WIBU to ask our nanny not to smoke before work?

[RelaxMax]

We have a new nanny - going ok so far, but she obviously smokes just before starting work, and on her lunch break. She very obviously smells of smoke when she comes in, and there's a fainter smell all day.

I hate the smell of smoke but more importantly I've read that third hand smoke on clothing can be harmful to young children and we have a 6 month old.

So I'm not sure what to do - as an employer can I just tell her not to smoke on her working days because of the smell and risk? Or is it none of my business what she does outside working hours?

your poor poor nanny. I feel so bad for her. in my experience working with kids is stressful so childcare workers do like a fag break. my child's teacher smokes! what would you do in that situation op?

but you shouldn't have to have someone you are not comfortable with looking after your child. definitely. if you can afford a nanny do you actually need to work? it sounds like being a stay at home mum would suit you better? if not I'll keep my fingers crossed you find someone more suitable xx

YANBU. Hubby and I are looking at hiring a nanny next September, thank you for reminding me, we will put absolutely no smokers. I'm asthmatic, my husband gets ill from the smell of smoke. We don't want the smell in our home. My dad used to smoke on his way home from work, walk in the house and he stank of cigarettes. Then he'd sit on the sofa, and our sofa would stick. Even cleaning the smell out of his clothes would make other clothes in the dirty clothes pile stink. Two of my Aunts died from lung cancer, and my grandmother died from breast/lung cancer. Three of my cousins have asthma. This is all on the side of my family that smoked. My moms family didn't, and they don't have any smoking related problems.

To smokers, I don't want to be rude, you probably don't smell it because you're so used to it and those around you are used to it. But, you smell of smoke, even hours after smoking. I can always tell, because I smell the faint smell, and then I begin to wheeze. I don't want my sofa stinking because she decided to smoke and then come in my house for work, and she had a seat. It'll get in the carpet. It's one thing if you don't agree with research on second/third hand smoking, but the other thing is, this is my home. I can tell you not to bring the stink of cigarettes into my home. We'd never bring it in ourselves, why would we let you? If I caught/suspected my nanny of smoking around our daughter, she'd get fired, immediately. There's significant research on how harmful it is to smoke around children www.nhs.uk/chq/Pages/2289.aspx

It took me two seconds to find that on the NHS website. OP, get rid and still give her a good reference, as she's a good enough nanny. If an employer asks why, just tell them the truth, that you don't like smoking in your home and unfortunately she did smoke, which you weren't aware of (because you didn't ask, not because she lied) when you hired her.

It's a very bad role model for the child too.

I think you would be very unreasonable to tell your nanny what she can do in her own time.
Either get rid of her and start the search for another nanny or put up with her cigarette smell, but I don't think you can tell her what to do on her way to work.
Is she good with the children? Do the children like her? Is she flexible with her work hours? Surely these are more important things to factor in.

I feel sorry for you OP. My MiL smokes and I always smell it on her and in the house, even though she smokes outside. My DP has asthma and was v unwell with it as a child, which I don't think is a coincidence.

I would ask her to give up because you really like her but hate smoking and the smell of smoke. She will thank you in the long term.

Nanny: "Oh my gosh, you mean smoking is BAD for me? I can't believe it! Thank you SO much for telling me - I will give up right away. You are truly a wonderful employer."

If smoking is the only thing that makes you uncomfortable with her looking after your babies, maybe you should sit down and discuss alternatives like ecigs, vaping during her break, maybe nicotine patches or something. If you like her and want to keep her best way is to have a frank discussion about your expectations and if she's willing to compromise. It's worth a try...

I wouldn't have her looking after my children full stip

Did you specify 'Non Smoker' when you advertised?

So, little daughter, I'm sorry you have asthma and recurrent chest infections but your nanny was wonderful with you and we decided that was more important than your life long health .

I wouldn't want a smoker looking after my children. YANBU.

OP, I don't think you are being unreasonable. I work in an office and there are two smokers in my team; when they come in from having a cigarette their breath reeks and it spreads all through our team area. It's a revolting smell and on the odd occasion I have to be in close quarters (assisting them with something for example) I find it hard not to wince or back away when they speak. The smell of secondhand smoke on clothes and hair is pervasive as well.

I second the poster who says end the contract, give her a nice reference and stipulate non-smoker in your next job advert. Hope it goes well.

No

Tricky, I have a friend who is a nanny and a smoker. She is a fantastic nanny and never smokes around the child in her care or during her working day. Unfortunately you could lose a great nanny, you obviously chose her because you thought she was good for your child.

Good riddance! Yes, third-hand smoking is harmful. Recent research has proven this. Just think about it, smoke is full of chemicasl, which obviously get absorbed by clothing. If it smells, you're breathing in chemicals.

It's also a horrible example to teach your kids smoking is normal and acceptable. It's not. Smokers are idiots who are poisoning other people with their smoke, who are stupid enough to smoke whilst they have a 50% chance of dying because of some gruesome smoke-related disease and who are a strain on the NHS. Don't start that nonsense by saying 'oh but my grandad smoked all his life and he lived until 90'. He was lucky. Many more people die long before that. An anecdote is not evidence.

I hope they ban smoking in all public places soon, by which I also mean outside on the streets.

in my experience working with kids is stressful so childcare workers do like a fag break.

You're joking right? There are many ways to relieve stress that are not deadly for yourself and others around you.

Look at it this way: you are her employer. As such, you have the right to ask that she not smoke at her place of work. You can also set some grooming standards. In the UK, you can lawfully refuse to hire smokers, and you can ban employees from smoking whilst wearing their uniform.

What you can't do, is place restrictions on her personal life and spare time. This would include the way to and from work. You also can't reasonably demand something along the lines of her self-financing a separate set of clothes that she may not smoke in. That would be because she's a staffer, not a slave, so as long as she isn't being paid by you, you don't have a say about what she does - and neither does anybody else so long as her behaviour is lawful. This includes her smoking while on any unpaid breaks away from the premises.

I'd suggest you allocate a work clothing budget on the understanding that these clothes are worn only for work and are not to be smoked in, and that you expect her to turn up to work wearing those.

Very practical solution that doesn't interfere with her rights and gets you what you want.

Wonder what everyone would make of my TA who vapes in the classroom DURING class?

Oh come on! How do you allow it? What does the HT think?

Can just imagine that in an Ofsted inspection too.

no I wasn't joking. lots of other people have said that they know of smoking childcare workers too. I and many others would prefer a good nanny who smokes over a shit one who doesn't.

there are many ways to relieve stress, but a smoker will generally smoke to relieve stress I would assume?

You need to address this with her and say that you didn't realised she smoked, and that by mistake, it was an important detail missed from your advert, and as you don't like the smell of smoke on the children or in the house you just don't think it will work out because you realise you can have the no smoking rule during work hours, you cannot impose this out of work hours because she's an adult and can make her own choices, however it's nonnegotiable to your family to have a smoker employed to care for the children. I think you have the right to choose this, because it means so much to you/your family. What I don't think you have the right to do is assume that because someone smokes they are dishonest, that's not fair at all. All the comments regarding dishonesty just because she smokes are totally out of order, I doubt very much if she deceived you into employing a smoker by 'not smelling' at the interview or trial - after all she knows she is on probation and is doing so now. And by your own admission you didn't specify so why would she need to hide anything?
Yes, smoking is bad for you and yes it impacts on others, but that doesn't automatically make the person who smokes a dishonest idiot! And as a smoker I'm aware I smell when I've had a cigarette, the same as I'm aware that I smell when I've mucked out 4 horses, but it's my choice to and I will minimize the impact on others but I can smell, am not an idiot and I am not dishonest just because I smoke!

oooh bossy bitches solution is perfect! do that! x

if you can afford a nanny do you actually need to work? it sounds like being a stay at home mum would suit you better?

Ignore stupid remarks.

Good luck with your new nanny search.

Wonder what everyone would make of my TA who vapes in the classroom DURING class?

I would think that was pretty bloody irresponsible and pathetic. I wouldn't think too highly of you either.

that was rude I didn't mean to come across as stupid, but nannies are VERY expensive and op is rightly very fussy about who looks after her child so maybe economising might work better?

From a medical point of view, the only way her smoking would not effect your child is if she smokes outside and then washes her hair, clothes and brushes her teeth before interacting with your child.