To expect a to be able to 'baby proof' when visiting

[mummytwoshoes]

DF and DSMs house has many 'trinkets and ornaments on display at floor and toddler height level. When we visit our toddler is very keen to explore and I will move these items out of reach both to avoid risk of injury and risk of damage. I do explain at the time to toddler that these are Nannies special things and not to be touched (I mention this so its noted that I'm not just ignoring the teaching about not touching aspect). However DSM walks back into the room and puts these items back in their original place. It means that our visits consist of me feeling like I'm constantly telling toddler off and on edge. I'm talking glass ornaments and vases on the floor right next to where they place toys for DC! They don't live nearby so visits are at least two nights. We generally prefer them to come to us and I have said before to them this is easier as our house is all baby proofed, but this is met with animosity particularly as I'm a SAHM they feel I should be going there more so they get to see DGC. I have politely mentioned so many times 'I have just moved X item, I don't want to risk anything being damaged' but it just gets moved straight back. AIBU to move these things? Heading down there soon and to be honest I'm worried about it already!

Yes good point sonja she might think op is rearranging the front room for aesthetic reasons .
I can't work out why else she would keep moving breakables back within reach? Not only is there a risk they'll be broken they could also be quite dangerous. No toddler wants a large glass vase falling on their head.

Don't visit.
You don't need the stress.

^

My new mantra

What does your DF do in all of this? I'd SM has never had DC then I suppose she may just be naiave enough to think that saying, 'don't touch, darling,' is enough to tame the toddler. Your DF has had DC though.

I would speak to him and say clearly that you cannot keep your DC safe at their home so won't be able to visit for the foreseeable future. She is endangering your child by putting glass objects in their reach and that is not on.

On the SATM comment, DSM doesn't have children so her stance is along the lines of 'You can potter around at ours all day, it's no different to at home, and we get to see DGC hmm'

Well, that's when you say-'hmmm, not really, DSM as at home, all the breakables are out of reach and I can relax'

It's not a safe environment for your toddler. Not only is it no fun for them if they are having to constantly be told no, toddlers are unsteady in their feet and can easily fall and knock into things by accident. You wouldn't take them for a play in the glass ornament section of John Lewis would you?
I wouldn't expect people I visit to baby proof their home but allowing you to move easily movable glass items wouldn't be unreasonable.
Just tell them that your child can't really play there due to all the delicate things and get them to visit you or meet at a park or somewhere near them and get a hotel.
If they don't like it that's their problem. Even if they don't mind their things getting broken I'm sure you mind if your child gets cut/injured.

Your post about her comments of a 'pottering' sahm would have put me off th. As a sahm who has just endured a 3 hr visit at the in-laws I would have achieved so much more 'pottering' at home! And certainly wouldnt be giving up my weekends for this mayhem. Tell them they can come to you then the dc have their own toys etc and you really can get on if they are happy to mind the kids!

I had friends like this, loads of tickets, breakables etc at toddler height. I asked to move and they said I should just tell DS to not touch them. I was a nervous wreck and it was not relaxing, couldn't have a conversation because I was following DS around and constantly telling him not to touch things. They also put a lit joss stick in the floor boards as well. Utter nightmare. We aren't really friends now for various reasons but I know they have a child. I'd love to see how they have babyproofed their house

I don't have children yet but have young nieces and nephews I look after a lot and have friends with toddlers who visit. I try to move things out of reach, more for their safety than things getting broken, but if my sister or friend noticed something I'd missed and moved it for me I'd appreciate it, not find it rude? I don't understand, if someone is close enough to me/us to visit overnight or leave children with us then they're close enough to move a couple of items out of toddler's reach without it being any kind of issue. It would just seem petty to be bothered about it in all honesty.

Oh my OP you have my sympathy. DCs are now 13 and 10 but I am having horrible flashbacks to visiting MIL with toddlers.

God yrs. When u visit mum and dad - plane ride away. They stash all ornaments in the loft, put fireguard and stair gates up before we arrive. I didn't have to ask they just did it

What a nightmare. It's not rude to move something out of the way so it doesn't get broken. It would be rude not to, surely?

Similar to you, OP we're a few hours from all GP so it's at least a weekend visit when we go, and only every few months. There is no point in spending a weekend not managing to teach a toddler to ignore something they find interesting when they're not going to be there often enough to actually learn that they can't touch it'. I move stuff at PIL's house all the time.

Don't discount the playpen, though. You could put all the ornaments in it!

OP, agree with PPs.

1. Ring her to explain your concerns esp damage to her valuables.
2. Say you'd be very happy to visit if you weren't always concerned about (1) and damage to DC and if resolved could relax and enjoy her company.
3. Ask her if she could put stuff in a box or you could and will help put them back.
4. If she says no just say you'd be too upset if DC broke something she loved so what does she suggest?

In SM's mind she probably thinks you're very rude to move her things- while she'd be the first to kick up a fuss if something was damaged!
Don't visit again.

Yabu in a way...

I have 3 children under 7 and have always had ornaments/vases/photoframes etc...out with no problems and it would take me ages to move & put everything back every time another toddler comes round. TBH it stresses me out and I rely on parents to tell their children not to touch things but I try to keep them in certain rooms...

I would probably not go there though if it is too stressful for you and rather meet on neutral ground or at your house...

I can see it's annoying if that's what you feel you need to do. Maybe explain your worries about her hurting herself/damaging valuables?

I have to say that I didn't move much in our own house and DD was absolutely fine as a toddler- she learned pretty quickly not to touch or stop when she was told "no". That said, we didn't have much in the way of trinket and put a fire guard around open fire. Some ornaments on side boards but not really at toddler eye level. Maybe your family just assume that it will be ok because it has been for them/others they know?

God my parents used to pack pillows and duvets round their raised marble fireplace when the gc were little, so paranoid were they that one would end up with a cracked skull. They had stair gates and cupboard locks, you name it. And they went to all that hassle because they care about their gc's safety. I wouldn't visit if they're not prepared to make adjustments, it's only for a short time during the toddler trying to kill theirselves phase these adjustments are necessary.

I think they're in the wrong here. They're assuming youll be fine to watch

Oops sorry.
They're assuming you'll be fine to constantly watch your DC for two days? Please be honest with them and say you won't be visiting until their house isn't a danger to your DC.

Hmmm. Yab slightly u. My parents have never moved any of their small and toddler height trinkets out of the way and all their grandchildren have managed just fine. Their trinkets are 101 teeny ornamental animals that, to a toddler, are just perfect for playing zoo/vets etc with.

We managed the risk at their house by having a well stocked toy box so that held their interest rather than the trinkets. They didn't see anyone else touch them so generally once they had been told and guided away a few times, they seemed to just understand they weren't for playing with. I appreciate not every child will understand that and certainly my twins took longer to pick it up than anyone else did.

Pil on the other hand chose to put away their picture frames from the hearth and their China mugs on a slim stand. They didn't want to risk injury to the dc as much as they didn't want them broken. The problem was if we dropped round on an unplanned visit, because these things weren't normally there, they made a beeline for them while we grabbed them out of the way.

I would approach mil from the angle that you are putting her and her property first.

Eg s-mil, I moved the pretty, glass trinket box you inherited from great, great, great auntie Mabel from the low coffee table because I know how much you treasure it and would hate for dc to break it by thinking it's a toy.

It sounds better than 'I moved the glass, sharp edged trinket box because I don't want pfb to hurt their precious fingers on that accident waiting to happen'.

Of course those aren't the words you would use, but they may be how they are heard. Is she a step-mum that you've grown up with or were you two more distant, respectful but not close. I wonder if she perhaps feels you moving her property - you don't refer to it as 'Nannie and grandad's' is pushing her out of the family. Just armchair psychoanalysis. But maybe a thought?

My in-laws hide all their stuff in their bedroom when we visit. When we go to visit great-granny MIL quickly scoops items (such as sharp scissors/ letter openers) up as my son approaches them. Great Granny still tries to bring out a full tea tray and plate of chocolate biscuits to place on the coffee table but MIL intercepts her!

YABU - your child learns not to touch, simple. My children did yours can too

I agree about the playpen not being pleasant for all the stay, I was thinking it would give you a break from the constant watching of the ornaments.

Better idea would be to put all the junk in the playpen, maybe.

Have you explicitly told your DSM why you're moving the items? Open up the lines of communication.

Stating the obvious but why don't you just talk to them? Explain the issue and ask if they'd rather put the items away or risk them being broken but you won't pay for replacements.

I was all ready to say YABU it is your job to control toddler but after reading the op I don't think you are, you are teaching toddler not to touch and I don't think it is too much to ask for them to be left where you have put them if the toddler has shown an interest in it.