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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Don't want my 2 year old to wear a kilt. AIBU?

524 replies

PinkyPie2012 · 06/08/2017 23:55

We are invited to a Scottish wedding of a family member, my DS will be 2 years old at the time of the wedding. My DH is Scottish, I am not. Bride and groom are insisting all men must wear kilts including children. I personally do not like kilts, they are also not exactly cheap to buy, feels like waste of money to me especially for a toddler who will wear it once and then it is going to be too small. Shouldn't people be allowed to wear whatever they want or can afford to a wedding? AIBU?

OP posts:
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14
squoosh · 07/08/2017 10:46

Or if the bride said she'd rather all female guests wore skirt or dresses. No trousers permitted.

Peatot · 07/08/2017 10:50

Your reasons for not wanting your DS to wear a kilt seem a bit daft - at least he'll look cute, which is more than you can say for many men who wear them! It's quite a recent thing that men wear kilts at weddings and so many of them do not wear it well. However, a tall slim man in a formal kilt of the right length, with socks that are also the right length and a formal shirt/jacket with all the accoutrements.................phwoarr

HouseOfGoldandBones · 07/08/2017 10:57

My DH lived in England for 15 years before he moved back to Scotland, and we were married here, so a lot of guests were English.

We suggested on the invitations that the men might like to wear kilts, and if they did, we could sort out the hiring.

Many did wear kilts, and thought it was great that's what they told us anyway because I think, for once, they were able to get dressed up for a wedding, rather than just wearing their good suit.

I had no children at my wedding, but it would have been great to see a few wee ones in kilts, because they do look adorable.

OP, I am pretty sure that the Bride will look at your DS & be slightly disappointed that he's not in a kilt, but I am absolutely sure that your belligerence won't spoilt her wedding day.

NoCryingInEngineering · 07/08/2017 10:58

I think so sqoosh, certainly the 'jacket & tie' outfits. But it's just my random opinion. I guess partly based on the fact that DH tends to shed his own jacket & tie at the first opportunity.

It's certainly one of the minor annoyances of formal invitations in the small child years, there's no guarantee they will fit into anything smart you buy them by the time you next need to dress them up. And by the time a 2yr old has eaten, its odds on that neither they nor you will look smart any more anyway says the idiot that wore a cream cardigan to a spring wedding when in charge of a 2yr old. On the plus sidemy dress escaped the worst of the carnage

squoosh · 07/08/2017 11:04

I agree that a tie on a tiny person is a bit ridiculous.

squoosh · 07/08/2017 11:06

I am pretty sure that the Bride will look at your DS & be slightly disappointed that he's not in a kilt, but I am absolutely sure that your belligerence won't spoilt her wedding day.

Oh dear. Could you try and be a bit more dramatic?

SoupDragon · 07/08/2017 11:11

amazed at all the angst about having an accident when wearing a kilt.

Wasn't the "angst" specifically about a hired kilt being covered in wee? [childish snigger]

Theodorus · 07/08/2017 11:14

I categorically disagree that babies don't look cute in suits. Look at my little boy! 😍😍😍

(NC'd for this)

Don't want my 2 year old to wear a kilt. AIBU?
Seeingadistance · 07/08/2017 11:16

For what it's worth, I do think it is unreasonable and extremely controlling for guests to be told what to wear to a wedding, and that would really get back my back up.

My elderly DF has never worn a kilt. When he got married in the 60s it was traditional, but not compulsory, for men to wear morning suits or suits.

What does seem, from what I read on MN anyway, to be a new tradition is for the bride and groom to treat their wedding as some kind of choreographed and scripted performance, with guests in supporting roles or as lowly extras. Very controlling and I am starting to wonder if that's connected to our social media culture.

squoosh · 07/08/2017 11:17

He's a cutie Theo

grannytomine · 07/08/2017 11:31

SoupDragon, I thought people said buying one was as cheap but yes if it was hired I would definitely put pull ups on him. Saying that I would expect hired items to be dry cleaned/washed (as appropriate) between customers so not sure a bit of 2 year old wee is worse than adults spilling drinks, throwing up etc.

grannytomine · 07/08/2017 11:35

I don't think sari's are a religious requirement, I've only ever been invited to one Indian wedding so won't assume it is the same for all. I was told you should wearing something appropriate for the religious ceremony i.e. no plunging necklines or skirts that are too short etc.

squoosh · 07/08/2017 11:36

Well, these days most kilt hire shops request that their customers ignore tradition and wear pants under the kilt as apparently a lot of kilts are returned with 'stains'. I'd hope they're dry cleaned after every hire but I doubt it. Probably a rub with a wet wipe, a spray of Febreze, and back on the rack it goes.

grannytomine · 07/08/2017 11:39

squoosh, really? I just assumed they would be cleaned. Well that is me never wearing anything hired. Would be a dress for me not a kilt but I wouldn't want to wear one after someone else without it being cleaned. They charge enough, I had to organise hire for some guys at work for a posh do and I think I could have bought them cheaper.

squoosh · 07/08/2017 11:46

I'm sure there are some hire shops that are sticklers for cleanliness and clean each kilt after every wear but it must be an expensive garment to dry clean so I'd say others are a bit less stringent.

corythatwas · 07/08/2017 11:56

The reason for all this new choreographing is partly that in generations past there were such set unspoken rules for what you wore to weddings and funerals that nobody needed to tell anyone anything. It was just unthinkable to turn up in the wrong outfit. Even people in very straightened circumstances would invest in one proper suit or black dress which could then be lent out to any family member.

In some ways it was perhaps easier, as nobody expected that their own personal likes or dislikes (whether as host or guest) would be part of the equation. These days it's all "but I want this", which leads to inevitable angsting about "why should what she wants be more important than what I want, what does that say about us?"

sashh · 07/08/2017 12:17

Wee boy, wee kilt, wee wedding. Who doesn't love a wee anything?

Are you annoyed yet CoughLaughFart

I'm English but for this post I have adopted NI dialect.

Floisme · 07/08/2017 12:32

For what it's worth, I do think it is unreasonable and extremely controlling for guests to be told what to wear to a wedding, and that would really get back my back up.

This sums it up for me. If you want to controll your wedding to this degree then at least have the decency to pay.
I think it's particularly off to insist on what children wear and 'but he'll look cute' doesn't cut it for me. A two year-old will look cute in anything.

PelorusJack · 07/08/2017 12:41

I know CoughLaughFarts comment was dumb but I'm sure she has got the point now. Hmm. Listening to the same thing over and over is tedious. I understand the initial posts about it but everyone jumping on the band wagon to have a go is OTT. Time to move on and get back to arguing about kilt wearing.

(And I use the term 'wee' in day to day conversation)

Seryph · 07/08/2017 13:10

I'm really glad all my pals typically turn up in kilts out of habit!
I agree there's nothing sweeter than a wee man in a wee kilt [melts a little]

Oh, and I also don't know any Scottish lads who don't wear pants under their kilts. It's too bloody cold in Glasgow to do anything else!

FatGirlWithChocolate · 07/08/2017 13:12

It's hardly controlling behaviour! It will look nicer in photos if the men are all co ordinated, there's no getting away from that..and again : It's her photos, her special day..Not anyone elses, but hers..why is it so awful to respect her wishes for ONE day? (Hopefully the only time she will get married). Jeepers, good job nobody is in an Army Mess..You get told what you can and can't wear for every Mess function..You can't even take your jacket off until you are told you can (if you're a bloke)..It's frustrating sometimes, but you get on with it and enjoy yourself. If you respect the couple getting married you do the same.

Floisme · 07/08/2017 13:29

If you're going to argue it's not controlling, I would recommend avoiding the military analogy.

TheCraicDealer · 07/08/2017 13:31

Yes. That sort of wankery is precisely why DP doesn't go to the mess.

RiverTam · 07/08/2017 13:34

Fat well, if this woman thinks that her marriage is all about matching outfits and photos, I doubt it'll last all that long, tbh. So she may well be back up the aisle before you know it.

The idea of co-ordinating outfits is like something out of the 80s. The Wedding Singer springs to mind. In which case it sounds like a wedding to avoid.

As an aside, a lot of the Scottish men in kilts at weddings I've been to have had to hire them, I kind of expected that they'd all own a kilt for this kind of thing but no. Which makes it doubley (sp?) a pain in the arse.

FatGirlWithChocolate · 07/08/2017 13:40

The point is, sometimes you put someone elses wishes before your own, because sometimes it's not actually about you. But perhaps thats a concept we have all lost.