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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to choose not to Breastfeed?

186 replies

QuickCloseTheCurtains · 08/08/2017 15:55

Pretty much that really...
The thought of Breastfeeding makes me feel a bit queezy.
I can't even stand my partner kissing/touching them, so the thought of a baby sucking them makes me physically recoil.

I have my reasons, obviously, but I feel that I'd be failing at motherhood before I even began.

OP posts:
CorbynsBumFlannel · 08/08/2017 16:19

Of course Yanbu. And anyone who says you are is basically saying that mothers should be forced to bf which would be very u imo!

PacificDogwod · 08/08/2017 16:20

The vast majority of babies in the UK are FF.
Many many women BF less long than they would like to.

IMO 'being pressured' to BF seems to occur when people feel defensive about their choice how to feed their baby - MW/HCP provide information. Do with that what you want.

Absolutely, your body, your choice. Your baby, your choice.

Are you pregnant currently?

Withgraceinmyheart · 08/08/2017 16:22

You really can just choose.

As another poster said, if there's something in your past that's unresolved motherhood will stir it up in all sorts of ways. I'm speaking from recent experience here, it's really tough for a while. It's worth getting as much resolution as you can before you give birth, and being ready to get support afterwards.

Take care xx

demirose87 · 08/08/2017 16:23

YANBU, it's your choice and nobody else's business. As long as your baby is fed is all that matters.

NotMyPenguin · 08/08/2017 16:23

It's your choice, and you shouldn't be judged for it.

With that said, if you are dealing with the after effects of some kind of trauma, you may find that it is healing to be able to use your breasts for the practical, non-sexual, and very nurturing purpose that they were intended for. Would you consider talking to your GP or midwife about being referred to a specialist pregnancy service (which may ensure that you get more appropriate/sensitive care) or to a trained therapist who can help you work through your feelings about it? (Whatever you choose to do).

MoiraRosesMeltdown · 08/08/2017 16:23

I think some mums feel very guilty about not breastfeeding.
I'm not sure whether they are made to feel this way or put themselves under pressure.

Breastfeeding made me nauseous. I can only have my nipples touched very gently since they are very sensitive. I tried, but I had to have a bowl on hand to wretch into and it became impossible. I didn't feel guilty stopping.

SoupDragon · 08/08/2017 16:24

Weirdly, the the thought of a baby feeding from my breast makes me feel queasy now and yet I breastfed 3 children for a total of 4.5 years when it felt like the most natural thing in the world!

Personally, I would aways say give it a go. If it doesn't work and you hate it then formula is a great alternative. It's easy to make an attempt at breastfeeding and then switch to formula but it's less easy to do it the other way round.

Whichever way you chose, you won't be the only mother to feed her baby that way.

kingfishergreen · 08/08/2017 16:24

Motherhood is the long game, you'll be doing it for the rest of your life. Unless you do something drastic and prolonged, you won't fail at it.

I chose not to breastfeed (I expressed the initial colostrum for DD). Not a very popular choice, but the best choice for us.

horsefeathers · 08/08/2017 16:25

I've got a mate who's verging on phobic when it comes to breastfeeding, she can't bear the idea. So she formula fed her babies, as millions of women do. It's fine. Yeah, breastfeeding shows some benefits, but formula is perfectly adequate food for babies.

No doubt some particularly single-minded pro-BFers will judge you, but they're also judging the majority of British mothers, you're hardly alone! And the thing about parenthood is that some bugger will judge you no matter what you do. I'm still BFing a toddler and some people judge that. You're making a perfectly reasonable choice, you can feel secure in standing by it. It's your body and your breasts, no one has the right to coerce you into doing something you don't want to when there's a perfectly OK alternative for your baby.

Witsender · 08/08/2017 16:26

The majority of the country FF. There is very little BF support. You would be far from the minority to make that decision.

Look into the benefits of colostrum if nothing else though.

NicolasFlamel · 08/08/2017 16:28

Breastfeeding weirded me out so much that I didn't even try when my son was born. I did have a traumatic past experience that contributed to my feelings about my breasts and I hadn't addressed it at all but I will say I did regret not trying and when I did want to have a go, about two/three weeks later, I didn't know what I was doing and unfortunately the health visitor dismissed the idea entirely and I wasn't feeling brave enough to access the support out there.
I decided to try with my daughter and it honestly isn't weird once you're in that mindset that boobs are for feeding. At least not for me. I just felt so so proud and we had to work really hard on it because it didn't come easy to either of us.
Now I've had that experience and felt very empowered by it I do find it hard not to encourage women to breastfeed but it comes from a good place. I would hate anyone to feel so worried and nervous that they never try and then regret it. If you are 100% sure you don't want to try then it is of course your body and your decision but if it's because of something that could be addressed through support and advice, please seek it.

ExConstance · 08/08/2017 16:28

I didn't breastfeed mine, they turned out OK (well more than OK). don't let anyone make you do something you don't want to do.

MissDollyMix · 08/08/2017 16:30

No. If you don't want to breastfeed then don't do it. It's your choice. Simple.

implantsandaDyson · 08/08/2017 16:31

It's up to you, I formula fed my three kids from birth. The oldest is now 12, the youngest 6. I was and am still happy with my decision, would do the same again. I'm not sure if I was judged or not, midwives straight after birth suggested I try breastfeeding with dd2, I said no and that was it, they didn't mention it again. I could have been judged out and about or when someone asked me how I was feeding the baby but if I was, I was too busy just getting on with things like most parents.

PumbletonWakeshaft · 08/08/2017 16:31

I'm with those who say keep an open mind. I thought it was weird before having dc, but the idea of bf is so different from the reality. When dc was born and I tried, I felt completely different from how I'd imagined it to be. Bf is tough but so worth it. And it's free! Good luck with your decision.

Eeeeek2 · 08/08/2017 16:31

If you choose to formula feed I suggest not making a big deal of it to the midwives. Smile nod and go ok I'll think about that. I wanted to breastfeed but the midwives actually made me feel more pressure than support, like I'd of failed if I didn't manage. I never successfully fed my ds direct as he wouldn't latch but kept pumping longer than I should of for my own health sake.

zofloraaddict · 08/08/2017 16:31

Buckle up.... its about to get a bit rough! Don't be surprised if they use this one for the Facebook page too, they like to recycle old controversial shit.

Just so you know I think you should do what makes you happy. Formula is good, and just as good as BM.

MissDollyMix · 08/08/2017 16:31

Oh and you really aren't failing at motherhood if you don't breastfeed. That would be really sad if you thought that (been there, got the cap).

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/08/2017 16:32

I felt exactly the same as you describe. Doing an NCT course, which included breastfeeding information really helped. We had babies close together so could confide in eachother. It actually really isn't the same at all and I ended up feeding dd for 2.5 years. The two mothers, who couldn't feed after a short time weren't ridiculed, if anything, it was sad for them because they wanted to feed their babies and struggled for various reasons. I think it's really important to surround yourself by people, who want your best at heart. I'd never met these women until shortly before the birth but we were all 1st time mums and muddling through together helped a lot.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/08/2017 16:33

I've just realised that maybe came across as you must bf. That's not what I'm saying btw.

EssentialHummus · 08/08/2017 16:37

I'm very pregnant and over it. I do find that the NHS preaches breastfeeding, but frankly given that my impending parenthood is apparently an excuse for everyone and their cat to weigh in about my diet/work/educational choices/lifestyle choices/clothing choices/name choices etc I use it as an excuse to practice saying, "Uh-huh, thanks for the information".

noeffingidea · 08/08/2017 16:38

It's entirely your choice, OP. They're your breasts and you can do what you like with them.
Incidentally you don't have to explain your reasons to anyone either. It's not really any one else's business. You can just say 'I've decided to formula feed (or breast feed, it works both ways) and leave it at that.

VestalVirgin · 08/08/2017 17:01

Your body, your choice.

Mynewballoon · 08/08/2017 17:10

I decided I wasn't going to bf when I was pregnant and I didn't change my mind after DD was born. I felt sick at the thought of it. DD has been on formula since she was born, it's been so easy and we're both happy and healthy. Also I've never had any negativity in RL about it. It's completely up to you.

Alittlepotofrosie · 08/08/2017 17:15

Your body your choice. The mother's mental health is far more important than any minimal advantage that the baby will get from breast milk. If you want to you can express and feed in a bottle but that's a whole load of faff. Formula is fine.