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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask our nanny not to smoke before work?

284 replies

RelaxMax · 11/08/2017 09:08

We have a new nanny - going ok so far, but she obviously smokes just before starting work, and on her lunch break. She very obviously smells of smoke when she comes in, and there's a fainter smell all day.

I hate the smell of smoke but more importantly I've read that third hand smoke on clothing can be harmful to young children and we have a 6 month old.

So I'm not sure what to do - as an employer can I just tell her not to smoke on her working days because of the smell and risk? Or is it none of my business what she does outside working hours?

OP posts:
Atenco · 14/08/2017 20:00

Maybe I'm prejudiced because I'm an inveterate smoker myself, but people who are good with children are not so thick on the ground, so being so pernickerty about something she does in her spare time strikes me as getting your values askew. I'm just glad I am self-employed.

beigebitch · 14/08/2017 20:00

...Affect your child (can't even blame autocorrect here!)

Springishere0 · 14/08/2017 20:08

there are many ways to relieve stress, but a smoker will generally smoke to relieve stress I would assume?

Yeah and a junkie shoots heroin to relieve stress. What a non-argument!

Springishere0 · 14/08/2017 20:09

being so pernickerty about something she does in her spare time strikes me as getting your values askew

Except it's harmful to the children, it stinks and sets a bad example.

MrsHathaway · 14/08/2017 20:12

It was a stupid remark because every penny OP earns over the nanny cost adds to the household coffers; working now isn't just about current salary but career path more generally; SAHPing isn't for everyone; and it's not the topic at hand.

Should I continue?

HotNatured · 14/08/2017 20:15

A smoking nanny is not acceptable. You have a v young baby who she clearly has close interaction with, the baby must smell that gross stale tobacco odour, poor thing. I used to have asthma, even the odour of someone who had just freshly stubbed out a cigarette could bring on an attack, those chemicals are noxious Hmm

Ummmmgogo · 14/08/2017 20:15

yes please do so we can all see how bad mannered you are!

HotNatured · 14/08/2017 20:15

A smoking nanny conjures up quite an amusing image... I need to get out more

sororitynoise · 14/08/2017 20:18

Smokers are disgusting, end of story.

sororitynoise · 14/08/2017 20:18

People who smoke and handle children are some of the most selfish, vile people.

MrsHathaway · 14/08/2017 20:21

The sexism in your proposition that being at all discerning in one's choice of childcare means one ought to chuck in work and become a SAHP because "it would suit you better" has put a bad taste in my mouth.

TipTopTipTopClop · 14/08/2017 20:21

I don't think I could have a nanny that smoked, I hate it too much.

That said, I'd give her a chance to talk me out of it. I doubt most would try, though.

strawberrisc · 14/08/2017 20:24

Such problems.

Ummmmgogo · 14/08/2017 20:26

well done that was much more polite and I understand your argument now. the op hadn't mentioned having a male partner so I'm not sure if I was sexist, she just says we and our so could conceivable be in a lesbian partnership?

rephrased, op I think you would be better off asking the lower paid partner to be a stay at home parent. I have personally noticed that a lot of childcare workers smoke and your language using words such as deceit etc suggests to me that maybe a nanny is not the most appropriate solution for your family? x

user7841794168 · 14/08/2017 20:26

I would never employ a smoker as a Nanny, but now you have it's going to be awkward.

kaitlinktm · 14/08/2017 20:39

Wonder what everyone would make of my TA who vapes in the classroom DURING class?

Shock Shock Shock
I assume the HT doesn't know - haven't you asked her (the TA) not to? I would be concerned in case I could be criticised too for allowing this to go on without reporting it. Some children are bound to have mentioned it at home.

sororitynoise · 14/08/2017 20:44

TA should be sacked.

Colouringaddict · 14/08/2017 20:46

As a smoker myself, I am perfectly capable of not smoking during a working day. I worked in a school and I never smoked at all during the school day.

She's a smoker not a mass murderer. Talk to her, us smokers are perfectly reasonable human beings

user1493059174 · 14/08/2017 20:48

No ifs or buts - she would have to go! Could not stand the smell in my house or around/on my children. How do you know in the future she won't keep nipping off for fag breaks and leaving the children unattended when you are not around.

JeNeBaguetteRien · 14/08/2017 20:55

But Ummmmgogo for many people a nanny is more cost effective than other childcare options, and can be more reliable if children are sick (compared to a childminder or nursery who might not take sick children).

OP YANBU not to want to employ a nanny who smells of smoke during their working hours. It would be unreasonable to drag this out, have the conversation and get it over with.

Ummmmgogo · 14/08/2017 21:05

yes I agree that nannies can be more reliable (but equally if your nanny is ill they can't work but if one member of staff was ill I assume a nursery would be able to open still?)

I have only heard people say nannies are cheaper when they have multiple under 5s to be honest, but I'm in London maybe they are much cheaper in other parts of the country?

WheresYouWheelieBin · 14/08/2017 21:09

It's not just to smoke that lingers on her clothes, she will continue to expel it from her lungs for up to 24 hours after her last cigarette. So she's breathing it out constantly. It's a deal breaker for me.

Ummmmgogo · 14/08/2017 21:12

this needs to be my last post on the thread but I would just like to make it clear that out of the many smoking childcare workers I know I have never met any that just blatantly smoke in front of the kids. also if I needed a job I wouldn't be put off by them saying no smokers I would just assume that meant dont smoke at work not don't smoke ever in your life so be aware of that op xx

scrabbler3 · 14/08/2017 21:23

It's unfortunate that you didn't specify n/s in your job spec. She had no way of knowing that it was going to be an issue and now she's settled into the job and has presumably developed an attachment to your DC. Sacking her seems harsh. However, your DC's wellbeing is the priority.

ZombiesAreClammyDodgers · 14/08/2017 21:33

I wondered when the conversation would turn to a discussion on OP's childcare choices, and I was (sadly) not disappointed.
To answer your question, OP, I would not hire a smoker to look after my children, and it would be a deal breaker for me, although the degree would make a difference. Eg a cheeky fag or two on sat on their own time is very different from someone smoking on their breaks when they watch your children. Also, what breaks? If you're watching children then your lunch break is when they're sleeping, so she's going to your back garden or front garden and smoking?? Nope, wouldn't work for me, esp not with a child so young.