To expect a to be able to 'baby proof' when visiting

[mummytwoshoes]

DF and DSMs house has many 'trinkets and ornaments on display at floor and toddler height level. When we visit our toddler is very keen to explore and I will move these items out of reach both to avoid risk of injury and risk of damage. I do explain at the time to toddler that these are Nannies special things and not to be touched (I mention this so its noted that I'm not just ignoring the teaching about not touching aspect). However DSM walks back into the room and puts these items back in their original place. It means that our visits consist of me feeling like I'm constantly telling toddler off and on edge. I'm talking glass ornaments and vases on the floor right next to where they place toys for DC! They don't live nearby so visits are at least two nights. We generally prefer them to come to us and I have said before to them this is easier as our house is all baby proofed, but this is met with animosity particularly as I'm a SAHM they feel I should be going there more so they get to see DGC. I have politely mentioned so many times 'I have just moved X item, I don't want to risk anything being damaged' but it just gets moved straight back. AIBU to move these things? Heading down there soon and to be honest I'm worried about it already!

There needs to be a compromise in both sides, you sound like you are doing all the work here. My DM would always move her little cat statues (😉) from toddler reach to avoid upsets all round.

Just don't go.

Nothing wrong with saying, "thanks for the invite, we would love to, but the children are just at that stage where it's hard work in other people's houses. They'll grow out of this phase soon, but in the meantime you are welcome at our house where we know things are safe and we can all relax".

Just be assertive. Having kids is a great opportunity to flex that muscle.

I stopped going to DF's with my DCs when they were toddlers as it was just easier. His house wasn't even full of loads of breakables, but enough for me to feel very twitchy.

And DF and DSM weren't even really precious about their stuff either. I just felt much more comfortable if they came to us.

And it's not much help people giving examples of how they manage their own children/grandchildren. Every DC is different and you just have to deal with what you have. I have a DS who never needed any babyproofing -took him everywhere with me, and a DS who could damage something/himself in a padded cell.

This is bringing back awful memories of my DM who used to volunteer to look after my brother's kids (two under 3), then let herself into my house to 'say hello', unleashing two high speed tinies into a totally unchildproofed house with no warning. The youngest once charged across the room, picked a large chunk of rock crystal much too heavy for him and it slipped through his fingers while I did a kind of panicked rugby tackle save across the room. How that missed his foot I don't know.

I agree with pps OP. You can't sustain the stress on you or the children of trying to keep the from touching something if you're not allowed to move it. The conversation suggested above, putting the ball back in their court seems a good one. But doing this again with no change can't be an option.

Just stop going. My ex mil was the same. She collected waterford crystal trinket bowls and dishes. She refused to move them from lower cabinets and coffee table as my ds needed to learn not to touch. My DS was cruising at 6 months and walking at 8. I was permanently on alert and it made visits totally unenjoyable as I couldn't relax for a second.
After I had to replace 2 of them I stopped visiting and told her why

They are just told they are ornaments (not the glasses!!) for 'looking at only' so they don't bother about them at all.

Good for you Quiz but not every child can "just be told".

My DD was never fussed by knick-knacks/ornaments as a toddler and could be told "no" and she'd wander off to find something else to play with but one of my nephews takes "no" as a personal challenge.

He's only 2 and he's not a bad kid but he is definitely naughty and at the stage of pushing his boundaries to the limit - for example, he knows he isn't allowed to climb on the ledges at my house (we have low, wide window ledges that are the perfect height for a 2 year old to use as a table for playing with toys and climbing on ). But, he also knows that if he plays nicely for a while people will invariably take their eye off watching him too closely and that is the moment he can start to try and climb up ... if nobody notices he will announce himself once he has stood on the ledge; if you notice as he's climbing and tell him no, he will just laugh and continue until you go and physically remove him; if you ignore him he climbs whilst saying "no, no, no" and looking at any adult to see if they've noticed him.

My son's older now so general toddler proofing for him is not an issue.

If someone with a toddler visits (short visits) then anything precious to us will be moved, but tbh I am not going to move everything. If it's not breakable or is something I'm not bothered about...it stays. It's possible that the parent will think otherwise or that something might harm their child - in that case it's up to them to keep an eye on their child...as I did with mine.

The problem is, if you can't relax and enjoy your visit you'll just stop going. Surely it's reasonable to ask close family or friends to help you have a relaxing trip?

I haven't read every post but the only other advice I haven't spotted yet is ask your hubby to be the one running after toddler and protect breakage/toddler from harm. Let your hubby do the disciplining and respective explanations to your MIL when she puts the items back. I'd still go and let hubby be the blunt one. Especially as he is getting more exhausted so he can sit in your shoes. I don't think you ought to have to buy a playpen to visit. Good luck! Let us know how it goes x

I think youre being very reasonable and thoughtful. Id be glad you were taking care of my things.
I presume youd have put them back as you left, and youve told us you explained to her why you were moving them.

Since it would be wrong to never go, maybe call her the night before and explain your worries... let her propose a solution...

how frustrating for you

think you need to be blunt and say you are moving them items so that 1) they dont get broken 2) dc doesnt get hurt

see what she replies/does

if replaces them simply say you cant visit as you are on tenterhooks all the time