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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to not want my child’s (non serious) accident on TV?

227 replies

CarolinePenvenen · 12/08/2017 17:17

Some years ago we were at a family event and my then 4yo got a whack in the face from another kid during one of the party games. It was a hard whack, she had a black eye and was in a lot of pain and very distressed but it wasn’t serious.

At the time I was told that a (young) family member, let’s call him Raymond, had videoed this incident and wanted to send it to a well known tv show that shows all these mishaps for a laugh, the intention being to make a bit of money out of it. I said no. Was still cross/a bit upset about the incident and generally cheesed off about the idea. They got a bit pissed off about it but no more was said.

Now my dd is 9 and it’s come up again. Basically Raymond sent it in anyway and now they’ve said they want to use it. He’s now also offered dd half the money. I’m still not keen but have left it up to dd to decide and she has said absolutely no, she’s not bothered about the money (and she’s usually very fond of money!). She’s a worrier and a sensitive soul and hates the idea of being laughed at. Family now think we’re massive spoilsports and taking offence where there is none. I should add that I detest this show with a passion although dd has been known to watch it!

If you’ve got to the end of that, AIBU?

OP posts:
TransvisionTramp · 13/08/2017 19:43

The fact that Raymond sent the clip in when he knew you'd said no, shows what an entitled little shit he is. The family should be fuming with him not you Confused.
Echo PP who say to put it in writing tonyhe TV company.

Tapandgo · 13/08/2017 19:44

Diabolical some idiot wants to humiliate your child on TV.
I'd threaten him with 'action' if it were my child - and definitely put my objection in writing - recorded delivery. Kids can be cruel at school / the adult needs to grow up.

TransvisionTramp · 13/08/2017 19:44

*to the TV company! (Stupid iPhone)

Catscatsandmorecats · 13/08/2017 20:01

Hi OP, as PPs have said, it looks like Raymond has been untruthful (and broken the law) if he has signed a release that states he has your permission for your DD to be shown.

I too have worked in TV, with these kind of releases and with children. There is no way anyone at the production company would want to show it and cause your daughter distress if they knew about it. You need to call, and email them so it is in writing, to say any release given on your DDs behalf is not true and that you do not give consent for her to be shown. It needn't be stressful or intimidating and you don't need to be angry with them. If you want some help with doing this, direct message me, I'm happy to lend a hand.

I don't hate these shows, I've had family members really enjoy seeing their silly clips on them and getting £250 but that was with the happy permission of all involved. In this case Raymond is really being a dick.

Writermom22 · 13/08/2017 20:01

Please, please, double check with a solicitor about who owns the rights to the image/video.

If the rights are held by the person who shot the video, then you can't do anything to stop Raymond giving the go ahead.

I'm not 100% sure, which is why I'm saying go check.

frieda909 · 13/08/2017 20:40

There's a lot of information, misinformation and conjecture on this thread about copyright and image rights and so on. People are really trying to be helpful but I think they're missing the point a bit.

Assuming that the OP is in the UK, then I can promise you that no TV company is going to go ahead and use footage of a 4-year-old when the parent has explicitly said no. They just wouldn't dare. It doesn't matter who technically owns the copyright to the video.

This has been confirmed on this thread by several TV producers, as well as being quite clearly stated on the YBF site (again, assuming the show in question is YBF). My partner who works in TV has also confirmed to me that this is the case.

CasanovaFrankenstein · 13/08/2017 20:53

Stick to your guns - anything screened is public domain and "out of the bottle" and make sure you contact the production company.

Cubtrouble · 13/08/2017 21:08

Raymond is a twat.

Say no and write to tv telling them no for good measure. If it gets used anyway sue them. Bloody ridiculous. What is funnt about a little girl getting hurt?

Maybe you could video yourself giving Raymond a slap and send that in instead ahahahahahahahahaha

Faith77 · 13/08/2017 21:09

Explain to "Raymond" and your extended family that your daughter has an automatic right to privacy, and the airing of the video tape is in breach of that legally recognised right. Your daughter would not only be entitled to half the cash, she would be entitled to sue for damages, which would, in all likelihood, be far higher than the £125 the brat is expecting to make from allowing others to find humour in your daughter's injury. The production company/TV show would also be liable for damages, I believe. My advice would be to put in writing to both "Raymond" and the TV show that you are withholding consent for the video to be shown, and that you will consider any and all publication of the footage to be in breach of your daughter's privacy, and will take legal action if it is made public. This will also cover any You Tube type uploading. Hopefully it will make him think twice about his actions. (I am a photographer, photographing for the press and private family clients, so I know the laws surrounding my subjects' right to privacy vs my own copyright - and it is NOT in my favour, just as it is not in "Raymond"s!)

Advicewouldbelovelyta · 13/08/2017 21:16

Have you emailed or called them just to make sure they're aware that you do not give permission?

Jedimum1 · 13/08/2017 21:17

Those clips are always repeated in some Christmas special, it's likely that somebody in her school would recognise her, even if not from her class. Kids have nothing else to do but spend hours on the On Demand service trying to find the clip again. It would end up on YouTube. She would be known as the piñata girl. The adults in your family are underestimating social media and the fact that it stays there forever. That video is a goldmine for potential bullies. Not in a million years I'd let that on YHBF. I agree with you OP. I'd also contact the producers and mention that you do not give your consent, in case Raymond sends it nevertheless against his dad's will.

WindyWednesday · 13/08/2017 21:17

Someone in my family sent in a video to you've been framed. There were loads of consent forms and stuff, so they didn't fill them in and thought ok, it's not worth all the hassle for £250.

BUT! YBF aired it anyway. Didn't pay the £250 to family member. It gets shown all the time, was seven years ago. Involved children and adults getting hurt.

Frazzled50yrold · 13/08/2017 21:22

There's such a clear message here that your child is entitled to privacy and that an accident should not be turned into a cheap laugh for strangers. It's an important message for everyone and I think you need to really hold out on this one even if some of your family don't seem to understand.

Pigface1 · 13/08/2017 21:27

Pretty unanimous responses on this thread but just thought I'd say I think YA definitely NBU. Also I definitely think you did the right thing by leaving it up to your DD. Now that she's said no that absolutely ought to be respected.

Jedimum1 · 13/08/2017 21:29

windy have you/your family contacted them? They need to take children's privacy seriously.

ImNotWhoYouThinkIAmOhNo · 13/08/2017 21:38

You need to stand up for your DD on this. She doesn't consent, so it's a big fat no. Raymond - and the rest of the family - need to respect your DD's position. Your DD has the right of veto over this.

Jeanneweany · 13/08/2017 21:38

You can insist dd face is not shown. Don't think they can air it without your consent. Or your relative wouldn't ask you would he?

p51642 · 13/08/2017 21:40

it's your child and your DD decision they are being unreasonable being annoyed that you won't let them. it's not their choice as it's not their child. end of really.

Italiangreyhound · 13/08/2017 21:46

Of course YANBU at all. This was an incident in which your child was a victim of another child's naughty behaviour and now some twat in the family wants to make money out of it despite you and your dd saying no.

Just tell them no and if they attempt this again you will write to the show and protest at he inclusion of the video clip, most vehemently. I don't know if it will stop the show using it but the threat of it may stop Raymond sending it in. I hope so.

Italiangreyhound · 13/08/2017 21:48

Sorry not naughty behaviour, an accident, but same difference, privacy should count for something! Some people are so cheap to sell out relatives for a few quid!

Potterymum · 13/08/2017 21:52

Really? You said no he mustn't send it and he still did? YANBU at all. I'd be more concerned about Raymond's understanding of the word 'no'. What else does anyone tell him not to do that he does anyway because it's what he wants?
You must put your foot down. I also agree with contacting the producers. Child protection rules must surely have some bearing in the making of the programme so if you as the parent do not give your consent I hope to goodness they listen.

SunnyLikeThursday · 13/08/2017 21:56

The relative sounds deeply insensitive. His mother should be giving him a good talking to, and the video deleted.

RevEm · 13/08/2017 22:37

YA def NBU... and especially as daughter has said no. I wou,d do as others suggest and contact the production company directly.

I've never understood YBF or those similar programmes. Why would anyone want to watch someone else get hurt or humiliated.

VickyRsuperstar · 13/08/2017 22:37

My children have appeared on YBF and it was no big deal. One was filming on his DS and another one got accidentally knocked over by a tire swing because he wasn't looking where he was going. Far from taking the mickey, he's always got a lot of kudos from his classmates for being on the TV when it goes out (it's been on a few times).

However if you don't want it, then your family should have some respect. My kids were very happy and it was their idea to send the clip in so I let them.

pollymere · 13/08/2017 22:53

If she's nine, she needs to give the Production Company her permission to show the clip too. My dd got used in publicity photo on FB without our permission (we had expressly refused). It turned out they needed her permission as well as ours to do it. I would be demanding to know how they agreed to use the clip without it...or let them and then sue...