2017 19:32

Yanbu, dd has the right to have control over her image. She's very clear that she doesn't want the footage to be public. Tbh I think it should be suggested that the clip be destroyed to give your DD peace of mind.