To expect a to be able to 'baby proof' when visiting

[mummytwoshoes]

DF and DSMs house has many 'trinkets and ornaments on display at floor and toddler height level. When we visit our toddler is very keen to explore and I will move these items out of reach both to avoid risk of injury and risk of damage. I do explain at the time to toddler that these are Nannies special things and not to be touched (I mention this so its noted that I'm not just ignoring the teaching about not touching aspect). However DSM walks back into the room and puts these items back in their original place. It means that our visits consist of me feeling like I'm constantly telling toddler off and on edge. I'm talking glass ornaments and vases on the floor right next to where they place toys for DC! They don't live nearby so visits are at least two nights. We generally prefer them to come to us and I have said before to them this is easier as our house is all baby proofed, but this is met with animosity particularly as I'm a SAHM they feel I should be going there more so they get to see DGC. I have politely mentioned so many times 'I have just moved X item, I don't want to risk anything being damaged' but it just gets moved straight back. AIBU to move these things? Heading down there soon and to be honest I'm worried about it already!

I would let DC loose and not stop them breaking things (as long as they are safe).

You have warned and warned and moved things to no effect.

They obviously don't value their crap trinkets, so why should you?

If they expect you to visit then they shouldn't expect you to play constant guard to their things.

Moving fragiles/breakable items out of the reach of a toddler (whilst explaining not to touch) just sounds normal/responsible/common sense to me. Now that I am toddler free, I am always grateful if items are rescued (rather than left to toddler fate). Plus I prefer to my visitors to feel at home, especially if staying over.

Your dsm is being unreasonable. God, it's family, it really shouldn't be an issue!

I have some friends whose pfb were model toddlers. Just sat in the middle of the floor with a basket of toys and barely moved. I had a little hurricane who thought it was hilarious when anyone told him 'No dont touch'. What a fun game. I found out distraction was the key with him. However, it doesn't work when dm puts her christmas tree up and said to him 'look at the tree! But don't touch'. I let him explore my tree and hung some judicious bells around and he wasn't bothered with it.
Anyway. He grew out of the grabbing and throwing stage by about 2.5yo.
I'd limit visits it sounds exhausting.

You're not even in the same universe as unreasonable, and of course you shouldn't leave him in a playpen for a 2 day visit. Nor is it feasible for you to be able to keep him away from everything for 2-3 days, and it would make for a fairly miserable time even if you could.

If it's really not possible to have things moved out of the way, I'd just stop going. Not so much because of the ornaments, those are their problem, but because your DS might hurt himself. Have you really not asked your dad though, or said to her before you arrive that stuff needs to be out of the way?

How odd.
When we went to ILs recently as soon as we arrived we started moving breakable and dangerous items out of reach whilst they were making tea. If close family it would seem obvious to do this. If acquaintance I'd ask first to be polite, but would find it v bizarre if they said no. Why risk item being broken and DC hurt when it will take a few seconds to move back again later?
ILs love our DC and don't want them to cut themselves on broken class or choke on a decorative stone so of course they are ok for items to be moved.

Silly comments that kids should be taught to not touch things so leave vases on the carpet etc. For starters as an adult I would be at risk of knocking over a vase on the carpet, completely ridiculous place to put a breakable object.
Yes, I've always taught my children to not touch things without checking, an important rule in our family, but it's a learning process and different kids are different stages along that process.
A usually sensible child can lose impulse control when they are tired, excited, over stimulated. We hold our children's hands by the road as children can do daft unexpected things sometimes. Children can also be clumsy, a vase next to a set of toys is plain daft, so easy to accidentally knock over.
My 3 year old is very sensible and good at checking before touching other people's things but even so I would want to move sharp/ valuable/ easily breakable things out of her reach if we were staying overnight somewhere. Why take the risk? Different if you are just there for an hour having a cuppa, but staying overnight you can't monitor them constantly.

OP I would speak to your ILs and say you will be happy to visit if breakable items are put away, or if not will have to wait until DC is older for you to visit them at home, for safety reasons. They prob won't understand - it sounds like they have an attitude of 'children should learnt to not touch (immediately and with no slip ups)' based on little experience of hands on patenting. The nice thing about being the parent though is that you get to make the decisions about when and where you see people. Doesn't matter if they think you ridiculous, you think they are ridiculous so now you are equal :).

I'd just be direct and honest and say something to the effect of, no, it's nothing like pottering around at home because we don't have loads fragile shite clutter all over the place at home.

One of my children you could have taught as a baby/toddler not to touch stuff, and one of them you definitely couldn't.

OP I think you need to have a proper discussion about this with your parents and give them the options - would they prefer to come and visit you, to meet somewhere else/halfway, or to move breakables out of reach. Just be clear it isn't an option for you to visit if their are lots of potential dangers at child height.

When she puts a glass case you've moved back down on the floor why don't you just say "oh I put that away from dc, can it stay high up till we are out of your hair?"

It sounds like your smil is a bit OCD about having her things in their place.

I think allertse is right. You need to spell it out to your DSM - "DSM, it just doesn't work for us coming to stay because of the number of trinkets and breakable items you have. If you won't move them or let me move them, then either we visit and DC breaks your things, or we don't visit you, you come to us instead. I think not visiting is better because DC will probably get hurt from the broken pieces, but it's just not practical to constantly hold them away from your things for 2 days, and frankly it's horrible for me to have to do. What is your solution?"

YABU - your child learns not to touch, simple. My children did yours can too

Stick your biscuit. There's always one, isn't there.

Just avoid going there while you have young dc.

My Mil is the same. We had to stay with her for 3 weeks when dc2 was 18 months. It was an absolute disaster. She had no appreciation of his developmental stage and expected him to respond to verbal commands. I tried to minimise damage and harm but she couldn't cope with her home being changed in any way.

The most ridiculous example is that she likes to have the bathroom door open. I would close it to prevent access by my dc as there were all sorts of interesting things for him in there! She insisted on reopening the door every time. Then she got really annoyed because he put a toilet roll in the toilet when I had my back turned for 2 seconds!

We've only stayed there once for a short visit since (that was nearly 8 years ago) and won't be staying again!

I love the pottering around comment 😂 Even just looking after 2 small children for a few days has me thinking 'how the fuck do parents do this?!' I don't remember any peaceful pottering about, just the fact that I don't remember eating at any point and wondering if there was any floor left under the toys and 3 million toddler belongings that suddenly seemed to have appeared. Don't get me wrong I absolutely love looking after them but 'potter' I definitely did not do! I absolutely take my hat off to you all whether you are SAHM/WOHM or whatever, it's bloody hard work just trying to keep them in one piece never mind the rest of it! doffs cap

I don't understand people who are saying the op should get him not to touch things. So you have to confine your child while he's there so the grandparents can have a nice time? No he should be having a good time WITH his grandparents.
But most PPs seem to think op should chain him down so the GPs can enjoy his company 😐 makes no sense to me.

I used to have this with my MIL. I lost count of the number of times I had to fish glass pebbles and pot pourri out of DS1s hand/face when he was small.

I then had twins (and DS1 stayed with them a couple of days whilst I was in hospital - which I think is what made the difference)

She now puts most things on the windowsill in the lounge and pushes the sofa back against the windowsill so they can't really get to them. So in the living room I only have to worry about the coal on the fireplace and one antique floor lamp (and if they sneak right to the side of the sofa). There's still a little display or trinkets in the dining room so I pull out all the dining chairs to make it harder for them to get to!

It just makes visits so much better, and at the end of the visit, me and DS1 (he's 4) tidy up the toys. And whilst DH and FIL put the kids into their car seats I whip around with MIL and I help put things back where they live.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Yes, it's their home. But you're just trying to ensure a relaxing and enjoyable time for everyone and prevent things getting damaged.

I think if someone visited my house and kept moving my ornaments instead of moving their child I'd get pretty annoyed

I have a 10 month old, it's annoying when they try to pick things up or touch things they shouldn't but I wouldn't move other people's things out of the way that's pretty cheeky if I'm honest

I hate it when people say "keep your toddler under control."

Fgs it's just about safety isn't it? When you have a toddler, you ensure no vases on coffee tables, no ornaments within reach, no breakables left unattended. Obviously you watch your child, but a young toddler will not neccessarily understand what things they can touch and what they can't. If you turn your back for a second, that's all it takes. So, next time, don't move stuff. Just say to DSM. "Is it OK if I move the vase, the blah and the blah up on the cupboard? It's just I can't risk DC knocking them down. She could get hurt and I don't want to risk your stuff getting broken while I go to the loo or nip out the room" It would be a very strange person who says "No" to that. If she did, just say, well I'm sorry, but I need DC to be safe..... If still no, then easy peasy, don't stay.

Rather than moving her stuff maybe you could talk to her about it first. Ask what her thoughts are. And preferably on the phone, so that if her answer isn't very helpful then you don't visit.

and I would stress the fact that your toddler might get seriously hurt from glass or china etc. Sod her ornaments - it's the injury that would worry me and should her too.

See if this was just a quick visit to a friend or something then moving things is a bit unreasonable and you should just control your child. However that clearly isn't the case here.

This is your childs grandparents. Some leaniency in social rules are acceptable here. You are telling our child repeatedly not to touch but 2-3 days visiting is a long time to either leave DC in a pen or constantly be keeping hold of them because you're worried they will damage something. It becomes less of a family visit and more of a never ending nightmare. I think brutal honesty is going to be the way to go here. If you aren't that close with SM go for the grandad and just ask what you should do. Just say "I'm sorry I'm trying to teach xxx not to touch these things but he is a young child and it only takes a second for something to happen. Would it be ok to please put anything you don't want damaged out of DCs reach for the length of the visit so we can all relax a bit otherwise we're going to have to stop having overnight visits because it is very exhausting constantly chastising him for being interested in things that are right at his eye level"

Just be honest with the grandparents.
I reckon if your toddler broke something they might change their tune...!

Let your kid trash the place, your DSM will learn.

I feel so sorry for you. There seems to me to be "more to it" than just the fact of ornaments might get broken. Given that you kindly removed them to a safe place, and "she" immediately returned them" she is giving you a message that either
a. you and your child are not welcome
b. I don't think your parenting is any good (even though I have never parented)
c. I am very bored and like to add a bit of antagonism into your visits, as I so deliberately re-turned the glass ornaments you had only just moved to safety, thus making your visit stressful.

What does your FATHER think? Can you talk to him? I think it would be hideously unfair to lock your poor child in a play-pen for a whole weekend. I can certainly imagine how stressful it must be, having to be constantly "on watch". That is very unfair on you, your child and your husband. What does your HUSBAND say?

Is their some weird rivalry going on, regarding the fact that you have a relationship with your father, who probably desperately wants to see his daughter SIL and GC. This is extremely spiteful, unwelcoming and deliberately antagonistic behaviour on the part of "nanna". I know so many "nannas" who get so excited about their grand-childrens visit, that they rush around finding lovely things for the grandchildren, - sorting out the house, buying in yummy toddler stuff, and who simply can't WAIT to see them. This woman is, in my opinion, up to no good and is deliberately making you feel somewhat unwelcome and a nuisance. How incredibly unkind. I really think you need to grow a back-bone and put your foot down. Why waste precious weekends away having a horrible, stressful time? They grow up too quickly! Good luck. xxxxx

If there's multiple breakable things around then you can't just move a toddler out of the way, because then they're just in the way of something else.

How anyone could be annoyed about OP moving things out of reach out of consideration so they don't get broken is beyond me.

Even when you train a dog that it's not allowed on the sofa, it is not the work of a weekend. You can't teach a little toddler to not touch certain ornaments over a 3 day visit. Toddlers don't know the difference between toys and anything else, that's why they'll play with a spoon a piece of cardboard for an hour. All they see is something new and interesting.

This may be a bonkers suggestion. But instead of all the moving stuff and it being moved back, have you tried asking them how they want it managed while you are visiting?

Just say you love visiting , really want the dc to get to know them , but you're worried dc will break some of the lovely ornaments they have, and what do they suggest?