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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to choose not to Breastfeed?

186 replies

QuickCloseTheCurtains · 08/08/2017 15:55

Pretty much that really...
The thought of Breastfeeding makes me feel a bit queezy.
I can't even stand my partner kissing/touching them, so the thought of a baby sucking them makes me physically recoil.

I have my reasons, obviously, but I feel that I'd be failing at motherhood before I even began.

OP posts:

peaceloveandbiscuits · 09/08/2017 10:45

For what it's worth, the thought of breastfeeding made me feel queasy in my first pregnancy. I was adamant that I'd try it, though. The queasiness and squeamishness left me as soon as my baby was born and needed feeding. I ended up mix feeding (for unrelated reasons) for three months before breastfeeding for over a year, and have breastfed my second baby for all of his 9 weeks. I don't like my breasts being touched in a sexual manner, but breastfeeding is about as far removed from that as is possible. When you have a good latch you don't always really feel the sucking, because the nipple is so far back into baby's mouth. I do dislike the fluttery sucks at the end of a feed when baby is falling asleep, so I remove him at that point.
By all means feed your baby any way you wish, but do give breastfeeding a try (if you feel able) as when it works, it can be liberating, and free! There's no rule that says you have to stick to it if you find you don't like it. Formula is perfectly acceptable baby food

WeAllHaveWings · 09/08/2017 11:08

bf really didn't appeal to me either, especially when my first try was with an audience of dh, nurses,doctors and the other mums/dads in SCBU.

I had read up on the advantages and accepted it was something new and a very different way to think about my breasts and made a commitment to try it for 1 week. After the first week, which was tough but not as weird as I thought, I said ok 6 weeks. I stopped bf after 1 year, and I'm so glad I did, once you get over the weirdness of it and any initial difficulties, eventually it becomes a strangely natural and frankly amazing thing your body can do.

bf'ing and being a happy mother are not mutually exclusive, for most who get past the initial few weeks they go together perfectly.

My advice to anyone would be if you want to ff no judgement, but you don't know how it will feel and have nothing to lose from giving it a go for however long you try for.

Ropsleybunny · 09/08/2017 11:29

It's definitely worth giving it a go due to all the benefits. I think using support like NCT can be invaluable. Sadly health care professionals just don't have the time to do the absolute basics these days. It's a sorry state of affairs but there it is, NHS cuts etc.

hibbledobble · 09/08/2017 11:45

Op perhaps it's worth seeking counselling regarding the underlying issues here?

This is completely separate to how you wish to feed your baby, as it sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with your body.

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh · 09/08/2017 12:52

I'm a bit like this with my boobs OP.

I don't have any underlying psychological issues with my breasts I think they're just very sensitive and the sensitivity is definately affected by hormones.

I did commit myself to breastfeeding my first but I hated it, made my skin crawl, had nursing aversion and it made me feel very angry and resentful of DD when she was feeding and didn't really bond with her. Everything was so much better when we started ffing her (I hated expressing too) and I properly bonded with DD when I stopped BF.

I don't think I'll be BF my next!

kel1234 · 09/08/2017 13:51

Let's try, I don't like your comment that you don't get people who don't even try.
Not everyone wants to try, and there is nothing wrong with that. I didn't want to try, so I didn't. I knew it wouldn't be for me, so I proudly wrote it in my birth plan, I had a stuck up student midwife try to put down that I would be willing to try, until I threatened to make a complaint about her to both the surgery and her university, and then she changed it.
I told the absolutely lovely midwife and student midwife in the birth centre that I would be ff exclusively and did not wish to attempt to bf. Thankfully they were very supportive of my decision, and didn't judge at all. Also the health visitor didn't judge either.
I think we need more professionals who do not judge mums who choose not to bf, certainly those who don't try it. It's a personal decision, and I think it's such a shame that people like you are so judgy and feel it's your place to put others down.
OP, if you don't want to try, don't. I didn't. My mum didn't. Guess what, we are all fine and well. It's not the end of the world.

justilou1 · 09/08/2017 14:01

Your baby and your boobs. I wanted to breastfeed, but couldn't and I beat myself up about it. My three babies are now 13 and my twins are nearly 11. They are healthy, intelligent and not remotely psychologically scarred by me feeding them formula. You will probably meet judgey mums in changing rooms when you feed them, but you will meet them regardless. Just master the sad face and tell them "I just couldn't" and change the subject. My husband loved being more involved because he could give them a bottle too. (He did an early morning feed every day and I got to sleep! It was magic!!!) You get to choose!!!

minifingerz · 09/08/2017 16:31

"Op perhaps it's worth seeking counselling regarding the underlying issues here?"

If there was any other normal physiological function you couldn't manage as a result of an emotional problem, people would be suggesting considering counselling as a first line of response.

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh · 09/08/2017 17:38

minifingerz

I had this problem and did seek help and counselling and no such thing exists for the issue. Lactation Consultant and hospital infant feeding team all agreed its more likely to be a sensory issue anyway.

LaurenAnn94x · 09/08/2017 17:54

I am 36 weeks pregnant and choosing not to BF along the same reasons as you. I leaked a little this morning for the first time and honestly felt absolutely repulsed. I'm selfish in wanting my body back after giving it up for 10 months and the idea of a baby feeding from my body honestly makes me feel so uneasy. I'm all for FF and I've done all the research and NCT and I am happy with my decision.

demirose87 · 09/08/2017 18:02

I wanted to breastfeed my first child but my actual nipple just wasn't big enough or stuck out enough for him to get a good enough latch. I had a good milk supply but it was all going to waste and my boobs were black and blue after a day. The staff on the ward were rushed off their feet and no one was on hand to help me for long enough, so I switched to formula and he began to thrive. I'm pregnant with my fourth baby and I will formula feed as I did my other children, I know if I struggle to breastfeed again I wont be being the best mum I can be to them as they will only be getting half of me. So I'm doing what's best for me and my family.

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