To be sick of victim blaming on MN?

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

I'm sick to the back teeth of reading victim blaming comments on here. Am I the only one who's noticed the tides turning on MN recently?

Heaven forbid women who've been through a trauma wear clothes from their actual wardrobe and don't buy a "victim outfit" to wear in public. It appears they're not a real victim unless they adhere to a certain set of behaviours.

That's just one thread today. I've seen comments recently about what sexual assault victims wear, how drunk they are. Yesterday people were equating raping a woman with a woman lying about taking a contraceptive pill (someone even said this was the same as rape) and not too long ago someone commented that it was Amber Heard's own fault that she got hit by the phone Jonny Depp threw at her because she didn't duck.

If you challenge these comments then you're often called a feminazi, an idiot or a man-hater.

I know this is kind of a TAAT (or several threads) but I'm beyond disappointed that a website predominantly for women would have so many people letting the side down and believing that other women are either lying until they can prove otherwise or that they deserve the abuse they get from men. And if that woman has ever displayed any sexual behaviour ever, then it's even worse.

I think bert means as well as teaching women about safety we need to undo the rape culture we have. And seeing a smen rape, and rape far too often, teaching boys would be a pretty good place to start.

All boys/men aren't rapists, but all girls are at risk of rape, some a higher risk than others.
There is a church yard near to me close to where local homeless and drug addicts hang out.
I pass it on my way to work, it's renowned for muggings and rapes.
It isn't the homeless and usually not the drug addicts, but these are used as a cover for rapists and muggers.
Am I right to tell my dd to avoid it at all costs, not to meet me from work as it would be too risky, or encourage her to dress up, carry expensive handbag and jolley down there.

Rape culture? Come ooooooon. That's the biggest load of bollocks ever

Oh yay, someone who denies rape culture. Goody.

85,000 women a year are raped in the U.K. 1 in 10 women in their lifetime.1 in 5 are sexually assaulted.

The conviction rate for rapists is around 2%. And only half of women report their rape to someone.

Women are still blamed for their own rapes and their behaviour scrutinised before the bahaviour of the rapist is. Some people think date rape doesn't count as rape. Some people think a woman not taking a pill is rape

If those numbers were for anything else, such as an illness, it'd be called an epidemic.

But coooome oooooon that's me just using my mental gymnastics to be a feminazi probably

Want to see a REAL rape culture? Google Nanking Massacre. Trigger warning btw

"One is defined as rape, the other isn't."

Where?
Genuinely interested as you've used the British/Irish definition of rape in that you've stated a penis is a requirement for the actus reas but I wasn't aware that any case in England had been prosecuted for the removal of a condom.
The Swiss case is the only one I was aware of.

I agree with feeling sad at victim blaming, it makes my skin crawl. The comment up thread about the woman who was kidnapped (sorry don't know the story as didn't read it) but is "off to do a page 3 shoot today" does not sit right with me at all.

I do also agree that however devastating for a man (I know this first hand, my DH was told by a woman he met she was on the pill and got pregnant by him, he tried to stay in a "relationship" with her for 3 years for the sake of the child"), it is not rape with the same connotations and impacts as rape has, as in male rape, on both male and female victims.

I suppose I would then have to logically conclude that removing a condom mid consensual sex isn't the same as rape - yes in all three scenarios the lack of consent is there, but I do feel that it is disingenuous IMO to say that the serious and life long physical and psychological trauma for a victim of rape is not the same as deceitful lack of or removal of contraception, even though they are all insidious and all have potential life long consequences.

After writing that though, and knowing what I do about my DH and being able to think about how awful it would be for a woman to get pregnant without her consent, maybe they should all legally be defined as rape if rape = non consensual sex?? I don't know. I still find it hard to reconcile people comparing the heinous act of rape to sex that is non consensual but without force, but maybe that's just because like many of us I am sensitive to that subject.

So because it's "worse" somewhere else there couldn't possibly be a rape culture in the U.K.? It's only a rape culture in one place in the world?

One involves a penis Quimby - a case has never been tried in the U.K. but IMO it's pretty self explanatory that it's rape.

Cherry I just saw your latest post, those statistics are awfully, awfully depressing :(

Last I checked people aren't running into houses en masse and raping everyone

gotspoiler WTAF?

Oh OK, we'll by that genius logic we don't have a rape culture then. Because it's worse in another country.

Seriously listen to yourself, your practically gleeful because just 1 in 10 women have big-standard none running-into-house rape. You sound utterly misogynistic

*you're

*bog standard

Would you say to a date rape victim "well at least you didn't have it like these people here" actually you probably would

yanbu, to the tiniest degree it is always victim/help seeker/poster who is at fault in some way. asking for support to get over husband infidelity?-- tough, you shouldn't of taken him back/once a cheater always a cheater/he will do it to you again. baby wont sleep through the night at 10mths, co-sleep to get any sleep and want to stop the cycle?- have you not seen studies on smothering/why did you even start co-sleeping/making rod for own back. Point of posts are forever being missed and the bored keyboard warrior leaps onto thread with no concept of "nothing nice to say? well say nothing at all". Women are being crapped on left, right and centre when it comes to the way the world is being run at the minute but sometimes MN threads seem to evidence why we are just as good at crapping on each other without a mans help.

"gotspoiler women can't rape"

In the U.K. And Ireland. But you're using a Swiss example to prove your point which doesn't have a gender specific offends regards rape.

In places like Canada what we'd call rape is defined as sexual assault, there's no offfensd of rape. But I don't think anyone would go along with an argument of "there's never been a rape in Canada" so then you'd have to accept that in some jurisdictions women are capable of committing rape.
So can mumof now say women can commit rape because it's possible in some jurisdictions in the same way that you can definitively state that men removing condoms is defined as rape while women not taking the pill is not, because one person was convicted in those circumstances in another jurisdiction even though it was overturned?

@Quimby

They can in Ireland

To say women cannot rape is feminist fantasy

Come to the dark side OP.

I totally agree with the OP. I hate victim blaming. I also hate it that when a woman is dressed in a short dress or skirt, or low cut top and wears make-up "that they had it coming by the way that they are dressed" and that's why they were raped.

With regards to the woman lying about taking the pill and the man secretly taking off the condom, I think it works both ways, if it's called rape of a bloke secretly removed the condom, then it should be classed the same for a woman IMO.
Just because your a woman doesn't mean you can get away with the same thing, where as a man would get convicted for it.

"They can in Ireland"
Yeah but it still requires a penis for the actus so I was thinking for the pill/condom removal debate POV

But I accept your point

@Quimby

No penis required see second part below

Criminal Law (Rape) (Amendment) Act, 1990

—(1) In this Act “rape under section 4 ” means a sexual assault that includes—

(a) penetration (however slight) of the anus or mouth by the penis, or

(b) penetration (however slight) of the vagina by any object held or manipulated by another person.

"To say women cannot rape is feminist fantasy"

Eh?