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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to choose not to Breastfeed?

186 replies

QuickCloseTheCurtains · 08/08/2017 15:55

Pretty much that really...
The thought of Breastfeeding makes me feel a bit queezy.
I can't even stand my partner kissing/touching them, so the thought of a baby sucking them makes me physically recoil.

I have my reasons, obviously, but I feel that I'd be failing at motherhood before I even began.

OP posts:
IWillOnlyEatBeans · 08/08/2017 20:38

I FF DS1 but BF DS2 until 2.5. I don't feel remotely guilty about it and don't feel like a failure.

Feed your baby whichever way works for you.

Newbietwo · 08/08/2017 20:42

Hey! Not trying to convince you to breastfed as fed is best, and you have to choose what is best for you - don't feel pressured into choices which don't sit comfortably. Becoming a mum is a challenge enough without doing stuff to keep others happy!

But, I did want to share as I hated my boobs being touched. Even my neck being kissed made my toes curl. No idea why, just one of those things. I was SO worried about breastfeeding as I desperately wanted to and afraid of being judged if I didn't. The moment my little one arrived, it was fine. And I am still bf him morning and evening at 1 year. I honestly have never felt the same aversion and yet I still can't stand my poor husband touching my boobs. Grin Blush I use the rationale that I don't mind them being touched for their actual purpose!

Anyway, please don't read this as a pro-breastfeeding post - I had all the formula ready to go as I was fairly sure it wouldn't work for me- but just to share that for me, it was okay.

Redredredrose · 08/08/2017 20:46

I really didn't like the idea but then when DS was born and started crying, I instantly wanted to put him to my breast. As it happens he had 95% tongue tie and couldn't really latch so I expressed for months instead. But it was weird how my pre-birth revulsion at the idea dissolved the moment he wanted food.

brightlightceiling · 08/08/2017 20:47

Of course yanbu! You need to care for your baby physically and mentally. If breastfeeding repulses you, you will behave differently towards your baby. You baby will notice your negativity. Formula is really high quality. Don't stress about it and formula feed if you want to. Just tell nosy busybody's that your milk didn't come in.

I hate the fact that people almost force women to breastfeed. And I am someone who actually would like to breastfeed myself.

IWillOnlyEatBeans · 08/08/2017 20:48

Oh, and FF DS1 is the tallest child in his class whereas extended-BF DS2 is a titch.

Bluntness100 · 08/08/2017 20:52

I never wanted to do it, didn't like the idea of it, didn't do it, and never regretted it for a moment. My husband and I shared the feeds and she was never tied to me, he could look after her and we took it in turns for all feeds inc nights and making up bottles.. We are exceptionally close as a family . I have no issues with my breasts, I just did not want to do it instinctively.

I never had any comments. No one gave a shit, except one stupid midwife who told me bluntly that she assumed it was because I didn't want my breasts to sag. The idea had never crossed my mind. My husband and I both gave her that look, you know the one Hmm and that was the end of that conversation.

Do what works for you, don't let anyone force you into doing what they think is right.

lelapaletute · 08/08/2017 21:15

OP, YANBU not to bf. You don't want to do it - you need no further justification! Formula is a perfectly healthy option if used safely, and has some handy benefits esp in terms of being able to leave baby for longer periods early on.

However, YAB a bit U perpetuating this myth that there are all these people "judging" ff mums, who comprise the vaaast majority of mums in this country. If the judgment and pressure were so awful and unrelenting, would less than 1% of UK babies be exclusively breastfed by 6 months? There is no judgment. There is the scientific fact that breastmilk is the optimum food for babies (unsurprisingly) and that at the macro level bf reduces the risk of various iillnesses for mother and baby. The NHS is therefore invested in promoting it on order to reduce service use in the long term. Just like any other public health campaign, like 5 A Day. No-one talks about how people are 'pressured' into eating vegetables, or judged for not meeting their full 5 a day. You want judgment? Get your tit out to feed your baby in a public park, as I did today. Staring, giggling, tutting, the works. No-one will do that to you when you give your baby a bottle. So what judgment are you so concerned about? Being told "breastfeeding is optimal nutrition" by midwives? It's true, and their job is to give you information so you can make informed choices. However only you can contextualise that information with further information about you and your circumstances, and that contextualisation may reasonably lead to you deciding on balance it is better for your child to get adequate if less than optimal nutrition and good, attentive care from his happy mum, rather than great nutrition from a stressed, poorly-bonded, suffering mum. You make that choice, but only if you believe that is what is right for you and your baby. If you truly believe it, what anyone else thinks won't matter a damn to you.

YokoReturns · 08/08/2017 21:15

I can't stand people touching my boobs either OP...

But I breastfed DS1 for nearly 3 years and DS2 is still going strong at 14 months.

Marymoosmum14 · 08/08/2017 21:24

Could you face expressing the milk using a pump and then bottle feeding it to your baby? If not just don't. Be firm and don't say anything p your midwife about it, if you don't want to be pressured lie to them. It is your baby, if YOU feel uncomfortable at the thought of breast feeding don't, at the end of the day, as a lot of feminists say, it is your body, don't let others tell you what to do with it.

kali110 · 08/08/2017 21:25

lelapaletute it isn't a myth, some people do judge if you don't bf.
We shouldn't judge how we decide to feed, as long as the baby is being fed.

PacificDogwod · 08/08/2017 21:34

lelapaletute it isn't a myth, some people do judge if you don't bf

Yes, and some people judge if you don't FF
"Eww, that's disgusting!"
"You are just doing it for yourself"
"You are being selfing be not allowing anybody else to feed him/her"

Surely the lesson here is not to judge and to support a new mother looking after her baby.

Tiredtomybones · 08/08/2017 21:37

Mine were ff from birth. There was no way I was going to bf. DH supported my decision. One midwife asked once what my intended feeding method was, I said ff, she wrote it on my notes and that was that. The hospital provided the formula when we were still in. Not once has anyone ever made a negative comment to me. I used ready made formula and would do exactly the same again if I have any more DC. YANBU.

lelapaletute · 08/08/2017 21:42

What Pacific's Phelps said, Kali. And given how many women don't bf or give up bf early on against how many want to while pregnant (can't remember the exact stats but most women plan to bf and most women end up formula feeding either in whole or in part) it's safe to assume the judgment and obstacles brought to bear on breastfeeding mums is far worse that that laid into formula feeding mums. No-one should be judged for how they feed their baby, true enough. But formula feeding mums moaning about feeling judged by the tiny minority of women who manage to successfully breastfeed for any length of time are a bit like white males moaning about how they are the 'victims' of affirmative action schemes. You are the majority, everything in the actual real world is set up to support your choice not to breastfeed apart from some inconvenient medical facts. The victim mentality is annoying.

Elephant17 · 08/08/2017 21:47

I didn't think I would breastfeed, the thought of it made me shudder (not breastfeeding in general, the idea of my own baby suckling me).

Weirdly, when my baby was born and the midwife asked if I was going to breast feed (because if so, she would help me latch the baby on) for some reason, I automatically said yes.

It didnt feel 100% natural at first, I was doing it more with a sense of duty than anything, I think. But there was something special about it and with each day I grew to enjoy it more and more, nearly 8 months on I'm still breastfeeding and planning to continue for a good while to come.

I can't actually express how much I love breastfeeding. When things are out of hand, when I'm stressed, when the baby is stressed, it brings us both back to each other and reminds me of how simple things can be.

If you don't want to breast feed, don't.

But I always think it's worth a go, we all have the means to give it a try, and you never know, you might surprise yourself and love it!

But don't beat yourself up, either way!

Alittlepotofrosie · 08/08/2017 22:17

Its so rare to see a thread about infant feeding that hasnt descended into a bunfight. Its lovely actually because whatever way you do it there will be someone standing by to tell you you're wrong. There is no right or wrong. There is only what works for you and your baby, and bfing is a 2 way relationship.

Ropsleybunny · 08/08/2017 22:20

Does the baby get a say? My mother bottle fed me but if she had asked I would have chosen breastfeeding.

PacificDogwod · 08/08/2017 22:26

The OP has not been back.

Just saying.

Hopefully she'll be back and some of this will be helpful to her.

Strokethefurrywall · 08/08/2017 22:27

Ropsleybunny does the baby get a say?

No of course it fucking doesn't you muppet. Babies don't give a shit what they're fed, because you know, they're babies...

FFS

Only1scoop · 08/08/2017 22:30

'Does the baby get a say? My mother bottle fed me but if she had asked I would have chosen breastfeeding.'

Oh Lord

Ropsleybunny · 08/08/2017 22:30

Babies surely have a right to what's best for them.

Alittlepotofrosie · 08/08/2017 22:36

Hey ropsley don't turn this into a bunfight or try and make other mothers feel bad. That's not helpful is it?

Strokethefurrywall · 08/08/2017 22:36

Yeah, as do new mothers...

Ropsleybunny · 08/08/2017 22:39

As adults don't we have a responsibility to do what's best for our children? Yes, babies don't have a say but that's all the more reason to do what's best.

NewUser24 · 08/08/2017 22:54

I ff my ds from day one and didnt look back. He was very happy and healthy and must have only had a couple of colds in his 1st year. He now prefers my home cooked meals to anything else. Won't even entertain a sandwich or any kind of fast food. It doesn't matter how you choose to feed your child as long as they are norished and are putting on the weight.

To a baby milk is milk when you start to wean them that's when you can set up the good eating habits.

Good luck in what you choose OP

CardsforKittens · 08/08/2017 22:55

YANBU. Totally your choice.
Like some others here, I was sure I didn't want to breastfeed and then when my first baby was born I changed my mind.
Then when my next was born I was unable to breastfeed for medical reasons and it was much more work than breastfeeding but it all worked out ok in the end - my children are healthy and happy!
Doing what's right for you is the best thing for your baby.

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