To expect a to be able to 'baby proof' when visiting

[mummytwoshoes]

DF and DSMs house has many 'trinkets and ornaments on display at floor and toddler height level. When we visit our toddler is very keen to explore and I will move these items out of reach both to avoid risk of injury and risk of damage. I do explain at the time to toddler that these are Nannies special things and not to be touched (I mention this so its noted that I'm not just ignoring the teaching about not touching aspect). However DSM walks back into the room and puts these items back in their original place. It means that our visits consist of me feeling like I'm constantly telling toddler off and on edge. I'm talking glass ornaments and vases on the floor right next to where they place toys for DC! They don't live nearby so visits are at least two nights. We generally prefer them to come to us and I have said before to them this is easier as our house is all baby proofed, but this is met with animosity particularly as I'm a SAHM they feel I should be going there more so they get to see DGC. I have politely mentioned so many times 'I have just moved X item, I don't want to risk anything being damaged' but it just gets moved straight back. AIBU to move these things? Heading down there soon and to be honest I'm worried about it already!

I'd be annoyed if a visitor started moving my stuff.

It doesn't sound like their house is child-friendly, so I'd meet them elsewhere.

On the SATM comment, DSM doesn't have children so her stance is along the lines of 'You can potter around at ours all day, it's no different to at home, and we get to see DGC '

I'd let toddler smash the place up in that scenario!

You need to be clear with her, blunt, forthright, whatever the word is, and TELL her that her stuff is likely to get broken if it stays where she puts it and that it could injure your child.

If she still insists on putting it back, then tell her it is not your responsibility if it is damaged and ask her if she want the toddler to be cut.

Or take a playpen/ find a room that doesn't have junk on the floor.

Get them to come stay with you. They pass quickly, the early years do, but the first three years are so full-on. It's mostly about keeping our children safe, day in, day out. So make life a bit easier on yourself. It's not about pleasing people, putting up an shutting up. It's about staying safe and staying sane OP! I bent over backwards to accommodate people's silly needs, putting those of my children second. I learned over the years not to put my kids' needs second.

Start setting boundaries now. You and your child(children) come first.

If it's close family and an overnight stay or longer why wouldn't you make some attempt to make your house safe for a toddler? Moving fragile ornaments out of reach is just sensible, even the most perfectly behaved toddler could fall over.

Playpen would be fine for a few hours but a couple of days is just unfair. Plus DC is tall and I'm sure would spend their time trying to climb out of it. I'm also pretty certain if I asked on here if a toddler should be kept enclosed in a play pen/travel for a whole weekend I'd be told that's unfair!

We always toddler-proofed our house when our grandson visited when small. Surely it's common sense, we moved any ornaments up out of reach, dug out an old fireguard (even in the summer in case he tripped) protected electrical sockets.
I'd think most grandparents with any sense would want to avoid dangers, (and losing precious ornaments!).

Sounds stressful, just don't visit and say why.

I wonder if for some bizarre reason it's because YOU are doing the moving not her?
Maybe as soon as you arrive ask if she could possibly move anything she doesn't want ds to touch/damage. Then cheerily say 'right coast is clear' and let him play. Anything left about she maybe doesn't see as irreplaceable as you see it and you have asked first. But still keep saying 'no don't touch'.
Sympathies it's hard work. Maybe lots of trips out during the days too so you are not Sat at home with all the temptation?

YANBU at all.
You need to carry on doing it, and if she gets huffy / returns things into the danger zone, then explain that while they are all there, it isn't safe, so you won't be able to stay.

God that sounds stressful, you can't win.

I'd do as others have suggested and offer to move things once, when she says no I'd let her deal with her broken trinkets.

You must be knackered after visiting?

It's near on impossible for a toddler to distinguish between a toy and an ornament . I sympathise, it's exhausting trying to police a child surrounded by breakable trinkets.

Perhaps say at the start of the visit; I hope none of these are valuable because toddler will break something if I don't move things out of reach.. and then wait for the inevitable crash.

Can't believe people think you were being rude for moving a breakable item out of the way of a small child. Crikey. My DM did something similar when I first went to hers with DD1 when she was mobile. Bloody glass candle holders all over the perimeter of the floor. It's mentally draining to be constantly watching a child-especially in a relations home. I'd say something or limit the visits.

I don't tend to move stuff when people come to visit - I have a toddler and a baby so most stuff has been moved but not stuff they never notice. I do however move it if it causes issues for them - ie for some reason one of my friends little ones loves our fire tool set - my two show no interest whatsoever.

At my dads house we just move things as required - I don't expect them to clear the decks before we get there but as as with my house if something proves to be too tempting then it is moved out of reach. We have to stay over at my dads so understand what you mean - you can't be behind them all the time.

Just say you can't visit as you are afraid DC will break something, you can visit us here, as our home is safe. YANBU

Either they offer to let you move things or you can't go. What if your DC were to actually get hurt?

If they won't co-operate in helping you create a safe environment then they can't be that keen to see the grandchild, can they? They want you to make the effort to visit, then in turn they have to make the effort to make the place visitable. Reciprocity. They can't be arsed? Fair enough, but they have no right to expect you to be.

I have a nightmare mil she has wooden and glass ornaments at floor and toddler height, these include wooden soldiers and glass vases with red/yellow/blue wooden balls. A wooden letter holder thing with wooden beads and colourful childlike necklaces/pencils and stuff. She will not let me move them and will not let the kids touch them. I go so fed up of constantly trying to stop them playing with her stuff and getting upset I refuse to visit with them anymore. Why a grown woman (late 50's) wants stuff like that as ornaments confuses the hell out of me! It's not like they were her kids stuff either! I'm all for teaching children not to touch breakable things/ornaments but I refuse to keep telling them they can't play with things that are actual toys.

I agree with ElleDubloo I'd stop visiting them. Except I'd tell them I'm not visiting them any more and why, they wouldn't have to ask. DM (said through gritted teeth) has dangerous knitting paraphernalia lying around so she has to visit us instead...

I would try and discuss it with DSM when you aren't there, so it's not in the heat of the moment.

"DSM, we love visiting but are reluctant to do so because I am always worried DS is going to break/damage your precious knick-knacks and potentially hurt himself in the process, especially now he's at the inquisitive toddler stage of grabbing anything he likes the look of! I do try to move anything I think is either dangerous or precious out of his reach, both for his (and their) safety and my peace of mind. I have noticed the last few trips that you always immediately move things back and I feel I have to be hyper vigilant the entire trip to make sure he doesn't touch anything and it is exhausting and stressful for me. Could we agree that for the duration of the trip I can move some of your knickknacks out of his range just for my peace of mind? If you'd rather we didn't move your things, which I totally understand is your right in your house, then we may have to stop the overnight visits until DS is older and can be trusted not to touch/damage your things."

I think that if your DMIL is moving things back within toddler reach that is her call, you clearly can't move things up out of reach. If you think the main risk is damage to property then just let your toddler be a toddler, let things get broken. Or as pp have said say that you will not be able to visit until your child is old enough to know how to not touch those things.

Is she aware of why you are moving them? Or is she coming into the room, seeing they´re not in place and absent-mindedly moving them back?

I think the first step is to tell her straight that things which might get broken need to be moved out of toddler´s way, and that it would be great if she could do it before your next visit. If she refuses, then that´s her problem. A few broken trinkets later, and she might understand why you asked her to move stuff...

What does your dad say OP?

Tbh i'd be saying to my dad - look i love to come and visit, but we won't be doing it anymore until DS is (a lot) older as it's so damn stressful trying to keep him from all the breakables.

Mean it. But see what he says.

Since she is making it impossible for you to keep her things save I would probably point the toddler in the direction of a very expensive something and then disappear for a nice long poo.

You tried.

Do you have a decent relationship with SM and DF?

If you feel you cant talk to SM could you be more frank with DF? Ask if she is ok with you moving stuff and explain properly why you move it - to make sure nothing gets broken and baby doesnt get hurt. Then explain that if it doesnt change you're not sure how to keep visiting with a toddler while the house is so unsafe. Hopefully this will be enough for him to speak to SM about it if you feel you can't