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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask our nanny not to smoke before work?

284 replies

RelaxMax · 11/08/2017 09:08

We have a new nanny - going ok so far, but she obviously smokes just before starting work, and on her lunch break. She very obviously smells of smoke when she comes in, and there's a fainter smell all day.

I hate the smell of smoke but more importantly I've read that third hand smoke on clothing can be harmful to young children and we have a 6 month old.

So I'm not sure what to do - as an employer can I just tell her not to smoke on her working days because of the smell and risk? Or is it none of my business what she does outside working hours?

OP posts:
CardinalCat · 11/08/2017 11:47

I am a former smoker. EVRYBODY in the city smoked socially when I was still a young thing that went out partying, but unfortunately I got completely hooked and wasn't able simply to confine it to drinks after work. I smoked 20 a day for over ten years and only gave up a few years ago when talk turned to starting a family.

I HAAAAATe the smell of the stuff now. I know they say that ex smokers are the absolute worst, but while I have empathy for those who do it and what their motivations might me, it absolutely turns my stomach.
I don't think it's wildly OTT to expect your nanny not to be stinking of smoke and touching your child with nicotiney fingers. the fact that she went to lengths to disguise her habit until she secured the position shows that the any knows fine well too that it's not an employable trait.

I would have a pretty short conversation with her- nanny, we have noticed that you are coming to work smelling strongly of cigarette smoke. We hadn't realised you were a smoker before we hired you. I appreciate that we didn't ask either, and that was remiss of us. had we known this, we would not have hired you. however we like you very much and don't want to lose you, so can I ask that you no longer come to work smelling of smoke. many thanks.

If you get any attitude from her, or if it happens again, then bin her without a second thought. It is absolutely her prerogative to smoke, of course, but it is equally your prerogative not to have her looking after your child while honking of an ashtray. If you choose to go into a caring profession then you need to be taking steps to ensure that your habit isn't impacting on others.

Original poster
RelaxMax · 11/08/2017 11:49

@pengggwn - it is a very detectable smell! That's the issue. And tbh i didn't specify non-smoking as I know so few smokers and it didn't occur to me to mention it. I also didn't specify "must not turn up covered in mud" for example, but I think I'd still be allowed to raise it as an employer if she was making my house dirty in a visible way. She is actually making the house smell, in a way I find really nasty.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 11/08/2017 11:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gillybeanz · 11/08/2017 11:58

What she does in her own time is her business though.
As an employer you can't dictate this.
You can ask that she washes before working with your child, but on her lunch break she can smoke if she wants to.
I see plenty of nursery staff smoking outside at lunch time, usually just a few steps past the building. I see them going into work smoking, and they have their uniforms on.
I'm not sure you could sack somebody for smoking in their free time, there would be a case for unfair dismissal.
Put it down to experience and next time have a no smoking policy for the person you employ.

milliemolliemou · 11/08/2017 12:04

If otherwise you and your DC like her, give her the option of managing till after work to not smoke - she could use Nicorette or patches? If she can't or doesn't want to do this, then give her a decent period of notice - it is the sort of thing you should have asked at interview. The mud analogue doesn't wash (!) IMO. Perhaps next time you could download a contract to protect them and you - and adapt it to what you expect.

NewPapaGuinea · 11/08/2017 12:05

In our pre-natel classes we were warned about smoking and handling babies. I can't remember the numbers as it wasn't relevant to us as no one in our family smoke, but it was quite high. I certainly wouldn't have a smoking nanny.

hiphopcat · 11/08/2017 12:06

Hmmm I probably would avoid a nanny who smokes too. My first thought was if she is great in every way, it seems a shame to have to get rid. And also, as long as she smokes away from the house, I can't really see how her smoking will harm anyone (like the baby.)

All that said, if I was leaving my baby with a nanny for hours on end, I would worry she may smoke around him/her. Not saying she would, but it would be on my mind. Also, if she is popping out for a smoke whilst caring for the baby, (when you're not there,) where is the baby when she is out for 5-10 minutes having a ciggie?

Hmmm, yeah, very tricky.

As I said, I think it's unwise to hire a nanny who smokes, because apart from the stink, there IS the worry about baby's welfare while she is out smoking.

And I would find it very hard to believe that she doesn't go for a ciggie all day when she is looking after baby.

Jaxhog · 11/08/2017 12:08

Good point hiphop She'll either be smoking in front of your babe, or leaving babe alone while she pops out for a fag. Unacceptable either way.

Nanny0gg · 11/08/2017 12:09

Reeks of smoke all day - seriously???? I do not believe it for a second!!

I do. Because to a non-smoker, it's really, really obvious.

FizzyGreenWater · 11/08/2017 12:09

She is actually making the house smell, in a way I find really nasty.

You need to get rid. Do it now before your baby has settled at all and find somone without this issue. All smokers smell but she's clearly a 'real' smoker who smokes throughout the day if the smell is lingering in the house just from her being there. That is not a great point to start from re seeing if it can be worked around, she WILL continue to smoke during the day as it will be very difficult for her not to. She was very sneaky to make sure you couldn't detect it at interview. Just much easier to start over at this point IMO.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 11/08/2017 12:13

You should have asked, obviously, but I understand smoking not being on your radar otherwise so you not thinking to. I would sit her down, explain you have noticed the smell, tell her you wouldn't have employed her had you realised and that you reluctantly need to give her notice - I would never be able to be happy with her around my kids after this, as she could always smoke in her lunch break when we weren't there-

MikeUniformMike · 11/08/2017 12:19

If she is fine otherwise, treat it as you would BO or bad breath.

Rubies12345 · 11/08/2017 12:22

You can dismiss her within two years for any/no reason.

GreyHare · 11/08/2017 12:30

Are you sure it's the Nanny that smokes? If she lives with a smoker then all her clothes will smell with the hideous lingering stink that is worse than fresh fag smoke smell.

squoosh · 11/08/2017 12:31

If I'm honest - i do judge the intellect / sense of those that smoke

Like you, it probably wouldn't have occured to me to check smoking status before employing, as smoking is pretty rare in my circle.

If I’m honest I’d judge the intellect of someone who assumes that the population at large behaves as their small circle of friends behave. If smoking is that much of a non negotiable then engage your brain and say at the outset that you're looking for a non smoker only.

TmiTuesdays · 11/08/2017 12:33

My friend's a nanny and she was tormented by an employer giving her this sort of you smell of smoke chat, and whatever she did kept saying she smelled of smoke.

Maybe, MAYBE because she still smelled of smoke? Also smokers are 'victimised'? Being a smoker is not a protected characteristic, no one is born with a fag clutched in their tiny hand, it's a choice and a damned antisocial one.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 11/08/2017 12:36

If I were your nanny, I'd be a bit put out to be sacked for smoking by employers who were so unconcerned about smoking that they never raised the issue at interview

Ceto · 11/08/2017 12:43

I'm not sure you could sack somebody for smoking in their free time, there would be a case for unfair dismissal

Not till she's been there for two years.

MissionItsPossible · 11/08/2017 12:44

Tell her the reason you're ending the contract
Give her notice
Advertise for a non-smoking nanny

Job done.

squoosh · 11/08/2017 12:44

If I were your nanny, I'd be a bit put out to be sacked for smoking by employers who were so unconcerned about smoking that they never raised the issue at interview

Me too. I'd think they were utter flakes.

Ceto · 11/08/2017 12:48

Point being...as her employer, you can't tell her how to spend her free time.

But you are perfectly free to decide not to employ someone who spends their free time doing something that impacts on you and your child. So in effect it comes to the same thing.

Ceto · 11/08/2017 12:49

If I wanted to sack a nanny for doing something I disliked, to be honest I wouldn't care whether she thought me a flake or not.

TmiTuesdays · 11/08/2017 12:50

Tell her the reason you're ending the contract Give her notice

That seems a bit unfair if she's not given a chance to rectify the problem. If nothing else this thread has shown there are plenty of smokers in complete denial about how unpleasant, pervasive and lingering the smell of smoke can be, she may really not realise.

squoosh · 11/08/2017 12:52

If I wanted to sack a nanny for doing something I disliked, to be honest I wouldn't care whether she thought me a flake or not.

Yes, but top tip for the future, bring these issues up at the point of interview. Using basic common sense saves a lot of hassle and angst.

Wonders71 · 11/08/2017 12:53

If you want her to stop smoking before she gets to you pay her for the hour before she starts!