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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask our nanny not to smoke before work?

284 replies

RelaxMax · 11/08/2017 09:08

We have a new nanny - going ok so far, but she obviously smokes just before starting work, and on her lunch break. She very obviously smells of smoke when she comes in, and there's a fainter smell all day.

I hate the smell of smoke but more importantly I've read that third hand smoke on clothing can be harmful to young children and we have a 6 month old.

So I'm not sure what to do - as an employer can I just tell her not to smoke on her working days because of the smell and risk? Or is it none of my business what she does outside working hours?

OP posts:
littlebird7 · 11/08/2017 09:50

If it an issue bothering you this much - and I would be the same as you - I would find a new non smoking nanny. You are not compatible with the current one. You are never going to get past that wretched smell being about your young baby, she is never going to give up just for a job. I would cut your losses now.
She could be smoking during the day quietly too without you knowing. Most smokers are not control of their habit, hence the reason they still smoke...I just would not be happy at all.

littlebird7 · 11/08/2017 09:53

I also think most smokers simply do not realise how awful the smell is even if they haven't smoked for a few hours or all day, they seem to have no idea that every part of their clothes and hair and everything absolutely reeks of smoke. It is deeply unpleasant for non smokers. A sense of smell is compromised as a smoker, so I guess they don't notice, but I wouldn't like to have that near my baby.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 11/08/2017 09:54

She could be smoking during the day quietly too without you knowing

No way, it stinks, there's no way to hide it.

CosmoSmallpiece · 11/08/2017 09:55

Fair enough you don't like the smell but as others have said perhaps making your point before you hired her might have been better.
As for the risks, absolutely none. Third hand smoke is just a construct of fanatical US anti smoking nuts used to further stigmatise smoking/smokers with no basis in science and generally summarised by may, might, could be dangerous and listing scary sounding chemicals without the caveat that exposure would need to be measured in millions of years to be harmful.

Original poster
RelaxMax · 11/08/2017 09:56

Interesting views, and thank you to the person who posted the link about third hand smoke.

We didn't specify non-smoking in advance - tbh it didn't occur to me as an issue.

But I really really hate the smell, and I am concerned she might smoke in front of the children (she hasn't had sole charge yet so not been an issue).

I think I'm going to have to talk to her about the smell and see how she reacts....

OP posts:
JetBoyJetGirl · 11/08/2017 09:56

You hired her knowing that she smokes.

Why, if you knew it would be that much of an issue for you?

FWIW, I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't hire a nanny who smoked either.

Josieannathe2nd · 11/08/2017 10:02

I would let her go. I hate the way the smell of smoke transfers and would be really upset if my baby smelt at all of smoke. It's bad enough with they smell of others peoples perfume!

Neutrogena · 11/08/2017 10:02

Who cares if she does smoke outside with your kid?
So many people smoked around us while we were young and it hasn't harmed us has it?
If she's good, hire her. Smoking has no relevance to her competence.

Viviennemary · 11/08/2017 10:03

I don't think you can ask her not to smoke in her spare time. If it bothers you then get a new nanny. This isn't going to get better. I wouldn't hire a nanny who smoked either.

wouldpoisonbesobad · 11/08/2017 10:05

I feel so sorry for you. We had this problem with one of my late Mothers carers. The lady would sit in her car smoking before coming in to prepare mothers meals and she absolutely stank of smoke. Mother couldn't stand it and it put her off her meals as she was quite weak at the time. In the end it was better to upset the carer than Mother. Even when the carer left the house we could still smell the smoke. It was so unpleasant but I doubt the smoker can smell how bad it is. My advise is also to get a non smoker.

pictish · 11/08/2017 10:06

Neutrogena - but it's common...and one does not employ a nanny that is common.

specialsubject · 11/08/2017 10:08

End the job at probation and tell her why.

Smoking is a choice.

Neutrogena · 11/08/2017 10:08

@pictish
Neutrogena - but it's common...and one does not employ a nanny that is common.

True - I forgot that about MN.
The lower the class the more they care what others think....

HoHoHoHo · 11/08/2017 10:08

I don't think it's reasonable to ask her not to smoke in time you're not paying her for. Would you accept your employer dictating how you should behave outside of work?

I think you need to weigh up all aspects of the way she cares for your child and make a call on whether or not you want to continue employing her.

Original poster
RelaxMax · 11/08/2017 10:08

@JetBoyJetGirl - no, I did not know she smoked when I hired her. She didn't smell at the interview or trial morning, but reeks of it now

OP posts:
Frazzled2207 · 11/08/2017 10:10

Tricky. Did you not pick up on this when you interviewed her? No way would I be happy with a smoking nanny. If you've only recently employed her you should be able to get rid, but it's only fair to share your concerns with her and see what she does/says first.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 11/08/2017 10:10

What's that to do with class, or "common" as some PP put it.

It smells. It's unpleasant. That's all.

noeffingidea · 11/08/2017 10:11

Of course you can't expect her not to smoke on her way to work. You can ask but you can't insist. Breaks are probably different. If they are paid then yes. If unpaid, then it's up to her.
If it bothers you then terminate her employment and next time specify a non smoker.

Original poster
RelaxMax · 11/08/2017 10:12

@HoHoHoHo - yes that's why I'm hesitating, but what she's doing outside work is directly affecting us as it stinks in our house, and her job involves caring for our children!

OP posts:
QuiteLikely5 · 11/08/2017 10:12

Yabu. Reeks of smoke all day - seriously???? I do not believe it for a second!!

It is not a danger to your kids. Ask her to spray herself - with chemicals that imo are more likely to damage your kids than her having a cigarette!

pictish · 11/08/2017 10:13

OP - if you don't like the fact that she smokes (and it wouldn't bother me) then give her notice. That's all you can do. You can't reasonably approach her to tell her what to do in her own time...you've got no say in it and to assume control over her like that would be both arrogant and wrong of you. You don't own her and it's none of your business. Let her go.

antimatter · 11/08/2017 10:14

did you mention in your ad that you were looking for a non-smoker nanny?

Frazzled2207 · 11/08/2017 10:16

Just thinking about it, a lot of the ladies at the nursery we use smoke, obviously out of sight of the kids, at the far end of the car park!. They wear "smoking" jackets which they take off when they are near the kids. It's not been an issue afaik.

Nobody asks nurseries if their staff are entirely non-smoking do they? Or complain that the staff
take fag breaks.

I think not unreasonable for you to insist that she follows similar rules to the nursery.

bbcessex · 11/08/2017 10:17

OP - I would be the same.
I don't like smoking, and the majority of the people I know don't smoke..

If I'm honest - i do judge the intellect / sense of those that smoke and if I had a choice, I wouldn't choose a smoker to look after my children.

Like you, it probably wouldn't have occured to me to check smoking status before employing, as smoking is pretty rare in my circle.

I would raise it with her, as in "I didn't realise you were a smoker.. it's not something I want the children exposed to - can you make sure you never smoke at work as it's an issue for us"

FizzyGreenWater · 11/08/2017 10:18

Of course it's believable. Smokers smell. You can tell if someone smokes. You can tell if they have recently smoked and you can also tell if they haven't, generally, because they will have a faint but sickening whiff of the ashtray about them. Nothing to do with class. Lots to do with whether someone smokes/smoked themselves and gets defensive about it.

She must have made damn sure she didn't smoke the morning of the interview and had fresh clean clothes on!

It does reek. OP you should just cut your losses here, it won't work itself out. Best option is that she will genuinely try and make sure she minimises the smell, you'll still be able to smell it and will hate it but won't really be in a position to do anything about it. Yuk.