Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child allowed to go home with a stranger

161 replies

Emmie412 · 08/08/2017 16:17

I signed up my 7-year-old for a sports camp, 3 hours a day, five days a week. I enquired in advance whether parents had to stay and they said no, most parents dropped off their children.

Fast forward to the first day and my child is brought home by a mum, who had a kid in the same camp but who is COMPLETELY UNKNOWN to us and my child. My child had gotten upset and the coach had asked her to sit on the side. The other parents who had been present had been trying to talk to her, which in turn made her more upset. The mum in question had then announced to the coach that she was taking my child home to which the coach had simply said fine. At no point did anyone ring us although contact details were provided during booking process.

I raised my concerns directly with the coach whose only (morose) response was to say there was no refund and that he didn't 'send her' home. It is obvious that he had a duty of care so I escalated this to the manager who swiftly responded by confirming that the coach had been reprimanded, refund had already been processed and that they would instantly review their safe-guarding processes and policies.

Luckily my child was fine and while I hope this coach gets the sack, am still left wondering what sort of mum thinks it is ok to take an unknown child without the permission of the parents, without knowing where she lived and without knowing whether parents would be home? (My child had to guide her through the park to our home address). Although she was upset, she was not lost and the coach had our phone number (which he clearly failed to use).

The whole incident has left me full of unease. We are very lucky that nothing happened but this has truly put me off any sort of holiday camps.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 08/08/2017 23:30

I think you should be grateful to the woman! She saw how upset your child was and returned her. I think that was rather kind of her.

How ridiculous!

A random woman who doesnt know you or your child never mind where she lives takes her from where you left her and expects her to be safe without so much as a question asked?

What if op had came back and her daughter had gone god knows where? How the hell was she supposed to find her? What if she had been involved in an accident and nobody knew about it?

What part of safeguarding didnt the coach understand?

I am pretty much ok with my kids going out and about but being taken from somewhere I left them and expected to collect them again by some random stranger is past it even for me.
I would have been furious.

2 adults telling a 7yr old she had to go off with the woman would have made her confused as to what she should do, follow mums advice or do as she was told. Its just not fair on her either.

Beeziekn33ze · 09/08/2017 01:15

It sounds as if the coach hadn't had much training, if any. Was he very young, teenage? Weren't there any other staff around to look after OP's daughter? Was the camp properly set up? It all sounds a bit amateur and done on a shoestring.

FlyingFox95 · 09/08/2017 02:13

Why doesn't your child know not to go with strangers though? Hmm

insancerre · 09/08/2017 06:24

Flying fox
Don't be daft
The adults in charge are at fault, not a seven year old who is programmed to obey adults in authority
Plus she was upset so hardly in a position to make a rational decision

Oliversmumsarmy · 09/08/2017 06:32

Dd is a teen who works with children and if this situation happened, in.her setting the parents have to stay in the building, she would be the one taking the child to find the parent. The idea you would get another parent who happens to be watching a class to take take the child she said would not happen. It is basic child safety.
Dd is employed to teach and cover any such occurrences.
It is a basic safeguarding issue.

It sounds like the club need to employ another person to help the coach out.

crazykitten20 · 09/08/2017 06:37

I think the woman was trying to be kind and helpful but she was actually very stupid.

I think the coach should be dismissed, not reprimanded

I would not let this go until I was as sure as I could be that it would never happen again

youarenotkiddingme · 09/08/2017 07:09

You can't dismiss my argument by saying there haven't been 'many' cases of abduction and murder. 'many' is not a mathematical number it just indicates there's been more than 1.

The sports coach was wrong. We all know that because it's against safeguarding rules.

I was just highlighting a point to those who think allowing your child to go off with a complete stranger is fine that statistically a child is not necessarily fine even near you and in your care. So it's a case of limiting an already existing risk.

hibbledobble · 09/08/2017 07:11

This is a huge safeguarding concern and you are rightfully angry.

I would escalate directly with them, and also contact ofsted.

Devilishpyjamas · 09/08/2017 07:24

I'm definitely not precious, but I can't believe anyone is defending this. It's just basic safeguarding that you send the child home with the right person.

I wouldn't use the club again TBH OP as they sound unsafe. Of course it could be a rogue coach but I suspect their training or organisation is a bit amiss.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/08/2017 07:44

I would definitely see this as a safeguarding issue. The children should not be left alone with anyone who has not been DBS checked and certainly shouldn't have been taken home by a random parent.

Whatsername17 · 09/08/2017 07:45

I'm a teacher. There are two pupils at my school who live in the same village as me. They catch two buses to get to school. I have taught the older one for 4 years and the younger for 3, I'm the younger pupil's head of year. I know the mum well and will stop and chat to her in the co-op. One day I drove past the bus stop, it was torrential rain and the pupils were soaked. Giving them a life home would be no bother, would definitely be a kindness and probably appreciated by the mum. But, I couldn't even offer without parental permission. It would be career suicide and absolutely wrong. I rang the mum from my car, explained the situation and asked if I could bring the kids home. Of course, she was grateful, as we're the girls. She texted them to say they had permission to come with me and I logged it at school the next day. (BTW, driving pupils is covered on my insurance as I regularly use my car to take pupils to sporting fixtures with parental permission). The point I'm trying to make is, when you work with kids, you have to be super careful. The coach was negligent. How hard would it have been to phone the mum?

insancerre · 09/08/2017 07:48

I'm a nursery manager and we also have holiday clubs
There is a local holiday club near to us that charges £25 for a whole week while we charge £28 a day
Lots of parents use this cheap alternative but don't realise that they don't operate tovthecsamecstandatds as us
My staff are all qualified and experienced - theirs are uni students
I have extra staff over my ratios- they have 2 members of staff for the whole thing
My staff have had induction training and safeguarding training which is updated regularly so they know what their responsibilities receafeguarding are- their staff are on their mobile phones when supervising the children
We have a policy of always having at least 2 members of staff with the children- they operate one inside with the girls doing crafts and one outside with the boys pkaying football. Children are sent in on their own to use the toilet. They also take children in pre-school, so they are not even in reception

Parents don't see this though, they just see cheap childcare unfortunately when you do things on the cheap then corners are cut and what the op experienced is the result
In my organisation the person involved would be sacked and policies and procedures tightened up
Op, please report this to stop it happening again

BertrandRussell · 09/08/2017 08:25

My dp is a volunteer football coach and I am a volunteer Scout leader. Neither of us would dream of doing this.

Neverknowing · 09/08/2017 08:34

How fucking scary op. I feel for you, that woman could have been anyone?!? I'd be a mess if that happened to me ! Yes, everything turned out fine but what if it had not? What if you turned up to pick her up and she just wasn't there?! I dread to think what that woman was thinking and what the coach was thinking.
I hope you're okay op. This has made me very angry for you Flowers

Mittens1969 · 09/08/2017 08:34

Yes the coach should be sacked, the other mum asked him if she could take the little girl home. He should have said no!

My DDs were at a holiday club run by our church; I had to sign them in and sign them out. Only my DH and I could have done this, which is how it should be. Even my mum (granny) wouldn't have been able to take them without us saying that was fine.

At the school fun zone (after school club), if anyone other than myself or DH picks them up, there is a password they have to know.

Glitterbabe69 · 09/08/2017 12:08

Really hope you take this further as no way it should have happened.

StripyHorse · 09/08/2017 13:25

What are the rules of children leaving? Our council run a kids playscheme and make it clear that children are free to come and go as they please. They do take a contact number and parents can stay - and I would expect in this situation that they would do more to ascertain if the other adult was known to the family and if they would be home. However, if it is clear that this is the arrangement it is not their responsibility. For this reason I have never taken my kids to one, despite working on them many moons ago.

Tonyshep · 09/08/2017 17:39

To those saying that there weren't such clubs x years ago, in the late 60s / early 70s we had youth clubs and a growing Playscheme movement.

Whilst more community-based, so people knew who was friends with who, common sense still prevailed.

In 70s and 80s the children would go home on their own, but younger children (under 8) had to go with a known older child.

With the introduction of registration at clubs and play schemes, and with improvements in Safeguarding practices, we have ended up with children only going home with authorised individuals.

It should be raised with Ofsted, the coach involved might not have been sacked but it should at least be a written warning, the other parent had was naive as she should have known you can't take a child without authority (surely she was told this when her child was registered and if not, another black mark for the club) and I would hesitate about taking any child back to that club.

If you are going to use a club, check they are registered with Ofsted, look at their most recent reports, check all staff have been DBS checked and that the club policies are publicly available.

WestEndVBroadway · 09/08/2017 17:42

Insancerre
The girls are inside doing crafts and the boys are outside playing football.
Not very forward thinking is it?
Totally digresses away from point of OP!!!!!!!!

Mumof56 · 09/08/2017 17:47

Why did your 7 year old getting so upset that she was asked to sit out? The camp is only for 3 hours/day. I would investigate attachment issues.

You got an apology and the coach was reprimanded.

calimommy · 09/08/2017 17:58

Wow I would be furious. The club abandoned a minor and allowed them to be technically 'abducted' (as you hadn't given consent for this woman to take your child anywhere) and the other parent was naive beyond belief that it would be ok for her to 'take her home'. Wow. I'd nearly consider alerting the police.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 09/08/2017 18:00

Why did your 7 year old getting so upset that she was asked to sit out? The camp is only for 3 hours/day. I would investigate attachment issues.

Maybe she was shite at the games and didn't like it? Maybe someone was being horrible to her? Maybe she felt left out? Or maybe she just got upset for no sinister underlying reason because she is 7?

Investigate attachment issues. Fuck's sake.

pollymere · 09/08/2017 18:13

I don't know where you live but I would raise this with your local Safeguarding team. In the UK, if you type safeguarding and your county in Google, it should give you a confidential phone line. This is totally unacceptable on the part of the Company. This isn't the 1980s! Safeguarding is an issue that is taken very seriously by any decent Company working with kids. On the more positive side, most camps are well run, secure places for kids in the summer so don't let this put you off. I've learnt though that sometimes staying for the first hour on the first day means you can check both you and your child are happy with the camp and take action if necessary.

user1498852361 · 09/08/2017 18:24

They let a stranger leave with your child?!?! That breaking the law! I would be disgusted and go straight to the solicitors.

Jaspzeb · 09/08/2017 18:34

I'd be going mental. I'd be getting the holiday club shut down. I'd be reporting it to whoever I could.

I'd also be tempted to report the stupid mother to the police.

Swipe left for the next trending thread