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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask our nanny not to smoke before work?

284 replies

RelaxMax · 11/08/2017 09:08

We have a new nanny - going ok so far, but she obviously smokes just before starting work, and on her lunch break. She very obviously smells of smoke when she comes in, and there's a fainter smell all day.

I hate the smell of smoke but more importantly I've read that third hand smoke on clothing can be harmful to young children and we have a 6 month old.

So I'm not sure what to do - as an employer can I just tell her not to smoke on her working days because of the smell and risk? Or is it none of my business what she does outside working hours?

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 14/08/2017 21:52

I don't understand why people are saying that the nanny couldn't have known it's an issue when I bet most parents wouldn't want their 6 month old around someone who smokes.

And with all the rhetoric surrounding SIDS in the last decade or so, it's understandable why.

Doesn't mean she's bad at her job, but equally I wouldn't risk hiring her.

Supermam · 14/08/2017 21:53

Your child is top priority; there are plenty of non-smokers out there. I'd let her go.

Mittens1969 · 14/08/2017 21:55

Yes I would avoid a nanny who smells of smoke as well. Not just because of not wanting cigarette smoke around my DDs, but also because I hate the smell myself. Also my DH is asthmatic.

Jmcc1 · 14/08/2017 21:56

Ask her politely and then if it continues take a view. I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. If she didn't respect your wishes I'd look for another nanny. Just me though.

Supermam · 14/08/2017 21:58

I meant that there are plenty of non-smoking nannies btw!

Blondeshavemorefun · 14/08/2017 22:53

Been a nanny 25yrs+ and always got asked at interviews if no. Smoked or they requests a non smoker

You were silly not to request a non smoker if you feel that strongly about smoking and smell and 3rd hand effects

Simply say to her you didn't reliese she smoked but you can smell it on her and you don't want her to smoke during working hours and that she must come in and wash hands before starting work

Or

As in probation period say sorry you don't want a smoker around your children. Give her a ref if need be as not her fault

You didn't ask for a non smoker

Maybe contact agency and say that she smokes
And you would like a replacement. They may give you half the fee back. May not. Esp if didn't stipulate no smokers

Always amazes me people who say they gave up while preg yet start smoking again. Why

liverbird10 · 15/08/2017 11:17

YABU in my opinion. As long as she doesn't smoke on your property or around the children, what right do you have to dictate to her about this? None.

Jaxhog · 15/08/2017 11:33

I get that is a good idea to ask during her interview if she smokes. But surely any experienced Nanny will know that smoking is not likely to be acceptable in a non-smoking house? Shouldn't she have asked if is ok?

Since my previous cleaning lady, I now ask specifically for a non smoker. But she was conscious of the potential problem, and asked if I minded. I said no, although it did become a problem as I completely underestimated the impact of the constant smell of smoke. I kept her on, as it was only 1 day a week. But I wouldn't have done if was more days or if I had small children at the time.

TipTopTipTopClop · 15/08/2017 11:39

You were silly not to request a non smoker if you feel that strongly about smoking and smell and 3rd hand effects

If this isn't on your radar, you might be forgiven for overlooking it.

Craigie · 15/08/2017 17:44

We had a cleaner who smoked like a chimney. Made our house stink of smoke just from her clothes. Had to get rid. That's what you'll need to do with your nanny.

SherbrookeFosterer · 15/08/2017 17:56

I am going to be brutal. I would sack her.

If she smells that strongly to tobacco she is probably sneaking off and leaving your child unattended.

LizB62A · 15/08/2017 18:07

and that she must come in and wash hands before starting work

It's not just smokers hands that stink of smoke though - it's their clothes, their hair, their breath, everything....

bsbabas · 15/08/2017 18:14

The best way is to smoke in your PJ's in bed (I know im a bad person) then Chuck your PJ's in the washing machine then wash scrub clean change then just wait until you get home. You could offer to help her quit get her some nicotine gum or a disposable vaporiser cigarette. By the way I you haven't tried to quit you have no idea how hard it is

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 15/08/2017 18:24

I get where you're coming from, OP. If you are a non smoker, and no-one in your house is either, then you most definitely can smell smoke. I've never smoked so can smell it strongly on others. It absolutely stinks. It lingers on the smoker for ages afterwards and makes them smell of ashtray.
I'd like a non smoking nanny around my kids too if I had a nanny.

Reeks all day is dramatisation. I smoke.
As for the above poster I've highlighted - sorry, but the fact you say it's dramatisation and then go on to say you're a smoker just proves it. Smoking does stink but smokers are oblivious to it. It clings to your clothes, your hair however much you think it doesn't.

heartstornastray · 15/08/2017 18:26

I believe traffic fumes are more harmful to the health than third hand smoke. It wouldn't bother me in the slightest, as long as your child isn't breathing up cigarette smoke. However taking walks amongst dense traffic would.

PolarisStar · 15/08/2017 18:28

Get her an ecig she can vape in your house then, no leaving your child unattended like a pp said above Hmm

mydogisthebest · 15/08/2017 18:44

I can smell smoke on someone just walking past them in the street. If someone sits next to me on the bus on train stinking of smoke it makes me feel sick.

I have no children but if I did would definitely not want a smoker looking after them.

My dog went to a new dog sitter last year and came back stinking of smoke. I never used her again

hks · 15/08/2017 19:22

personally i wouldnt employ anyone who smoked as i hate the smell of cigarettes smoke on clothing
One of my dad's district nurses smoke in their car just before comming to change his dressings it lingers in my hallway for ages afterwards ... something i notice about a lot of the council home carers as well ..

Fernanie · 15/08/2017 19:42

I've only read pp1-3, 8 and 9 so apologies if this has already been posted but isnt the risk of cot death higher if babies are regularly exposed to cigarette smoke or particles of it on clothing? That risk would outweigh the nanny's right to a morning fag in my books - I'd get rid I'm afraid.

Lovingit81 · 15/08/2017 20:07

I'd get rid of her. Sorry but the children come first.

sleeponeday · 15/08/2017 20:20

Nobody wants a smoker for a nanny. Everyone would know this. It's not your fault if she didn't give the least indication, including at the trial. You don't owe her anything - you do owe your kids the health advantages, proven, of not being cared for by a smoker. You're paying for childcare - you have choices - why would you want it provided by a smoker? It's sad for her, but that isn't your problem. Your child's welfare is.

TSSDNCOP · 15/08/2017 20:30

I think you're getting worked up on the deception angle.

Here's what I would genuinely do. Ask her if she's smokes-it may not be her smoke but a housemate.

Ask her if she realises that the smell of smoke is coming in with her. You don't like that regarding your kids and your home.

Ask her if she'd desist from smoking as she's about to go on duty or you'll need to let her go. Give her the chance to meet you halfway.

Cumbriagirl · 15/08/2017 20:43

My sister used to be a nanny and always tried to pass herself off as a non-smoker when in reality she smoked - a lot.... even during the day whenever she had the two kids with her. She said she couldn't help it, that she NEEDED it.
She got caught out as one of the kids was seen by its parents play pretend smoking! When questioned as to what she was doing the child replied she was doing what 'nanny' did when they went for a walk. Needless to say my sister didn't keep her job for much longer after that!
That story aside, personally I'd have to let her go as I couldn't have a smoker in close contact with my kid.

diamond49 · 15/08/2017 20:47

Yabu to hire a smoker and then demand her to not smoke in her own time!

kateandme · 15/08/2017 21:36

People saying theyr shower.sorry u still smell of smoke.it never goes.

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