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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

... to not want my child’s (non serious) accident on TV?

227 replies

CarolinePenvenen · 12/08/2017 17:17

Some years ago we were at a family event and my then 4yo got a whack in the face from another kid during one of the party games. It was a hard whack, she had a black eye and was in a lot of pain and very distressed but it wasn’t serious.

At the time I was told that a (young) family member, let’s call him Raymond, had videoed this incident and wanted to send it to a well known tv show that shows all these mishaps for a laugh, the intention being to make a bit of money out of it. I said no. Was still cross/a bit upset about the incident and generally cheesed off about the idea. They got a bit pissed off about it but no more was said.

Now my dd is 9 and it’s come up again. Basically Raymond sent it in anyway and now they’ve said they want to use it. He’s now also offered dd half the money. I’m still not keen but have left it up to dd to decide and she has said absolutely no, she’s not bothered about the money (and she’s usually very fond of money!). She’s a worrier and a sensitive soul and hates the idea of being laughed at. Family now think we’re massive spoilsports and taking offence where there is none. I should add that I detest this show with a passion although dd has been known to watch it!

If you’ve got to the end of that, AIBU?

OP posts:
frieda909 · 12/08/2017 19:33

Just asked my partner (who works in TV) and he said that ITV will absolutely take it seriously if you tell them that the child is upset and does not want TV. He reckons you can should be able to get it pulled without involving Raymond or his family any further.

But he says email them NOW.

QueenNefertitty · 12/08/2017 19:37

Im a TV Producer - there's no way the prod co could use that without your (as her parent, you would be the one to sign off) consent, so simply do not give it.

PollyFlint · 12/08/2017 19:44

I used to work in television and I'd echo what other people have said about you (or your daughter) needing to give consent for the clip to be shown.

Your family are being total arseholes over this IMO and the TV show in question is appalling anyway - who the fuck gets pleasure from watching a four-year-old getting hit in the face? Fine to show clips of comedy mishaps but the last time I saw about twenty minutes of it, there were quite a few clips in which small kids were hurt/scared enough to burst into tears. Horrible.

FrLukeDuke · 12/08/2017 19:44

If they are about to pay him has he told them it was his child so they think they have permission?
A child being hit with a pinata stick doesn't sound very funny to me. Confused

Willow2017 · 12/08/2017 19:47

YBF is practically on permanent loop on tv. Not only normal programmes but compilations of the same types of clip. Why would anyone think a clip is only shown once?

Tell him to do one, dd says no end of. Offer to whack him in the face with a big stick and send it in and go halves with him.

Oraiste · 12/08/2017 19:49

Raymond is a prick. Email YBF ASAP stating that you and your daughter do not give consent/permission. State also that you have refused Raymond twice and he's not listening and your daughter is very upset. If you want you could add that you will be seeking legal advice. Also state that you want a reply from YBF.

I don't know how old Raymond is, but the rest of the family sound awful putting pressure on you. I would be concerned about YouTube as some your family members don't get the idea that someone might be embarrassed. I am not in any way an expert in this but I might be inclined to have a chat with a solicitor to see where you stand re Raymond distributing it online. Then I might write to Raymond stating my disapproval and lack of consent and what the possible outcomes of ignoring this might be.

Then I'd go low / no contact with them all.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 12/08/2017 19:49

YNBU! Raymond will just have to suck it up. If your DD says no then no means no.

My DD (11) absolutely hated her pic & any videos being taken. Has done for the last few years and I've always only put on fb what she's said is okay to share. She'd be furious with me (and rightly so!) if I ignored her wishes by slapping her face on tv too!

FWIW OP. I think you're the one that has to give consent for the useage. I remember many many years ago I was involved in an incident. It was shown on the local news but then sky news et al got in touch and my mum said absolutely not. They respected hers&their wishes.

Tell Raymond to film himself having an (obviously not too injurious) accident and send that in instead. Wink

FrLukeDuke · 12/08/2017 19:50

Even on a programme like Mrs Brown's Boys where some of the humour involves people being whacked, they have the sense to realise people wouldn't find kids being hit funny.

rogueantimatter · 12/08/2017 19:51

I'd be furious with him. Your DD and you both said no. He doesn't have any respect for you.

FrLukeDuke · 12/08/2017 19:51

Yes, offer to recreate it with someone filming him being whacked with a pinata stick.

JustHappy3 · 12/08/2017 19:52

If it's too late - and Raymond/his family lied on the copyright form then you could probably sue them.
It may be wise to keep copies of any correspondence and to at least threaten to do this if they don't withdraw it.
Copyright is Raymond's but he cannot profit from it without consent of the people featured.

JustHappy3 · 12/08/2017 19:53

Fwiw i think they are being mean and bullying and i think you need to brave the taunts and stop this asap.

SabineUndine · 12/08/2017 19:54

Raymond is a twat. He's probably told the company he's the dad and can give permission. I'd email the production company asap.

pigsDOfly · 12/08/2017 19:56

Oh yes absolutely hilarious to watch a small child getting smacked in the face, and even better, we can send it off to some bloody awful crap tv show and let other people watch it.

Raymond sounds like a dick.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 12/08/2017 19:58

Why does Raymond not have copyright if he took the footage on (presumably) his device?

It's not his child.

Same as me taking a pic of your kids and sharing it without your permission. Which I dont do obviously. But it used to really fucking piss me off when I'd be on fb, someone would comment on someone else's photo, there my DCs would be, on some randoms page who are friends with god knows who, and there next to mine would be the looked after kids. Who I know are looked after because I'm very good friends with the parents etc. That's why schools have to have your written consent to take and share photos of your children.

Gosh I went to an event last week on a whim (well late invitation from a family member that was working there) where a worker was only allowed to take a photo of what DCs had made as I hadn't signed a consent form!

JoWithABow · 12/08/2017 20:00

Just call the production company and ask them not to show it. Here's the number of Granada who make the program (if it's you've been framed)

020 7491 1441

Have a look on the program website and see if there is FAQ about sending in video. Does it say anything about consent esp if under 16. I'd be surprised if not

user7841794168 · 12/08/2017 20:02

*Why does Raymond not have copyright if he took the footage on (presumably) his device?

It's not his child.*

It's irrelevant that it's not his child - he still took the photo. Copyright and consent are two entirely different issues. He has the copyright of the photo but he doesn't have the consent of the parent of the child.

I do street photography and sometimes that means I have photos of children. I retain the copyright of the photos but, without a model release form, I cannot sell the images - nowhere would buy them to use for publicity for example.

ShellyBoobs · 12/08/2017 20:02

YANBU.

I would be livid if I was you/your dd, if it gets aired.

I'm sure you'd be able to sue the tosser if he's lied about having consent for the clip.

In fact YBF won't be best pleased either. Especially as they would have to edit the clip out of the show it ends up in before it can be aired again.

What an arrogant prick he must be.

NancyDonahue · 12/08/2017 20:03

YANBU at all! Your dd has said no so it's a big fat no.

As an aside, YBF was £250 per video 20 years ago, should be at least £500 now.

BitOfANameChange · 12/08/2017 20:05

If he's about to be paid for it, it makes me wonder if Raymond has lied and said it's his own daughter. Or surely you'd have had to sign a consent form already?

AwaywiththePixies27 · 12/08/2017 20:07

It's irrelevant that it's not his child - he still took the photo. Copyright and consent are two entirely different issues. He has the copyright of the photo but he doesn't have the consent of the parent of the child

Yes but you can't sell it without the consent form from the parents can you? Which was sort of my point. Because isn't this what Raymond is trying to do. Sell it without OPs permission?

VilootShesCute · 12/08/2017 20:11

Fuck that Raymond Angry

QueenNefertitty · 12/08/2017 20:11

Yes to what everyone above has said about if Raymond has lied - there is a chance a researcher has taken him at his word-
As this is all over the phone and email (and most contributors wouldn't be stupid enough to lie about being able to give consent for someone else's child...)

I would contact Granada to check - and if it transpires he has, I'd take legal action, regardless of the fact the clip won't be shown. In the event Raymond has been a vile idiot, and signed as her legal parent or guardian, hes committed fraud, whether the clip is shown or not.

Original poster
CarolinePenvenen · 12/08/2017 20:20

OK so Raymond (who I don't really have much to do with) and his father (who is fab and I get on really well with) have sworn that nothing has been signed and as DD doesn't want him to do it, he'll drop it. They still all think I'm nuts but DD not wanting it seems to be a different matter. Father of Raymond is a decent bloke and I don't believe he'd lie to me. He also knows it would cause a shitstorm of a family feud and he wouldn't want that.

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 12/08/2017 20:22

I'd be very surprised if you can just send in a clip of a child if you're not the parent and give permission for it to be used.

So if I'm out somewhere and some completely random child falls over and cracks their head open, I can send my video of the event to this programme and get £250 for it because I own the copyright. Seems a bit out of order. ppp.