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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to choose not to Breastfeed?

186 replies

QuickCloseTheCurtains · 08/08/2017 15:55

Pretty much that really...
The thought of Breastfeeding makes me feel a bit queezy.
I can't even stand my partner kissing/touching them, so the thought of a baby sucking them makes me physically recoil.

I have my reasons, obviously, but I feel that I'd be failing at motherhood before I even began.

OP posts:
MaisyPops · 08/08/2017 19:23

Breastmilk is better than formula (even the formula adverts say this) as formulas haven't managed to get what makes breastmilk unique. Have you considered expressing milk?

Ultimately, as long as baby is fed & healthy it's none of anyone's business and it's up to you how you feed your baby.

Newbiecat · 08/08/2017 19:36

I'm breastfeeding DC3 and am totally with you on the hating my boobs being touched/nipples stimulated- it really doesn't do it for me. However, feeding is so distinct from anything sexual I just don't consider it iyswim.
I love having 30 mins to myself doing the bedtime feed (like now!) when the other 2 are in bed. I've BF all 3 with the first 2 taking a dreamfeed bottle at night so more sleep for me and husband liked it. DC3 refuses any bottle but do you know it's been fine. Still managed meals out etc
zoflora I know your post was being supportive but you really cant say formula is as good as breast milk- it is scientifically proven not to be but that doesn't mean breastfeeding should be mandatory for all, lots of other factors come into an individual's decision on feeding.

Mustang27 · 08/08/2017 19:36

No pressure see how you feel when baby is born you might surprise yourself or you won't and there are millions of babies fed and healthy on formula. As long as they are fed that's all that really matters. This is coming from an extended breastfeeding mum. I just don't see the point of stressing about it. Buy everything you need to bottle feed and just see how you feel. Only you can decide how you want to feed your baby.

Trust me there will be a million more things to worry about than this.

AGnu · 08/08/2017 19:41

Breastfeeding makes me queasy. I did bf both DC until around 1yo but was more than a bit relieved when they lost interest. I'll do the same with the next one too. I'll tell everyone it's because it's the best thing for the baby but really it's because I'm incredibly contrary & once someone tells me what "most people" do I immediately develop a compulsion to do the opposite. It's a character flaw that affects many areas of my life & even not actually enjoying/wanting to do something can't override it. I've often wondered if it's an ASD thing.

If it weren't for the obsessive compulsion I feel regarding BFing, I doubt I'd have thought twice about stopping after a few days with DC1. Give it a try if you feel up to it but don't beat yourself up if you don't/decide not to continue. Parenting is full of so many decisions, don't let yourself obsess over them all!

fluffywhitecarpet · 08/08/2017 19:43

We are Scandinavians and after 4 years in UK I no longer wonder why my daughter is taller than so many of my son's friends. They are three years older than her.

Oh do fuck off.

You are basically saying formula feeding parents feed their kids junk food.

No.

redsquirrel2 · 08/08/2017 19:45

Why not try it for a short while and see how you get on? It's cheaper, healthier ( for you and baby), more convenient and just lovely snuggling up with a baby on your boob. If you don't do it from the start you won't be able to change your mind later, but if you try it and really don't like it of course you can change then.

spaghettiforhair · 08/08/2017 19:46

Breast or formula, A fed baby is much more important than how.

minifingerz · 08/08/2017 19:47

There will be many times in your life where you will find yourself unwilling or unable to do what is considered 'optimal' for your child. Get used to it.

FWIW the first year of my child's life was truly the only time where I was able to get it 100% right on the food front, with bugger all effort or thought because breastfeeding is less work than bottlefeeding once you've got past the first few weeks (usually). Note: if breastfeeding hadn't been less work I don't think I would have done 5 years of it - 'water always runs down hill' being the governing principle of my life.

alltouchedout · 08/08/2017 19:50

Are you going to feed your baby a sufficient amount of age appropriate sustenance?
Yes?
Then you're not failing.
I say this as someone who has spent over 7 years of her life breastfeeding so far. Yes, breast milk is, all other things being equal (which they rarely are anyway), better. But formula milk is not abuse or neglect.

PacificDogwod · 08/08/2017 19:50

May I just come back to the title of your thread?

"AIBU to chose not to BF?'

No.
As everybody has said, you are of course not unreasonable to feed your baby whichever way you decide (within reason. Foie gras for a first feed would be ill-advised.... Wink).

However - it IS worthwhile IMO to pause and think what your 'choice' is based on:
You are hinting at past experiences - consider addressing this Thanks
Our society has been very heavily skewed towards FF for 100 years or so. The marketing pressure to FF is huge but subtle and I do think we should be aware of it.
FF is now seen as 'normal', whereas BF for many is more of an active choice that they need to decide to make. It is more 'normal' to give a baby a bottle with a rubber teat containing dried cow's milk (perfect for baby cows and perfectly safe for human babies) than it is to feed human milk from the organ designed for that task.

It is odd how this has changed Confused

Many choices we make are not actually free choices. That does not necessarily make them wrong, but still.

Only1scoop · 08/08/2017 19:52

Yanbu

It's a choice I made and certainly don't regret. It was the perfect choice for us.

Amanduh · 08/08/2017 19:52

Yanbu. Do whatever you want.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 08/08/2017 19:54

I f feed and never got any judgement what so ever
I stupidly felt the need to justify to everyone by saying how hard I'd tried and I didn't produce, and he didn't latch on, but I only had people making me feel better about it

Wouldn't it be wonderful if breastfeeding could help you win over your daemons ? But motherhood hard enough without that pressure perhaps?
Wishing you all the v best whatever you do xxx

minifingerz · 08/08/2017 19:58

Would also add, if you breastfeed and do it for a few months, it means you don't have to spend the next 30 years getting up and leaving the room, tuning out, or thinking 'oh fuck off why don't you' every time a report detailing some amazing new property of breastmilk comes on the news. As evidenced by hundreds of threads on mumsnet, there is a whole universe of bad feeling out there - regardless of the oft stated intention not to feel bad about not breastfeeding.

Mamabear4180 · 08/08/2017 20:02

Yanbu

silkybear · 08/08/2017 20:13

Wow an AIBU about breastfeeding that hasn't decended into chaos! Grin. I bf'd my daughter for 18 months and now preg again I will do again. Weirdly though, the thought of it grims me out totally now, but I know when baby is here the rush of hormones comes in and it feels totally normal. It's very non sexual. You might feel different when baby gets here so keep an open mind and good luck. Whatever you decide doesn't define your parenting for ever, so try not to put yourself under too much pressure. The colostrum is very good for babies immunity so maybe consider pumping that first bit of milk even if you dont bf thereafter.

cailisto · 08/08/2017 20:13

I don't think YABU to choose not to physically breastfeed your child but I do think YABU if you don't try to give your baby breastmilk. It's the best milk for our babies (I'm sure people will try to flame me, but it is so different to any formula out there) and has so many benefits for both you and your baby.
If you can find a way to express milk, then that would be amazing !

Otherwise, I would really strongly recommend some counselling prior to baby's birth as I did just that and have actually managed to be (I had serious issues too).

Bf is honestly ok and all my previous negative associations went flying out of the window when I bf my baby - thank goodness!

People say 'it's your body/baby, it's your choice'
I took a different view when I tried to get myself in the right frame of mind for feeding - it was the baby's choice and a baby wouldn't naturally choose formula. I'm very lucky it worked out for me - CBT counselling was very good.

crazykitten20 · 08/08/2017 20:17

Your choice.

For me you are BU to put your own feelings first, when BF , at least for a few weeks , is so good for your baby.

Your baby can't choose. So you get to make the choice.

Letstryagainshallwe · 08/08/2017 20:19

Just coming back to this, when I took my baby to have her check at 8 weeks the dr was shocked I bf and commented "the second baby to be bf" I don't know what she was referring to, maybe only the second one in that day? Also the mws and Hv all go "wow" "that's brilliant" I kinda found it ott but it shows they obviously don't see it a lot so once again you will be in the majority.

greenlavender · 08/08/2017 20:22

Don't be pressurised into doing something that's not right for you. Many many babies aren't breast fed, it's fine.

PieceOfMich · 08/08/2017 20:27

I thought I would hate breastfeeding because I don't like anyone touching my boobs (I even have to give myself a pep talk every time I check for lumps!) My nipples were so sensitive during pregnancy that I dreaded having to feed my ds. However it's actually been ok! It was painful at the beginning, etc, but I'm still feeding him 20 months later.

If you choose to ff, that's fine. But don't write off breastfeeding just yet because if might be better than you think.

And I still don't like others touching my boobs (other than ds), and I don't think that's going to ever change.

chocolatesa · 08/08/2017 20:29

All I would say is don't rule it out. I hate the sensation of being touched so much so that I really struggled when I first felt her moving inside me. However since she has been born I haven't struggled with her touching me at all. Breastfeeding hasn't bothered me at all in that sense and I was worried about it. You can also consider using nipple shields which create a barrier between you and baby. (Having said all that don't feel bad if you don't breastfeed, I combi feed so use formula as well Smile)

Topseyt · 08/08/2017 20:32

Do what is right for you. You aren't being at all unreasonable.

I formula fed all three of mine right from the word go.

I didn't want to breastfeed, so I just didn't. Sod what anyone else thought or thinks.

Kaykee · 08/08/2017 20:35

I bf 2 out of 4
My sister was totally grossed out by it
Really thought it was disgusting and awful
Until she had her own baby who breast fed for over a year
I couldn't believe her but was happy she tried. She managed for 6 months with baby no2 as had cancer and had to stop due to treatment.
I tried with all of mine, happened with 2 didn't with 2 all 4 have tongue ties - not discovered at the time but I didn't feel bad or should you just do what you feel is right at the time. You may change your mind. Hi may not. At the end of the day baby will be fed and that's the most important thing
Congrats on the baby 👶 x

MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 08/08/2017 20:38

YANBU. Your body, your choice.

You seem to have an issue with the idea of FF though otherwise you wouldn't be asking. If you want to give BM but can't face feeding directly, maybe try expressing. I expressed for 6 months as I found feeding directly very painful. It was much better as you can control it and can stop immediately if you feel uncomfortable. For me it was a good compromise, some people can't seem to produce much by expressing, but might be an option for you.