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Original poster

To not discipline DS for shouting at an adult

986 replies

riverotter · 12/08/2017 12:37

DS(10) is normally quiet and quite polite. However, he can explode a bit if pushed.

He was at a friend's house last night and I picked him up at just after 8. The mum seemed a bit quiet and this morning she sent a text asking if we could talk so I called her.

Her version is that DS shouted and slammed a glass down on the table and it made everybody feel very uncomfortable. Obviously I asked what brought it on and she said it was because her mum, so his friend's grandma, had offered DS a sandwich!

So I spoke to DS. He started crying Sad and said he did but he didn't really like any of them so kept saying no thank you, no thank you. But apparently the gran kept saying go on, have one, they are nice, I've been making these all afternoon. He said she was waving one in his face when he shouted 'no, I said no.' (I actually taught him that phrase a while back.)

So - discipline or not? I'm not sure how to deal with this. I hate rudeness but I hate people who won't say no for an answer as well.

OP posts:
CauliflowerSqueeze · 12/08/2017 17:08

It's appallingly rude.

Do some role plays
"Sorry but I'm full now"
"Thank you, that looks delicious but I'm completely full"
"I wish I hadn't eaten the quiche so I can enjoy that! Thanks but no"

Nothing to be impressed about at all. He can easily turn something down at age 10 without slamming things around.

LilaBard · 12/08/2017 17:10

"Its not a big leap"

Um yeah, that is a pretty big fucking leap. Stop being goady.

LoyaltyAndLobster · 12/08/2017 17:10

What happens when he's older and his wife does something he doesn't like, or 'annoys' him, and he slams her around? It's not a big leap

Hmm

Oh please just stop it! why would something like that even come to your mind? He is 10 for goodness sake, a 10 year old who was having food forced on him and waved in his face by adults who weren't listening to him, there's only so much a child can take before they crack/explode

Cherrytart6 · 12/08/2017 17:10

No it's not ok for an adult to badger a child to eat. However the child should have still been polite. It's not like the adult was badgering the child to do something outrageous. No shouting or slamming of glass was necessary

LucieLucie · 12/08/2017 17:11

I'd be annoyed they were effectively bullying him into submission into taking a bloody sandwich and also for trying to lay on a guilt trip "I've been making these all day".

Children can't be expected to gave the maturity or perfected people skills enough to deal with pushy, manipulating granny's!

I'd also be concerned that he actually cried when you asked him about it...what happened after he reacted by snapping and slammed the glass? Did they shout at him?

I don't think he'd have consciously meant to slam the glass, I think he had it in his hand trying to have a drink when the irritating pest tried to force him again to take one of her crusty sandwiches and he reacted without thinking.

If it was my son I wouldn't punish,I'd suggest ways of dealing with pushy people but to be honest no matter what he said and no matter how he reacted it wouldn't have been correct as he didn't do what she wanted - she wanted him to take the sandwich.
She was totally wrong and I'd be annoyed he was put in that situation.

Adults are not always in the right just because they're adults. Adults can be arseholes Wink

Migraleve · 12/08/2017 17:11

What happens when he's older and his wife does something he doesn't like, or 'annoys' him, and he slams her around? It's not a big leap

It's not a big leap Hmm

Fresh8008 · 12/08/2017 17:13

Help! They're trying to feed me sandwiches!

How is a 10 yo supposed to understand the intentions of a stranger?
With all the issues and problems children face these days emotionally pressuring children into eating food they dont want and dont need is stupid and dangerous and the adults in the room should have known better.

Why didn't the mother say to the grandmother, 'stop, he has said no'. The child had no where to turn and the adults who should have been looking after him were trying to make him do something he felt was wrong. He is not property and should not be bullied into something he doesn't like.

Grimbles · 12/08/2017 17:13

My nan is a food pusher too. You'd decline various offers of food only to agree to a sandwich to shut her up, whereby she would disappear into the kitchen and come back half hour later with a full on fry up!

So I'm on the kids side with this one.

derxa · 12/08/2017 17:15

Your son should have said 'no thank you' in a calm way until they stopped asking. The End.

Cherrytart6 · 12/08/2017 17:15

Ha! Bullying him to eat my arse. They probably asked him three times which yes is two too many BUT I'm not sure could be considered bullying. Does your son generally have a short fuze? Over react?

userofthiswebsite · 12/08/2017 17:18

He's TEN. 10. A child. What planet are you on?

Um, a planet where you don't shout and slam glasses about when people offer you sandwiches... He's not a little one going through a difficult toddler phase, in which case I'd understand.

'No thank you, I'm completely full and don't want to eat anything else' (or similar) is not that complex a thing for a ten year old to say..

Original poster
riverotter · 12/08/2017 17:20

I think the issue was that he had already said it.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 12/08/2017 17:21

He is 10 for goodness sake, a 10 year old who was having food forced on him and waved in his face by adults who weren't listening to him, there's only so much a child can take before they crack/explode
Amazing how 10yo are old enough to play on tablets, use mobile phones to go on social media website, go to the cinema on their own but when it comes to being able to give a response like cauliflower suggested, they suddenly regress to defenseless poor toddlers who couldn't possibly express their feelings sensibly.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 12/08/2017 17:21

The problem with being 10 and in a situation you can't handle is that most 10 year olds won't just get up and leave as most adults would do in that situation. In fact, if you do that, adults are often shocked and try to stop you.

swingofthings · 12/08/2017 17:22

'No thank you, I'm completely full and don't want to eat anything else' (or similar) is not that complex a thing for a ten year old to say..

Or no thank you, I'm full but they do look delicious, would you mind if instead I took some home with me for my dinner'.

Pengggwn · 12/08/2017 17:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mysteriouscurle · 12/08/2017 17:24

Slamming of glass not appropriate but I can completely understand how a child who isnt as experienced at communicating can lose it when adults are not taking no for an answer. The amount of posters who have said teach him to say no thank you. He said that. No means no as they say around here. Or is it okay to badger and pester someone into doing something they dont want as long as it isnt sex? For the poster who said he should have eaten something he didnt want - WTAF!

Pengggwn · 12/08/2017 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WishfulThanking · 12/08/2017 17:25

I wouldn't discipline my child for that. Yes, slamming down the glass wasn't great, but I teach my children that no means no and that they don't eat when they're not hungry. That's why everybody is fat these days. Eating food you don't want or need. People who push food on you are fucking infuriating.

MN is an alternate universe, anyway. On here it is acceptable for a 14 year old to drink alcohol...get drunk even. Slamming doors is a 'normal teenage response'. Really?! Hmm If one of mine slammed a door at me they would not do it again. I would not be impressed if my 14 year old drank alcohol. And yet, snapping because somebody wouldn't take no for an answer is unacceptable? Hmm
Get to fuck.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 12/08/2017 17:25

Or 'I'm sorry, but I have said no several times. What are you finding hard to understand about that response?' Which I have usd as an adult in a different situation. If you find that a rude response from a child, ask yourselves why.

Crumbs1 · 12/08/2017 17:26

Children should, in my opinion, be encouraged to eat what is put in front of them and not be supported by indulgent parents to grow into fussy adults. Of course they can dislike things but they should still eat it unless there is something wrong with it. Pandering to children's preferences is why we have children who eat cake but not sandwiches. It was a sandwich not dried fish eyes.

swingofthings · 12/08/2017 17:29

Slamming of glass not appropriate but I can completely understand how a child who isnt as experienced at communicating can lose it when adults are not taking no for an answer.
Absolutely, and I wouldn't be shocked at a child doing that. I would be y shocked that this mum didn't think he needed to be told his behaviour was inappropriate and to apologise for it.

Chestervase1 · 12/08/2017 17:30

When you think of all the starving children in the world .............

swingofthings · 12/08/2017 17:30

That's why everybody is fat these days
This did make me laugh. Being forced to eat a healthy sandwich once in a blue moon is definitely the cause of the obesity epidemic in this country, nothing to do with parents giving their kids too much of what they want!

userofthiswebsite · 12/08/2017 17:30

Yes, we know he'd said 'No, thank you'

That's why if he felt it wasn't completely clear that he wasn't at all hungry by just saying that, he could have said something like the examples given above.

There's different ways of dealing with any annoying situation but he needs to learn which ones are appropriate and which ones aren't as he'll need to know that as he gets older and now is a good time to learn.

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