Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child allowed to go home with a stranger

161 replies

Emmie412 · 08/08/2017 16:17

I signed up my 7-year-old for a sports camp, 3 hours a day, five days a week. I enquired in advance whether parents had to stay and they said no, most parents dropped off their children.

Fast forward to the first day and my child is brought home by a mum, who had a kid in the same camp but who is COMPLETELY UNKNOWN to us and my child. My child had gotten upset and the coach had asked her to sit on the side. The other parents who had been present had been trying to talk to her, which in turn made her more upset. The mum in question had then announced to the coach that she was taking my child home to which the coach had simply said fine. At no point did anyone ring us although contact details were provided during booking process.

I raised my concerns directly with the coach whose only (morose) response was to say there was no refund and that he didn't 'send her' home. It is obvious that he had a duty of care so I escalated this to the manager who swiftly responded by confirming that the coach had been reprimanded, refund had already been processed and that they would instantly review their safe-guarding processes and policies.

Luckily my child was fine and while I hope this coach gets the sack, am still left wondering what sort of mum thinks it is ok to take an unknown child without the permission of the parents, without knowing where she lived and without knowing whether parents would be home? (My child had to guide her through the park to our home address). Although she was upset, she was not lost and the coach had our phone number (which he clearly failed to use).

The whole incident has left me full of unease. We are very lucky that nothing happened but this has truly put me off any sort of holiday camps.

OP posts:
4691IrradiatedHaggis · 08/08/2017 18:51

What if you'd gone to the club and found your kid not there?

This. Can you imagine?
"I've come to pick up dd."
"Oh, she's already been picked up and taken home."
Any parent would surely be Shock and panic!

minionsrule · 08/08/2017 18:56

50 years ago there were no such things as sports camps or holiday clubs so bit of a moot point there

GlobeDaughter · 08/08/2017 18:56

op can you tell us roughly in what part of the uk this happened?

Rossigigi · 08/08/2017 18:57

This was so wrong on every level

Mittens1969 · 08/08/2017 18:59

Boy this would make me angry, both with the woman for walking away from the camp with a child she had no connection with, and for the coach for letting her go. There were contact details for the parents so why didn't he call them? She was only another parent so she wasn't DBS checked, who could know that she's to be trusted?

As for the other parent, what the hell was she thinking!??? You don't just walk away with a child who isn't yours without the permission of the parents.

And how could she know that there was anyone at home?? What she did was beyond stupid!

We have warned our DDs about stranger danger, but DD1 (8) laps up attention from adults and would unfortunately be likely to do what your DD did, OP, and go away with someone else, especially if it was a mum of one of the children there. DD2 (5) wouldn't do that, as she's wary of adults she doesn't know very well.

SoupDragon · 08/08/2017 19:29

fifty years ago, parents would be extremely grateful

Do you base all your risk assessments on what happened 50 years ago?

Mittens1969 · 08/08/2017 19:30

Barbsbarbs, Yes it would have been acceptable 50 years ago, but that led to a lot of children being abused so the safeguards we have in place now are for our children's protection. It worked out fine this time, and most people can be trusted, of course, but how could the coach know she was someone to be trusted??

SoupDragon · 08/08/2017 19:31

50 years ago there were no such things as sports camps or holiday clubs so bit of a moot point there

I went to a holiday play scheme 40 years ago.

LIZS · 08/08/2017 19:34

So did I , trampolining and gymnastics at a community college.

minionsrule · 08/08/2017 19:38

Ok i stand corrected, just proves i'm not old Grin...... runs away quickly

surreygoldfish · 08/08/2017 19:43

I am definitely not in the overly 'precious' camp when it comes to my DC and I think this is totally unacceptable by the club and very silly by the other mother.

Isetan · 08/08/2017 19:43

ticketytock1 Do you leave your front door unlocked or your credit cards unattended? Or does your 'faith in other people' only apply to the health and safety of young children. Safeguarding measures are there for a reason and their absence or non compliance should be of concern.

There were lots of things that were considered ok back in the day that are not now. Thankfully sometimes we learn and improve things and procedures and that's called progress.

goldensyrupisshit · 08/08/2017 19:47

Definitely report to Ofsted and your Local authorities safeguarding board, this is a massive breech and whilst your daughter is ok it could've been a very different case I dread to think of the what ifs. The coach should absolutely be struck off if he cannot safeguard the children within his care. Glad your daughters okFlowers

insancerre · 08/08/2017 19:53

Report to ofsted and your local safeguarding board
This is why some of the holiday clubs are so cheap
They are not run properly

Love51 · 08/08/2017 19:59

Someone needs to have a word with the woman, to ask why she thinks taking unknown children without parents knowledge is acceptable, and point out that it is a criminal offence to kidnap them (she didn't gave malicious intent, but she took the child from where they were to where they should not have been). Some clubs round here are 5 hours and part time parents condense their hours - ie work every day short days - so it's actually dangerous to take them from a safe place where there parents know they are, to their house, which they may not even get to if they drove a decent distance to the club. That mum needs making aware, and the club need to apologise to her for letting her do it. And to op, op's child, and the child's other parent.

JuicyStrawberry · 08/08/2017 20:00

You shouldn't be grateful towards the woman. I wouldn't be. She had no place doing that and
you didn't ask her to do it.
You expect the people looking after your dd to call if there is a problem, not let random parents take her home when she gets upset! That's not what you pay them to do!
I would be feeling uneasy as well, and I would NOT be thanking the other mum.

indigox · 08/08/2017 20:02

I think you should be grateful to the woman! She saw how upset your child was and returned her. I think that was rather kind of her.

Batshit crazy.

chocolateisnecessary · 08/08/2017 20:14

I use a holiday camp for the odd day. My son is signed in, we have to put in time of collection and who is collecting on the day on top of a huge online form. It's held in a school and the kids cannot leave the building without that adult.
This is basic stuff. I too would report to Ofsted and the council. Yes, the coach was wrong but a key piece of training was obviously missing here and that's really worrying.

youarenotkiddingme · 08/08/2017 20:47

There's nothing wrong with trusting people.

But we know that in the many cases of horrific abduction and murder of young children in the past decades have been either people they know who should have been trustworthy, very young children, a child outside their own house, a child very near to a sibling - and those are just the ones that immediately spring to mind.

It's not about not trusting - it's about eliminating risk that already exists.

Fossilshavenomemory · 08/08/2017 21:29

What does Trump mean then?

What would unfold, I find it hard to imagine what this means. Please can someone explain?

-I am not usually stupid but admit I am on this one--

Fossilshavenomemory · 08/08/2017 21:30

sorry wrong thread .

corythatwas · 08/08/2017 22:00

Don't know about 50 years ago, but 85 years ago somebody tried to abduct my MIL. Those things did happen. And no, her family didn't just shrug their shoulders and say "oh well, got to have a little faith, don't you?"

titchy · 08/08/2017 22:06

But we know that in the many cases of horrific abduction and murder of young children

It's not even that. She could well be a person that OP just wouldn't trust to look after a child, she could chain smoke weed in the car, not bother with seat belts, have a pit bull with her, she could have been in an accident, OP might not have been home, she could have given her food she isn't allowed or is allergic to, needed to wipe her bum, anything. No one with one ounce of common sense would think it was a good idea to take someone's child home without knowing where they lived or if there was someone home. And I wouldn't want someone with no common sense looking after my kid.

BertrandRussell · 08/08/2017 22:58

"But we know that in the many cases of horrific abduction and murder of young children in the past decades"

There have not been "many" cases of abduction and murder of young children in the past decades.

But the club was absolutely at fault and needs to be reported to whoever oversees it- the LEA or whoever. Spectacular safeguarding fail.

blackberrypickinginaugust · 08/08/2017 23:20

A fair few attempted ones though Bert