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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child allowed to go home with a stranger

161 replies

Emmie412 · 08/08/2017 16:17

I signed up my 7-year-old for a sports camp, 3 hours a day, five days a week. I enquired in advance whether parents had to stay and they said no, most parents dropped off their children.

Fast forward to the first day and my child is brought home by a mum, who had a kid in the same camp but who is COMPLETELY UNKNOWN to us and my child. My child had gotten upset and the coach had asked her to sit on the side. The other parents who had been present had been trying to talk to her, which in turn made her more upset. The mum in question had then announced to the coach that she was taking my child home to which the coach had simply said fine. At no point did anyone ring us although contact details were provided during booking process.

I raised my concerns directly with the coach whose only (morose) response was to say there was no refund and that he didn't 'send her' home. It is obvious that he had a duty of care so I escalated this to the manager who swiftly responded by confirming that the coach had been reprimanded, refund had already been processed and that they would instantly review their safe-guarding processes and policies.

Luckily my child was fine and while I hope this coach gets the sack, am still left wondering what sort of mum thinks it is ok to take an unknown child without the permission of the parents, without knowing where she lived and without knowing whether parents would be home? (My child had to guide her through the park to our home address). Although she was upset, she was not lost and the coach had our phone number (which he clearly failed to use).

The whole incident has left me full of unease. We are very lucky that nothing happened but this has truly put me off any sort of holiday camps.

OP posts:
barbsbarbs · 08/08/2017 17:34

Hassled. yes the same principles. just a massive furrah about nothing...

MyheartbelongstoG · 08/08/2017 17:35

That is terrible, I'd be pissed off.

On my daughter's first day of school I met her walking down the road towards home on her own. I walked up to the school to explain what happened. I can still hear the Head shouting at my daughter's teacher. She tore strips off her.

GeillisTheWitch · 08/08/2017 17:37

barbsbarbs are you a bit hard of thinking? Can you really not think of any reason why a young child shouldn't be allowed to go off with any random person? Quite right that coach should be sacked for this.

Whitecurrants · 08/08/2017 17:37

Absolutely unacceptable. Even if the coach got the impression that the woman knew you, they still shouldn’t have sent your DC home with her unless they had explicit permission from you - that’s exactly what safeguarding procedures are supposed to help with. I would have been angry too. Didn’t they have your phone number?

Macncheesewithbacon · 08/08/2017 17:37

I run after school facilities and this is insane behaviour on the part of the coach. Parents regularly tell me they are taking others kids and I have to tell them they can't, and call the parents. If no one is available it can hold us all up for hours but you NEVER let a child leave with anyone other than the parent, unless you have it confirmed.

kaytee87 · 08/08/2017 17:38

so you got this guy sacked? fifty years ago, parents would be extremely grateful, now we have a band of parents who think their child is so precious, that anything perfect in unacceptable. get over it! Shes fine and good on the woman who took her home....

Well yes of course parents think their children are precious. So next time the coach lets a child go home with a stranger and they're in a car crash or the stranger isn't to be trusted, is that still alright?

It's the same as if my ds was in nursery and was upset and another parent took him from the nursery home. It's not acceptable.

The coach is an idiot and shouldn't be working with children and the parent had a serious lapse in judgement.

MargotLovedTom1 · 08/08/2017 17:39

barbsbarbs what a load of illiterate crap. Let's hark back to the 1960s shall we, when of course nothing bad ever happened to children, did it?

DesignedForLife · 08/08/2017 17:43

That is a serious safeguarding issue. I'd go crazy at the club. Anything could have happened.

If the club don't listen I'd call the owners of the venue, the council, local police, anyone! What if it happened again?

WorraLiberty · 08/08/2017 17:44

so you got this guy sacked? fifty years ago, parents would be extremely grateful, now we have a band of parents who think their child is so precious, that anything perfect in unacceptable. get over it! Shes fine and good on the woman who took her home....

50 years ago they had little choice, because it was still quite rare for parents to have telephones...

Chickoletta · 08/08/2017 17:54

Serious breach of safeguarding - I would contact local social services.

Isetan · 08/08/2017 17:54

The coach and the parent are at fault and I'd raise merry hell. Make a formal complaint to the club and whoever has overall responsibility, council, charity etc.

In the circumstances, your child did nothing wrong, unfortunately she and you was let down by the poor decision making abilities of a parent and coach.

This laxness is an open invitation for something dodgy to happen.

Loopytiles · 08/08/2017 17:57

Disgraceful. Report to Ofsted and share your email exchange with the organisation where they admitted what had happened.

PuckeredAhole · 08/08/2017 18:08

This is a serious child protection issue. I would complain to the council or head office of the club.

Dustbunny1900 · 08/08/2017 18:10

Yes, how ridiculous for a child to be precious to their parents Confused and for them to not be ok with a perfect stranger driving away with said child.
Granted, I've watched maybe too many serial killer documentaries so I'm especially leery about possible predators around my child but id go ape shit. You entrusted your child's care to that coach. Luckily the woman was harmless but what if she hadn't been? Something seriously bad could have happened. Inexcusable.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 08/08/2017 18:11

What da fuck! Shocking

Yanbu to be pissed off

Not much else can be said can there ?

inkydinky · 08/08/2017 18:17

That is awful.

I'd be reporting to Ofsted / the Council - whoever is providing the club's registration.

I was the 'other' parent at a club recently. The child was my friend's and I only took her home once I had spoken to my friend and the club manager about it and had consent from them both to do it. I would never in a million years take a stange child.

My children have been told they don't go with people they KNOW, close family included, unless I have given express permission that day (and permission from a previous time does not count).

The club and the parent got this very very wrong. They were both lucky this time but it could easily have been different.

ticketytock1 · 08/08/2017 18:23

Yabu, and precious. I have a 7 year old who also attends sports camps so understand the set up.
The other Mum was doing you a favour. Presumably she left her own kid at the camp whilst she went to leave yours home. What's wrong with having a little faith in others??

LIZS · 08/08/2017 18:26

Yanbu it is a safeguarding issue that they didn't seek your permission before allowing them to leave. Do they have to be signed in to the club?

nancy75 · 08/08/2017 18:29

The company I work for runs holiday sports camps, the coach would be dismissed if he/she let a child go in this situation

histinyhandsarefrozen · 08/08/2017 18:35

The other mother was crazy- what would she have done if you weren't home? What if you'd gone to the club and found your kid not there?

Has no one heard of telephones there?

TicketyBoo83 · 08/08/2017 18:38

This is a MASSIVE safeguarding/child protection issue! The member of staff allowed a stranger to take your child from the premises!

I'd report to ofsted/council depending on who runs the facility, I'd tell EVERYONE who'd listen and I'd be tempted to go to the last cal paper. I wouldn't give two fucks if the coach got the sack, they shouldn't be working with young children if they think this is acceptable practice. 😡

titchy · 08/08/2017 18:38

What's wrong with having a little faith in others??

You really have to ask? Hmm

TicketyBoo83 · 08/08/2017 18:39

*local paper

llangennith · 08/08/2017 18:43

The mother was wrong to take your DD but the Sports Camp people were guilty of letting her go. At all previous (Club) football camps DGS 9 has been on we've had to sign him in and out. It's been very strict and had to give a password of a different person would be picking him up. Parents etc queue up to sign out a child, all the kids have to remain seated until signed out.
This year he went to a council schools football camp and when I arrived to pick him up he was walking off in the opposite direction, towards the place I'd dropped him off. No signing out at all. The coaches were quite surprised when I questioned thisShock

ImDoingLaundry · 08/08/2017 18:49

Yabu, and precious. I have a 7 year old who also attends sports camps so understand the set up.

What?! The whole point of safeguarding is to protect children from being exposed to potential harm.
While it sounds like the other mum had the best intentions, it was ridiculously presumptuous of her to think it was okay to take an unknown child home.
It's rare anything untoward would happen, but it DOES happen and there are some dangerous people out there.
Even so, what if OP had not been at home, what would the other woman have done... taken her back to her house, left her on the doorstep? What if there had been an accident, or DD didn't know her way home? Then OP would have no idea who has her child or where they were.

If she were sensible then she should've prompted the coach to call OP and left it there. The coach was completely in the wrong to let a child leave with another parent and OP is completely justified in taking it further.