To expect a to be able to 'baby proof' when visiting

[mummytwoshoes]

DF and DSMs house has many 'trinkets and ornaments on display at floor and toddler height level. When we visit our toddler is very keen to explore and I will move these items out of reach both to avoid risk of injury and risk of damage. I do explain at the time to toddler that these are Nannies special things and not to be touched (I mention this so its noted that I'm not just ignoring the teaching about not touching aspect). However DSM walks back into the room and puts these items back in their original place. It means that our visits consist of me feeling like I'm constantly telling toddler off and on edge. I'm talking glass ornaments and vases on the floor right next to where they place toys for DC! They don't live nearby so visits are at least two nights. We generally prefer them to come to us and I have said before to them this is easier as our house is all baby proofed, but this is met with animosity particularly as I'm a SAHM they feel I should be going there more so they get to see DGC. I have politely mentioned so many times 'I have just moved X item, I don't want to risk anything being damaged' but it just gets moved straight back. AIBU to move these things? Heading down there soon and to be honest I'm worried about it already!

Sounds a nightmare

In other people's houses it's your responsibility to keep an eye on your child not expect them to change the environment to suit.

Normally I'd say you need to control your toddler. But it sounds like you're doing everything you can to keep the fragile objects safe, but your efforts are being resisted. What I would do is stop visiting them, and when they complain, clearly explain that this is the reason why.

If you were coming to my house, I would be glad that you were moving everything out of reach and would probably have done so myself before you got there!

PlayOnWurtz I would usually agree with you, but in this instance I think the grandparents could be slightly more accommodating. I know exactly how exhausting it is chasing your toddler every second of the day when visiting people, and a little consideration from them would go a long way.

Meet them away from their home.

You are rude to move her things.
She is foolish to leave them out when a toddler is around.
You would be a negligent mother if you didn't try to prevent your toddler from harm from potentially broken glass.
You would be rude if you didn't try to protect her things from harm.

So how can you win?

Meet elsewhere until your child is old enough to not even want to touch her stuff. I'd say about age seven should do it.

"Sorry but we can't make it for the visit. We're very worried that toddler is going to break something valuable or sentimental which we would just hate to happen. See you at ours next time."

I you've moved it out of reach and then they move it back, it's their fault if it gets broken.

Get them to visit you.

If you must go to them, don't go to their house, meet up in a park and go out for lunch.

They are being daft!

Sounds like you need to ask her bluntly whether she would like to:
a) move stuff herself so the toddler can't break it
b) let stuff get broken
c) let you move stuff so the toddler can't break it
d) not have you visit so the toddler can't break stuff

Because clearly expecting a toddler to be careful for the entirety of a two day visit is unreasonable

Don't visit.
You don't need the stress.

I must admit when I read your title I thought you were probably being unreasonable - memories of a friend who tried to insist I should fully baby proof my house so his family with one toddler could visit for a few hours!

You moving a few ornaments to safety for a several day visit is not unreasonable at all (though in your shoes I'd probably make it clear I was happy to move everything back as well).

I'd just tell them that you can't visit unless you a permitted to move few things temporarily, and let them choose what matters more.

Could you get a playpen to use during your visits?

Sounds like you are considerate and they are difficult. Wtf has you being a SAHM got to do with you having to visit them? I'm afraid I'd be much less willing to do this with that attitude. Or she wold have to learn the hard way, by something getting broken.

I'd still go round, move things like normal but only once, when they get put back leave them there and let the get broken (obviously make sure baby doesn't get hurt.)

Fuzzy, wth? So OPs toddler has to spend 2 days in a playpen because the annoying SM won't let OP move a few fragile items out of the way. Don't think so.

And sooner or later that toddler is going to have a moment of pure triumph as their cute little fist wraps round a beautiful treasure and lifts it high, like First Man discovering tools...only to drop it a second later, right on Granny's foot/dog/vase on floor.

I do feel the need to clarify that if they lived nearby and the visit was for a short period I would never assume it's ok to move things without permission and I would be much more stringent with teaching of toddler to leave it! It's just that our visits are two/three days long and all it takes is a second for something to get broken and potentially my DC hurt, it's a long time to stay very very vigilant!

Of course you should still visit, it would be ridiculous not to.
I'd just turn up and say "shall we move these things so they don't get broken?"
If she says yes then great, if she says no then try to keep your toddler under control but don't worry too much if stuff gets wrecked!!

Why can't you just talk to her about it? Ask her to keep the things out of reach once you've moved them? Then you can move them back just before you leave.

I'm confused as to why so many people on AIBU don't just talk to the person in question, would be a lot easier!

In other people's houses it's your responsibility to keep an eye on your child not expect them to change the environment to suit

Whao, even for an overnight stay?

I have always child-proofed when a small child is coming to visit, because that is what you do. First of all for the child's safety but also to minimise the number of times they get told off.

I think a foldable playpen is a great idea. I used to use one that doubled up as a travel cot.
It was very useful when we went to stay with anyone I just used to fill it with toys.
It really depends on the age of your Dc if this is feasable.

I once had a friend come in and declare. I will move things out of DS way, I cannot afford to replace anything that gets broken. I'm just telling you now.

I was but was glad she was honest! At least we both knew where we stood.

I think you need to use the same brutal honesty and establish exactly what they expect from you. If they expect nothing to be moved and nothing to be broken then you will have to start staying in a hotel and meeting outside their home.

Agree with you completely op. As long as you are teaching at the same time, it is not unreasonable to move some fragile things when you are there for 2 or 3 days.

Just don't go and explain why.

YANBU. We don't have small DC any more thankfully but we always move anything delicate when friends with toddlers visit. It's so much less stressful for everyone.