To be sick of victim blaming on MN?

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

I'm sick to the back teeth of reading victim blaming comments on here. Am I the only one who's noticed the tides turning on MN recently?

Heaven forbid women who've been through a trauma wear clothes from their actual wardrobe and don't buy a "victim outfit" to wear in public. It appears they're not a real victim unless they adhere to a certain set of behaviours.

That's just one thread today. I've seen comments recently about what sexual assault victims wear, how drunk they are. Yesterday people were equating raping a woman with a woman lying about taking a contraceptive pill (someone even said this was the same as rape) and not too long ago someone commented that it was Amber Heard's own fault that she got hit by the phone Jonny Depp threw at her because she didn't duck.

If you challenge these comments then you're often called a feminazi, an idiot or a man-hater.

I know this is kind of a TAAT (or several threads) but I'm beyond disappointed that a website predominantly for women would have so many people letting the side down and believing that other women are either lying until they can prove otherwise or that they deserve the abuse they get from men. And if that woman has ever displayed any sexual behaviour ever, then it's even worse.

The last time I ventured onto one of these threads it became ridiculous.

The feminists took over and refused to allow ANY discussion. Then MN posted their "We believe you" and that was that.

I've not especially noticed those comments (aside from the kidnap one, which I have commented on with a link but I agree that victim blaming is rife.

However, on a site with many thousands (?) of members you will get opposing views. Sometimes the 'wrong' ones prevail.

YANBU

I hate victim blaming but I think the main story you are referring to is pretty dodgy in a lot of the detail.

YANBU and yes, I have noticed that the tide has turned on MN lately.

TBH I avoid any threads that look like they are either profoundly serious stuff about crimes committed against anyone or speculation about famous people's victimhood, precisely because i think the internet in its entirety is an inappropriate forum to discuss such things, and you end up locking horns with morons.

I stick to the ones about parking and family rows.

@Cherry

You said it was ok to have sex with someone without their consent

I'm sick of not being able to discuss things on the news on MN , its getting ridiculous here, it's on the way of becoming a parody of itself

the news item being referred to here is so fucking ridiculous a child could see through it

It's not just victim blaming either. The parenting boards are full of people explaining to exhausted new mothers that men don't 'see' housework, can't cope with even a tiny bit of sleep deprivation, cant be expected to find their children even slightly interesting until they're verbal at least, and are almost certainly as tired as said women despite having unbroken sleep, working in an office and doing their 'hobby' 3 evenings a week

I suspect you are referring to the kidnapping thread. To be honest I don't see much victim blaming, in general. I find most posters sympathetic, but you do have to accept for that thread it's all over the media and the police have issued statements they are investigating inconsistency in the story.

In addition I also think if you'd just been through such a harrowing event as was depicted you'd maybe appear even a little traumatised. I think that's what people are referring to. For someone to outwardly appear so unscathed and unemotional following such a traumatic event is unusual in itself.

I've personally found the opposite. Try starting a thread about what to teach young people about personal safety. You will be told that rape can only be prevented by rapists, so walking around pissed, on your own, in a strange area at 3am is perfectly sensible behaviour and only a rape apologist would say otherwise.

I agree. It should be fine to discuss a news story but the comments about her not acting enough like a victim and commenting on her clothes are disgusting. MNHQ doesn't seem to be doing much about it either.

I don't know what thread you are referring to, but as MN is a reflection of RL and victim blaming is rife in RL, it is no great surprise it exists here too IMO.

Yes, discussion should be allowed and encouraged however.

When I'm wearing my tinfoil hat, I sometimes wonder if "men's rights activists" have staged a very subtle infiltration. A space predominantly for women is a very dangerous thing, particularly on the internet. I can't imagine this fact has escaped the MRA movement.

for someone to outwardly appear so unscathed and unemotional following such a traumatic event is unusual

The thing is, you see, that it isn't. This is a perfectly normal initial reaction to a traumatic event. There isn't a script.

Ursula yes I can absolutely see why the story is dodgy but people were commenting the fact that she was wearing make up and a low cut top in her press interview was a red flag. That's what I take exception to, the thought that victims behave a certain way.

You said it was ok to have sex with someone without their consent

FFS Mum not this again - I did NOT say on that thread it was ok to have sex without consent. Not once. I said lying about taking the pill was despicable, but it's not the same as rape. YOU said it was the same as rape, that people who rape (via secretly removing a condom) and people who lie about taking the pill 'as bad as each other' (your words). There's a reason I disengaged with you, it's because you were making stuff up like you are again now.

It's not just victim blaming either. The parenting boards are full of people explaining to exhausted new mothers that men don't 'see' housework, can't cope with even a tiny bit of sleep deprivation, cant be expected to find their children even slightly interesting until they're verbal at least, and are almost certainly as tired as said women despite having unbroken sleep, working in an office and doing their 'hobby' 3 evenings a week

^^ I 100% agree with this. It didn't used to be like this on MN. Cue lots of posts about how if I don't like it I can fuck off to other forums etc. etc. MN is, in the main, better for women than the majority of other forums out there, but it has changed massively. Not for the better.

And YY to excusing the behaviour of useless men. I die a little inside when I see a woman describe herself as 'so lucky' because her OH has done the dishes

"I die a little inside when I see a woman describe herself as 'so lucky' because her OH has done the dishes "

I feel lucky when my DH has done the dishes, it's usually after he's worked a full day, cooked dinner, done my ironing and done some general housework too. Lucky and grateful that I have a DH that happily pulls more than his own weight around this place so I can throw myself into my career, the allotment, and, my hobbies.

Perhaps don't judge when you don't always know the full situations of other people's lives?

I can't say I've seen these ones, but I'm sure yanbu, as generally, I have noticed more than the usual quota of asshole posts on here lately.

I don't know why, but it's always in the school holidays this happens. I don't imagine many children or teenagers wanting to spend their days on MN, but maybe it's certain frazzled parents who randomly turn into wankers over the holidays, or some other element I don't know about. I noticed it a lot over one Christmas too. I actually notice more asshole posts at weekends too if I think about it.

Why would you feel lucky that someone does housework in the home they live in? Both people should pull their weight, it's not luck it's normal.

@ cherry You did and spent pages justifying why it was ok

Fascinating you take the high moral high ground in this thread when you've got beliefs like that

I also said that lying about being on the pill and secretly removing a condom are the same. Both have used lies, deception and deceit to attain sex and ignored the consent of their partner. Ergo both are as bad as each other and equivalent.