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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to choose not to Breastfeed?

186 replies

QuickCloseTheCurtains · 08/08/2017 15:55

Pretty much that really...
The thought of Breastfeeding makes me feel a bit queezy.
I can't even stand my partner kissing/touching them, so the thought of a baby sucking them makes me physically recoil.

I have my reasons, obviously, but I feel that I'd be failing at motherhood before I even began.

OP posts:
Letstryagainshallwe · 08/08/2017 15:58

I don't get people that don't even try but up to you really isn't it. Ff is the majority in this country so not like your alone in not doing it.

FuzzyOwl · 08/08/2017 16:00

Hardly a question you need to ask on AIBU unless you are intentionally being goady.

Mrscropley · 08/08/2017 16:00

Maybe try and seek help for your reasons before motherhood takes over and you have little time to do what best for you.....

christinarossetti · 08/08/2017 16:00

Of course you can choose how to feed your baby. It's ultimately your decision, as it's your body.

Are you considering expressing milk?

You might feel differently when your baby is born, but lots of babies grow up perfectly well and happy on formula ( and it's often less exhausting for the mother).

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/08/2017 16:00

Your baby, do what you want.

PurpleDaisies · 08/08/2017 16:01

You would be unreasonable not to feed your baby.

However you choose to do that is u to you.

lozzylizzy · 08/08/2017 16:02

It is YOUR choice! I chose not to breastfeed with DC3 just because my DC2 was 18m when DC3 was born and decided then DH could help out with feeds. I'd not breastfed for long DC before so it wasn't something I was an expert at anyway.

As it happened I was quite poorly after my c-section and because I didn't breastfeed. I could also have stronger medication which might not have been possible if I had breastfed.

PacificDogwod · 08/08/2017 16:03

Feed your baby whichever way you chose.

However, how you feel about your breasts as sexual play things has absolutely nothing to do with how you will feel about having your baby feed from them when they have arrived.

Don't overthink it.
The advantages of BFing for bay and mother are undeniable, but we are lucky enough to be able to safely FF.
So, consider trying it and then decide.

And stop thinking about how it makes you feel in the context of sex.

Pengggwn · 08/08/2017 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mayhemmumma · 08/08/2017 16:03

Your choice. I hated the feeling of filling up with milk, it made me panic and leaking really repulsed me so I do understand. But I did breastfeed for a good stretch....and you'll have milk there you might as well try.

HughLauriesStubble · 08/08/2017 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 08/08/2017 16:06

You sound like me Op. I hate my breasts being touched because of the associations. I breastfed for 3 months, it was hellish but in some ways it was also quite liberating. Not trying felt like I was letting him win if that makes sense but in the end it got too much for me. I'm now in therapy and we're ttc. Despite how awful things were the first time around I think if we're successful, I'd probably try again.
However in my experience it was hugely triggering and didn't help me bond with ds at all but I'm glad I tried if that helps.

isupposeitsverynice · 08/08/2017 16:07

Sorry to be blunt here, but - if you reasons relate to not-dealt-with trauma arising from sexual abuse, I would look to get some therapy before he baby comes, because having a baby is notorious for stirring all that shit up and messing with your head, regardless of how you feed the baby. Having said that, if you don't want to breastfeed, you don't, doesn't matter why, and it doesn't make you a bad mother.

Hoppinggreen · 08/08/2017 16:07

I felt the same way
Didn't bf, kids are great and I most certainly didn't "fail" at motherhood
Do what you want as long as it's safe - but don't expect much help with how to make up bottles etc from your widwife as most won't in case they are seen to be promoting ff

ThymeLordIsSpartacus · 08/08/2017 16:07

Entirely up to you how to feed your baby.

PacificDogwod · 08/08/2017 16:09

Are you actually pregnant at the moment? Confused

Allthewaves · 08/08/2017 16:09

Your body, your choice

hickorydickorynurseryrhyme · 08/08/2017 16:09

I used to hate having my nipples touched. I am now breastfeeding a toddler. It isn't as bad as you may think but yanbu

TriskelArts · 08/08/2017 16:10

No one can give you 'permission' to feed your baby in one way rather than another, OP. Breastfeeding confers a number of advantages, but properly-made formula with clean water is a perfectly decent substitute. In your shoes, though, I would try to talk through my revulsion at having your breasts touched in any way before my baby was born, and see if I could make the effort without unduly compromising my own MH -- I was unable to breastfeed my son, and I felt awful about it for years afterwards.

But if you decide otherwise, it's entirely up to you, obviously -- but no one can give you permission except yourself.

BasketOfDeplorables · 08/08/2017 16:11

It is 100% your choice, and formula is more common than breastfeeding in the UK so it's unlikely you'll be the only one you know not breastfeeding, even if you're in an area where lots of people do.

However, I would say have a go without putting any pressure on yourself. It didn't feel at all like I imagined (the nipple goes quite far back in the mouth so it didn't feel like sucking to me). I did find it painful at first, and I didn't find it the heavenly bonding experience that some do, but it was free, convenient to know I could go out and not have to worry about making up a bottle, it's also an instant way to soothe when they're having a bad time. For me it was worth persevering.

Do you know anyone who will just chat about it without trying to persuade you either way?

Decaffstilltastesweird · 08/08/2017 16:13

When is your baby due op?

It's nobody else's business what you decide.

Breastfeed threads always go a bit Confused on here, so be warned!

BertrandRussell · 08/08/2017 16:13

Whether you bf or not, it sounds as if you have some sort of unresolved trauma- it may be a good idea to try and address it before the baby comes and you have all those new feelings and emotions sloshing about?

Sayhellotothemoomoos · 08/08/2017 16:13

It's up to you and I think I know what you mean.

I breastfed for a while and expressed some milk. Expressing the milk made me feel like I was going to throw up.

Nothing to do with sexual abuse or my breasts being sexual, I'm jut very very squeamish. I faint if I have blood taken.

If I were you though I'd try to overcome it and at least try to breastfeed. It has lots of benefits and you don't know until you try.

Original poster
QuickCloseTheCurtains · 08/08/2017 16:13

Dinosauratemydaffodils Thank you so much for posting! This is exactly what I'm thinking.
I don't want to associate my child with the negative feelings I have with my boobs.
I'm just scared that I'll be pressured into it my Midwives etc. and end up not bonding at all with baby.
But then I also don't want to be judged for Formula Feeding.
It's pretty much a lose lose.
I want to give my children the best start in life but whether that be BF'ing or a happy mother, i don't know.

OP posts:
Letstryagainshallwe · 08/08/2017 16:17

Who judges people for ff? I find it hard to believe anyone gets judged for it considering it's what most people do.

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