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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to choose not to Breastfeed?

186 replies

QuickCloseTheCurtains · 08/08/2017 15:55

Pretty much that really...
The thought of Breastfeeding makes me feel a bit queezy.
I can't even stand my partner kissing/touching them, so the thought of a baby sucking them makes me physically recoil.

I have my reasons, obviously, but I feel that I'd be failing at motherhood before I even began.

OP posts:
x2boys · 09/08/2017 08:13

Breast feeding is not always best though is it Ropsley my Grandmother didn't produce enough milk and het first child died this was in the 30,s and thankfully times have changed but fed is best, as an aside I think if there was more support for those that want to breast feed than there might be a better uptake as it was I found the support almost non existent so gave up after a day or two .People should be able to feed there child how they want with no judgement.

BertrandRussell · 09/08/2017 08:13

"After reading over and over about the cracked, bleeding nipples, "pain worse than labour", no sleep ever, I realised that bf isn't for me."
That's a shame. But if you listened to mumsnetters talking about birth you would never have a baby ever!
Nothing causes a Mumsnet pile on faster than saying that you found bf easy and convenient and even pleasurable!

Ropsleybunny · 09/08/2017 08:24

I'm not judging people, I think people are judging themselves. I don't actually give a stuff how anyone on here fed their baby. I've never met you, you mean nothing to me.

I BF my three until they were nearly one year old. It wasn't easy with my first but I knew it was the best way to feed, so I was determined to do it.

In the same way, I gave up smoking because I knew it was best for my baby.

lelapaletute · 09/08/2017 08:38

Aaargh this fucking "fed is best" thing. NO, fed is the bare fucking minimum you should do for your damn baby. After "fed", there are gradations, and various options. Happily and adequately breastfed by a willing, well-supported mother is the gold standard. Inadequately or excessively or unhygienically fed by formula is, while better than "not fed", clearly far from best, just as would be someone persisting with breastfeeding when for whatever reason baby was not getting adequate milk via the breast to thrive*. This is one of the many areas around parenting choices where a lot of people are totally unwilling to be dispassionate and evidence-based, or to stand by their decisions on the face of them - they have to try and dismiss all the scientific data supporting the fact that (successful) breastfeeding is optimal for the health of baby and mother on the one side, AND the evidence that (proper, hygienically prepared, reasonably administered) formula is a perfectly adequate substitute for a healthy baby and sometimes a holistically better option for the health of the mother-baby dyad on the other. Can we all just calm the fuck down, concede the facts, and respect each others choices please, without resorting to nincompoop sloganeering? "Fed is best" is on a par with "take back control" - meaningless, fact-hating, nuance-free drivel.

lelapaletute · 09/08/2017 08:42

*although would like to reiterate for the record the vast majority of women can produce enough milk to feed their baby. The problem is it is not understood that Breastmilk works on supply and demand and may take several days to "come in" - until then, baby is feeding on colostrum little and often, in line with their tiny stomach. The near constant feeding in the early days is very overwhelming and alarming when our FF culture had given the impression baby will go several hours between feeds right from day dot; new mums with no support panic and think their baby is feeding so often because they aren't satisfied so turn to formula before their supply has a chance to get established. If as many women in the UK as claim /are told they "don't have enough milk" really didn't, and this was representative of women in general, no way would our species have survived.

x2boys · 09/08/2017 08:43

The problem for me though was that.while that NHS banged on about the benefits of breastfeeding they did absolutely fuck all to support me as a new mother once the baby was actually here so I gave up after a day or two talking to my peers I was not alone in my experience.

queenfrog · 09/08/2017 08:47

The problem for me though was that.while that NHS banged on about the benefits of breastfeeding they did absolutely fuck all to support me as a new mother once the baby was actually here so I gave up after a day or two talking to my peers I was not alone in my experience

Not sure when that was but there are a lot of bf support groups around these days. With breastfeeding peer support available, the HV and midwife gave me info of these pre and post birth.

x2boys · 09/08/2017 08:50

Ten years ago maybe it's better now but ime there was very little support.

lelapaletute · 09/08/2017 08:55

Totally agree x2boys, support is my and large shit for bf and that's what desperately needs to change. HVs in particular are full of shit on my experience as they don't keep up to date (too busy), but GPs are pretty hot and miss too. I was lucky because I got put into a really good online support group run by qualified volunteers by a bf friend,, who then referred me on to La Leche League who are WONDERFUL. No way I'd still be bf without that help. If health professionals just had the guts to admit their knowledge is limited/out of date, and referred worried mums straight to the specialist support that is freely available, or if women routinely had a mum/sister/friend who has breastfed who could support them through the tough part at the beginning, it would make a huge difference IMO.

lelapaletute · 09/08/2017 08:56

Which is why, even though I'm only 6mths in and still feel like a novice, I plan to train as a bf peer supporter - good quality help at the right moment could save so many bf relationships and I want to do my but as it was done for me.

bangingmyheadoffabrickwall · 09/08/2017 09:08

Laughing at the BF child being taller than friends who are three years older and hinting that it's because they were BF.

My son was mostly FF (from being 1 month old) and he is, on average, taller by 2 years than his peers. His friend was exclusively BF as was the friend's little brother, and both are tiny tots! The 3 year old still wears 12-18 month trousers and the 5 year old is in aged 3 clothes. Nothing to do with the fact their father is rather small in height!

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 09/08/2017 09:11

I BF my three until they were nearly one year old. It wasn't easy with my first but I knew it was the best way to feed, so I was determined to do it.

Sorry to be picky but WHO guidelines state that children should be BF for two years and beyond. So you didn't do what was "best" really, did you?

As I said before not all your parenting decisions have been perfect, I'm sure, so I suggest you give it a rest. Parenting is hard enough, people like you don't help.

Only1scoop · 09/08/2017 09:14

Oh the irony Grin

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 09/08/2017 09:18

Gah, the top paragraph on my post was a quote Grin

fuckwitery · 09/08/2017 09:19

It so depends on the baby as well. DO and I were jus incompatible. He had a tiny mouth and my nipped were wide and flat. I tried for 12 weeks and in the end my amazing MIL said I think you've tried hard enough. DS went on formula and we never looked back. DD latched on 2 seconds after birth and refused a bottle for 8 months. Barr a bit of pain for first few days she was a dream to bf and would feed in 6 minutes.

noeffingidea · 09/08/2017 09:19

Good catch there MyDarling Grin

Only1scoop · 09/08/2017 09:22

Sorry Mydarling Wink

liquidrevolution · 09/08/2017 09:41

Then don't breast feed. Its fine. I didn't. I didnt want to.

Surprisingly few people judged.

Ropsleybunny · 09/08/2017 10:01

Rather than telling me to give it a rest Mydarling perhaps you should step away from the thread as you're clearly getting upset.

I'm sorry if anyone is upset reading posts about successfully BF babies but I believe we should be able to talk positively about BF, rather than being told to back off.

No one forces you to read threads on the internet.

kali110 · 09/08/2017 10:01

mydarling Grin

kali110 · 09/08/2017 10:03

I don't think it's mydarling getting upset.

Ropsleybunny · 09/08/2017 10:10

Surely someone who is demanding someone else has to stop posting is experiencing some kind of distress?

My apologies if I'm wrong.

Alittlepotofrosie · 09/08/2017 10:18

@Ropsleybunny

If you want to wax lyrical about how amazing breastfeeding is then start your own thread, because that's not what the op was asking and you're just trying to derail and start a fight. Nobody gives a shiny shite how you fed your kids. You did what was right for you and everyone else does whats right for them and their kids.

Op doesnt want to breastfeed, its her body and her choice. She was getting loads of useful replies like "you don't have to but maybe see how you feel when the baby is here" till you came along being so sanctimonious. Breastfeeding isn't essential to a healthy and happy baby. Breastfeeding on an individual level confers minimal and largely unproven benefit. A mother who isn't breaking herself through the stress of trying to breastfeed is far more important.

kali110 · 09/08/2017 10:34

Op doesnt want to breastfeed, its her body and her choice. She was getting loads of useful replies like "you don't have to but maybe see how you feel when the baby is here" till you came along being so sanctimonious. Breastfeeding isn't essential to a healthy and happy baby. Breastfeeding on an individual level confers minimal and largely unproven benefit. A mother who isn't breaking herself through the stress of trying to breastfeed is far more important.

This. It was going great until you and one other poster decided to try and derail it.
A lot of people who are pro bf have put their opinions on here, but have managed it without the smugness.
iwould have chosen to have been bf Grin

Witsender · 09/08/2017 10:41

Bf support is dire, depending on the area tbh.

I am a trained supporter with the NCT but still needed help with #2, however it was a proper chasing my tail scenario trying to find help when my lip tied newborn with severe oral thrush and colic who was battling with my over supply came along. I was a confident BFer having fed #1 until she self weaned at 18 months but still needed help. Eventually found a group run by a lovely midwife who told me exactly what to ask the reluctant gp for.

At 10 months his top teeth came in and combined with his dodgy latch the result was awful, bleeding cracks. I went to GP and was told that he didn't need to be fed any more and to switch to formula, instead of giving me the cream I needed. I didn't, and he carried on feeding to 3 yrs.

So I can completely see what people talk about when they mention poor support.